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Hello everyone I wanted share some of my poetry. I have written when at points of extreme emotion. This first poem was written while I was in China for foreign study in college. I was feeling a little depressed at the time. Don't get me wrong, being in China was a great experience but I felt myself not taking it all in as I should have.

There is no title. I would like to know your opinions.

Here it goes.


As the slowness of the day covers me like a coffe stain
I wrestle with my thoughts
Repeating the same scenes
I am stuck in a play
Written out by myself
With no ending or change
Each climax followed by an anticlimax
This cycle I want to break
This script I want to rewrite
This stage I want to leave
It seems I may be too late
For my lines are on cue
My rehearsals complete
Comfort lies in what I repeat.



I will share some more later. Thank you for reading and for any constructive criticism you may have.

"The world is a stage, and the people just players, making their entries and exits."
-William Shakespeare

A well written poem.

Thank you. I know the idea isn't original but the concept helped to relate the depression I was feeling. the following poem is somewhat dark as well but I think it has a bit of hope laced into it. Plus it may sound more original to you.

Caught up in the exquisite pain of dying
I light a cagarrette in the moons glow
A brisk breeze cuts through my shirt
Reminding me that I can feel the chill
I stand on the corner waiting for my ride
After five short hours it arrives
Black interior with white exterior
This is my kind of car
Jumping inside we speed away
Leaving behind the smell of babies
With the sound of colors
I sit inside with the numbing black
Protected by the bright white
I am comfortable and hope it never stops
when the ride stopsl I stop.
I stop being and become distraught
My face changes and no one can see me
Everyone is a stranger but I am stranger.
I am stranger than you and to you
Do you want to take a ride with me?

the reason I chose to share this poem is because I had wanted to do something that was Abstract and contradictory. I thought that with these images come more questions about the poem thus invoking more thought into the poem. Perhaps you extrapolate from it your own questions and answers. Eventually a poem that builds on itself through others. thanks for reading

Those are really good calvinNhobbes!!

Thank you. I will post another one soon. I will look for a more uplifting and inspiring one.

I've been looking for one of those too.

Here is a slight change in tone for you.
_________________________________________
What can we learn from a walk in the woods,
while loose dirt forms dust clouds
Over ant hills.

My perspective darts from the sky to trees to the ground
the blue sky, earth's open and free.

the trees stand tall but never judge.

the ants work hard together for a common cause.

Ahh what lessons can we learn
from a walk in the woods?

>>>>>>TG
______________________________________________
Calm is the state I seek
with wonderment and awe

comfort is the home I search for
while chaos surrounds me

Knowledge of who I am is my goal
Learning each day who I don't want to be

two lines parallel may never meet
but they may lead to the next station

>>>>>>>>>>>TG

Oooo those are good, and from a happier perspective!! Good job!!

Here is a romantic poem that I never sent to the girl I was seeing.

I had a dream about you the other day.
You were smiling by the shore
With the wind playing with your hair.
We came to see the sun rise beneath palm trees
On a white sandy beach.
I can still feel the sand tickle my feet
As you tickled my lips and my heart.
With the smell of salt water
And the rhythmic sound of the ocean
I was in heaven, as we lay in each others arms.
My dream yearns to become reality
As I yearn to become one with you.

I probably never gave it to her because I thought it was cheesy in a Hallmark kind of way but something about it made me keep it all this time. Perhaps I will change it someday to make it different.

Here is a short poem describing a kiss.

The Kiss

Wet lips
smooth skin
Cheeck to cheeck
Breath inhaling
Small of the back
Closed eyes
Open eyes
Closer than anyone
Slow touch
Hold my chin
I hold the nape of your neck
Biting gently on the upper lip

Here is a poem about salvation, deciding to live, or hope. I guess it depends on the reader. Enjoy . By the way this is all one poem not two.

To Understand
good question.
want someone to see?
Give me a reason
Ask if you would
Say no to cascading sea
That strikes rocks hard.

