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Okay so I'm just listening to these cds in my moms old cd shelf thing and im listening to this christian worship music cd and I'm feeling really guilty not beliving in god, My mom was really religious and she had breast cancer almost three years ago. and it spread all over her body and they wernt able to save herand of course they couldnt 'put her to sleep' so i had to watch her for about half a year wasting away in the greatist pain in my own house and it made it hard for me belive that any god who got so much worship from her would let her sufffer like so. So i compleatly lost it and stopped beliveing in it all together, and now im listening to this music and seeing that so many people belive in all this and dont care how much pain they o through now becuase thay belive that only 70-80 so years they'll suffer and then be rewarded after they die forever, and its scary for me to think about people actully accepting the fact that everyone dies, thats the only thing in life that is enivitable, and i just cant understand why theyre okay with that. I mean people have their doubts about life, like 'am i ever going to fall in love' or 'will i get my dream job and become a great hero-like person to my kids" and all i can think of is, is it really worth it thinking about all these things that so many people face and have to deal with like it REALLY matters. does it really matter? No im starting to think maybe since jesus did that whole crusify thing at the end of his life for all the sins that the human race commitited maybe all the really good people in the world have to suffer alot at the end for the people they care most about, and im feeling horrible because ive been such a horrid person in my life and i dont want to have to be responsible for what my mother went through and its just killing me. I feel like such a digusting person, and ive been crying like a 4 year old for the last 10 mintues thinking about this.

Originally posted by Ronny
Okay so I'm just listening to these cds in my moms old cd shelf thing and im listening to this christian worship music cd and I'm feeling really guilty not beliving in god, My mom was really religious and she had breast cancer almost three years ago. and it spread all over her body and they wernt able to save herand of course they couldnt 'put her to sleep' so i had to watch her for about half a year wasting away in the greatist pain in my own house and it made it hard for me belive that any god who got so much worship from her would let her sufffer like so. So i compleatly lost it and stopped beliveing in it all together, and now im listening to this music and seeing that so many people belive in all this and dont care how much pain they o through now becuase thay belive that only 70-80 so years they'll suffer and then be rewarded after they die forever, and its scary for me to think about people actully accepting the fact that everyone dies, thats the only thing in life that is enivitable, and i just cant understand why theyre okay with that. I mean people have their doubts about life, like 'am i ever going to fall in love' or 'will i get my dream job and become a great hero-like person to my kids" and all i can think of is, is it really worth it thinking about all these things that so many people face and have to deal with like it REALLY matters. does it really matter? No im starting to think maybe since jesus did that whole crusify thing at the end of his life for all the sins that the human race commitited maybe all the really good people in the world have to suffer alot at the end for the people they care most about, and im feeling horrible because ive been such a horrid person in my life and i dont want to have to be responsible for what my mother went through and its just killing me. I feel like such a digusting person, and ive been crying like a 4 year old for the last 10 mintues thinking about this. thats alot to read

you dont have to if you dont want to its just really bothering me and i needed someone to help me understand

Originally posted by Ronny
Okay so I'm just listening to these cds in my moms old cd shelf thing and im listening to this christian worship music cd and I'm feeling really guilty not beliving in god, My mom was really religious and she had breast cancer almost three years ago. and it spread all over her body and they wernt able to save herand of course they couldnt 'put her to sleep' so i had to watch her for about half a year wasting away in the greatist pain in my own house and it made it hard for me belive that any god who got so much worship from her would let her sufffer like so. So i compleatly lost it and stopped beliveing in it all together, and now im listening to this music and seeing that so many people belive in all this and dont care how much pain they o through now becuase thay belive that only 70-80 so years they'll suffer and then be rewarded after they die forever, and its scary for me to think about people actully accepting the fact that everyone dies, thats the only thing in life that is enivitable, and i just cant understand why theyre okay with that. I mean people have their doubts about life, like 'am i ever going to fall in love' or 'will i get my dream job and become a great hero-like person to my kids" and all i can think of is, is it really worth it thinking about all these things that so many people face and have to deal with like it REALLY matters. does it really matter? No im starting to think maybe since jesus did that whole crusify thing at the end of his life for all the sins that the human race commitited maybe all the really good people in the world have to suffer alot at the end for the people they care most about, and im feeling horrible because ive been such a horrid person in my life and i dont want to have to be responsible for what my mother went through and its just killing me. I feel like such a digusting person, and ive been crying like a 4 year old for the last 10 mintues thinking about this.


that sucks....band

you went to other way around most people who have a tramatic event like that beleive in god more.

