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Episode One: Dooku gets tooled.

Sidious and Dooku walk apon their esteemed Secret Ship....


Sidious: So, my friend, how are you?
Dooku: I am fair, my Master. What is the next affair of the business?
Sidious: You're gonna let Anakin do you in.
Dooku: Ok, well, i will ge..... What was that last part!?
Sidious: Anakin is gonna fight you, and you are going to let him win the Lightsaber duel.
Dooku: This is horrid, why would i partake in this foolishness?
Sidious: Because you're retiring in a couple of months and you'll no longer have dental coverage or a covered bill for your expenses, like ship travel or that fancy little droid army of yours.
Dooku: Indeed.... I do not favor the sound of a young Jedi taking my life, Master.
Sidious: Well, the Sith Yearly Coverage (SYC) Stops at a certain age range, Tyranus.
Dooku:I am quite aware of that, my Master.... But why the kid? Why can't you just duel me?
Sidious: Quite frankly.... You'd kick my ass. Besides, the kid has to be turned to the dark side. I am gonna need a new apprentice after you croak, correct?
Dooku: Indeed.
Sidious: Let's get going, Tyranus.


Darth Tyranus and Darth Sidious board their ship and exchange ships with Grievous'. Sidious puts on his Politician Robes and traps himself inside of a seat on top of the Grand Spire of the Ship. Dooku heads behind the main doors and prepares himself.

Shortly, the two Jedi enter....


Kenobi: There's our mission...
Anakin: Where?!
Kenobi: Uh... Anakin to the left....
Anakin: Eh?
Kenobi: Your OTHER left, Anakin! Omg....
Anakin: What was that last part?
Kenobi: I said "Oh my god".
Anakin: But, i could have sworn i heard an acron...
Kenobi: Hey look! A trapped Politician!

Palpatine: Oh look! Two Jedi that have come to help me! How nice!
Anakin: Okay Palpatine, i am just gonn....
Palpatine: Dooku.
Anakin: Where?!
Palpatine: To your Right.
Anakin: Eh?
Palpatine: Your OTHER right, Jedi!
Anakin: Oh!

Dooku slowly walks to the balcony and props himself forward. He flips down to the bottom platform and walks towards the Jedi....

Dooku: Hello, Jedi!
Anakin: I am going to KILL you for chopping my arm off, you ugly senior!
Dooku: Can you stab me?
Anakin: Huh?

Palpatine glares at Dooku

Dooku whispers to self...]"I must follow the plan. I could always rejoin the Jedi!

...
...

...Nah!"


Dooku: Yes, Jedi. Your death is inevidable.
Anakin: You're wrong.
Dooku: No, Kenobi dies in "A new hope" and you die in "The return of the Jedi".
Anakin: What the hell was that?
Dooku: Forget about that, Young Jedi, let us Duel.

Dooku, Kenobi and Anakin ignite their sabers and they begin to attack each other....

Dooku: Hmm... Quite the boring duel so far... Better make it interesting considering it is my last.

Dooku kicks Anakin into a wall with a suprisingly powerful back kick. Dooku then picks up Kenobi and throws him under a platform, only shortly after to use the force to drop the platform onto Kenobi...
Dooku: I assume that didn't tickle! HEH!
Anakin: I don't wanna get up!
Dooku: Why not?
Anakin: Too lazy....
Dooku: This wasn't part of the plan, you little brat, now get up!!!
Anakin: What plan?
Dooku: Christ, boy! Get up before i kill you!
Anakin: *Sigh* WHATEVER!

Anakin freaks out and kicks Dooku off of a ledge. Dooku breaks his fall and laughs...

Dooku: I just got this personalized outfit a few days ago and now it has your ugly footprint on it!
Anakin: Uh...Sorry...
Dooku: You're not supposed to Apologize! What a horrid Sith you're going to make, boy!
Anakin: STOP MAKING FUN OF ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! zOMG!!!!!
Dooku: Yes, boy! Take the leashe from your anger and let it circulate your body!

Anakin charges Dooku and chops his paws off. Dooku falls to his knees and Anakin catches his Lightsaber and holds it to his neck in a scissor formation...

Dooku: F*ck, that hurt more than i expected....Christ...
Anakin: You lose, old man.
Dooku Whispers]: "I should have dispatched you when i had the chance, young jedi fool!"
Palpatine: Tool his ass, Anakin!
Dooku: You could be a little more considerate...
Palpatine: Sorry, Tyranus...
Anakin: What are you guys saying?
Dooku: Shut up and kill me, boy. It is not for your ears.
Palpatine: Finish him, Anakin!
Kenobi From far away, under the platform]: Can someone help me? Please?
Anakin: But the Jedi will spank me....
Palpatine: Just kill him, kid!
Dooku: Oh dear.... I need a Martini....

Anakin closes his scissor formation, killing Dooku.

Palpatine: Sorry, old pal, ain't my fault the Sith don't cover after a certain age. I didn't create the Sith!
Anakin: I shouldn't have done that...
Palpatine: Too late. Let's head out before we die in this excuse for a ship.

Anakin: Hey! Kenobi is alive!
Palpatine: That's Dope. Now let's go!
Anakin: Hold on, Palp!

Anakin picks up Kenobi and exits the ship....



Fin.

Originally posted by Veneficus



One will be submitted each day.

OMFG *cries with laughter*

Kit Fisto decides he is going to enter Dooku's office with two other Jedi Pals! Shaak Ti and Sassee Tinn!

Kit Fisto is on the ship with the two fellow Jedi.....