THUNDERCLAPS

Grey skies loom up above
Droplets fall from the sky
Surrounding me in a sheet of water
I raise my head to greet each one
They land on my eyes and lips
Rolling off my chin
To splash down to the ground.
One alone is unheard
But millions create a constant clap.

The lightning strikes
its beauty breathtaking
While its power can kill
Thunder follows with a loud crash.

The day is dark, yet
To me it shines brighter than ever.

Oooo nice ones I like the first romantic one

Nice The last one is my fave.

An older poem trying to cut a straight path for myself.

the ink is my drug
The pen, my needle
Sink it into my skin
I feel no evil.

For the warmth covers my head
Like a thinking cap
I no longer desire
The winter's nap.

Conscience return
My lines sting and burn
Long loops and cursives
And passionate scriptives

Like tatoos on my back
always remembered but
blurring my vision no more.
Now I look forward for the door.

To escape this room and all of its gloom.
My back may burn but I won't turn.
Because I know I can learn.

One foot forward no more double steppin
I am ready to make things happen.


the original was only the first two parts but I wanted it to go on a little longer. I wouldn't mind if you good people would let me know if the rhythm is off or if the length is. It is a work in progress. Like my life. You know what? After reading it , I don't like it, the timing is off and it rhymes too much it seems like the words are trying too hard to convey the real emotion I feel but are falling short of the task. Any suggestions?

you all suck do something better with your life than poetry

thanks for the encouragement there skaterboarder.

RRRAAWRR !!!
Anger erupts inside my head
Blood boils to a fevering pitch
When all you see is waste
I turn red with too much haste

So cooling off step by step
I count to ten and take a breath
Don't mock me for what you don't know
Don't talk to me like some freakshow.

Music you thrash to and words you memorize
Perhaps you never noticed the poetry
that laid before your eyes
In those lyrics you hear.

Your music's too loud
The words have no meaning
Does this sound like something you've heard

Did it sound absurd?

Well then maybe now
You can understand my meaning
When I say "stop writing poetry?"

What are you dreaming?

Originally posted by skatebording
you all suck do something better with your life than poetry


Niiiiice there skateboarding... If you don't like reading poetry, no one is forcing you to come here.... The writers here are looking for CONSTRUCTIVE critisism thank you very much

I like those ones... but the first one, well yeah the rhyming is.... I dunno really... doesn't quite fit??

Paint me a picture with your red lips and green eyes.
Apply your rosy cheek's and smooth tan thighs.

With each stroke touch my canvas, don't miss a spot.
Show me the sun, moon and the earth's core burning hot.

Abstract in mind or real to the touch
Your painted love gives me a rush

Oooo I like it!

Originally posted by calvinNhobbes
Paint me a picture with your red lips and green eyes.
Apply your rosy cheek's and smooth tan thighs.

With each stroke touch my canvas, don't miss a spot.
Show me the sun, moon and the earth's core burning hot.

Abstract in mind or real to the touch
Your painted love gives me a rush

I would think that 'painted love' is more likely to give you a rash, not a rush...Haw, haw, haw.

Hardy har har... You have one weird sense of humour there OBLH...

Originally posted by Coldfire
Hardy har har... You have one weird sense of humour there OBLH...

...Said the Turkey sandwich with cranberry sauce to the mailman with his hand caught in the door.

................

Originally posted by calvinNhobbes
RRRAAWRR !!!
Anger erupts inside my head
Blood boils to a fevering pitch
When all you see is waste
I turn red with too much haste

So cooling off step by step
I count to ten and take a breath
Don't mock me for what you don't know
Don't talk to me like some freakshow.

Music you thrash to and words you memorize
Perhaps you never noticed the poetry
that laid before your eyes
In those lyrics you hear.

Your music's too loud
The words have no meaning
Does this sound like something you've heard

Did it sound absurd?

Well then maybe now
You can understand my meaning
When I say "stop writing poetry?"

What are you dreaming?

