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The first poem I am going to share with you is a poem that was dated 20th November 1989, and signed as "Hackney", his middle-name. It must be understood that in this poem, my Grandfather brought some of his wit.

Enjoy, and, if you have any comments, feel free to make them.
-ZoSo

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"Wife Beating"

Out of the primordial slimey mush,
Escaping the soppy, soupy slush,
Comes the horrific, blubbery beginning of animal life.
Good grief! I just realize I've described my wife!

She fixes me with her now ever present scowl,
A look that virtually can disembowel,
Totally unwarranted, let me you assure.
'Cause I am innocent, good and pure;
So what if housework I don't do a hand's turn,
No cause for her to go into a slow burn;
I wish she'd go to her second job and leave me in peace,
My amazement at her negative attitude shall never cease.
A typical female, a total ingrate.
I only woke her up so she won't be late!
What would happen to us if she got fired-
Goodness only knows if I'll ever again get hired!

Take a look at yon' flamin' b!tch,
The look and attitude of a bloody witch,
She'll no even let me oot' fir' a pint wie' the boy's!
Everythin' eh' dae' noo' aday's just annoy's,
Whit happened tae' the lass eh' yaista' ken?
Whit happened tae' change her and when?
It's no a dissatisfied sex life that's nae fear,
I've kept her up the puddin' club every year,
Ach, just a natural b!tch as far as eh' kin' see,
She's no the only one wie' ten bairns in a' Dundee!
-Hackney
20th November 1989
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Again, I must stress that this poem was meant as an "in-joke" in their marriage. The phrases used in the last stanza of the poem are Scotch-English slang: "wie" means "with", "yon" is "this", oot is "out", "fir" is "for", "eh" means "I", "dae" means "do", "noo' aday's" means "nowadays", "tae" means "to", "yaista' ken" means "yesterday" (I believe), the phrase "puddin' cup" means "pregnant", "ach" is a guttural sound, and "bairns" is Scotch slang for "kids".

He was joking through much of the poem, for he worked nearly all his life, and my Grandmother very little. They had they're fights, as any normal people do, but they loved each other very dearly. And they did not have ten kids.

...Holy shit, this is the greatest thread ever!

Do you have any more of these? Your grandfather was a rather witty man and that first stanza is gold. Why nobody paid attention when you first posted this is beyond me.

Originally posted by Scribble
Do you have any more of these? Your grandfather was a rather witty man and that first stanza is gold. Why nobody paid attention when you first posted this is beyond me.

Haha, maybe because when I first typed it up, I wrote like a pompous ass!

There are several more -- my family had someone type them up and bind them years ago, but apparently there are even more in boxes somewhere. Probably drafts and maybe others that might have been a bit too blue for my family's eye, at the time.

I'm planning on getting them together and doing a proper job of it sometime in the new year.