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--Why are all barns red?

--Do bald men wash their head with soap or shampoo?

--Why is there not a Channel 1 on TV?

--Why are there dents in a golf ball?

--Why are the obituaries found in the "living" section of the newspaper?

--How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?

--When you put 'THE' and 'IRS' together, it forms 'THEIRS'. Coincidence? I think not?

--What would happen if u put a humidifier and a dehumdifier in the same room?

--Are one handed people offended when police tell them to put their hands up?

--If you built a time machine with all new parts, when you went back would the parts you use dissapear because they didn't exist then?

--How can sweet and sour sauce be sweet and sour at the same time?

--Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

--If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

--If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

--Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars

--If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?

--If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

--If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

--What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?

--What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?

--Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

--When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

--What do mermaids eat?

--If your plan is having no plan, do you have a plan?

--If the energizer bunny attacks someone, is he charged with battery?

--If anything's possible, then is it possible that nothing's possible?

--Is atheism a non-prophet organization?

--If a baseball is hit out of the stadium, travels completely around the world, re-enters the stadium, and is caught by a fielder, is it a home run or an out?

--If a policecar, an ambulance, a fire truck and a mail truck are all at a 4 way stop who has the right away?

--Why are rubber duckies yellow when most real ducks aren't?


Stay tuned for more of Lance's Mindless Ramblings

Cuckoo.

Lance are you exstremly bored??

And I am bored enough to tackle some of them!

The time machine thing rather depends on how time travel works...

Not all nations are in debt, but to answer the spirit oif that question, it seems to assume that countries are the only things that can own money. Obviously enough, they aren't. Country debt is often owed to corporations, their own public sector, or simply the people in their country.

If you are in Hell and you are mad at someone... maybe that explains why you are in hell...

Lance, may I ask if mail trucks seriously get right of way where you come from?

This is like the messages you won't find in a fortune cookie.

hmm...

Dangerous and disturbing this questions are...

Begun the Mindless Ramblings have...


isn't this somesort of questions III like Julie had those?

almost

yes or no, there is no almost

-- Why doesnt Lance wear a straitjacket when Yers has too?

because I'm cold and I've put them all on at the same time

My attorney has advised me not to attempt to explain any of those things without getting a large advance sum of money.

*takes out monopoly-game*
will you accept hotels too?

"When a male is elected president and his wife is called the First Lady. What would a lady's husband be called if she were elected president?"

Bill.

1 yes
2 no
3 yes
4 no
5 no
6 a little
7 the space has another ASCII code, comes before the A
8 yes
9 don't know the dude
10 only in america
11 they do the opposite here..
12 he forgot to tuck it in (a link to Tarzan, actually)
13 if you throw good enough
14 it times how long you work
15 you want to blow it up because it's bad
16 what are they?
17 first lad
18 officially on February 29, but unofficially 1st of march
19 no, there moisture is in theire poodoo
20 depends with wich part they are connected
21 abreviation
22 "I think I have a headache"
23 no
24 no, that name is not allowed here
25 it doesn't
26 no
27 you can't see through everything
28 yes
29 english... sigh...
30 because they make a cracking sound when you eat them
31 2183
32 not necesarrily
33 not all of them
34 with your hands
35 because they think they are the best
36 because they get a hormone that accelerates this
37 the screen is up, but you put your pencil down to write
38 you give care to someone, or you take care to someone
39 they have to finish the catarn they started
40 no
41 a bigger place
42 typical question... forgot it though
43 Kwik
44 it's an emotion you spontaniously give to a color | red
45 you can, actually
46 when they were made, they've put a stick through it to get it out of the oven
47 the point of concentration on both machines are different
48 it's too high to hear
49 the thing that gives them the color tastes too
50 the last day
51 a hard place to life in
52 different: pessimist/optimist
53 because you say bye twice since the first time the engine might overrun it all
54 no
55 arm handcuffed to his pants
56 lucifer was an angel too, same deal
57 because it stays wet
58 no
59 no, they don't want power


Lance, you get these from sw.c forums? because most of them I recognise...

Lance has too much time to think up this stuff. *plugs Lance's ears to keep questions from leaking out*

Thanks keo. Glad you showed up and saved the day.

Ush - good one !

Round 3 of Lance's Mindless Ramblings


--If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you?

--Why is it we have the weight of the world on our shoulders but have to get it off our chests?

--Why does everyone speak different languages and have different accents if we all originally came from the same place?

--Why do they call it a RUNNING BACK when he is running forward?

--If you tell someone they are being judgmental aren't you being judgmental yourself?

--Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your body?

--How come no matter what color the liquid is the froth is always white?

--Why do British people never sound British when they sing?

--Why do they call them guidance counselors when all counselors do is offer guidance?

--Why do they call it "head over heels in love" If our head is always over our heels?

--Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane?

--Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?

--If someone can't see, they're blind and if someone cant hear, they're deaf, so what do you call people who can't smell?

--How do they get those boats in those glass bottles?

--Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?

--Why is it called a TV set when there is only one?

--If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

--How did the headless horseman know where he was going?

--Why do they call it an escalator if it takes you down?

--Why is it called football when you hardly use your feet?

--How come some Little Debbie snack cakes come in a twin pack and others are wrapped individually?

--Do cows drink milk?

--Can a guy named Nick have a 'nick'name?

--If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

--Since we see little birdies when we just get knocked out, what do little birdies see when they just get knocked out??

--What is a male ladybug called?

--Why are 'semi'-trucks bigger than regular trucks?

--Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?

--If you wore a teflon suit, could you ever end up in a sticky situation?

--How fast do hotcakes sell?

--If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?

--Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

--Does the President have to pay taxes?

--Why do they put "for indoor or outdoor use only" on Christmas lights?

--If Dracula has no reflection, how comes he always had such a straight parting in his hair?

--If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

--Why is Grape Nuts cereal called that, when it contains neither grapes, nor nuts?

--If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

--Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?



Actually some I get from web-sites and some I make up. But I haven't gotten any from sw.c forums.


Stay tuned for more of Lance's Mindless Ramblings

go to your room, lance. NOW, and stay there, please.

I'm not going to answer these, 'cause are REALLY stupid; like:
do cows drink milk
that's SO classic!

"Why do British people never sound British when they sing?"

You ever heard The Wurzels and/or Chas and Dave?

I don't know any of these, except the one about super-glue.

It doesn't dry up because it only "activates" with the moisture in the air, since the top of the bottle gets plugged up after usage, no moisture gets into the bottle. Taa-daa.

Here's a question to shake the ages:

Why are there so many strange questions coming from Lance's mouth?

Why did you crossed the road mah?

Why did 3PO say "They're madman ! They're heading for the prison level ! If you hurry you might catch them !"

That wasn't very helpful you know.

What is Lance eating, drinking, smoking, snorting, to generate 1 million questions???

- Why are horses so hard to sit on when they are full of hay?
- Why is Lance still on the loose?

I don't know...hey! guess what...I learned what camel crap looks like today! (kill me)

ehh ok I guess, dont put it in your resume though

Yeah...I hate camels. I guess I can't ever design for Camel Cigarettes..not that I would..I hate cigarettes..hmmmmm....it's all making since now.

not really

Dim, were you at the zoo yesterday ?

No she just took a walk around in her city

the cow drinks milk because gras tastes like poop

if i drive a car in lightspeed and then i turn on the lights. what would happen???

water, not milk

I was out in the desert...

How do you know that grass tastes like poop?...

hmmmhmhm.. let's not talk about that

suddenly I have my doubts about some Norboys

why?..they've been eating poop?

blame mah he eats it every day... even poop
trust me on this one
i know him

from what I hear of Mujaffa...

have you been talking to mah???? well he's lying
he does that for a living

oooooooooooooooooooooooh! now that's bashing!

you didn't know hu????

oi!

don't you try talking yourself out of this one dude

shouldn't muj been banned now?

why??

Uh-oh! Looks like Lance is back for round 4!


--Isn't it kind of ominous to put your tax returns in the mail box and put up the little red flag?

--What ever happened to an E grade? We have A,B,C,D,F but no E.

--Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

--Don't you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their "practice" ?

--Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?

--What do you call a female daddy long legs?

--If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?

--Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

--If a transport truck carrying a load of cars gets into a car accident, does it increase the number of the cars in the pile-up?

--In France do people just ask for toast and get French toast? or do they have to ask for American toast?

--Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?

--Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?

--If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods, would someone else make a sound ?

--Why are SOFTballs hard?

--Do vampires get AIDS?

--Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

--Why are they called goose bumps? Do geese get people bumps?

--Why is it that lemon dishsoap is made with real lemons, but lemon juice is artificial flavoring?

--If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still be considered a bank robbery?

--Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

--Why can magicians make things disappear into thin air, but not thick air?

--Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

--Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?

--Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

--Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?

--What do people in China call their good plates?


Stay tuned for more of Lance's Mindless Ramblings

last question :yes people will drink what ever that cows out of a cow

No you don't get it.

What kind of idiot was the first to look at the teets of a cow and decided to pull on them and see what would happen. And when the white stuff comes out why did he drink it without knowing what it was???

he was swedish
and thei are really stupid

What a dumbass!

and here's one of them

That'll be because even prehistoric man knows what breasts are, Lance. Women have them, you might just about have noticed over time.

no, it's pretty normal for teenagers not to have heard about the phenomenon

but if dudes get really fat...

eww! yerss!

... they can eat more

eh..ok?

ko?

Is everybody ready for round 5???

how much of this do you come up with yourself? doesn't it take heaps of time?

Are you saying prehistoric men tested the milk thing on human girls first? That's disturbing.

Okay, round five.

I think you'll find, Bespin, that ALL humans at that time knew full well that milk came from breasts.

or cows... or horses... or goats...

Lance's Mindless Ramblings Round 5


--Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?

