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Continue, definately. Use paragraphs, though.

ok. thanks for the tip.

yea, it's really good! I never took to X-men, but that part was absolutely amazing! definetely write more.

i don't really follow up on X-men but i can tell that who likes X-men will enjoy your story

wow. thanks. ill type more and post soon

Looks good...

couple of minor niggles (cyclops cant cry), but its not huge things...

Look forward to seeing more...

~He cried in the movie...~

Anyway, there were a few things, you changed from past tense to present tense a few times: "He has been having these nightmares ever since Jean died." instead of using 'had.' Yes, you should use paragrahs as well, and her is my advice, when you use paragraphs, make sure you put a space in between each one. This way, your post will not look like a long blob of writing that nobody wants to read.

And good story! Do continue!

ok. pr1983, it was a dream, it should have told you that it was a dream when he did. hot sauce, i am no good at writing fan fics thats why i come here to practice plus take a story into my own hands and do what i want with it. but yea both comments noted. and i will use paragraphs next time. thanks

Originally posted by hotsauce6548
~He cried in the movie...~

Anyway, there were a few things, you changed from past tense to present tense a few times: "He has been having these nightmares ever since Jean died." instead of using 'had.' Yes, you should use paragrahs as well, and her is my advice, when you use paragraphs, make sure you put a space in between each one. This way, your post will not look like a long blob of writing that nobody wants to read.

And good story! Do continue!

Movies blow... and are incredibly inconsistent with the comics... this story seems better already...

Originally posted by The Ones
ok. pr1983, it was a dream, it should have told you that it was a dream when he did. hot sauce, i am no good at writing fan fics thats why i come here to practice plus take a story into my own hands and do what i want with it. but yea both comments noted. and i will use paragraphs next time. thanks

even though it was a dream...

lol. ok. part 2 should be online in about 10 minutes. (it would be longer waiting time but since im getting so much more positive feedback than on my other storys i thought i should 2 atleast 1 part a day)

thoughts? comments?

lookin great The Ones. type more soon! jeez Hotsauce, I don't want to be rude, but you don't have to point out every single mistake he made. You could have just said the part starting with the first "anyway" instead of listing every single error. Nobody's perfect. I'm not trying to start trouble, I'm just sayin try not to point out all the faults.

I know, I know, I know. But he wanted practice, and perhaps he didn't know the rules of the English language I had listed. I wasn't trying to be a pain; I was only trying to improve his writing.

But then again... just as well, the Ones, if you do not want me to revise your work, all you need to do is tell me. When I review people's works, I usually revise them as well. Sorry if you did not like that.

Only trying to help!

thanks. but i was typing in word and it told me to put all that in. next time ill have to go on my own steam. thanks for the great feedback. this may be the first successful story ive worte.

by the way i was going to have sentinels in my story but i dont know much about them. could someone pm me a link about there history and powers etc.

Understood Hotsauce Sorry if I came off as rude. Type more soon The Ones!

Hey, dude, I'm really enjoying this.

I have a couple of points to make concerning technique, but I don't want to post them, unless you want the help.

So far, with my little knowledge of the X-Men world, I'm enjoying this. Try not to confuse me with too many characters though.

ok. please pm them to me. and thanks for the comment.

yea ive just re-read it and i realised i didnt give much detail on rogue or storm for non x-men fans

If this story continues to get good reviews i might be releasing:

X-men 3: Special edition

and

X-men 4: (title unknown)

Wow, the Ones, this is a truly amazing story. You had hardly any mistakes, but there was one thing. Every time a new character speaks, you need to start a new character.

Great story! I can't wait to see why Rogue is being so... well... evil! Keep it up!

well theres a hint. rogue cant disguise her self as another being

Alright, so far, pretty good... im really liking it... just another problem concerning Cyclops (im pissing you off now arent i?)

Cyclops is immune to his own power, if say it was rebounded back at him, then his body would just absorb it...

That is unless the person is the phoenix and they used their own energy to back it up, then it would hurt him...

Really enjoying it, keep writing...

well i dont know that much about cyclops. anyway ive almost finished the next part. watch this space

Nice! Keep going!

The only thing is you still aren't starting a new paragraph every time a new character speaks. Every single time a new character speaks, you need to begin a new paragraph.

Like I said, great going! Continue!

kk. sorry but no more today. i havnt got time to write. but there will be more tomorrow