Originally posted by Ronny
Okay so I'm just listening to these cds in my moms old cd shelf thing and im listening to this christian worship music cd and I'm feeling really guilty not beliving in god, My mom was really religious and she had breast cancer almost three years ago. and it spread all over her body and they wernt able to save herand of course they couldnt 'put her to sleep' so i had to watch her for about half a year wasting away in the greatist pain in my own house and it made it hard for me belive that any god who got so much worship from her would let her sufffer like so. So i compleatly lost it and stopped beliveing in it all together, and now im listening to this music and seeing that so many people belive in all this and dont care how much pain they o through now becuase thay belive that only 70-80 so years they'll suffer and then be rewarded after they die forever, and its scary for me to think about people actully accepting the fact that everyone dies, thats the only thing in life that is enivitable, and i just cant understand why theyre okay with that. I mean people have their doubts about life, like 'am i ever going to fall in love' or 'will i get my dream job and become a great hero-like person to my kids" and all i can think of is, is it really worth it thinking about all these things that so many people face and have to deal with like it REALLY matters. does it really matter? No im starting to think maybe since jesus did that whole crusify thing at the end of his life for all the sins that the human race commitited maybe all the really good people in the world have to suffer alot at the end for the people they care most about, and im feeling horrible because ive been such a horrid person in my life and i dont want to have to be responsible for what my mother went through and its just killing me. I feel like such a digusting person, and ive been crying like a 4 year old for the last 10 mintues thinking about this.

Belief in a higher being is as personal as ones own private thoughts Ronny. It's different from person to person...and quite often, when we are faced with tragedy or loss in our lives, it makes us question whether there really is a "God" out there. I think we've all done it. I think to a certain extent we all question or HAVE questions about the existence of an all powerful being who watches over us and judges our lives. It's normal for you to have both FELT how you did, and now, how you are.

I love all these responses in this really seriouse thread " That sucks *Band smilie* "Thats alot to read"

go disco!

I'm sorry ronny
It's not your fault
Shit happens. That's how life is. Generally.

Originally posted by Disco Moose
Belief in a higher being is as personal as ones own private thoughts Ronny. It's different from person to person...and quite often, when we are faced with tragedy or loss in our lives, it makes us question whether there really is a "God" out there. I think we've all done it. I think to a certain extent we all question or HAVE questions about the existence of an all powerful being who watches over us and judges our lives. It's normal for you to have both FELT how you did, and now, how you are.
I know that everyone goes through shit like this but it doesnt really feel like it, alot of people i know belive in God and it makes me feel even worse.

I'm not trying to be selfish or anything, I just feel so guilty for my mothers death because she felt she had o be there for me and look out for me and getting breast cancer would get in the way so she never tested in fear that shed get it. And I know im being stupid thinking about sometyhing that happened two and a half years ago, I shouldve already been over it, along time ago.

Originally posted by s|m
I'm sorry ronny
It's not your fault
Shit happens. That's how life is. Generally. It shouldnt happen to good people like her. Thats my point.

Everyone has regrets and stuff when someone they love dies and stuff but meh, I guess You'll hopefully get over it

ronny bad things happen to good people if you religous god is suposably testing you
if your not then lifes a ***** make it work for you im sorry about your mom though

but this happened A LONGtime ago, i wasnt this upset when it happened, i was shocked and it hurt and i did go through all this depression but when i explain what happened to myself now it hurts so much more, and its confsing me.

Originally posted by Ronny
I know that everyone goes through shit like this but it doesnt really feel like it, alot of people i know belive in God and it makes me feel even worse.

