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Man's Rules for Women


Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Check your own oil! Please.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.

lovely

Rule 1: Call me Sir and fetch me a cookie.







That is all.

Originally posted by ~Sir Mist~
Rule 1: Call me Sir and fetch me a cookie.







That is all.

Just a few addendums to the rules for guys. Ladies, listen up.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

Or so it would seem until they go on a fact finding smear campaign and remind you of that little slip of the tongue that caused the insecurity trip they've been on since you said it 6 months ago..

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

Yeah, REALLY. Who cares if you look fat in it or not? As long as you're not standing in the way of the free beer and barbecue ribs at Lowe's "how to" seminar on how to build a deck, you're fine.


If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

That's why women are so mad when we do that..because WE actually have something we can scratch

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

And stop bitching when we discuss our problems with our guy friends. The street runs both ways.

I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.
Hear hear! That means there's more to love!

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

Give this guy a box of cigars and 64,000 dollars. They say "nothing" and then get mad when we don't react the way they'd like us to. They said nothing was wrong, right? Well then what's the trouble?

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Amen. No more needs to be said on this one. Wait until after the 3 Stooges or WWE wrestling are over and THEN tell us what happened on the latest episode of Survivor....(this from personal experience.)

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

And on that note, tell your frind that "Yes" she would definitley be a fool to marry Moe from the 3 Stooges.

Crying is blackmail.

Yeah, and that's before the price of stamps..

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Hey, don't knock wearing a pair of Texas Steer workboots with your strapless evening dress until you've tried it.

OK,now that I hear the pistols cocking in the female section

of KMC, I'm outta here. *runs home and boards up windows and doors.*

Originally posted by Dagons Blade
Just a few addendums to the rules for guys. Ladies, listen up.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

Or so it would seem until they go on a fact finding smear campaign and remind you of that little slip of the tongue that caused the insecurity trip they've been on since you said it 6 months ago..

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

Yeah, REALLY. Who cares if you look fat in it or not? As long as you're not standing in the way of the free beer and barbecue ribs at Lowe's "how to" seminar on how to build a deck, you're fine.


If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

That's why women are so mad when we do that..because WE actually have something we can scratch

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

And stop bitching when we discuss our problems with our guy friends. The street runs both ways.

I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.
Hear hear! That means there's more to love!

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

Give this guy a box of cigars and 64,000 dollars. They say "nothing" and then get mad when we don't react the way they'd like us to. They said nothing was wrong, right? Well then what's the trouble?

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Amen. No more needs to be said on this one. Wait until after the 3 Stooges or WWE wrestling are over and THEN tell us what happened on the latest episode of Survivor....(this from personal experience.)

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

And on that note, tell your frind that "Yes" she would definitley be a fool to marry Moe from the 3 Stooges.

Crying is blackmail.

Yeah, and that's before the price of stamps..

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Hey, don't knock wearing a pair of Texas Steer workboots with your strapless evening dress until you've tried it.

OK,now that I hear the pistols cocking in the female section

of KMC, I'm outta here. *runs home and boards up windows and doors.* Thats great

wow.. that's greatly detailed

Originally posted by Masrix
Thats great

Thanks Masrix SOme of it was pretty lame but hey it's 4 in the morning where I am and this is what you get from me when I'm deprived of sleep

Some were off the top of my head and others like the one about saying what they need to say during commercials comes from my own personal experience--I had one girlfriend who would NOT shut up during any TV show I wanted to watch. YET, every time her soaps were on, God forbid if I even coughed when they were 5 secoinds away from finding out who the father of the baby was on "Days Of Our Lives."

Those were the days.


One more rule for women: Stop worrying about male bonding when we have our cookouts. Just because we sit on the deck with a weiner in each hand dosen't mean we're leaving you for another man. ..

Originally posted by Dagons Blade
Thanks Masrix SOme of it was pretty lame but hey it's 4 in the morning where I am and this is what you get from me when I'm deprived of sleep

Some were off the top of my head and others like the one about saying what they need to say during commercials comes from my own personal experience--I had one girlfriend who would NOT shut up during any TV show I wanted to watch. YET, every time her soaps were on, God forbid if I even coughed when they were 5 secoinds away from finding out who the father of the baby was on "Days Of Our Lives."

Those were the days.


One more rule for women: Stop worrying about male bonding when we have our cookouts. Just because we sit on the deck with a weiner in each hand dosen't mean we're leaving you for another man. ..

lol, thats my favortie one yet, clever and funny gj

You'll never win that one argument either: they'll NEVER believe you when you tell them they don't look fat in that dress.

One time this girl I knew got so po'ed at me she walked out on me.

She had a spaghetti strap evening dress on and I asked her, "that's the spaghetti strap you're wearing tonight, right"? And when she said yes, I told her to go out and bring some garlic bread and some sauce and a bowl of salad to go with it, and she lost her cool and went off on me. I swear, some people have no sense of humor.

Originally posted by Dagons Blade
You'll never win that one argument either: they'll NEVER believe you when you tell them they don't look fat in that dress.