After re-reading some of your poems, I found this one to be my favourite. It has a strange structure and is a little clunky in places, but I like the rhythm and feeling of these lines:



It's borderline typical teenage angst at the end, but I like the way it contradicts itself. You start by saying you are 'cooling off', but by the end of the stanza you are remonstrating: 'Don't talk to me like some freakshow'. I don't know if that was intentional on your part, but it's definitely interesting.



I like this line. I don't know if it's you saying this sentiment or someone saying this to you in reference to your own musical tastes...My guess is it's the latter...

After that line, I don't really like the rest of the poem.

As for your other poems, it's refreshing to read other topics - like your ode to weather, 'THUNDERCLAPS' - being tackled rather than the usual sludge of 'Why does everyone hate me, blah, blah, blah'...

Thanks, that was much more helpful than the turkey sandwich.

yeah, I actually that last post, lol. Even if I don't agree with all of it....

Okay, here is another poem. This one I need help with because it is lacking the last line. I had one but I didn't like the way it fit in.

( ) When the scent of Magnolias
Takes me back to simpler time
I often wonder if it is just nostalgia
Or if it is a message the past sent to me.

( ) When I rise from rest feeling refreshed
And beams of light cascading through my window
Make me feel warm comfort,
I wonder if it is felt by others.

( ) When I look back upon the pictures
Of yesterday I wonder
If it will stay fresh in my mind................

That is all I have for now. I was wondering if I should try to have a last line like I had done or if I should stretch this thought out longer? Any opinions? I am asking for help so if you do not like it just say so in a helpful way and if you do like it then maybe you can help me to tie this one up. Questions can be helpful in constructing a form for the poem or in understanding the point of the poem. So please ask and I will answer to the best of my ability. Thank you ..

continue it

How about: " Or fade like dust in the breezes of Autumn?"
cool work.

I kinda think you should continue it, and DW's idea for the last line is good. Keep it goin cuz its got great potential

Thank you Dream warrior for you suggestion and thank you Coldfire, Moises for the encouragement.

Based on Dream warrior's contribution I have altered the poem a little.

Here is the third part redone.

When I look back upon yesterday
I wonder if it will stay fresh
Or become unsettled
Like leaves in Autumn breeze.

I know that the idea of fresh and settled versus unsettled may not seem to match up as well but I wanted to cut out some words in order to keep from having one line become to long over the others. So how is this revision?

Hmmm... well its good, and taking some words out improved it.... But the second line kinda seems unfinished to me... maybe put 'in my mind' back in there?? Anyone else agree or is it just me??

Originally posted by calvinNhobbes
Thank you Dream warrior for you suggestion and thank you Coldfire, Moises for the encouragement.

Based on Dream warrior's contribution I have altered the poem a little.

Here is the third part redone.

When I look back upon yesterday
I wonder if it will stay fresh
Or become unsettled
Like leaves in Autumn breeze.

I know that the idea of fresh and settled versus unsettled may not seem to match up as well but I wanted to cut out some words in order to keep from having one line become to long over the others. So how is this revision?

haha thanks !
Originally posted by Coldfire
Hmmm... well its good, and taking some words out improved it.... But the second line kinda seems unfinished to me... maybe put 'in my mind' back in there?? Anyone else agree or is it just me??

yeah, it does sound better like that...

When I look back upon yesterday
I wonder if it will stay fresh in my mind
Or become unsettled
Like leaves in Autumn breeze.

This is how I think the final draft has been directed to. Plus I will be adding more lines to the poem later. So let me know what you all think.

woot. now mesh it all together and write the rest dude!

yes yes I'd love to hear the whole thing put together

Ok it has been awhile since I have posted but here is the poem remixed and extended. Remember I am always a work in progress.

When the scent of Magnolias
Takes me back to simpler times
I often wonder if it is just nostalgia
Or if it is a message the past has sent me.

