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Because philosophy is so serious,i think i'd bring you all some philosophic humor:

To be is to do~Socrates

To do is to be~Sartre

Do be do be do~Sinatra

I tried to come up with another one, but thats really hard to do.

Why did the chicken cross the road?


Calvin: Because it was preordained before the foundations of the world - the chicken had no choice.

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Epicurus: For fun.

Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Pyrrho the skeptic: What road?

Zeno: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Great stuff.

If you put two philosophers in a room, you get two opinions, unless one of them is Eddy Zemach, in which case you get seven opinions.

Descartes is sitting in a bar, having a drink. The bartender asks him if he would like another. "I think not," he says and vanishes in a puff of logic.

A Republican, a Libertarian, and a Democrat are seated separately in a restaurant when a poor man walks in; unbeknownst to any of them, it is Jesus.

The Republican summons the waiter and asks him to serve the poor man the best food in the house and put it on his tab; the waiter does so. The Libertarian asks the waiter to please serve the poor man iced tea and to put it on his tab. The waiter does so. The Democrat then asks the waiter to bring the poor man pecan pie with ice cream and to put it on his tab.

When Jesus is finished eating, He goes over to the Republican and says, "I was hungry and you gave Me something to eat. Thank you. I see you are blind." and He touches the man's eye, and it is healed.

Jesus then goes over to the Libertarian and says, "I was thirsty and you gave Me something to drink. Thank you. I see you have a bad arm." and He touches the man's arm, and it is healed.

Then Jesus walks over to the Democrat. The Democrat moves far back from Jesus and exclaims, "Don't touch me!! I'm on disability!!"

Some of the best philisophical humor can be found in the early episodes of The Simpsons.

Originally posted by Otaku
Because philosophy is so serious,i think i'd bring you all some philosophic humor:

To be is to do~Socrates

To do is to be~Sartre

Do be do be do~Sinatra

So does this mean we're strangers in the night, exchanging glances? flirt1
hehehehe

The meaning of life revealed.

I remember something about graffiti saying:

God is dead - Nietzsche.

Below that, was written:

Nietzsche is dead - God.

The bible always gives me a good laugh.

Familyguy flashback

Wife:You must get a job to feed our starving family!!

Peter great great grandfathersits there thinking deeply) WHY????

heh, funny...

The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.

The Second Law of Philosophy: They' re both wrong.

Originally posted by Storm
Why did the chicken cross the road?


Calvin: Because it was preordained before the foundations of the world - the chicken had no choice.

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Epicurus: For fun.

Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Pyrrho the skeptic: What road?

Zeno: To prove it could never reach the other side.


Thats great!

Originally posted by Storm
The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.

The Second Law of Philosophy: They' re both wrong.

Not quite philosophy, but here goes...

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.

Two hydrogen atoms are floating down the street.
The first one says: "Damn! I just lost an electron!"
Second one: "Are you sure?"
First one: "I'm positive!"

Originally posted by Shakyamunison
I tried to come up with another one, but thats really hard to do.

You can play right off the Sinatra one.

Scoo be do be do ~ Scooby

The Socrates Argument Clinic

You will have a chance to match your wits against one of history' s most famous philosopher. Your challenge is to complete the argument without making Socrates drink the hemlock. But if you can' t contain yourself, click on the hemlock icon:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j213/Rhamnousia/Hemlock-1.gif

Let me at him.

Funny...but isn't that a Monthy Python sketch?

I think I read that somewhere on here already...but more fun to argue with Socrates..hehe.

It is closely based on Monty Python' s Argument Clinic.

Philosopher 1: What is this I'm feeling?
Philosopher 2: You tell me.
Philosopher 1: Well, some parts make me think it's cold and mysterious, others make me think it's a smooth sensation, this one part makes me think it's a whole bunch of things, but overall, I say it's beautiful metaphor of the human mind due to it's complex shape and structure.
Philosopher 2: It's a rock.

It's not a joke. These are 3 sentences from my first Philosophy class:
1 "There is no Phylosophy."
2 "Philososphy is an absence."
3 "You cannot learn Phylosophy."

So 1) I cut it out of my schedule, 2) I stoped going to the class and 3)I stopped trying.
So far I got an F.

