Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.

Hi. I'm starting my own version of the seventh Harry Potter book. The title is majorly misleading (like Half-Blood Prince). I'll post an extract of Chapter 1:

The streets were dark, cold and murky. The sky seemed as though it wanted to rain but couldn't be bothered. A man, wrapped in robes and his face hidden by a hood, glided gracefully down the street. He got to a dead end and looked around. He spotted an old rusty bicycle bumper lying against the fence. "Accio" the man spontaneously said as the bumper flew towards him. The ground fell away as he caught it. within seconds he landed in a room. Condensation on the windows, there was a massive temperature drop. the man looked around trying to find something.
"Severus" a voice bellowed out of no where. Snape pulled down his hood and walked into the direction of the voice.
"Is the deed done" the man hissed. His voice a few octaves lower than a normal person's.
"Yes, my Lord Voldemort" Snape Replied "The entire world is silnced now."
"The ignorant Dumbledore and Potter and vanquished?" Voldemort asked as his began to rise. His voice growing higher with excitement.
"P-P-Potter??" "You wanted Potter destroyed?" Snape asked. Voldemort growled.
"You ignorant old man Severus. I had my hopes up for you. Still you proved to be a let down. Get out of my sight" Voldemort said as he turned away. Snape couldn't believe his luck. had voldemort gotten soft of was he afraid...no the dark lord was never afraid. Snape walked to the end of the room and was almost back at the port key when a voice echoed down the other side of the room.
"AVADA KEDAVERA!!"

droolio

it's pretty good!

Yes! Another Harry Potter fan fic worth reading!

It was really good. The only thing that confused me was this paragraph, "The ground fell away as he caught it. within seconds he landed in a room. Condensation on the windows, there was a massive temperature drop. the man looked around trying to find something. "

I got kind of lost there, but great start. Continue!

Sorry. I meant that he used a port key and he landed in voldemorts chamber. there was a massive temperature drop from the outside to the chamber and he could tell by the condensation on the windows.

I'll post more after i come back from school. Thanks alot for support. Glad you like it

COOOL KEEP KEEP IT UP

Heres part 2 of Chapter 1

Harry awoke suddenly. He looked to his clock. 4 PM He thought to him self. He flopped back down to his bed and tried to remember his nightmare. It all seemed to be a blur. All he could remember was Voldemort, Snape and a bright green light. He thought harder:

Is the deed done
Yes, my Lord Voldemort
Dumbledore and Potter are vanquished?
You wanted Potter destroyed???
AVADA KEDAVERA!!

A large banging noise. Broke Harry's Concentration. He darted up and looked around. At the window he saw a white, fluffy object. "Hedwig". Harry whispered as he opened his windows and let the bird in. The bird was carrying 3 brown envelopes. He opened the first one

Dear Harry,

Mum says you can stay over for the rest of the summer. We will pick you up tomorrow at 6 PM

From Ron.

He opened the second letter:

Hi Harry

Great News. Hogwarts is reopening to pay homage to Dumbledore. Incase you havnt read it yet, Miss Weasly said you can stay here. Cant wait till you get here tomorrow.

Hermione

And the last one

They know where you are, They can get at you. Trust no one, even your friends. You Know Who has control over anyone and anything. Dont worry. I will pick you up tomorrow and i can explain everything.

Sirius

droolio

This part is rushed so its not as good. Heres part 1 of Chapter 2:

Harry couldnt believe what he read. Sirius was dead. Harry, as much as he wanted Sirius back, was skeptical and took his/her's advice to 'trust no-one'. Harry jumped out of his bed, bumping into his drawer while doing it, lifted up his matress and took out a fresh, unopened bottle of ink, a feather and 1 piece of parchment. On it he wrote:


Dear Ron and Hermione

I would love to come and stay with you. I got a letter from Sirius, well, someone who claims to be Sirius. He said he was going to pick me up around the same time as you. I need advice to know whether or not this guy is for real. Thank you

Harry

He took out a brown envelope from his draw and on it wrote Ron and Hermione. He gave it to hedwig and she flew into the nights sky.

Originally posted by The Ones
This part is rushed so its not as good. Heres part 1 of Chapter 2:

Harry couldnt believe what he read. Sirius was dead. Harry, as much as he wanted Sirius back, was skeptical and took his/her's advice to 'trust no-one'. Harry jumped out of his bed, bumping into his drawer while doing it, lifted up his matress and took out a fresh, unopened bottle of ink, a feather and 1 piece of parchment. On it he wrote:


Dear Ron and Hermione

I would love to come and stay with you. I got a letter from Sirius, well, someone who claims to be Sirius. He said he was going to pick me up around the same time as you. I need advice to know whether or not this guy is for real. Thank you

Harry

He took out a brown envelope from his draw and on it wrote Ron and Hermione. He gave it to hedwig and she flew into the nights sky.
*Golf Clap* Siruis?

what?

Originally posted by Barker
*Golf Clap* Siruis?
Translation: Applause, And I Was Wondering Out Loud, "Sirius Is Back?"

You will have to wait till The last 2 parts of Chapter 2 (coming tomorrow) to find it out more on this matter

I love this

wow! ive never wrote a story that so many people have liked before. since so many people are reading this i might as well post another part.