When I rise from rest feeling refreshed
And beams of light cascading through my window
Make me feel warm comfort
I wonder if it is felt by others

When I look back upon pictures of yesterday
I wonder if it will stay fresh
Or become unsettled
Like leaves in Autumn breeze

But..............

When I think of you
I know forever it will be
That you are a part of me

Future , Past, Present Collapse
Upon my heart and soul
As you guide me by memory
Toward an enlightened goal
When I can say "I know".


So there you go. Some may think these sound like two different halves and that may be so but I wanted it to lead towards a person. granted I was listening to the Chemical Brothers when I wrote the second half. Anyway let me know what you think. Any fine tuning or reworking to improve this one?

Another new poem for your viewing pleasure while you ponder the previous one. Soak it up but don't spit it in my face please. Use the kept to the left of the chair and I will examine the contents later thank you.

Time will eat away at you
And Kill you soon
Especially if you stay locked up
In your room
Step inot the sun, lay down your gun
There is no race to be won
For life is left alone without time
Two make a couple in love
So give back and in time you'll find a friend.
Give back so that you will find
You're alive before the end.

OK one last poem before I split. Here is some work that I just needed to wrote to spit out words and just...........write!! It's not the best but it was a fun exercise at least which reminds me, I still have to work on a poem for Ou Be low's thread on the Jabberwocky. Its been two weeks and I still haven't finished that exercise yet. Anyway if anyone wants a good mental exercise go check it out and then try it out.


Untitled

Superfluous words pepper my scripture
As I portray a surrealist picture
With eye bolts crossing the skies
And Thunderlids flapping at the breeze
I wonder if I can maintain this with
A semblance of ease
But more words to discover
As perchance extraneous I uncover
One more before the night is through
Benign and obtuse follow behind too.
Suffice it to say my English is
Modicum in a pedestrian way.

Oooooo nice. I'm still pondering that first one lol

well it has been quite awhile since I have returned to this site. I see that Obie lou is back from his banishment with his surreal wit and ego in tow. Plus I also see that there was another contest. Damn, I missed the deadline by over a month. Anyway I am still glad to see that the entries keep on streaming along. I guess I will post a new one here but I am not asking for a crtique because I am just warming up to returning and I will not have the creativeness flowing as easily in this frigid depressing weather we are having in Jersey. So on I go.


I am begining to learn again
I will fail once more
I am starting over
My failure is my success
As long as I do my best

I can see again
I have tunnel vision
I don't see your face.
My focus refined like laser
I will soon forget her.
I see no more from my past

I walk forward from the then
I will not step on broken glass
Those mirrors hold no reflection
I continue straight for my own protection

I make no sense
I can not convey
I may not inspire you
May not today.

But read this once more
try again
the problem is no longer
on my end.

Originally posted by calvinNhobbes
well it has been quite awhile since I have returned to this site. I see that Obie lou is back from his banishment with his surreal wit and ego in tow. Plus I also see that there was another contest. Damn, I missed the deadline by over a month. Anyway I am still glad to see that the entries keep on streaming along. I guess I will post a new one here but I am not asking for a crtique because I am just warming up to returning and I will not have the creativeness flowing as easily in this frigid depressing weather we are having in Jersey. So on I go.


I am begining to learn again
I will fail once more
I am starting over
My failure is my success
As long as I do my best

I can see again
I have tunnel vision
I don't see your face.
My focus refined like laser
I will soon forget her.
I see no more from my past

I walk forward from the then
I will not step on broken glass
Those mirrors hold no reflection
I continue straight for my own protection

I make no sense
I can not convey
I may not inspire you
May not today.

But read this once more
try again
the problem is no longer
on my end.
OMG HIIIII!!!! I wondered where you went!! hug How ya been???

I like your poem btw

thanks for you enthusiasm Coldfire. I am glad to see you are still here as well, always giving encouragement.

Here is another one. Not about me but more about what is going on in the world today.

Man cuts off his nose to spite his face.
It would be a proper headline for this time and place.