How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb?
"How many do you think it takes?"
--------------------
A psychotic thinks that two and two are five.
A neurotic knows two and two are four -- but he hates it.

Philosophical Warning Labels

Solipsism Warning
The consumer should be aware that he or she may be the only entity in the universe, and therefore that any perceived defects in product quality are the consumer' s own fault.

Determinism Safety Advisory
Every citizen be advised that despite the possibility that his or her acts are all entirely predetermined by the blind mechanical nature of the universe and are therefore unavoidable and inescapable, he or she will still incur a legal responsibility and liability for any torts, violations, misdemeanors, or felonies he or she commits.

Knowledge-Definition Warning
Because knowledge is defined for the purpose of this product literature as "justified true belief", the manufacturer cannot prove that they "know" any of the information provided with this product to be true, correct, complete, or consistent because they cannot demonstrate their internal belief states through the principle of Philosophic Privacy.

Cartesian Evil Genius Alert
The reader is advised that he or she may be subject to an illusion generated by an evil genius, and that his or her "sensory fibers" may be falsely manipulated at any time with neither advance warning nor any possible legal remedy.

Epistemological Denotation Warning
The consumer must understand that due to the a-priori impossibility of assuring a shared denotation amongst independent agents, none of the advertising material, product literature, instructions, or safety warnings (including this one), associated with this product may contain what the consumer perceives to be factual information.

Non-Universal Ethics Notice
Due to the possibility that a common notion of ethics are not universally shared by all sentient beings, and that therefore the manufacturer may have entirely different concept of "fairness", "equity", "honesty", and "integrity" than the consumer, the consumer should not expect the product purchased to conform in any way to the advertised properties of the product.

Godelian Product Disclaimer
As it has been proven that there are many true but unprovable statements, the manufacturer cannot be held liable for any of its unsupported product claims.

Penrose Addendum to Godelian Disclaimer
Despite the above warning, the manufacturer is confident that all its product claims are true because of its mystically acquired and computationally unrepudiable organic intuition. Unfortunately, the manufacturer cannot in any way demonstrate that its intuition is correct, or indeed that it has an intuition.

Philosopher-General' s Existentialist Tobacco Products Label
Warning! This product has been found to cause cancer and emphysema, and to lead to increased likelihood of strokes and heart disease. However, as the Universe is a soulless waste inhabited by unthinking machines it doesn' t matter in the least whether you smoke or not. Go ahead, light up, it' s all the same to me if you live or die.

The Philosopher's Song (Monty Python)

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel,
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya'
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
SOCRATES, HIMSELF, WAS PERMANENTLY PISSED...

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away
Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart: "I drink, therefore I am"
Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed!

A philosopher once had the following dream.

First Aristotle appeared, and the philosopher said to him, "Could you give me a fifteen-minute capsule sketch of your entire philosophy?" To the philosopher' s surprise, Aristotle gave him an excellent exposition in which he compressed an enormous amount of material into a mere fifteen minutes. But then the philosopher raised a certain objection which Aristotle couldn' t answer. Confounded, Aristotle disappeared.

Then Plato appeared. The same thing happened again, and the philosopher' s objection to Plato was the same as his objection to Aristotle. Plato also couldn' t answer it and disappeared.

Then all the famous philosophers of history appeared one-by-one and our philosopher refuted every one with the same objection.

After the last philosopher vanished, our philosopher said to himself, "I know I' m asleep and dreaming all this. Yet I' ve found a universal refutation for all philosophical systems! Tomorrow when I wake up, I will probably have forgotten it, and the world will really miss something!" With an iron effort, the philosopher forced himself to wake up, rush over to his desk, and write down his universal refutation. Then he jumped back into bed with a sigh of relief.

The next morning when he awoke, he went over to the desk to see what he had written. It was, "That' s what you say."

Watch the video fully and prepare to be amazed. I may not have been the discoverer of this but I did post it first...I get credit. w00t

81XolzElwR4

It would have been better if it had been funny.

I chuckled

Originally posted by Shakyamunison
It would have been better if it had been funny.
Oh I forgot to mention as an extra note that you have to have a sense of humor before watching.

Originally posted by Kelly_Bean
Watch the video fully and prepare to be amazed. I may not have been the discoverer of this but I did post it first...I get credit. w00t



Funny concept, boring delivery. He dragged it out too long.