Fisto: Alright boys, we have a mission and i am in charge, okay?
Shaak: Um... I am a woman....
Fisto: What's your point?
Shaak: You said boys.... Besides, Sassee is a man and so are you.
Fisto: Can you try to shut your mouth for like two seconds? Please?
Shaak: Uh... Um... I apologize....
Fisto: That's what i thought..... So down to business. We will enter the old man's office and take him out.
Sassee: From the information i have gathered from our archives, he is a Master of the dueling form know as "Makashi".
Fisto: Tinn, can you shut up for maybe one minute? 'Kay?
Sassee: *Sigh* Sorry, Master Kit....
Fisto: Okay, back on track. Wait, we are here. I will try to kill him first and if i die, Shaak is next, then Tinn.
Shaak: Why don't we just all charge him? He is no Youngling. We will get ripped to shreds, Kit!
Fisto: WHAT THE F*CK DID I JUST TELL YOU, YOU MULTICOLORED B*TCH? I AM TIRED OF YOUR SHIT! SHUT THE F*CK UP AND FOLLOW ORDERS!
Shaak: I....
Fisto: STUPID B*TCH! SHUT UP!

The trio land beside the office and enter. They see Dooku sitting in his chair, sipping a Jawa Martini....

Dooku: Well hello there, Jedi Masters. I have not been expecting you.
Fisto: You're under arrest, alright? So follow us.
Dooku: No.
Fisto: Excuse me?
Dooku: No.
Fisto: Dooku, just come with us, okay?
Dooku: Can you not see that i am drinking a Martini? Or do those useless and ugly tentacles block your big black things you call eyes? Hmm?
Fisto: YOU SON OF A B*TCH, WHAT THE F*CK DID I JUST SAY? WHAT DID I SAY?!!? YOU COME WITH ME, YOU STUPID F*CK OR I'LL SHOVE A LIGHTSABER UP YOUR A...
Dooku: Enough of this. This annoyance is growing to a new level. I am irritated, so now you and your friends must pay the ultimate price.

Fisto, Shaak, and Sassee ignite their Lightsabers and so does Dooku...

Dooku: I am far more powerful than all you children combined.
Sassee: I give you one more chance to surrender.
Dooku: Keep that prune face of yours shut.
Dooku: Kit, i sense anger within your Green skin. Why not join me and tool your friends.
Fisto: Sounds good!

Kit begins to walk over to Dooku but is shortly interrupted by a Lightsaber in the chest.....

Fisto: You said i-i could j-j-join you....!
Dooku: Sith happens.

Dooku unignites his Lightsaber and Kit falls to the ground.

Shaak Ti: Shit. He was like our best guy.
Sassee: He gets tooled on III.
Shaak: He lasts longer than you, *******!
Dooku: Enough mumbling, Aliens! I believe it is your time.

They begin to Duel and Dooku kills both. Sidious enters the office...


Sidious: YO!
Dooku: Greetings, Master.
Sidious: What the hell have you done now?
Dooku: Killed these three as they entered my office, Master.
Sidious: TYRANUS, they are supposed to live for III!
Dooku: Er....
Sidious: Ah christ.... I mean.... We can replace Sassee, but were the hell are we gonna find another Nautolan, Tyranus!?
Dooku: I will search, milord.
Sidious: I just hope this Nautolan doesn't look different on III.... Find one that looks the same.... Or close to the same....
Dooku: Yes, milord.

Sidious exits the office....

Dooku: Time to search for some new Aliens.

Dooku is about to climb into his speeder but is stopped by Mace Windu....

Mace: Dooku, you are under arrest.
Dooku: I can't kill you, so please leave me alone. I have to find a new Kit and new Sassee.
Mace: Huh?
Dooku: You're stupid, you know that?
Mace: Why? Because i'm black?
Dooku: Wha.... No! You people are just so dumb!
Mace: You people?
Dooku: That is not my meaning!
Mace: Now you gone and pissed me off, Dooku!
Dooku: Relax yourself. You have to live for the next Episode.
Mace: F*ck it. Ima tool yo ass right here, White boy.
Dooku: Spare me, Master Windu. I have work to do.


Sidious walks by....

Sidious: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!!
Dooku: Windu challenged me....
Mace: The hell i did!
Dooku: Hell or not, you did.
Sidious: SHADDAP!

....


Sidious: Mace, go back to the Jedi now!
Mace: Yessir....
Sidious: Tyranus, find the doubles NOW!
Dooku: Yessir....

Sidious begins to walk away....

Make-up artist: SIDIOUS! We have to change you back to Palpatine!

Sidious ignites Lightning out of his fingers and fries the Artist to death....


Sidious: F*ck off.




Fin.

A New Hope....



Ben Kenobi is sitting in the Millenium Falcon with Luke...


Ben: Okay, Luke. I will train you to become a great Jedi, Alright?
Luke: But i don't wanna, Ben! I just wanna be a normal kid!
Ben: It cannot work that way. You MUST stop the Sith before they take over.
Luke: But Ben! The rebels can do it! They don't need a Jedi! I wont make a good Jedi!
Ben: Check this out.

Ben throws Luke Anakin's old Lightsaber. Luke ignites it....

Luke: Huh?

Luke chops his head off by accident. His body and head drop to the ground...

Ben: Oh dear.... Oh well, a whiney little shit anyways....
Ben: HAN! GET YOUR A$$ OVER HERE!

Han walks over and sits down....

Han: Howdy, Hermit!
Ben: Listen, take this Lightsaber and practice with it!
Han: Why is Luke dead?
Ben: Long story, now pick it up and start swinging it.

Han begins to swing the Lightsaber and chops Chewies arm off....

Chewie: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAARRRR! BLAAAAAAAARGGGGGHHHHHH!
Han: Shut up and sit down, Hairball.
Chewie: Waaaaaarrrrrrrrr....

Ben stands up and feels something....

Ben: A disturbance in the force! I sense Vader.... Han, when we walk out of this ship, you will be confronted with Lord Vader. Be wary, and remember what i have taught you.
Han: What did you teach me.
Ben: Nothing.
Han: So what am i remembering?
Ben: What i have taught you.
Han: But you have taught me nothing.
Ben: Yes, i taught you something.
Han: What was that?
Ben: Nothing.

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. PLEASE STANDBY FOR A MOMENT. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE.