One time this girl I knew got so po'ed at me she walked out on me.

She had a spaghetti strap evening dress on and I asked her, "that's the spaghetti strap you're wearing tonight, right"? And when she said yes, I told her to go out and bring some garlic bread and some sauce and a bowl of salad to go with it, and she lost her cool and went off on me. I swear, some people have no sense of humor.

Yeah I know what you mean, I had a GF who came over to my place one day andshe was wearing one hot ****ing swimming suit. She said " How do I look, Do I look fat in this?" And i said "No no! You look perfectly thin" and she freaked because she thought i was implying she was aneroix or belemic... The nerve!

Well the girl I speak of in the above thread...she came back later and apologized for her slew of curses, and when I told her she was wrong to hurt me like that, and told her she needed to respect people, she became mad again because I told her she was wrong, and it then became a round of Insults and Innuendos (3rd Edition Rules no less) and she then laid an ultimatum on me- "for the last time, I am asking you NOW, do I or don't I look fat in this"?

And if I said yes, she was going to leave me.

Hearing that, I silently smiled to myself and calmly said:

"No you don't lok fat in it, but if you keep going at your present rate they might be able to get 80 cents a pound for you at the next farmers' market."

And THAT WAS IT...WW3. I never saw her again and I was a free man, and no longer did I have to hear her take it out on me because she decided to Supersize one too many times at Big Mac's bar and grill..

Originally posted by Dagons Blade
Well the girl I speak of in the above thread...she came back later and apologized for her slew of curses, and when I told her she was wrong to hurt me like that, and told her she needed to respect people, she became mad again because I told her she was wrong, and it then became a round of Insults and Innuendos (3rd Edition Rules no less) and she then laid an ultimatum on me- "for the last time, I am asking you NOW, do I or don't I look fat in this"?

And if I said yes, she was going to leave me.

Hearing that, I silently smiled to myself and calmly said:

"No you don't lok fat in it, but if you keep going at your present rate they might be able to get 80 cents a pound for you at the next farmers' market."

And THAT WAS IT...WW3. I never saw her again and I was a free man, and no longer did I have to hear her take it out on me because she decided to Supersize one too many times at Big Mac's bar and grill.. Good job man , lol that was a great thing to do, wish you got it on tape lol

these rules? um...yeah. they dont work.

You sure

Rules #1-100 for women: Don't talk.

yeah, real sure. if you follow these rules you will be alone for a real long time.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
these rules? um...yeah. they dont work.

Disclaimer:

The following dialogues were delivered by highly trained, skilled professionals. They were intended for humorous purposes only and should NOT be used by anyone looking to establish careers in the field of relationship counselor or anyone looking to be on ther next episode of Dr. Phil. These rules should never be attempted to be enforced or imitated in any fashion whatsoever in the home.

Originally posted by Dagons Blade
Disclaimer:

The following dialogues were delivered by highly trained, skilled professionals. They were intended for humorous purposes only and should NOT be used by anyone looking to establish careers in the field of relationship counselor or anyone looking to be on ther next episode of Dr. Phil. These rules should never be attempted to be enforced or imitated in any fashion whatsoever in the home. I like you dagon your funny lol

Originally posted by Dagons Blade
Disclaimer:

The following dialogues were delivered by highly trained, skilled professionals. They were intended for humorous purposes only and should NOT be used by anyone looking to establish careers in the field of relationship counselor or anyone looking to be on ther next episode of Dr. Phil. These rules should never be attempted to be enforced or imitated in any fashion whatsoever in the home.
so basically its like "dont try this at home?"

Originally posted by Masrix
I like you dagon your funny lol

Thanks man, I try. I guess my sense of humor is still intact despite the crumbling world around us. And in this day and age, that's a GOOD thing

Originally posted by Dagons Blade
Thanks man, I try. I guess my sense of humor is still intact despite the crumbling world around us. And in this day and age, that's a GOOD thing Yeah i know what yeah mean

one thing i agree with. when women are getting dressed, it doesnt matter what we say. "does this look ok on me?" what a trick question!!!

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
so basically its like "dont try this at home?"

Pretty much, unless you can run faster than your girlfriend or your wife and\or all your rifles and pistols are locked away in a safe

dont forget butcher knives and rolling pins.

Originally posted by Dagons Blade
Pretty much, unless you can run faster than your girlfriend or your wife and\or all your rifles and pistols are locked away in a safe

If you do try this at Home Keep them out of the

1) Kitchen (Sharp stuff)
2) Toolshed (Blunt objects)
3) Garage. (Lots of crap)

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
one thing i agree with. when women are getting dressed, it doesnt matter what we say. "does this look ok on me?" what a trick question!!!

Just say, "No, take it off so we can f*ck." Works zero percent everytime.

i agree. you will be in the outhuse of the doghouse.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
dont forget butcher knives and rolling pins.

Good last minute entry there, RJ.

they will become instant deadly knife fighters.

