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Ok Well sinc everyones bored I made this so we can chat about uhh.. jokes a riddles and stuff..... Yeah well ...yeah...

Well im going to bed so Cya all later... heres a riddle.. Easy peasy.

What has a bed but never sleeps?
What runs but never walks?
What has a mouth but never eats?

They are all the same thing ? What are they talking about?

i ve got one : there is a woman locked in a room, with nothing except a spring mactrice and a calander, how does she survive?

Originally posted by Masrix
Well im going to bed so Cya all later... heres a riddle.. Easy peasy.

What has a bed but never sleeps?
What runs but never walks?
What has a mouth but never eats?

They are all the same thing ? What are they talking about? A river?

Originally posted by fantasygirl
A river?

Bingo! gj

Heres one!
I am greater than God and more evil than the devil
The rich need me the poor have me.What am I?

Originally posted by gamewarrior
Heres one!
I am greater than God and more evil than the devil
The rich need me the poor have me.What am I? I say it a little differently. It's nothing.

Correct!

Heres a joke:
























Rob owns you

1 door closes, 9 open. When 9 close, 1 door opens. What is it?

Originally posted by ~Sir Mist~
Heres a joke:
























Rob owns you I know.

Originally posted by fantasygirl
I know.

Poor you hug
Rob doesnt own me

Originally posted by ~Sir Mist~
Poor you hug
Rob doesnt own me Aww.. thanks. hug Lucky bastard. disgust

What has 4 legs but can't walk?

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER

Daughter: Mom, what's an escalator?
Mother: Darling, an escalator is a stairs that moves backward or forward...
Daughter: Mom, what's an elevator?
Mother: Darling, an elevator is like a small room that goes up and down...
Daughter: Mom, what's a calculator?
Mother: I'm sorry, darling... I haven't tried to ride on a calculator.

Originally posted by Dagons Blade
What has 4 legs but can't walk? table, chair??

Originally posted by Dagons Blade
What has 4 legs but can't walk?
A table?
A chair?

Originally posted by Jury
A table?
A chair? I said that first.

What goes up and doesnt come down?

Originally posted by ~Sir Mist~
What goes up and doesnt come down? Your age?

Originally posted by fantasygirl
Your age?

Nah, 7 letters, starts with 'W'.

Don't know. shrug

Wwwwwww>

Originally posted by fantasygirl
Don't know. shrug

Crap, Im stuck on my crossword....that was the last word...disgust

EDIT

Originally posted by ~Sir Mist~
Crap, Im stuck on my crossword....that was the last word...disgust


Is there any other hints?

Is there a topic to it?

Originally posted by fantasygirl
Is there any other hints?

I was joking you tool

disgust

Originally posted by fantasygirl
disgust

Dont go all Georgy on me

Originally posted by ~Sir Mist~
Dont go all Georgy on me I can go all Georgy if I want. disgust

Originally posted by fantasygirl
I can go all Georgy if I want. disgust

Theres just no escape these days



Whats black, white, green, yellow and red?

Originally posted by ~Sir Mist~
Theres just no escape these days



Whats black, white, green, yellow and red? Colors?

Originally posted by fantasygirl
Colors?

Damn, how'd you guess that one?
There was no answer, Im out of joke juice so Im just spewing crap now

Originally posted by ~Sir Mist~
Damn, how'd you guess that one?
There was no answer, Im out of joke juice so Im just spewing crap now Because they're colors. Oh well..

TEACHER AND STUDENTS

Teacher: Joseph, do you know who Albert Einstein is?
Joseph: No ma'am, I don't know him.
Teacher: How about you, Alfred?
Alfred: I don't know him, ma'am.
Teacher: Well, who knows Albert Einstein?

* John raises his hand

Teacher: Yes, John. Do you know who Albert Einstein is?
John: No, ma'am. But maybe he's in the other section.

Originally posted by fantasygirl
Because they're colors. Oh well..

Im sure I could find a joke or two in here....444 pages worth, theres bound to be something good

Originally posted by ~Sir Mist~
Im sure I could find a joke or two in here....444 pages worth, theres bound to be something good Great.

Originally posted by fantasygirl
Great.

Bu that would require me to open the book and like.....'read'....