...
...
...

Han: Well, i am glad we got that cleared up!

Han and Ben exit the ship to see Sidious with Vader.

Sidious: YO!
Han: Your the bad guy, right?
Sidious: Look at my face. Do i look good to you?
Han: Well, i can't really look past the creases, wrinkles, trenchs, scars, sinkh....
Sidious: I get it.

Sidious ignites a Lightsaber.

Ben: What the hell? You're too old!
Sidious: What makes you think that?
Ben: What about the Cane?
Sidious: I gave it to Vader.
Ben: For what?
Sidious: Er....Nothing that concerns you! Now i must kill you!

Sidious goes to jump but a large crack is heard and Sidious drops to the ground....

Sidious: OUCH, GODDAMNIT!
Han: You okay?
Sidious: SHAAAAAADAP!

Sidious slowly gets up....

Sidious: I am gonna kill you all!

Dooku enters the room....

Ben: What the hell is this shit? I didn't smoke anything... Why is this happening.


Sidious: TYRANUS! WRONG SET AGAIN!
Dooku: Incorrect, Master. I came to help.
Sidious: I don't need help!
Dooku: Then why can't you move? I watched you hurt your ba....
Sidious: Please... Shut up for a few minutes...
Sidious: Vader, kill Ben and Han.
Vader: Yes, my Master.


Vader charges Ben and cuts both of his arms off and goes to rush Han. Han cuts Vaders head off....

Sidious: What the hell?
Ben: Someone help me? Please?
Sidious: Dooku, go kill Han.


Dooku approaches Han and cuts him in half. Han dies.

Dooku: Now what?
Sidious: Well....




Silence...





Sidious: Well....Uh...

Darth Maul enters the room....

Sidious: WRONG SET! DAMNIT, PEOPLE!
Maul: ....
Sidious: Leave, please!
Maul: ....
Sidious: ARE YOU RETARDED? GO AWAY NOW!
Maul: ....
Sidious: Dooku, kill him.

Dooku goes to strike Maul down but Maul quickly ignites his saber and blocks it....

Sidious: STOP! I just realized something....
Dooku: Yes?
Sidious: All three of us could basically own the Galaxy together.
Dooku: Then what would we do, Master?
Sidious: Well....
Sidious: Er...

Luke runs in the room with his Lightsaber....

Luke: I will stop you all!

The Armless Ben Kenobi begins to speak....

Ben: Aren't you dead?
Luke: no, that was Leia. She is my twin, remember?
Ben: We don't figure that out until ROTJ.
Luke: Huh?
Ben: Ah, f*ck it. Can you help me Luke?
Luke: Sidious, Tyranus, Maul.... I must kill you all.
Dooku: How do you plan on killing Three Sith Lords that are officially united. Hmm?
Luke: Maul, would you like a Twinkie?
Maul: YAY! TWINKIE!
Sidious: Maul, it's a trap!

Maul walks over and eats the Twinkie. He grabs his stomach and shortly after explodes.

Dooku: This is f*cked up.
Sidious: What?
Dooku: F*ck this shit.

Dooku stabs Sidious. Sidious drops to the ground....

Sidious: W-what the hell was that for?
Ben: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME? PLEASE?!?!!
Dooku: I am taking over as of now. The galaxy is mine to rule, Lord Sidious. Have fun dying.


Sidious stops breathing.....


Dooku: I have been waiting to kill the Son of the man whom killed me.
Luke: Then why are you still alive?
Dooku: Well, beca....
Dooku: Um....
Dooku: I'm not. I just remembered that. *Sigh* I need a Martini....

Dooku drops dead....

Luke: Phew! Damn, that was close.

Ben: LUKE, PLEASE....HELP....ME!

Luke: I had better leave here.


Luke enters his ship and takes off into space. Ben is on the ground with no arms.....

Ben: Those f*ckers just couldn't follow a couple of words on a script, could they?


Self-destruction in Three.

Ben: NO, WAIT!

2.

Ben: I AM JEDI! HEAR ME ROAR!

1.

Ben: I have got a bad feeling about this.....








Fin.

Episode II: Behind the scenes......


Kenobi and Skywalker travel to Dooku's secret Landing area to dispatch him.


Anakin: Master, where we headed?
Kenobi: To go kill Count Dooku.
Anakin: Why?
Kenobi: Because his army just ripped through a shitload of Jedi.
Anakin: But why aren't we killing the army?
Kenobi: Because if we kill Dooku, the entire army will cripple.
Anakin: We are here, Master.


Their ship lands and they step into the pad to find Dooku there....

Dooku: Hmm... It seems i never get a break from you two meddlers.
Anakin: No. I am here to kill you.
Dooku: As usual.
Anakin: Eh?
Dooku: Forget about it. Let us duel.


Dooku throws several bolts of Lightning at Anakin, sending him flying....


Anakin: Ugh god! Dooku, you're supposed to let me win!
Dooku: Next movie, Skywalker! Now, you will pay.

Dooku slashes Anakin's arm clean off....

Anakin: OH DAMN! OH NO YOU DIDN'T!
Dooku: Well, i did.


Anakin drops to the ground.... Kenobi is in the far corner drinking a Hot beverage and reading "The Bantha Times"....


Dooku: Um....Obi Wan....
Kenobi: Mmmhmm?
Dooku: I just lopped your Padawan into a wall with Lightning and now he is armless due to my Lightsaber skill which owns.
Kenobi: That's nice.


Kenobi takes a sip of the Hot beverage. Dooku brings out a bottle of Martini and sits down and pours a cup beside Kenobi. Dooku picks up an edition of "The Bantha Times".

Dooku: Nice day out here today.
Kenobi: I agree.

Dooku quickly ignites his Lightsaber and slashes Kenobi's arm and then his thigh....

Kenobi: OUCH! WHAT THE F*CK!?!


Dooku takesa sip of his Martini....