I'm not trying to be selfish or anything, I just feel so guilty for my mothers death because she felt she had o be there for me and look out for me and getting breast cancer would get in the way so she never tested in fear that shed get it. And I know im being stupid thinking about sometyhing that happened two and a half years ago, I shouldve already been over it, along time ago.

Who says you have to be over it now, tomorrow or next year? Heal at your own pace.

I don't think you should be feeling guilty...your mother I would gather from what you've said, would certainly not want you to.

And whether you believe in God or not is irrelevant really. God is to different people, very different things. In some people's mind, God is non-existent. That in itself, if you choose not to believe, is not a reason to feel guilty, hon. Your mother loved you, you loved your mother....God's existence or lack thereof, doesn't enter the equation.

And Ronny, ignore the idiots in here...they have the combined IQ of a salad bar.

Originally posted by Ronny
It shouldnt happen to good people like her. Thats my point.

We all feel that way Ronny. It's natural. If life were really fair, the child molesters and murderers would all die and the good people would live.

I'm very sorry, Originally posted by Ronny
Okay so I'm just listening to these cds in my moms old cd shelf thing and im listening to this christian worship music cd and I'm feeling really guilty not beliving in god, My mom was really religious and she had breast cancer almost three years ago. and it spread all over her body and they wernt able to save herand of course they couldnt 'put her to sleep' so i had to watch her for about half a year wasting away in the greatist pain in my own house and it made it hard for me belive that any god who got so much worship from her would let her sufffer like so. So i compleatly lost it and stopped beliveing in it all together, and now im listening to this music and seeing that so many people belive in all this and dont care how much pain they o through now becuase thay belive that only 70-80 so years they'll suffer and then be rewarded after they die forever, and its scary for me to think about people actully accepting the fact that everyone dies, thats the only thing in life that is enivitable, and i just cant understand why theyre okay with that. I mean people have their doubts about life, like 'am i ever going to fall in love' or 'will i get my dream job and become a great hero-like person to my kids" and all i can think of is, is it really worth it thinking about all these things that so many people face and have to deal with like it REALLY matters. does it really matter? No im starting to think maybe since jesus did that whole crusify thing at the end of his life for all the sins that the human race commitited maybe all the really good people in the world have to suffer alot at the end for the people they care most about, and im feeling horrible because ive been such a horrid person in my life and i dont want to have to be responsible for what my mother went through and its just killing me. I feel like such a digusting person, and ive been crying like a 4 year old for the last 10 mintues thinking about this.
You are not responsible for your mother's death. It happens; many people who don't deserve to die do. I do believe there is a god out there, and no doubt will question his existence if I lost a beloved family member. But my thoughts are that everything that happens, there is a reason.
I won't tell you to get over it fast or slow; you will find your own pace.

It's good that you had the compassion to do this, Ronny. It shows that you are pure inside.

I probably don't understand what losing a family member is like, so I'll express my sympathies and hope in time, you'll feel better.

-hugs Ronny-

Originally posted by Ronny
It shouldnt happen to good people like her. Thats my point. Who knows, she may have been a murderer or bank robber before you were born ......not to sound like an ass or anything

Dogbert, Zatch, JL?

Put a sock in it.

Originally posted by DarkC
I'm very sorry,
You are not responsible for your mother's death. It happens; many people who don't deserve to die do. I do believe there is a god out there, and no doubt will question his existence if I lost a beloved family member. But my thoughts are that everything that happens, there is a reason.
I won't tell you to get over it fast or slow; you will find your own pace.

It's good that you had the compassion to do this, Ronny. It shows that you are pure inside.

I probably don't understand what losing a family member is like, so I'll express my sympathies and hope in time, you'll feel better.

Have you lost a person close to you? No, so you don't know what it feel like.

Originally posted by SlipknoT
Who knows, she may have been a murderer or bank robber before you were born ......not to sound like an ass or anything

Your mother wouldn't want you to be in too much grief, would she?

She might be happy out there and waiting for you.

Originally posted by Lord Melkor
She might be happy out there and waiting for you.
That wasn't the wisest thing to say...nosweat

Put a sock in it?