--If feathers tickle people, do they tickle birds?

--Does a postman deliver his own mail?

--Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?

--If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

--Why doesn't a chicken egg taste like chicken?

--Why is it that cargo is transported by ship while a shipment is transported by car?

--Does peanut butter really have butter in it?

--Do mimes watch silent movies?

--Is the fear of flying groundless?

--Why do people say "You scared the living daylights out of me" when daylight is not living?

--Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the
bathroom is?

--Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up "there" anyway?

--If somebody vanished without a trace, how do people know they are missing?

--Why are boxing rings square?


Stay tuned for more of Lance's Mindless Ramblings

most of those questions are not mindless there IS a reason

what is that reason?

a reason why they made it that way or why it is that way

I don't know. Don't ask me! Ask her!

I'm going to send these to my mom and dad. They will love them.

interesting ramblings Windu.......

No wonder he always says he's not really related to Master Mace Windu. He's too nuts.

You bet.

BTW Mindless Ramblings will be back later today (May 28th). I gotta scrounge up some more til then

Doesn't Raz have a rule against mindless ramblings ?

*runs to check Lance's contract*

midnight ramblers

Yup. Here it is.

It says: jdikeljgsl jsid qpoei xxofpr msporosmmr 's sdngnsilng.


________X______
Sign here.

See, Lance signed it !

No I did not!!!

BTW Lance's Mindless Ramblings took the day off yesterday because our computer crashed and we had to delete all of our programs. This is the first I've been able to get on.

I think your brain might hav had an overload too

Not yet!

bzzzzzzzzzzzz

finti, you really need to do something about that bee's nest growing off the side of your head. Its rather annoying.

Never heard of Medusa huh?

That was snakes.

oh so Medusa had no kins

Now how could bees and snakes be kin ?

I can't want to hear this analogy. On second thought, save it for the next transatlantic.

You'll get dizzy if you keep doing that Rex.

Dizzy I'm so dizzy, my head is spinnin'
Like a whirlpool, it never ends
And it's you, girl, makin' it spin
You're makin' me dizzy" - Tommy Roe

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on
airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Yerss, I must congratulate you, this is the most sensible post you have ever made, it's such a shame you were not trying to be sensible.

No seriously, these are good ones, I especially like the Practising doctor one, this is something I have worried about for years.

The one about Congress was the best.

I'm going to be a sad b*stard and answer these - and thats only because I've got nothing to do 'cos 95% of people here are on strike...

>Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Because our skin tries to protect us by releasing colored pigments.

>Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
No idea, ask a woman.

>Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Because theres no such thing as a psychic.

>Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
I guess you could call it Abrev'

>Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
They use practice in the context of doing something regularly.

>Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Because you have to Start the Shutdown process.

>Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
If you buy cheap stuff you get cheap stuff.

>Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
A broker is someone manages or arranges stuff.

>Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Because there are more an average number of cars.

>Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Mouse-flavored equals taste of meat - so could be anything. Plus no owner would feed its cat mouse mince, even if it was available.

>When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Dogs?

>Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Because God told him to take two of each animal.

>Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
If you're going to do something - then do it right.

>You know that indestructible black box that is used on
airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Because its not possible.

>Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Because flesh doesn't shrink when wet.

>Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
The 'a' before part inverts the meaning. i.e. asynchronous and synchronous have opposite meanings.

>If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Possibly.

>If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Because that is where the plans meet.

brilliant! people ruining the jokes are the funniest!

*sigh*
I'm just going to sit in the corner overthere and start crying

*consoles yers*

I liked it.

What the heck does 'partment' mean?

It's not fair!
Ow... FM is right! I'll never get out of this asylum
*cries even more*

Nothing.
Heres how the word 'appartment came about:

I know it means nothing; I think your explanation was a little off because the 'a' is not an opposite prefix in that case as there is no such word as partment.

I beleive they are called apartments because the tenants rooms are seprated by walls instead of places where tenants sleep in the same lodgings.

thanks K
:
Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your ass?

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?

If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

What do people in China call their good plates?

Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?

there is in mine


no, it would be a bastard, but some funny people might joke about it.


it's certainly not, unless there's someone speaking english there. there's a totally different expression for those kisses than french kiss, that has nothing to do with france at all, as there is in most countries.


a calf

as said in previous posts...always nice to have someone ruining the joke

I never wiggle my butt when I brush my teeth.

yeah, heared yesterday some others don't do that too..

*dreams away*

Do you know a lot of people who wiggle their butt while brushing thei teeth?

Lance already did the one about the cows. It's still just as much a no-brain comment as it was then.

yeah Lauren, know a few, know a few that don't too

So obviously there are people who don't. Why did you put it in ther?

I didn't, I just copy-paste it from K's mail

Moving to the OTF by request....

Hehe, useless bump...except the "Pointless Question of the Day" thread is basically this one right here. oh

I just bit off some of my arm hair flirt

Originally posted by Captain Maynard
I just bit off some of my arm hair flirt
and i recorded it