Dooku: All part of the script. Get back to your Mocha.

Anakin gets up with two Lightsabers....

Dooku: *Sigh* Please, kid. I just cut your arm off.
Anakin: Well, it's back on.
Dooku: How?
Anakin: I lose my arms after you cut Kenobi up. You f*cked the script and i got my arm back.

Dooku places his Martini on the ground of the Hangar...

Dooku: Give me a second, Obi Wan.
Kenobi: No problem.

Dooku cuts Anakins arm off again.....

Anakin: WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD WITH A LIGHTSABER?!!?!? THIS SUCKS!
Dooku: Indeed it does, Padawan.

Dooku sits down and picks up his Martini. His cup is cut in half by a small Green bladed Lightsaber.

Yoda has appeared!

Yoda: Hello Dooku.
Dooku: Ah christ. Here to ruin my priceless moments off reading a book and drinking, hey Greenboy?
Yoda: Arrested by the Jedi Council, you are.
Dooku: As usual.
Yoda: Mmmmm?
Dooku: Nothing, old friend. Let's duel.

Dooku and Yoda fight for a while and Dooku bends the bottom of a steel pillar. It falls on Kenobi and Anakin, killing them both.

Yoda: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM?
Dooku: Hey Midget man, you were suppose to save them.
Yoda: the plans of the Death Star, leave with. Take care of this, i will.
Dooku: You're not suppose to know of the plans, Yoda.
Yoda: Get the f*ck out of here, you will.
Dooku: Ta ta!

Dooku escapes in his pod.


Yoda: Mmmm.... What to do....

Yoda quickly picks up the bottle of Martini and begins to chug.

Yoda: Mmmmm.... Get drunk, i will.


Fin.

I don't know what's funnier, your stories or you calling them funny by default!

Originally posted by overlord
I don't know what's funnier, your stories or you calling them funny by default!




Is that sarcasm? Please try to add positive responses to this thread.

Sorry Sorgo, I couldn't resist.

Sorgo's Daily Funnies...Mmmm, mmmm b!tch. Very funny. Can anyone else post a funny?

Originally posted by ReverendMakashi
Sorgo's Daily Funnies...Mmmm, mmmm b!tch. Very funny. Can anyone else post a funny? Yes.

Actually, maybe not. Noobs will flood it and destruction will take place.

Correct, just look at the "what SW characters would never say" thread.

Sidious sits in his Office with the shadowy Darth Maul....


Sidious: Listen up carefully, Maul. You're gonna go after the two Jedi and kill them both. Got it?
Maul: ...
Sidious: Hey! You got it?
Maul: ...
Sidious: Say something!!!
Maul: ...
Sidious: Ok, if you don't say anything, you're off of the Sith.
Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.
Sidious: Yes....Yes, i like that! When did you think of that?
Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.
Sidious: Yes....Uh....I heard it, Darth Maul.
Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.
Sidious: Maul.... Can yo-
Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.
Sidious: SHADDAP! NOW!
Maul: ...
Sidious: Okay, no talking for you. Go to Naboo and kill the two Jedi. Please.


Maul arrives at Naboo and spots the Jedi. They begin to talk.

Kenobi: Master, what are we gonna do?
Qui Gon: Why are you askin' me?
Kenobi: You're in charge of me, and it's your responsibility as a Jedi to take out the Sith when they threaten the Galaxy.
Qui Gon: But we aren't gonna do that.
Kenobi: But you're going against the Jedi!
Qui Gon: Yeah, it's part of my character for this movie, Pada Wan Kenobi!
Kenobi: Right.... So, Darth Maul, we are kind of gonna kill you now, Kay?!
Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.
Qui Gon: I don't think so, Maul. You will not extract your revenge apon the Jedi.
Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.
Qui Gon: Uh... I know, you just mentioned that.
Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.
Qui Gon: Oh my god.... Let's kill him, Padawan.

The two Jedi begin to fight Maul. Qui Gon is stabbed and lays on the ground dying...

Kenobi: Ah shit.... There goes me winning.
Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.
Kenobi: OMFG I MUST PWN YOU!!!!!!?!?!?!1!11

Kenobi goes nuts and chops Maul in half and Maul is falling down a pit.

Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we w.... AUUUUUUGHHHHHHH SHIT!


Maul has fallen to the bottom of the Generator. Kenobi runs to Qui Gon....

Kenobi: Master! Speak to me!
Qui Gon: Train the boy, kid. He is the Chosen one.
Kenobi: I don't want to train him!
Qui Gon: Cut me a break A**hole, this is my dying wish here!
Kenobi: Okay, okay! I'll train him, but what if i fail?
Qui Gon: Then he will become a Lord of the Sith and kill millions.
Kenobi: Okay. I guess failing might be a bad thing.
Qui Gon: Dying is too, But i am about to do it.

Qui Gon dies.....

Kenobi: Well, time for me to leave!





Fin.

Kenobi:

Originally posted by Sorgo
Sidious sits in his Office with the shadowy Darth Maul....


Sidious: Listen up carefully, Maul. You're gonna go after the two Jedi and kill them both. Got it?
Maul: ...
Sidious: Hey! You got it?
Maul: ...
Sidious: Say something!!!
Maul: ...
Sidious: Ok, if you don't say anything, you're off of the Sith.
Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.
Sidious: Yes....Yes, i like that! When did you think of that?
Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.
Sidious: Yes....Uh....I heard it, Darth Maul.
Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.
Sidious: Maul.... Can yo-
Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.
Sidious: SHADDAP! NOW!
Maul: ...
Sidious: Okay, no talking for you. Go to Naboo and kill the two Jedi. Please.


Maul arrives at Naboo and spots the Jedi. They begin to talk.

