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Imbecile! Freeze it, then cut it, and if you question me again I'll put you on diaper detail and I promise I won't make it easy for you.

Stewie

yay family guy Stewie (to one of the prostitutes at Cleveland's house): So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway? ( I doubt ne one will get that joke)

Hooray for Family Guy.

Rupert, did you call that engineer at Lockheed yet? Well of course you didn't you worthless little... (Hits Rupert the Toy Bear). There, see what you made me do? Do you think I enjoy hitting you? Well actually I do. I enjoy it so much I'm going to do it AGAIN!!!

It rocks!jm

Stewie: There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore.

"Oh, so there IS an adult diaper. And this imbecile of a woman tells me to use something called a TOILET? All it does is suck up your poo-poo all day, no life at all!"

(runs to the bathroom and points at toilet accusingly)

"GET A JOB!!!!"

Originally posted by baddspellahl4
Stewie: There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore.

Hey look at me I am nude on ice!jm

Stewie (after doing the Robot): "I'd like to see the kid from Barney with the hearing aide do that."

And the famous "Damn you, vile woman! You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb"

and the even more famous what the deuce?

lol.i remember the one where Stewie goes to visit Mother Maggie.

Brian: "Do you want to go home?"
(stewie shakes his head)
Brian: "Are you hungry?"
(stewie shakes his head)
Brian:"Do you want to go poop in mother maggie's shoes?"
(stewie nods tearfully)
Brian: "Okay, let's go poop in Mother Maggie's shoes."

So, umm...this is uhh..awkward but uhh..have we ever actually, you know, met? I mean I don't even know, say for example, if you have a room up there. You know? A room? I have a room. You know Meg if you kill yourself now you'll probably get a full page in the yearbook. So, umm...you know thats something to think abou..(burps)..oops just burped.

Peter: Sometimes our son Chris can be a boob, I mean a melon, I mean a sopping wet pair of breasts covered only by a thin red shirt.'

Stewie: You know, I rather like this God fellow. Very theatrical, you know. Pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence ... gotta get me some of that.

Chris: Okay okay. Meg, I'm thinking of another word, and it's not "kitty".
Meg: Is it kitty?
Chris: What the - GET OUTTA MY HEAD!!!
(Chris runs upstairs)

Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankels behind your ears that would ring a few bells.

Jesuse Saves...





































NOBODY!

Meg: Mom guess what! I made the Flag Girl squad
Stewie: Flag Girl? Ummmm, yes good for you... Now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call!

Olivia: You are the weakest link, goodbye. (laughter)
Stewie: Ha ha ha! Oh gosh that's funny! That's really funny! Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link goodbye. You know, I've, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And, and yet you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. That's so fresh too. Any, any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me too as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity.

"Get out get out! It's a part for the men only!!"

Stewie: "You know what else is disgusting?" (He farts and his right eye turns red.) "Oh damn, I broke a blood vessel.

Oh damn! Jeremy is still in the trunk! How long has it been, two weeks? Yeah, he's dead. hysterical I love that episode

Meg: Everybody! Guess what I am?
Stewie: Hm, the end result of a drunken back-seat grope-fest and a broken prophylactic?

Brian as a drug sniffer working for the cops was a good one.

my all time favorite new episode is petarded and my all time favorite old one was I need a jew

Originally posted by baddspellahl4
Meg: Everybody! Guess what I am?
Stewie: Hm, the end result of a drunken back-seat grope-fest and a broken prophylactic?
Stewie is such a smart ass.......

Ok, ok. I've got it, I've got it. If you cooked any more slowly, you wouldn't need an egg timer. You'd need an egg calender. Ah ha ha ha. Oh, that's right. I went there

I use that oh that right i went there all i time

Lois: What's going on down here?
Stewie: Oh, we're playing house.
Lois: That boy's all tied up.
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house (I also doubt n e one will get the joke)

Originally posted by Ronny
Oh damn! Jeremy is still in the trunk! How long has it been, two weeks? Yeah, he's dead. hysterical I love that episode

me too

Stewie: By all means, turn me into a child star. Perhaps I can move to Californ-i-ay and wrangle me a three-way with the Olsen twins.

I remember the one where Brian falls in love with an old woman....that was weird.

Have we had the sprinkle quote yet?

Chris: Hey little dude, how about some ice cream?
Stewie: Yes I could go for a frozen treat right about now. But no sprinkles. And for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.

EDIT: Meg (about Peter being retarded): I can never go to school again!
Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight That's the funniest one i've seen today

OH yeah!!!! That was awesome.

i love the sprinkle quote

"Nothing says "Obey Me" like a bloody head on a fence post!"

Meg: Can I be in the play, Mom?
Stewie: Oh yes, you can be the dumpy teenage girl who cries backstage because no one finds her attractive.

(Stewie runs out of house naked, after a bath, and rolls in mud.)
Stewie: Look Lois! I'm not clean anymore!
(Peter-washing his car-sprays Stewie clean with the hose)
Peter: There you go.
(Stewie looks DOWN at himself in shock.)
Stewie: OH MY GOD! I'm a woman!!

Originally posted by Ronny
(Stewie runs out of house naked, after a bath, and rolls in mud.)
Stewie: Look Lois! I'm not clean anymore!
(Peter-washing his car-sprays Stewie clean with the hose)
Peter: There you go.
(Stewie looks DOWN at himself in shock.)
Stewie: OH MY GOD! I'm a woman!!
hysterical2

Genie: I am here to grant you three wishes.
Lois: Peter, three wishes. Oh this is so exciting.
Meg: I want a new hat.
Chris: I want a new hat.
Stewie: I want them to have new hats!

For the love of God, shake me! Shake me like a British nanny!

Lois: Look its the New Year's baby!
Stewie: Yes, I rather like the sash, but do the Huggies make my ass look big?

who's that sex-obsessed guy with the impossibly huge jaw?

quagmire my main man Stewie(while peter kisses lois): back off fat man. Those jugs are mine until all the milk dries up. Then you can have the remains!

Stewie: If I choose to make stool in my pants right now, you're the only one here to change me. What do you think of that, hmm?
Brian: I'm not going to change you.
Stewie: What?
Brian: I said, I'm not going to change you.
Stewie: You can't be serious. Well, what if I make a fudgie? Well, I just won't. I just won't that's all. I just won't. Blast! I just did.

Stewie: HA! That's so funny I forgot to laugh... excluding that first Ha.

Oh yeah....he was so funny.

Brian: (sniffing) You made love to two filipino women and a man.
Quagmire: (laughs nervously) You mean THREE filiopino women!
Brian: (looks at Quagmire sternly)
(Quagmire runs off sobbing)

Chris: What did you get from your boyfriends?
Meg: Oh you know from my boyfriend ,Prince William, I got this beautiful watch, and this diamond tiara, and a scepter...(goes crazy and runs away crying)
Stewie: She needs to get laid BIG TIME!

Stewie: Victory is mine!

Peter: We need you back, Lois. I can't do what you do for me every night by myself!

(flashback scene)
We see Peter naked, and bravely trying to carry his own fat over to the bed. He fails, stumbles backwards, breaks clean through the wood rail and falls down to the first floor right by Brian, who is reading a newspaper.

What is this? Some sort of Family Guy quote?