Originally posted by Dogbert
Put a sock in it?
Yeah, it means "cut the crap" essentially.

Originally posted by Disco Moose
Who says you have to be over it now, tomorrow or next year? Heal at your own pace.

I don't think you should be feeling guilty...your mother I would gather from what you've said, would certainly not want you to.

And whether you believe in God or not is irrelevant really. God is to different people, very different things. In some people's mind, God is non-existent. That in itself, if you choose not to believe, is not a reason to feel guilty, hon. Your mother loved you, you loved your mother....God's existence or lack thereof, doesn't enter the equation.

And Ronny, ignore the idiots in here...they have the combined IQ of a salad bar. I think somewhere inside of me I still do belive but ive covered it up and pushed it down because i dont want to belive anyone would hurt her like that. usally when someone does something to omeone i love i get pissed off and beat them up, and since you cant 'touch' god or anything i felt that the only thing i could do to hurt him was to deny him some how.

Right.

I'm confused from reading this thread. From what I gleaned from the rabble of an attempt at coherent though, this belongs in the Religion forum.

Originally posted by Ronny
Okay so I'm just listening to these cds in my moms old cd shelf thing and im listening to this christian worship music cd and I'm feeling really guilty not beliving in god, My mom was really religious and she had breast cancer almost three years ago. and it spread all over her body and they wernt able to save herand of course they couldnt 'put her to sleep' so i had to watch her for about half a year wasting away in the greatist pain in my own house and it made it hard for me belive that any god who got so much worship from her would let her sufffer like so. So i compleatly lost it and stopped beliveing in it all together, and now im listening to this music and seeing that so many people belive in all this and dont care how much pain they o through now becuase thay belive that only 70-80 so years they'll suffer and then be rewarded after they die forever, and its scary for me to think about people actully accepting the fact that everyone dies, thats the only thing in life that is enivitable, and i just cant understand why theyre okay with that. I mean people have their doubts about life, like 'am i ever going to fall in love' or 'will i get my dream job and become a great hero-like person to my kids" and all i can think of is, is it really worth it thinking about all these things that so many people face and have to deal with like it REALLY matters. does it really matter? No im starting to think maybe since jesus did that whole crusify thing at the end of his life for all the sins that the human race commitited maybe all the really good people in the world have to suffer alot at the end for the people they care most about, and im feeling horrible because ive been such a horrid person in my life and i dont want to have to be responsible for what my mother went through and its just killing me. I feel like such a digusting person, and ive been crying like a 4 year old for the last 10 mintues thinking about this.
first of all it's not your fault that your mother got cancer and died because of it so don't eat yourself up about it and second of all people who believe in christ go through the pain because that is what they believe. they believe that this life is their time to do something for the one that created all, that this is their chance to redeem themselves for their sin and after they die they will be with their god and live forever so when you think about it 70-80 years is nothing compared to eternity. and they believe that there is nothing greater than to be with the one that saved them from sin.

also, everything people deal with really matters. so thinking about the things people deal with really matters too although it's not a top prioroty thing it does matter. it's life darling and nothing can change that.

Originally posted by Ronny
I know that everyone goes through shit like this but it doesnt really feel like it, alot of people i know belive in God and it makes me feel even worse.

I'm not trying to be selfish or anything, I just feel so guilty for my mothers death because she felt she had o be there for me and look out for me and getting breast cancer would get in the way so she never tested in fear that shed get it. And I know im being stupid thinking about sometyhing that happened two and a half years ago, I shouldve already been over it, along time ago. I'm so so sorry Ronny

It's understandable that something like this would make you lose your faith...but it's not your fault...and it doesn't matter what other people believe in...belief is a personal thing, and you shouldn't let other belief's shake your confidence in yourself..

and btw...there is no time limit on when you 'get over' something like that...you should do it at your own pace and come to terms with it in your own time....

and again I'm really sorry you, your family and your mother had to go through all that..at least she's a peace now...((cliched I know..but I think it's true))

Originally posted by Lord Melkor
Your mother wouldn't want you to be in too much grief, would she?