Kenobi: Master, what are we gonna do?
Qui Gon: Why are you askin' me?
Kenobi: You're in charge of me, and it's your responsibility as a Jedi to take out the Sith when they threaten the Galaxy.
Qui Gon: But we aren't gonna do that.
Kenobi: But you're going against the Jedi!
Qui Gon: Yeah, it's part of my character for this movie, Pada Wan Kenobi!
Kenobi: Right.... So, Darth Maul, we are kind of gonna kill you now, Kay?!
Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.
Qui Gon: I don't think so, Maul. You will not extract your revenge apon the Jedi.
Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.
Qui Gon: Uh... I know, you just mentioned that.
Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.
Qui Gon: Oh my god.... Let's kill him, Padawan.

The two Jedi begin to fight Maul. Qui Gon is stabbed and lays on the ground dying...

Kenobi: Ah shit.... There goes me winning.
Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.
Kenobi: OMFG I MUST PWN YOU!!!!!!?!?!?!1!11

Kenobi goes nuts and chops Maul in half and Maul is falling down a pit.

Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we w.... AUUUUUUGHHHHHHH SHIT!


Maul has fallen to the bottom of the Generator. Kenobi runs to Qui Gon....

Kenobi: Master! Speak to me!
Qui Gon: Train the boy, kid. He is the Chosen one.
Kenobi: I don't want to train him!
Qui Gon: Cut me a break A**hole, this is my dying wish here!
Kenobi: Okay, okay! I'll train him, but what if i fail?
Qui Gon: Then he will become a Lord of the Sith and kill millions.
Kenobi: Okay. I guess failing might be a bad thing.
Qui Gon: Dying is too, But i am about to do it.

Qui Gon dies.....

Kenobi: Well, time for me to leave!





Fin.

Kenobi:

Very funny. #laugh##laugh#

Episode II: The Geonosis Arena....

Twenty to thirty Jedi are in the Arena fighting Droids. Mace Windu runs up and puts his saber to Jango's throat up top on the Watching Balcony.

Dooku: Christ, Windu. Always there to ruin my plans.
Mace: This Party's over.
Jango: Nuh uh!

Jango shoots Mace's hand.

Mace: OW!

Dooku force throws Mace off of the Balcony and into the Geonosis pit. Coleman Trebor appears on the balcony with his Green Lightsaber extended.

Dooku: Jango, shoot him.
Coleman: Wait! I have a great offer from Zynthec Incorporated. Do you need new hair replacements or are you incompetent? Then send a patch message from your comlink to COM-86743 and we will send you a Holovid of the great benefits you can recieve from joining Zynt....

Jango shoot's Coleman three times in his chest. Coleman plummets to his death. Jango then enters the pit.

Anakin: OMG! THIS IS SO HARD! IT'S NOT FAIR! WHY DO I HAVE TO BE TRAPPED HERE?
Kenobi: Shut up and fight, Padawan!

Kit Fisto disarms another Droid and smiles....

Fisto: Check out my pimpin' smile! Heh!
Mace: What's our plan, Jedi?
Fisto: Why the hell are you asking me?
Mace: I said Jedi.
Fisto: You sayin' i ain't a Jedi or somethin', Mace?
Mace: No, who the hell said that?
Fisto: You implied it.
Plo Koon: No he didn't.
Fisto: Yes he did.
Aayla: Of course he did.
Plo Koon: No, he didn't! That's a horrible assumption.
Windu: Yeah, it is!
Fisto: Bullshit. You implied it.
Plo Koon: No, he didn't!
Aayla: Yeah, he did, stupid!
Kenobi: SHUT UP! SOMEONE IS GONNA DIE IF YOUK EEP ON ARGUING!
Aayla, Kit, Mace and Plo: No we wont!
Anakin: Oh my god.... Remind the council never to make me Master...
Kenobi: Already done.
Anakin: Excuse me?
Kenobi: Nothing! Fight!

A Droid shoots a large hole through Plo Koon's chest.

Plo Koon drops to the ground....

Fisto: Oh no!
Mace: Who cares! Continue fighting!
Fisto: But what about the Koon Fanboys, Master Windu?
Mace: They are all noobish kids anyways who will probably make horrible threads about how powerful he is.
Fisto: True... But they do that with me too!

Mace Windu stabs Kit Fisto in the chest with his Lightsaber....

Mace: Is that better?
Kit Fisto Spits blood]: Somewhat...

Kit Fisto then drops dead.

Dooku: This is so boring.

The Jedi defeat all of the Droids in the arena.

Kenobi: We kicked ass, Jedi!


Padme lay on the ground dead...

Kenobi: Oh no. I am out of here.

Kenobi runs out of the Arena as quick as possible. Anakin runs over to see Padme dead.

Anakin: NO! IT'S NOT FAIR! LOOK AT WHAT YOU JEDI HAVE DONE! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!

Mace: Oh shit.... Kit, Plo.....Get up!

Both lay on the ground. Dead.

Mace: Crap!
Dooku: Hmm... This is starting to lighten up.
Corus Duil: Let's defend against Anakin.
Mace: Who the hell are you?
Corus Duil: Another unimportant Jedi that gets tooled by Anakin.

Anakin runs up and beheads Corus.

Jango shoots at Mace but misses. Mace is about to kill Jango....

Jango: Hold on!
Mace: What?

Jango then shoots Mace Windu, killing him.

Jango: That's what! HAHAHA! ALIVE AND WELL, BABY!

Anakin runs up behind Jango and cuts his head off.

Boba: SHIT!

Anakin kills the rest of the Jedi until Dooku and Nute Gunray are left on the balcony.

Dooku: Hmm.... This is quite shitty. I will do it myself.

Dooku: Jumps down from the Balcony and raises his Lightsaber.

Dooku: PADME IS ALIVE?
Anakin: WHAT?!!?!

Anakin turns around and Dooku throws his saber at Anakin's legs. Anakin falls to the ground legless.

Anakin: AUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!
Dooku: That's what i thought!

Kenobi runs behind Dooku and cuts him in half....

Anakin: Kenobi, w-w-why are y-you back?
Kenobi: Well, i waited until your little tantrum was over.
Anakin: Thanks, Master Kenobi.
Kenobi: Yeah whatever, kid.