Too crowded and spoiled are we
We act like Zacharia caught looking from the tree.

A child cries, its not mine,
Good for I haven't the time.
To worry or fret
I haven't gotten my dues yet.

How can I
Why would I
I want my ten minutes
before I die.

I buy the gimmicks and gadgets
I dress and make sure everything matches.

I am stylish and cute
with with wit making points that are moot.

Look at me, look at me.
I can jump through hoops too.

Don't I mean anything to you?
Perhaps not, for too late I see
Shit, damn I created a mini me.

Don't quite know where I was going with that one but thats what came out. I am aggravated with my own behavior and selfishness at times. I am more angered by other's as well. I often wonder if I feed the commercialism that spits out opium while a war on drugs kills so many innocents. So much pain painted over by fashion magazines a hollywood. So many layers of insencerity that we can't see the boils festering below. we can't see that society is complacent, leaving an imbalance that can not substain itself for too long. Something is going to give.

yeah they are pretty good....well yeah they are good....better then mine

Hibernation late in its end has left me searching for my early morning friend.

well I am back after some time. I was quite stumped as to what to write for some time. It is so cool to leave for awhile and come back. Its like finding notebooks from highschool that you would jot down quick little poems in and find years later. Well I am going to look around for inspiration and fill in some of the things on my mind. Whats new? everyone. I know this is a forum for poetry so Perhaps a few topics to throw out for fodder. The continueing war in Iraq . The danger of losing Net Neutrality check out info at www.savetheinternet.com . How many stories do we need to hear about celebrities and their lives. Why do we care enough to make it a viable for businesses in media consumption?

Originally posted by calvinNhobbes
Hibernation late in its end has left me searching for my early morning friend.

well I am back after some time. I was quite stumped as to what to write for some time. It is so cool to leave for awhile and come back. Its like finding notebooks from highschool that you would jot down quick little poems in and find years later. Well I am going to look around for inspiration and fill in some of the things on my mind. Whats new? everyone. I know this is a forum for poetry so Perhaps a few topics to throw out for fodder. The continueing war in Iraq . The danger of losing Net Neutrality check out info at www.savetheinternet.com . How many stories do we need to hear about celebrities and their lives. Why do we care enough to make it a viable for businesses in media consumption?
Glad to see you back again hug

Back again. I haven't been here for awhile. Although I do still come to read others from time to time. We have many prolific poets in this corner of the web. Like Prince, Coldfire, YA krunk. Its good to see that we are also acquiring new poets as well. I'm hoping that someone is going to do another contest soon. I really enjoy reading the entries and noticing the different style.

Yesterday It snowed and snowed and snowed. A real winter for a change. I am glad to see this.


Snow covered earth
leaves muted air
drift off to sleep
without a care

Argh ah. I don't know what to write right now. Just wanted to type something I guess. Hope everyone is doing well. I'll be checking back sooner than I did last time.

Nice (=

Thanks Cammi. Here is another one. Not quite fully realized but I liked the concept and think it just needs a little tweaking. Let me know what you think.


Open possibilities lead the way out of
Confined limitations.
Misled ideas find themselves lost behind
innuendos and freudian slips.
Lost in such a populace place they lose
their power and never grow correctly
Although the mindscape crumbles
its spectacle laid beauty before my eyes
There is purity that I sift out of the remains


Stuck in the past like crazy glue

Love is what you weren't looking for
Lust is what you wanted.

I enjoy these (:

thank you.

Needs a title so for now it remains untitled.

I wrote this one late at night. Its kind of a different style for me but seems to be close to the previous one I did.