She might be happy out there and waiting for you. That exactly what i want to think, that she waiting for me and ill see her again, I loved her more then i love my dad, and i know that really mean but she was always on level with me and she understood me, I got my creativity from her i wear the same size she wore and i look alot like her.

Originally posted by DarkC
That wasn't the wisest thing to say...nosweat

I meant, when he dies at the age of 90, surrounded by his big family, she will be there waiting.

Or not, but beliefs like this can't hurt.

Originally posted by Dogbert
Right.

Originally posted by DarkC
I'm very sorry,
You are not responsible for your mother's death. It happens; many people who don't deserve to die do. I do believe there is a god out there, and no doubt will question his existence if I lost a beloved family member. But my thoughts are that everything that happens, there is a reason.
I won't tell you to get over it fast or slow; you will find your own pace.

It's good that you had the compassion to do this, Ronny. It shows that you are pure inside.

I probably don't understand what losing a family member is like, so I'll express my sympathies and hope in time, you'll feel better. THank you cry you have no idea how much this helps

You are very welcome. hug

Originally posted by Ronny
I think somewhere inside of me I still do belive but ive covered it up and pushed it down because i dont want to belive anyone would hurt her like that. usally when someone does something to omeone i love i get pissed off and beat them up, and since you cant 'touch' god or anything i felt that the only thing i could do to hurt him was to deny him some how.

And what is unnatural about that? I've done that? I've cursed God, hated god, sworn God off....

I think the important thing for YOU is to stop pushing the feelings away, and deal with them as best as you can, so that you can find some inner peace..

Originally posted by Ronny
It shouldnt happen to good people like her. Thats my point.
from a religious point of view, that's the way god wanted it to be, he thought it time for her to be with him in heaven, that she suffered enough and he wanted her to live forever. if you think of it in a christian way god was saving her from her pain and suffering and that you should be happy that she isn't suffering n e more.

on a non-religious point of view, i can sympathize for you, my grandma died of cancer and so did my cat and one of my other cats got feline h.i.v and I was devastated I didn't know how that could happen to such good hearted lives and it hurts me now to think about it but I know that they are in a better place now.

Originally posted by Fianna
I'm so so sorry Ronny

It's understandable that something like this would make you lose your faith...but it's not your fault...and it doesn't matter what other people believe in...belief is a personal thing, and you shouldn't let other belief's shake your confidence in yourself..

and btw...there is no time limit on when you 'get over' something like that...you should do it at your own pace and come to terms with it in your own time....

and again I'm really sorry you, your family and your mother had to go through all that..at least she's a peace now...((cliched I know..but I think it's true)) i know im being alittle selfish wanting her back and all, but from what i hear thats normal. I'm glad shes out of all that pain, she has arthritis and that probably made things alot worse I only wish i was there with her when she died. My dad brought me into their room to say goodbye and I couldn't even look at her, now I wish i stayed there a little longer

Originally posted by Disco Moose
And what is unnatural about that? I've done that? I've cursed God, hated god, sworn God off....

I think the important thing for YOU is to stop pushing the feelings away, and deal with them as best as you can, so that you can find some inner peace.. I dont know how to deal with them though, I was only a little kid when it happenedand mentally ive changed little.

Originally posted by Ronny
i know im being alittle selfish wanting her back and all, but from what i hear thats normal. I'm glad shes out of all that pain, she has arthritis and that probably made things alot worse I only wish i was there with her when she died. My dad brought me into their room to say goodbye and I couldn't even look at her, now I wish i stayed there a little longer I know...and it's not selfish at all sweetie..it's the most natural thing in the world to want someone back who we've lost...to wonder what might have been and to want to change the way we've been around them before they left...it's okay to feel this way hug

Originally posted by Ronny
I dont know how to deal with them though, I was only a little kid when it happenedand mentally ive changed little. Maybe you need to talk to someone about this...a friend or a relative maybe?....just get it all out in the open..you'll feel so much better..and then you can start to work through what you're feeling and work out what to do..