Fin.

Originally posted by ReverendMakashi
Very funny. #laugh##laugh#

More sarcasm? Holy....

Well, to be honest. They are cool nice job with them, but the only person in every post you favor is dooku, which aint bad, but try to write good about some other jedi. It loses its humor after a while.

Do one with Plo Koon Shakk Ti Yoda and Obi Wan and Mace and Yaddle during a meeting in the jedi council room. These are discussing the clone wars.. and anakin/his trials.. oh and make dooku infiltrate and destroy everyone, but barely survive yoda.. and then gg comes and he fights the average jedi.

Originally posted by Sorgo
More sarcasm? Holy....

I thought they were funny. I was trying to put a smilie code but it was screwed up...

Originally posted by Admiral Akbar
Well, to be honest. They are cool nice job with them, but the only person in every post you favor is dooku, which aint bad, but try to write good about some other jedi. It loses its humor after a while.

Do one with Plo Koon Shakk Ti Yoda and Obi Wan and Mace and Yaddle during a meeting in the jedi council room. These are discussing the clone wars.. and anakin/his trials.. oh and make dooku infiltrate and destroy everyone, but barely survive yoda.. and then gg comes and he fights the average jedi.


Dooku is not favored. He dies in almost every one.It is mean't to lean on an entertaining side. Besides, i have to go through the PT and shit.

COuld you make that storyline though, make it your way plz. U can let Plo koon suffer, by being beat by stones, whatever you want.

Originally posted by Admiral Akbar
COuld you make that storyline though, make it your way plz. U can let Plo koon suffer, by being beat by stones, whatever you want.


Can you rephrase that in english?

Im sorry im so used to typing in Polish let me clear things up for you.
ajsdgagsdhasgdhags hg ashgdashdgahsdgjhas gd hjags hjgash gh gah gahsgd jhasgd jhsag hjgsajh gsahg jhasgd jhasg jhg hjgdhsgdg ashjdg.

Ok, that should be better. If you still cant understand please tell me.

Originally posted by Admiral Akbar
Im sorry for my rude behavior, Sorgo.



It's okay.

Akbar's Polish? I had no idea.

Originally posted by Deus Ex
Akbar's Polish? I had no idea.






Heh.... I know i did....

Canadian, Polish, American.

Small world, Eh?

Even Smaller Star Wars universe.

LOL these are hilarious (On the down side so much for DAILY funnys)

Vader walks into a Cantina at Mos Eisley....


Vader: Yo, Bartender, drink....

Jawa: UTINI!

Vader: Er.... Can i get the strongest shit you have, please?

Jawa: UTTTTTTTTTINI!

Vader: Please stop.

Jawa: Ooo gini utini seek mine dini?

Vader: I'm at the edge of choking your short a$$ if you don't get me the f*cking drink i asked for!

The Jawa proceeds to throw the drink in Vader's facial plate and laughs...

Vader: That was hilarious! Heh! I haven't laughed that hard in a while! I bet i can do something even funnier!

Vader ignites his Lightsaber and severs the Jawa's head from his body...

Vader: Hahaha! Wasn't that hilarious? Stupid little shit.

Vader: NOW SOMEONE GET ME MY GODDAMN DRINK BEFORE I GO SITH LORD ON ALL OF YOUR SHIT!

A civilian runs and pours Vader a drink....

Civilian: H-Here, sir... er...Lord....ER...DARTH VADER...ACKKKK!

Vader: How the hell am I supposed to drink?

Civilian: W-wha?

Vader: I HAVE A F*CKING HELMET STUCK ONTO MY FACE! HOW AM I GONNA DRINK THIS SHIT?

Civilian: but you asked for a d....

Vader: Hahaha! Just kidding.

Windu and Palpatine engage in a heated Lightsaber fight in his office...

Palpatine: YO!
Mace: Yo man. You gotta dies now.
Palpatine: What the f*ck? Why?
Mace: You just killed Three Jedi back der and we know yous a sith Lord!
Fisto: Two Jedi! I am still a-alive... I am bleeding fairly badly though.
Palpatine: So? You Jedi kill us all the time.
Mace: But you guys are Bad Guys. We are Good guys.
Palpatine: That's a matter of Opinion.
Mace: Nah, man. We don't go around killing Innocent people and blowin' shit up now do we?
Palpatine: You do, My friend. You kill us. And our buddies.
Mace: You had better shut your mouth before I bring back-up!
Palpatine: Your back up is back in the hallway all stabbed and slashed, my friend. Now MY back up on the other hand, is gon...
Mace: SHADDAP! YOU LOSE NOW!

Mace kicks Palpatines Lightsaber out of his hands and Palpatine falls by his window with Mace's saber to his throat....

Palpatine: Jesus christ....
Mace: Hahaha! You old prick. You die here.

Anakin runs into the office...

Palpatine: Look who's laughing now?
Mace: Me. AHAHAHAHA!
Anakin: WTF D00Dz?
Palpatine: Anakin, kill this before he kills me.
Mace: Anakin, Palpatine ain't really a G! He's a Busta!
Anakin: zOMG!!!11 I are stuck!
Mace: F*ck this shit. Can't wait.

Mace goes to kill Palpatine but Anakin pulls out his Lightsaber and swings.... Mace blocks it!

Mace: AHA! Thought you would cut my hand off or something?
Anakin: Doesn't matter much. Nick Gillard sez I am a Level nine duelist. This means you are teh dead.
Mace: Uh.... YEAH WELL I'M BLACK SO IF I JUMP OUTTA DIS WINDOW NO SHIT WILL GO DOWN!
Palpatine: They don't pay me enough at Lucasfilm to put up with this shit...
Anakin: Fine... Be a wussy...
Mace: F*CK YOU!

Mace goes to swing but Anakin blocks it and cuts his hand off...

Anakin: Who's the Noob now, you f*cking hack?
Palpatine: Uh.... ZZZZAP!