Originally posted by ~Sir Mist~
Bu that would require me to open the book and like.....'read'.... Read it!

Originally posted by fantasygirl
Read it!

Pick a number between 1 - 444 and Ill grab a joke from that page...

(This is an adult joke book by the way...so theres some rude ass jokes in here)

Originally posted by ~Sir Mist~
Pick a number between 1 - 444 and Ill grab a joke from that page...

(This is an adult joke book by the way...so theres some rude ass jokes in here) 101

Ways to really annoy people

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with your friends in public consisting entirely of 'Beeep Bip Bip Beeep'

Push all the flat Lego pieces together really tightly

Leave the photocopier set to reduce 200%, extra dark, A3 paper, 93 copies.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting

Staple papers in the middle of the page

Produce a rental video consisting entirely of Copyright warnings

Write the surprise ending to a novel on the first page.

Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of the day




I dont find these funny anymore because Ive read the book like 50 times already

DOCTOR AND SEXY GIRL

Sexy Girl: My butt is getting hot.
Doctor: I'll get the temperature in it.
Sexy Girl: Sorry, but I'm too shy on that matter.
Doctor: Don't worry, I'll switch off the light so nobody could see.

* The doctor switches off the light... Darkness spread in

Sexy Girl: Ooooooohhh... Wait. That's not my butt!
Doctor: Don't worry, it's okay. This is not a thermometer, anyway.

Originally posted by Jury
DOCTOR AND SEXY GIRL

Sexy Girl: My but is getting hot.
Doctor: I'll get the temperature in it.
Sexy Girl: Sorry, but I'm too shy on that matter.
Doctor: Don't worry, I'll switch off the light so nobody could see.

* The doctor switches off the light... Darkness spread in

Sexy Girl: Ooooooohhh... Wait. That's not my butt!
Doctor: Don't worry, it's okay. This is not a thermometer, anyway.

NO PLACE LIKE HOME

Men were born from between the legs of a woman
yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the same legs.

Why?

Because there's no place like home.

A SAD STORY ABOUT CREMATION

A woman's husband died and she had him cremated.
She blew the ashes into the ocean and said,

"Honey, this is my last BLOWJOB for you."

How sad, right?

More!

THE MAN AND THE LION

One night, a man was cornered by a lion, so he knelt down and prayed:

Man: Lord, do a miracle tonight. Please make this lion a Christian.

* The lion suddenly knelt down and prayed:

Lion: Bless this food which I'm about to receive for thy bounty through Christ, our Lord. Amen

hahahaa....fuuny! MOOORE! ^__^

THE SAINTS

Three guys introduced themselves to a girl

Guy1: Hi, my name is John, not a Baptist.
Guy2: Hi, I'm Peter, not a Saint.
Guy3: Hi, my name is Paul, not a Pope.

Girl: Yeah, hi. I'm Mary... NOT A VIRGIN.

HAHAHAHA!!!...MOORE!!!

Originally posted by ~Sir Mist~
Nah, 7 letters, starts with 'W'. whitley

Okay heres a riddle for all you KMC people out there..


A Women has 6 Children, 4 and a half are boys. How is this possible?

The fifth was castrated?

Originally posted by DarkC
The fifth was castrated?

ouch

Originally posted by DarkC
The fifth was castrated? lol no

Transsexual ?

Originally posted by T.M
Transsexual ? Nope

i cant even remember the question

Originally posted by Masrix
Okay heres a riddle for all you KMC people out there..


A Women has 6 Children, 4 and a half are boys. How is this possible?

they're all boys. I've already heard that riddle

they are all boys.

Originally posted by Whittdawg92
they're all boys. I've already heard that riddle Bingo You got it first!

Originally posted by T.M
they are all boys. good try lol

If a plane crashs right on the border of Canada and USA where are the survivers buried?

Easy...

you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have?

Originally posted by Masrix
If a plane crashs right on the border of Canada and USA where are the survivers buried?

