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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsoir replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous, on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the glass of water. If I get nervous I take a sip."
So next sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the begining of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was concecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son and The Holy Spirit shall not be referred to as Daddy, Junior and The Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as "The Big T".
11. When jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said: "Take this and eat it for it is my body". He did not say :"Eat me".
12. The virgin mary shall not be referred to as: "Mary With The Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-a-dub-dub thanks for the grub, yeah god.
14. Next Sunday there will be a Taffy Pulling Contest at St.Peters, not a Peter Pulling Contest at St.Taffy's.

I could never be bothered to read that. mhm

Originally posted by MetalHeart
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

This One Made Me Smile. bag

Originally posted by hotsauce6548
I could never be bothered to read that. mhm

aww why??

Same here, too much reading involved

Oh, and you spelled "vodka" wrong.

That was good, almost Chuck 'The Bad Ass' Norris good.

stoned off his ass

Originally posted by Tired Hiker
That was good, almost Chuck 'The Bad Ass' Norris good.

Thanks.

I think this was posted here like 2 years ago. It was one of the posts that helped make me decide to join. However, after 2 years its definitely justified to be posted again.

My friend told me that about a year ago.

That's great...

7. The Father, Son and The Holy Spirit shall not be referred to as Daddy, Junior and The Spook.

Originally posted by MetalHeart
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsoir replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous, on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the glass of water. If I get nervous I take a sip."
So next sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the begining of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was concecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son and The Holy Spirit shall not be referred to as Daddy, Junior and The Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as "The Big T".
11. When jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said: "Take this and eat it for it is my body". He did not say :"Eat me".
12. The virgin mary shall not be referred to as: "Mary With The Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-a-dub-dub thanks for the grub, yeah god.
14. Next Sunday there will be a Taffy Pulling Contest at St.Peters, not a Peter Pulling Contest at St.Taffy's.


Ahahaha!! lollol

me no likey vodka.

Milla, get a grip nono

I liked it it made me laugh

Mary with a Cherry

I drank too many bloody marys last night.