A friend just called and i told her all about it, shes taking me out shopping later and were getting petis I feel so much beter you guys, thank you so much for all your help. And i am so sorry if i came off as an attention whore I really idnt mean it, i just needed a little help and someone to talk to

that's ok

thanks for being so helpful all of you

You're welcome, and no, you're not an attention whore. Have fun.

Originally posted by Ronny
A friend just called and i told her all about it, shes taking me out shopping later and were getting petis I feel so much beter you guys, thank you so much for all your help. And i am so sorry if i came off as an attention whore I really idnt mean it, i just needed a little help and someone to talk to That's good..I hope things go okay for you hug ...and it wasn't attention whorish at all no2

thank you

Not to take anything away from your situation, but you'd be hard pressed to find anyone on this planet who hasn't gone through sh*t like that at one point or another in their life. There is no singling-out on either side of the fence.

Originally posted by Ronny
you dont have to if you dont want to its just really bothering me and i needed someone to help me understand

awwww sweetie hug
god doesn't punish, he just doesn't step in, you're not to blame

^Exactly.

*Hugs for Ronny*

I have my beliefs, spiritually that is. God isn't a part of them. However, if he did exist, I'm sure his role wouldn't be to come down and wipe our asses for us everytime there was trouble.

However, the truest phrase is the most common with regards to your mother. The good die young.

I've never quite figured out why certain people I've lost are dead, and certain people I hate are still able to walk around. The reason is, that's life. Life is a shit and life is amazing. I was raised (by great parents) in a reasonably open minded way. Although it still had the whole peaches and cream/everything's ok security blanket thing.

As I've grown older and experienced more shit in the past year than most people probably ever will, I've realised that you need to have death, sorrow and loss to appreciate the life, love and happiness. Some believe that this life is all there is, others believe in Heaven and Hell, I believe in the singular consciousness, that our true nature is spirit not body and that this is merely a stage in our existance.

All religious leaders, books and prophets (before people decided they could manipulate religion) were talking about the same thing. Unconditional love for one and all, truth and freedom. That's a belief that mostly connects us all. Christians, Jews, Muslims etc. Every true and peaceful practitioner of each religion is hitting upon the same message.

Are you selfish for wanting her back? No. Because you're human.

"To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human."-Mouse, The Matrix.

Being selfish isn't wrong. It's not wrong to look after and care about yourself in life, that's probably the biggest misconception there is.

So whatever your beliefs, don't look to punish God (To be fair the guy has his hands full with his followers as it is. Have you been to the Religion Forum? ). Your mother may be gone, but she's not "dead". Her body is, and as a result, you cannot see her anymore while your time here is in progress.

I used to fear death and loss beyond all else and while I always had the beliefs in eternal spirit, a certain band and a certain song changed my life. Now I don't fear death at all. It's the one thing we're guaranteed at birth, so it can't be that bad.

As soon as you stop thinking of death as the final sleep, and start thinking of it as the final awakening that it is, I'm sure you'll feel better.

Of course, in the event that me and my philosophical musings don't help. You could always like, shoot some Christians.

-AC

Whoa.

Hahaha, Mills does Keanu Reeves.

Sweet.

-AC

I've never thought of it that way, but okay.

You missed a good argument this afternoon(me being the ref yet again.) Irene vs. Disco Moose.

Originally posted by Alpha Centauri
^Exactly.

*Hugs for Ronny*

I have my beliefs, spiritually that is. God isn't a part of them. However, if he did exist, I'm sure his role wouldn't be to come down and wipe our asses for us everytime there was trouble.

However, the truest phrase is the most common with regards to your mother. The good die young.

I've never quite figured out why certain people I've lost are dead, and certain people I hate are still able to walk around. The reason is, that's life. Life is a shit and life is amazing. I was raised (by great parents) in a reasonably open minded way. Although it still had the whole peaches and cream/everything's ok security blanket thing.

As I've grown older and experienced more shit in the past year than most people probably ever will, I've realised that you need to have death, sorrow and loss to appreciate the life, love and happiness. Some believe that this life is all there is, others believe in Heaven and Hell, I believe in the singular consciousness, that our true nature is spirit not body and that this is merely a stage in our existance.