Easy...

in a cemetary

Originally posted by Masrix
Bingo You got it first!

good try lol

we posted at the same time

Originally posted by T.M
in a cemetary



we posted at the same time Survivers arn't buried

give me a riddle, I solve 'em faster than batman

Originally posted by Whittdawg92
give me a riddle, I solve 'em faster than batman A women walks to her house, up the stairs and into a room where she flicks off a light, goes to bed and falls asleep. She wake up the next morning looks out the window, Screams and kills her self.. Why?

because she's cristopher reeve (I'm sorry no jokes about the deceased angel_not)

Originally posted by Whittdawg92
because she's cristopher reeve (I'm sorry no jokes about the deceased angel_not) lol evil

Originally posted by Masrix
Survivers arn't buried

shit i cant believe i fell for that doh

Originally posted by T.M
shit i cant believe i fell for that doh Everyone does.

Time for a joke between the riddles.

3 men are on a safari: a small smart guy, a average plain dude and a big dumb-ass.
At a given time the come across a natives village, at which they are welcomed warmheartedly. After receiving refreshments they are being led before the king of the tribe. The king looks upon the 3 men and says: 'You are most lucky today, fore my daughter is ready for marriage and I have yet to find a suitable man for her. Perhaps one of you is the right man for her!'
The king calls forth his lovely daughter and all 3 men are amazed by her beauty and grace.
'Naturally, not just any man can marry the princess' the king votes, 'The right man will have to prove himself worthy! Therefore I have prepared 3 tests, are you willing to take them?!'
The 3 guys, tongues hanging out, agree instantly.
'Very well!' the king answers, 'There are 3 tents in the center of the village, one contains 3 barrels of rum; you will have to drink them all empty. The next tent has 6 bears in it; you must slay them all! And finally, the last tent contains 12 women, which all have to be sexually satisfied before you come out! Are you ready?!'
All 3 men agree and the game is on.
The small guy goes first, walks into the rum tent, drinks 2 barrels and staggers out choking in his own puke.
'What a shame! Next!!' the king orders. New barrels of rum are placed, and the average guy dives at them, drinking all 3 of them!
Although severely messed up, he finds his way to the tent with the bears, enters.... there is the sound of some struggle, until in a few minutes the man's bitten off head rolls out of the entrance...
'Pity, pity' the king votes 'Guess it's all up to you now big boy!' as he slaps the big dumb-ass on the back.
The big dude enters the rum tent, empties all 3 barrels in record time and runs in to the next tent!
From there horrible sounds emerge; ripping sounds and primal screams, while fur and chunks of flesh fly out of the gate of the tent....
Silence falls and after a while the dumb-ass crawls out of the tent, severely beaten and scratched, but still alive... And he looks up to the king and asks: 'Ok, now where is that tent with the 12 women I'm supposed to kill?'

BLOOD TEST

One day, Francis went to a clinic to have a blood test. A beautiful nurse attended him. A nurse pricked his middle finger and took a drop of blood out of it. The nurse was having a trouble at that moment. She's running out of cotton to wipe the blood off Francis' finger.

Francis was shocked when the nurse licked his finger. Overwhelmed, Francis exclaimed:

Francis: Can I have my urine test after this?

Here's a 2nd grade one:

You can see me once in a minute, twice in a moment, but not at all in an hour......what am i?

~wickerman~

Originally posted by Wickerman
Here's a 2nd grade one:

You can see me once in a minute, twice in a moment, but not at all in an hour......what am i?

~wickerman~
"m"

Dang ur good!

"Holler random numbers while someone is counting."

I do that all the time.

okay for some riddles


What demands an answer, but asks no question?

What gets bigger the more you take away from it?


What english word has three consecutive double letters?

There are 20 people in an empty, square room. Each person has full sight of the entire room and everyone in it without turning his head or body, or moving in any way (other than the eyes). Where can you place an apple so that all but one person can see it?

Originally posted by DanZeke25

There are 20 people in an empty, square room. Each person has full sight of the entire room and everyone in it without turning his head or body, or moving in any way (other than the eyes). Where can you place an apple so that all but one person can see it?

eat it?

nope.. how can everyone but one person see it if its in someones stomach?

Originally posted by DanZeke25
What demands an answer, but asks no question?
"Hi", "Hello", "Thank you" ...

no its a thing

Originally posted by DanZeke25
What demands an answer, but asks no question?


A phone call?

Originally posted by DanZeke25
What demands an answer, but asks no question?