Then there's the old standard women use to rationalize everything from abortion to cheating on their husbands while deluding themselves that extramarital sex is OK..... "It's MY body."

Well then ladies, don't be upset when we guys go out and use OUR bodies when some hot little thing comes lookin' for one of us to rotate her tires for her..

hahahha nice list.....oh and i'm back

Originally posted by Dagons Blade
Then there's the old standard women use to rationalize everything from abortion to cheating on their husbands while deluding themselves that extramarital sex is OK..... "It's MY body."

Well then ladies, don't be upset when we guys go out and use OUR bodies when some hot little thing comes lookin' for one of us to rotate her tires for her..
i have known a lot of guys who have been cheated on ny their ladies. 99 times out of 100 it was because the guy worked too many hours, never paid attention to his wife, neglected her, etc etc;....bottom line: guys, treat your lady like a queen, give her the attention she deseves and everything will be golden. this applies to the ladies too.
dont get me started on abortion.

So whats your thoughts on abortion?

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
i have known a lot of guys who have been cheated on ny their ladies. 99 times out of 100 it was because the guy worked too many hours, never paid attention to his wife, neglected her, etc etc;....bottom line: guys, treat your lady like a queen, give her the attention she deseves and everything will be golden. this applies to the ladies too.
dont get me started on abortion.

There again there are lots of guys who DO pay attention to their ladies to the Nth degree,who wind up being tossed away like an old toy the second someone better comes along, and I'm just saying that it's OK for the woman to use the " my body" clause to legitimize it, but if a GUY does it to HIS girlfriend, it's a major intergalactic incident that's felt galaxies away. Same way, a woman can look at another guy, but if a guy looks, or says something, or just happens to catch a woman's chest hanging out whenever she bends over in front of him, it's an open invite to WW3 because he's a "pig" and a "sexist."


Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
give her the attention she deseves and everything will be golden. [/QUOTE

Golden showers you mean? Let's not go there. It's hard enough to watch your pees and Q's in everyday life

well, i dont think i will be tossed away by my lady. the same way i will NEVER toss her aside.

Wow, whoever made up this forum...does give information in alot of detail. You must really hate Women??

In your dreams!

i love women. one in particular.

........anywho.......

Originally posted by Masrix
Man's Rules for Women


Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Check your own oil! Please.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.

Prettu funny!jm

Originally posted by ~Sir Mist~
Rule 1: Call me Sir and fetch me a cookie.







That is all. Gets a cookie.That good 'Sir'?

THIS IS THE WAY IT IS

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping

Dont leave your tampons in the toilet

OMG koala is turning into RoyalGuard. Plz stop KMP. lol for the love of god.

Originally posted by TheOne101
OMG koala is turning into RoyalGuard. Plz stop KMP. lol for the love of god.

Who the hell is Royal Guard?

How Can I stop if I don't know what i am doing wrong?

Oh those threads.

Those threads are just dumb.

Originally posted by TheOne101
OMG koala is turning into RoyalGuard. Plz stop KMP. lol for the love of god.

When I read the title,I thought it WAS another Royal guard thread

Ive seen this list before....cute to some but like womens rules for men....I find them stupid.

Originally posted by K.Diddy
When I read the title,I thought it WAS another Royal guard thread

theone101 thinks they know me?
who else think they know me?

btw KMP good list. that covers about whats inside the mind of every men.

I like this list.

Originally posted by ROYALGUARD
theone101 thinks they know me?
who else think they know me?

btw KMP good list. that covers about whats inside the mind of every men.



fu

Originally posted by Shelbert Lemon
Ive seen this list before....cute to some but like womens rules for men....I find them stupid.

I do believe I was the one who posted these...

Originally posted by ROYALGUARD
theone101 thinks they know me?
who else think they know me?

btw KMP good list. that covers about whats inside the mind of every men.
It's the impression you give. Which is, to say, shitty.

Originally posted by LanceWindu
I do believe I was the one who posted these... Oh ok...probably where I seen it at then. here.

Originally posted by DarkC
It's the impression you give. Which is, to say, shitty.

i didnt give you an impression...

you see things the way you see them.

Originally posted by ROYALGUARD
i didnt give you an impression...

you see things the way you see them.

You suck,thats why your girlfriend left you for a better man

Originally posted by K.Diddy
You suck,thats why your girlfriend left you for a better man
...............

Originally posted by TheOne101
OMG koala is turning into RoyalGuard. Plz stop KMP. lol for the love of god.



Originally posted by K.Diddy
When I read the title,I thought it WAS another Royal guard thread

I was thinking the same thing

Originally posted by K.Diddy
You suck,thats why your girlfriend left you for a better man

now that hurts. thats an arrow to the heart hurt. and you dont do that to a man whos already destroyed.

Originally posted by K.Diddy
You suck,thats why your girlfriend left you for a better man

Wow that was evil.

Originally posted by LanceWindu
Wow that was evil.

I was just stating the truth,he said so himself in another thread

Originally posted by K.Diddy
I was just stating the truth,he said so himself in another thread

No comment.

ill forgive you this time.

shock