Palpatine unleashed a flurry of Force Lightning that blasts Mace window out of the office...

Palpatine: I'm glad that's over with....
Fisto: SOMEONE HELP ME! I AM BLEEDING... BAD...
Palpatine: Uh.... You are my new apprentice. Go kill the Green dood.
Anakin: W00T! More experience points!

Anakin walks up to Kit Fisto only to see the Alien jump up and ignite his Lightsaber...

Kit Fisto: Level Nine? Pfft.... Raging Fanboys have claimed me to be a Level Ten! Apparently, I can kill Dooku and Mace.... TOGETHER!
Anakin: Erm...

Fisto stabs Anakin....

Anakin: Shit... Um.... Well.... You die in the Movie and the Movie is Canon!
Kit Fisto: News flash, dipshit. This is the Movie and according to Darth Glentract none of the movie is Canon so you're f*cked.
Anakin: Oh.... Ow...

Anakin drops and dies and Fisto walks up to Palpatine. Palpatine is drinking tea...

Palpatine: Okay... What the f*ck?
Kit Fisto: I killed Gayboy. Now I get to kill you.

Palpatine throws his Coffee on Kit Fisto. Kit Fisto drops to the ground...

Palpatine: Databank sez - Nautolans are allergic to Coffee. You're finished.
Palpatine: Hacks to this script. Goin' for a jump.

Palpatine jumps out of his office Window... Screaming...


Fin.

Oh, wow.

HORAYYYYYYYYYY SORGO IS BACK WITH FUNNIES

lol

hot digitty!!!

Quinlan Vos runs up to Mace Windu with a Red Lightsaber and tells him he has joined Dooku's campaign to cripple the Republic . . .

Mace: Quinlan, you're a jive mutha f*cka for doin' dis shit.

Quinlan: Yeah, probably . . . Anyways, I just thought I'd let you know
I'm leaving the Jedi Order to become a Sith Apprentice to Dooku.

Mace: Nah man. That shit is whack.

Quinlan: I don't care. I'm leaving. You won't stop me.

Mace: L to the O to the L, son! I'd stomp yo ass!

Quinlan: Pardon?

Mace: Yah hurd me. I made Vaapad, mutha f*cka. I'd ruin yo sorry ass.

Quinlan: Um . . . I know Makashi.

Mace: So! I don't give a shit! I know Vaapad, mutha . . .

Quinlan: That's Gay.


Kit Fisto walks into the Office and stands beside Mace. Dooku follows shortly after and stands behind Quinlan . .

Kit: You two are under arrest by the order of the Galactic Senators Republican Comitee of Coruscant.

Dooku: What do you speak of?

Kit: Just come with us and we won't hurt you.

Dooku: Hahaha! Is Kit making a funny?

Kit: Hey, shut up!

Dooku: Or what? Are you going to whip me with one of your tentacles? AHAHAHA!

Mace: Enough! We'll settle dis mutha f*ckin' shizzat wif some Lightsabers n shit.

Quinlan: Uh . . . Master . . . Why do they want to fight us? Shouldn't we be wanting to fight them?

Dooku: Quinlan, the Jedi are morons. Why do you think that they're all going to get casually owned by their own Army?

Quinlan: What did you say?

Dooku: I said the Jedi are morons and let's go get Martini's after we kill these two . . .

Quinlan: Hmm... Okay...

Dooku: Phew.

Mace and Kit ignite their Lightsabers. Dooku and Quinlan do the same.

Kit: You have resisted arrest, so you must die now.

Dooku: Who resisted arrest?

Kit: You did.

Dooku: No, I laughed at your empty threat. There's a difference.

Kit: Okay. That's it. You're dead.

Dooku: Can I laugh at this Empty threat?

Kit: Sure, but on... Wha'? Hey! F*ck you!

Dooku: Hahaha! You damned Moron.

Mace: Dats it! I KILL ALL Y'ALL JIVE SUCKAS!

Mace flew in the air and began an attack on Quinlan. Kit then began to attack Dooku.

Dooku: Wow, you do truly suck at handling a Lightsaber.

Kit: What is with you and making fun of me? Are you some Racist *******?

Dooku: Yeah, I think Aliens are ugly abominations. Too bad you won't be alive long enough to dispute that!

Dooku utilizes flawlessly precise finesse and gashes Kit's throat with the tip of his Lightsaber. Kit falls to the ground and has a short seizure.

Dooku: Pwnt.

Mace and Quinlan get heated . . .

Quinlan: Um... Why are you doing this? Aren't you supposed to be a nice Jedi Master and turn me back to your order?

Mace: Nah, dawg. I live for the thrill of battle and for the love of victory!

Quinlan: So, would you kill me if I was willing to come back?

Mace cuts Quinlan in half. Quinlan instantly dies.

Mace: Yeah.

Dooku walks towards Mace with his Lightsaber extended. Mace gets ready to defend.

Dooku: It's been a while since the last time I outdueled you, Master Windu.

Mace: You need some serious help, dawg. Dat's my pro Jedi Diagnosis.

Dooku: Pfft . . . Go take your Diagnonsense somewhere else, Master Windu. You're a shoddy Jedi Master and I should have killed you long ago.

Mace: Let's do this, old man.

Mace and Dooku begin to duel and they duel for around half an hour. For the entire fight, they are virtually on par. They fight through a building for an hour and reach a roof top, where both are extremely tired . . .

Mace: You're good, Count.

Dooku: So are you. It seems we cannot outduel each other.

Mace: Yeah, Call a truce?

Dooku extends his hand and unleashes a flurry of Sith Lightning as Mace flies off of the top of the building.

Dooku: I win once again. Not a suprise.

Suddenly, Dooku falls to the ground as he feels a part of him is missing. He's right . . . His feet have been severed from his body by a dying Kit Fisto who barely slices him with his Lightsaber, Kit finally takes his last breath and dies.