What gets bigger the more you take away from it?
A phone


A hole

Originally posted by DanZeke25
What english word has three consecutive double letters?BOOKKEEPER

Originally posted by DanZeke25

There are 20 people in an empty, square room. Each person has full sight of the entire room and everyone in it without turning his head or body, or moving in any way (other than the eyes). Where can you place an apple so that all but one person can see it?

On someones head!! Man that was a tough one.

yup.. all of them are right

The obvious answer is head. But if you notice, it says "Each person has full sight of the entire room", then it could be possible that each person can see what's on the top of their head, what's behind them, and what lies beneath their feet.

Three COMMON english words in the dictionary end with GRY, 2 of them are angry and hungry, if you listen carefully, i've already told you the 3rd word, what is the 3rd word?

your riddle is immpossible .. you said it wrong

look..

http://www.riddlenut.com/gryriddle.php

1. What is a five-letter word which becomes shorter with two letters added onto it?

2. What begins with "t", ends with "t", and has "t" in it?

3. What object has keys that open no locks, space but no room, and you can enter but not go in?

4. What is the nest letter: W I T N _ ?

5. The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they?

Originally posted by DanZeke25
your riddle is immpossible .. you said it wrong

look..

http://www.riddlenut.com/gryriddle.php
Not fair!! but wait...does that mean you tried to look it up and found out that it wasn't real??

1. Short

Originally posted by X-Woman
Not fair!! but wait...does that mean you tried to look it up and found out that it wasn't real??

no.. i saw that last night.. and i remebered it.. and i was thinking of posting the original one anyway..

Originally posted by DanZeke25
1. Short

4. E? the word would be Witness?

DanZeke, the riddle about the "apple" is impossible anyway.

Originally posted by DanZeke25
4. E? the word would be Witness? no2

Originally posted by Jury
DanZeke, the riddle about the "apple" is impossible anyway.

no if you think about it... i can tilt my head a certain way and see the entire room, and my feet by just moving my eyes, and it cant be behing them because the person could be leaning against a wall, so if its behind him, then the rest of the people wouldnt be able to see it.

Originally posted by Jury

5. The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they?


Food? or footsteps.

Brothers or sisters have I none, but that mans father is my fathers son.

Who is that man?


What has over 70 teeth, and when opened, it unleashes a monster?

It is in a rock but not in a stone, it is in marrow but not in a bone. It is in a bolster but not in a bed, it is not living, nor is it dead. What is it?

the letter R?

Originally posted by DanZeke25
no if you think about it... i can tilt my head a certain way and see the entire room, and my feet by just moving my eyes, and it cant be behing them because the person could be leaning against a wall, so if its behind him, then the rest of the people wouldnt be able to see it. Still, each person in the room cannot see the wall behind them. If you tilt your head in whatever manner you like, you can't still see what's behind your head. That's why the riddle is impossible. No person can have a full sight of the entire room without turning, or moving his body, even other than eyes.

Originally posted by X-Woman
Food? or footsteps. Yes to footsteps.

Originally posted by Jury
Still, each person in the room cannot see the wall behind them. If you tilt your head in whatever manner you like, you can't still see what's behind your head. That's why the riddle is impossible. No person can have a full sight of the entire room without turning, or moving his body, even other than eyes.

but that has nothing to do with the riddle really

In fact, there is.

And the answer should not be "on the head of that person" basing on the given point that each person has full sight of the entire room... be it above, behind, or beneath them.

Oh i see

Originally posted by Jury
1. What is a five-letter word which becomes shorter with two letters added onto it? Ans. short - by DanZeke25

2. What begins with "t", ends with "t", and has "t" in it?

3. What object has keys that open no locks, space but no room, and you can enter but not go in?

4. What is the next letter: W I T N _ ?

5. The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they? Ans. footsteps - by DanZeke25



3 more!

i have no idea.. try and figure out mine



Originally posted by DanZeke25
Brothers or sisters have I none, but that mans father is my fathers son.

Who is that man?


What has over 70 teeth, and when opened, it unleashes a monster?

Originally posted by DanZeke25
Brothers or sisters have I none, but that mans father is my fathers son.