All religious leaders, books and prophets (before people decided they could manipulate religion) were talking about the same thing. Unconditional love for one and all, truth and freedom. That's a belief that mostly connects us all. Christians, Jews, Muslims etc. Every true and peaceful practitioner of each religion is hitting upon the same message.

Are you selfish for wanting her back? No. Because you're human.

"To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human."-Mouse, The Matrix.

Being selfish isn't wrong. It's not wrong to look after and care about yourself in life, that's probably the biggest misconception there is.

So whatever your beliefs, don't look to punish God (To be fair the guy has his hands full with his followers as it is. Have you been to the Religion Forum? ). Your mother may be gone, but she's not "dead". Her body is, and as a result, you cannot see her anymore while your time here is in progress.

I used to fear death and loss beyond all else and while I always had the beliefs in eternal spirit, a certain band and a certain song changed my life. Now I don't fear death at all. It's the one thing we're guaranteed at birth, so it can't be that bad.

As soon as you stop thinking of death as the final sleep, and start thinking of it as the final awakening that it is, I'm sure you'll feel better.

Of course, in the event that me and my philosophical musings don't help. You could always like, shoot some Christians.

-AC

well said. i also believe we are infinite consciousness and after reading certain books it has helped me to not fear death, cos there is no death..there is nothin to fear

Ronny sweetie.. my deepest sympathies on your loss. Its not selfish at all to want her back, it means you did & do love her.. Any mother would be touched at this kind of love from their child. And as far as being 'over it'... I lost my baby boy when he was 3 months old, that was almost 8 years ago. At first I cried every second of every day, now it just hits me every once in a while. You just have to let yourself feel the pain and grieve for them when it hits. No reason to feel guilty about it, its human. If you didnt feel this you'd be a robot and not the compassionate, loving person your mother obviously wanted you to be. As far as how God comes into play in this.. well first off a traumatic event like this would make anyone question his existense. After my son died, I not only questioned God, I was furious with him. I would literally scream in anger. Again, its natural. Everyone questions God at some point. If you wind up at some point really believing in God this experience will probably have alot to do with how you shape your faith, in a good way. Those who never question are sheep. Those who question & come to believe/accept do so from their own free will which is what God wanted anyway, thats why he gave us free will. Just dont deny yourself your feelings and grief, you have those emotions for a reason and to deny them woiuld be self destructive.. Your posting this here is by no means attn whorish, it just means you had the insight to know that you needed feedback and had the guts to lay it all out in the hope that you might get some feedback that would help. And I hope some of what has been thread has helped you some... lots of love to you

stop thinking youre a digusting person. go outside, kick a kitten, and force yourself to feel good about it. if we dont regret what we do, we wont feel bad about it.

Originally posted by bilb
Ronny sweetie.. my deepest sympathies on your loss. Its not selfish at all to want her back, it means you did & do love her.. Any mother would be touched at this kind of love from their child. And as far as being 'over it'... I lost my baby boy when he was 3 months old, that was almost 8 years ago. At first I cried every second of every day, now it just hits me every once in a while. You just have to let yourself feel the pain and grieve for them when it hits. No reason to feel guilty about it, its human. If you didnt feel this you'd be a robot and not the compassionate, loving person your mother obviously wanted you to be. As far as how God comes into play in this.. well first off a traumatic event like this would make anyone question his existense. After my son died, I not only questioned God, I was furious with him. I would literally scream in anger. Again, its natural. Everyone questions God at some point. If you wind up at some point really believing in God this experience will probably have alot to do with how you shape your faith, in a good way. Those who never question are sheep. Those who question & come to believe/accept do so from their own free will which is what God wanted anyway, thats why he gave us free will. Just dont deny yourself your feelings and grief, you have those emotions for a reason and to deny them woiuld be self destructive.. Your posting this here is by no means attn whorish, it just means you had the insight to know that you needed feedback and had the guts to lay it all out in the hope that you might get some feedback that would help. And I hope some of what has been thread has helped you some... lots of love to you

Beautifully put...

And I'm very sorry Ronny , I wish you the best