Jar Jar used as Masturbation Toy!(READ!!)

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DarthVaderII
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0899/jar.html


When Mrs. Tawny Huxton opened her son Timmy's bedroom door, she was shocked to see his innocent white hiney nestled into the new 7ft Jar Jar Binks doll she had bought him for his birthday. Lately, many Americans have suffered similar incidents. Young children are being seduced by the character of George Lucas' latest Star Wars Movie. Jar Jar's soothing voice, and timid childlike manners, seem to lure young teens into a world of lustful abandon. Unsuspecting parents purchase the popular life-size doll, only to find out later that it is being used by the child as a masturbation toy.

Under the guise of family entertainment, Lucas' "Star Wars" prequel has contaminated America's youth with subliminal sexual innuendo. Pastor Ebeneezer Smith of the Landover Baptist Church commented, "The demonic characteristics of the Jar Jar binks creature become obvious when one pays close attention. His forked tongue, his lapping, his malignant features, are all too noticeable to the Christ centered man." Experts who have examined the life-sized doll that has become the favorite 'toy' of 12-14 year old children, say that the evidence is overwhelming. The doll was created for the sole purpose of masturbation. It has four openings, and three extrusions, making it compatible for male or female pleasure.

Members of The Landover Baptist Church are outraged at the Satanic subtlety in which marketing geniuses have moved this horrific abomination into the homes of America's youth. "One Mother was concerned that her young daughter was not interested in boys," a Pastor noted, "she asked her little girl, 'why don't you talk about the cute boys at school?' Her daughter replied, 'oh momma, nobody I know is cuter than Jar Jar Binks.' The mother was horrified."


Landover Baptist Church finds that the only way to resolve this problem is to ban not only life sized Jar Jar Binks dolls from American homes, but to ban any life sized doll. "Any child that has seen this movie is finding that their natural attraction to members of the opposite sex is being replaced with an attraction to a 7ft devil with elephant feet, a 25 inch tongue, polka dot skin, a fish snout, and two phallic eyes that jut out like hard erotic pokers. For the Love of God! If you've got this devil in your house, remove it as soon as possible!

DarthMandalore
Good God, Baptists give all us christians bad names...

DarthVaderII
Landover Baptist dudes are freaks! They are racism and more~

ayjay
duude....that is WHAK

bilb
Wait.. Jar Jar has a 25 inch tongue?? OK maybe I do like that character then stick out tongue

IceWithin
laughing

Fishy
The site is fake, there's already a thread about this somehwere in these archives

Darth_Otaku
And that's why i'm a Buddhist.

ZoSo
Originally posted by Fishy
The site is fake, there's already a thread about this somehwere in these archives

It's actually a joke-site making fun of Baptists. wink

DarthVaderII
No...these are christians! Go to the forum page! Theres like 3 people who are saying their freaks and stuff! GO TO FORUM PAGE! Their not kidding, making them idiots!

Lana
Landover Baptist is a spoof. It's not real. Sheesh roll eyes (sarcastic)

FeceMan
Methinks this be a joke.

IceWithin
a pretty funny one happy

Lord Chariol
True or not, that is the funniest shit I have ever heard

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