Transcontinental thoughts fly through my mind
With layovers in innovation and imagination

Refueling with dreams and surreal anagrams
Plucked by hand on a distant memory shore

To give credence to vagueness but
Power to reality

Completing their full circle
Jet lag takes its toll

And the edges of reality become frayed
With the splinters of nostalgia dipped
in sweet memories of dusk and fireflies

Golden suns crest like waves
In the ebbing ocean

Such enormity is my memory

It is the weight upon which I balance
While I wait for my reflection.

its good but at the same time i think your pulling out your dictionary or thesaurus a little much. whatever word you draw in you want to develop it and for it to be crucial, not just high diction or intellectually sounding vocab. i like how your poem sounds, but you also have to give heed to your overall image and flow. what is your overall image here? how do you move from airport runway to splinters and fireflies, and the ocean.

i like your poem. i would work on the connection between airports and oceans

Thank you for your suggestions Kava Kava. I didn't need to use any reference material to write this though. All words were there at the moment. Like I said I was just trying to fall asleep and these lines ran through my mind.
I wasn't really speaking of air travel even though I did use the word Jet lag, perhaps I should take that out. It was more about thought, mindscape with a layover in memories that hold the power of the oceans and whose imagery burns as bright as sun. It is upon this scene I wait to see my reflection because I reflect upon this scene. I couldn't put all of that into the lines because I was thinking the lines as they came.
The splinters and fireflies was an offshoot of a sliver of a memory to relate what I was talking about. Perhaps I need to be more clearer or add more lines.
I hope this adds to the rereading of the poem. Let me know what you think. And thanks again.

Just to voice my thought, not saying anything to harm anyone. But i think that poems are from how you feel , I mean there really shouldnt be a plot really to it. It should be able to flow into differnt areas. It should be able to exspand into differnt areas, the writer should remind them selfs that there is no set goal into writing poetry but just to go with it. It should reach out and touch the reader and them selfs at the same time, to share there storie not only with them selfs but with others. Get the reader to feel and think how you are. I've been writing poetry for years, I just finally am spell and grammer checking it all. But calvinNhobbes i really enjoy your poetry, I know what your trying to get us to see. (:.

Much love

-Camille Lynn-

Hi Cammii. Thank you for your thoughts. I know exactly what you are saying. Editing poetry seems to be counter intuitive to its inherent purpose. On the other hand if and edit conveys a stronger response or clearer understanding perhaps it is not such a bad process. I know that some poems I write are initially emotional and tied closely to the moment but upon rereading they may be missing something or lacking a key element that can make it touch more people than just myself. It is a good question to bring up on a separate thread. To edit or not to edit, that is the question.

I only speak for myself because I know that I have often needed a little help and others may not. I also realize, from experience, that an unexamined life is not worth living ( I know Socrates said it) but an over examined life can be hard to live. I try to balance that. I edit, sometimes and other times, depending on the story behind the poem I leave it as is. I would say that a larger percentage of my poems are rough and unedited than are not.
Anyway, this one will stay the way it is. I like it as is and the post I gave explaining myself should clear it up and add to the poem. I hope. Until next time. Peace

Your welcome, Pretty much that is the main queston of it all " To edit, Or not to edit". But my point still stands where poetry should just be open, it really has no need to tie togather. I mean it can be random but it should at least touch the readers.

i write alot of poetry that people can't understand but that's because i write it for me. If you want your poetry to touch other people you have to develop the images and lines. for example its okay to talk about splinters and fireflies, i love that line, but if you want me to enjoy it, just develop it more. if not, then its a poem that only touches you, which is great.

Originally posted by kava_kava
i write alot of poetry that people can't understand but that's because i write it for me. If you want your poetry to touch other people you have to develop the images and lines. for example its okay to talk about splinters and fireflies, i love that line, but if you want me to enjoy it, just develop it more. if not, then its a poem that only touches you, which is great.

Agreed.^-^

Thanks for your suggestions, both of you. I appreciate the input and can understand your points. I may go back and reinterpret this poem into a new one. It will be interesting to see how it turns out.

Late night thoughts
Lead to random places
Guided by short attention spans.

My need to bleed
Ontop of white paper

Makes it hard to rhyme
the next line

But as I stumble I catch my footing
And get back in time

Late night thoughts

No conclusion

Just a momentary artful intrusion.