Dooku: Little Pompous Green shit! Ack!



Fin!

Heh. Derogatory racist term...heh. I thought of like nine...

Originally posted by Blaxican_Hydra
Heh. Derogatory racist term...heh. I thought of like nine...


That's great.

These are great Sorgo!!!!

yes, nice going.

must take a while to write, sorgo!

Originally posted by Blaxican_Hydra
I know I'm great.

I didn't say "You're great".



Okay, forget it.

Love the words about ur signature, Sorgo!

These are hilairious.

Heaps of Funny Shit Sorgo, keep em coming.

Darth Vader meets a Jawa Order Jawa!


The Jawa walks in with Red eyes and a Lightsaber hilt attached to his belt. The Jawa begins to speak Galactic Basic as Vader turns around . . .

Vader: A Jawa on my ship? How the hell did you get past security?


Vader looks around to see several Stormtroopers dismembered and killed surround by their own blood . . .

Jawa: A New Jawa Order Jawa getting past a few moronic Stormtroopers? Please.

Vader: Why the hell am I talking to such a dirty creature?

Jawa: Dirty? Don't call me dirty, Mr. Big and Tall, Or I'll put you on your arse!

Vader: Wow. I'm so scared of a stinky, half-ass engineer who takes pride in trapped defenseless Astromech Droids.

Jawa: What the . . . ? You truly know nothing of our power!

Vader: Okay, Let's analyze this: Sith Lord VS Little Alien Midget. I can do the Math. Can you?

Jawa: Fallible Math.

Vader: Wha' . . . ? Pardon me?

Jawa: Did you not hear what I said?

Vader: I'll have you know I heard it just fine.

Jawa: So why are you playing stupid?

Vader: Enough small talk, Small guy. You die now!


Vader ignites his Lightsaber and floats towards the Jawa. The Jawa instantly busts out his hands and releases a torrent of Sith Lightning at Vader, smashing him against a nearby wall and damaging his resporator. Vader dies.

Jawa: There's the answer to your equation, Math Boy.


Sidious appears out of nowhere, but it's no regular Sidious . . . IT'S DE SIDIOUS! *GASP*


Sidious: *Let's out Evil Maniacal Laughter.*

Jawa: Wow. How intimidating.

Sidious: What the hell? SHADDAP!

Jawa: No.

Sidious: You've killed my Apprentice! He was a youngling compared to you. Join me and we can't pwn the Galaxy! You will sit among me as my Apprentice and we shall watch worlds crumble!

Jawa: Why would I share the Galaxy with you? The New Jawa Order already subliminally owns the Galaxy. I came here to quietly dispatch you and destroy this flagship. No one would know who did it. Hell, no one knows that the New Jawa Order Exists.

Sidious: Don't be a fool! Join me!

Jawa: Is that your best Persuasion Pitch? "Join me"?

Sidious: Yeah, pretty much.

Jawa: Hey . . . Did you . . . Wanna fight now?

Sidious: Sure. . . Sure.

Sidious goes to throw Lightning at the Jawa but the Jawa eats it and Force Pushes Sidious into a wall, breaking every bone in his body . . .

Sidious: But . . . I'm . . . DE Sids! I can pwn Ragnos!

Jawa: Lolz! I have x10 Ragnos power, dood.





Fin!

Exar Kun walks among the streets of Nar Shadaa after fooling everyone into thinking he died. He runs into Kreia on the Ebon Hawk's Landing bay...


Kreia: Watch where you walk!

Exar: Silence, you old bag! I'll walk how I want to!

Kreia: I sense a great deal of Power within you . . . What is your name?

Exar: I'm Kun. Exar Kun.

Kreia: Indeed you are . . . This is all too awkward. You died around two decades ago.

Exar: I sense your power. It is great. This is awkward for me as well.

All of the sudden, thirteen Bounty Hunters walk up to the two Force Sensitives.


Rytoo: I am Rytoo! Surrend... EXAR KUN?

Exar: Yes?

Rytoo: I don't understand! You died years ago!

Exar: Think again.


Just then. Exar ignited his Lightsaber and two Blue Lights tore through the thirteen Bounty Hunters within seconds . . .

Exar: F*cking goofs.

Kreia: Ah yes. You ARE a darkened one.

Exar: Lady, I'm a Sith and even YOU creep me the f*ck out. Now shoo!

Kreia: That's not a good idea, Kun. I'm more powerful than you think.

Exar: You wouldn't dare step up to me, Lady.

The Exile comes out of nowhere, wielding a Lightsaber.

Exile: EXAR KUN?!!?

The Exile then proceeds to jump off the Nar Shadaa landing bay, falling into the heart of the city, hundreds of feet below . . .

Kreia: Well, that WAS my potential apprentice.

Exar: I'll be on my way. I have to take over this planet by tommorow.

Kreia: Not so fast, Kun. You think you're so tough? Duel me!

Exar: Obviously being old has gotten to you. I'm one of the most powerful Sith to walk the Galaxy. You're just some old hag!

Kreia then ignites a Red Lightsaber and twirls it around as she smiles . . .

Kreia: C'mon, Pretty boy! BRRRRRING IT!

Exar Kun ignites his Double Bladed Blue Lightsaber and the two duel. Exar outmaneuvers her almost instantly and cuts off her remaining hand . . .

Kreia: AUGH!

Exar: Hahaha! I have teh amulets, noob. You're nothing!

Exar Walks away.

Kreia: Wait, you're not just going to leave me like this, are you? I'm a defenseless old lady, for christs sakes! DAMN YOU EXAR! EXAR? Exar? exar . . . Please help me . . . *cries*




Fin!

HAHAHAHAHA, The Revan fanboys aren't going to like the Kun one, but i like it , and LOL GO TEH JAWAZ!!

Good job Sorgo, hilarious stuff...

Great job Sorgo.

what they said

Sorgo, do more ><

He hasn't made a funny since the eighth.