Who is that man?
Your son.

yup...

and your not gonna get the other one

Originally posted by DanZeke25
What has over 70 teeth, and when opened, it unleashes a monster? A pants' zipper?

Wow... how the hell did you get that?

It was more of a joke, then a riddle, thats why i thought you wouldnt get it right.

But the real answer is "My" zipper... not just any man's zipper

i should have said that.

FISHING

Two fathers and two sons went fishing.
They caught one big fish, one small fish, and one fat fish.
They each got to take a fish home.
How is that possible?

THE TALE OF TWO FLIES

One day, two flies were eating shit.
Fly1: Ooooh, I'm full. I ate too much shit!
Fly2: Hey, shut up! Why are you talking about shits? Can't you see we're eating?!

Originally posted by Jury
FISHING

Two fathers and two sons went fishing.
They caught one big fish, one small fish, and one fat fish.
They each got to take a fish home.
How is that possible? Because one was the grandpa, son, and the son's son??

Originally posted by fantasygirl
Because one was the grandpa, son, and the son's son??

Yay.

Originally posted by Jury
THE TALE OF TWO FLIES

One day, two flies were eating shit.
Fly1: Ooooh, I'm full. I ate too much shit!
Fly2: Hey, shut up! Why are you talking about shits? Can't you see we're eating?!
I laughed at my own joke.

THE WRONG WAY

If everyone seems to go against where you supposed to go,
If they seem to contRadict to the way you wanted to go through,
If they're trying to stop you and they don't want you to pass through it,
Don't be stubborn. That's an EXIT!
Go use the ENTRANCE!!!

THE TALE OF THE LOST BIRD

It was early Sunday when the Mass was about to start. The priest was looking for his lost bird. He came in front of the congregation and sought an information.
Priest: Am, excuse me everyone. May I ask who GOT the bird?
* All men rises.
Priest: (confused) Ah.. I mean, who have SEEN the bird?
* All women rises.
Priest: (more confusion) Ah, no... what I mean is... who have seen MY bird?
* All nuns rises.

No ones said any tognue twisters! A classic: She sells seashells by the seashore. And try to say red leather, yellow leather really fast repeatedly.

Mary Mary On the contrairy, How does your garden grow?

Here a joke for Yall...

If you take 2 apple from 3 How many do you have?

3

Originally posted by DanZeke25
3 uhh no

2? am i reading it wrong? lol

Originally posted by DanZeke25
2? am i reading it wrong? lol lol gj, most people say 1 But if your TAKING 2 from 3...get the point? gj.


What ways more? 1000 Pounds of Bricks , or a 1000 pounds of Dirt?

there both the 1000 pounds... and i thought 3 because you have 3, but you just feel like eating 2, so u only take 2.

Originally posted by DanZeke25
there both the 1000 pounds... and i thought 3 because you have 3, but you just feel like eating 2, so u only take 2. Right.

The famus magicin Do Zi says he can throw a ball in a stright line with no stirng and have it come right back to his hand. Without the assistance of anything? hows this possible?

Its not, he lied.

Originally posted by DanZeke25
Its not, he lied. Nope

No he told me.. he lied.

Originally posted by DanZeke25
No he told me.. he lied. no!

Your telling me that he lied to me about lieing about the ball?!?!?!?

Yes!

Nah.. he wouldnt do that.

Did he throw it up?

Updating

1. What is a five-letter word which becomes shorter with two letters added onto it? Ans. short - by DanZeke25

2. What begins with "t", ends with "t", and has "t" in it?

3. What object has keys that open no locks, space but no room, and you can enter but not go in?

4. What is the next letter: W I T N _ ?

5. The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they? Ans. food, footsteps - by X-Woman

Hey I said the answer to #5!

Originally posted by Masrix
Right.

The famus magicin Do Zi says he can throw a ball in a stright line with no stirng and have it come right back to his hand. Without the assistance of anything? hows this possible? Physics and English

How can you THROW something IN A STRAIGHT LINE? Throwing will cause a projectile motion. Perhaps, "throw" was a wrong choice of word. It can be a "toss", a "push" or whatever that respects the essense of both "throwing" and "in straight line".

Originally posted by X-Woman
Hey I said the answer to #5! OKay, changed.. sorry