Harry thought about the nightmare. Was snape really dead? He thought back to 3 years ago, When he saw inside The Dark Lords house. then a year after that when he saw that Arthur Weasly was in trouble. Could this be a premonition rather than a dream? Another banging noise broke his concentration again. Immediatly Harry looked at the window but nothing was there. More bangs bursted into Harrys ear followed by,"POTTER!! GET DOWN HERE AND MAKE BREAKFAST!!!! WERE STARVING!" Venon bellowed. He looked at the clock. 10PM time just flew by. Something time doesnt do at the Dursleys very often.
As harry walked down the stairs he felt cold. He walked into the kitchen and put the frying pan on. the fire blew out almost immediatly. then the windows started to condensate too fast. then the glass objects froze. and then finaly all the water. Harry started to feel miserable. He ran outside to see if it could be what he thought it was. "Dementors!!" Harry yelled as he attempted to run inside. he tripped on the door step with all his hurry. he looked up. the dementors drew closer to him. He was about to have it when:
"EXPECTO PATRONUM!"

There's a bit more mistakes than before. I think it's because you're rushing.

Take your time, read over your work, and then post. It's worth it.

Anyway, I like where you're going with this. The last post seemed more rushed than the others, like you wanted to get to the action the Dementor's would produce badly. Take your time is the best advice I can give you now.

It's great, though. Keep it up!

Story Is Great, But Didn't Really Get That Last Part....

?

Ok i guess i need to explain some stuff:

Was Snape Really Dead?: thats what harry was thinking.

It was actualy 10AM

I think thats it. if anyone wants me to rewrite it tell me. if not i'll post the next part tomorrow.

also can anyone tell me how many horcruxes are left and what they are?

nice story so far. keep it up

Chapter 2. Part 2:

White light blinded Harry from seeing who casted the patronus. The dementors flew away in a hurry. The light subsided and Harry saw a friendly face. "Hermione?" Harry asked. Ron, Fred, George and the rest of the weasleys came into view. "We got your letter" Hermione said. "Sirius is dead," Hermione said. Harrys face began to show a bit of sadness. "and nothing can reawake the dead. This person is obviously trying to harm you by gaining your trust. That's why we came earlier". Harry nodded. "So". Harry said. "How are we going to get to your place?" He asked. "Port Key" Ron said with not a bit of enthusiasim. Arther took out a small disc. Almost like a frisbie. "Take hold of it" he commanded. Harry and the others did as they were told. "Portaya Transfera" Arther said. within seconds Harry was lifted of his feet and was spun around so fast he could see what was around him. He was then thrown down outside the burrow. "I think im going to crash. Didnt have much sleep today" Harry said as he went inside and ran upstairs

Number 4 privet drive came into view. Infront of the houses door was a man with bushy hair, the door opened and standing there was a fat ugly man who Harry knew as Uncle Vernon. "Is Harry here?" The man asked. "No he is not" Vernon Replied. "Took off with his w....wizar... friends ages ago." The man with bushy hair took out his wand and pointed it at Vernon. "Your no use to me then." The man hissed.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!!!"

Chapter 2 Part 3:

Harry woke up, breathing heavily. Sweat was dripping off him so much that he could literaly swim in it. That was the second dream of its type. No doubt the man with bushy hair was sirius. why would he murder the dursleys Harry thought to him self. Surely they would have to be false dreams as sirius was not a murderer as he prooved 4 years ago. Harry looked to the Clock. "10 AM?!?" Harry thought to himself. He had slept for 24 Hours. and his hunger was there to show for it. He darted out of the bed and changed into his clothes and ran down stairs. Everyone was leaning on the table looking at something. "What's going on?" Harry asked. "Its brilliant Harry!" Ron said. Hermionie looked up, obviously shocked at what Ron had said, "How can you say that, its terrible!" Hermionie said in a low voice. "What is?" Harry asked. Hermione handed him the Daily Prophet. On it, it had:


3 Muggles Found Dead!
3 Muggles have been discovered dead at Privit Drive. The muggles have been identified as: Vernon Dursley, Petunia Dursley and Dudley Dursley. All 3 have been suspectedly murdered by the Killing Curse. The identity of the murderer is still being determined

Harry was in shock. Sirius had killed the Dursleys. But why. Just because Harry wasnt there? Hermione was right. This must be an Intruder. "I saw this" Harry whispered. "What?" Hermionie asked. "I saw this in a dream. Sirius Killed them. I mean, Someone that looked like him"

(sorry to end abruptly but thats all i have now since im tired)

ok i might stop this since people are loosing interest. either that or change the story. what do you think?

keep going

Ok,

Harrys scar started hurting, like a hammer smashing against his skull. All vision faded away in a blur. All he could see was a room. the same one where snape had visited Voldemort. 20 people, all dressed in black hobes and there faces hidden by skull like masks. 1 man stood in the centre. His face so white that he was almost inhuman. 2 slits for a nose and red eyes. This was no doubt Voldemort. "Biuol" Voldemort hissed at one of the people. Voldemort took a cup, decorated with nicly polished rubys and gave it to the man. He drank out of it. His skin seemed to melt, change and disfigure. He was now sirius "You know what to do" Voldemort growled. Voldmort then took a green neaklace of his neak and gave it to the man.

Number 4 privet drive came into view. Infront of the houses door was a man with bushy hair, the door opened and standing there was a fat ugly man who Harry knew as Uncle Vernon. "Is Harry here?" The man asked. "No he is not" Vernon Replied. "Took off with his w....wizar... friends ages ago." The man with bushy hair took out his wand and pointed it at Vernon. "Your no use to me then." The man hissed.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!!!"

The green light then changed into a snake. "Shiiiaaahassshhhhisen, Siiyyyyahanssssienn" The snake hissed.Harry understood the wierd language as, "Blood of the Enemy, Blood of the Dark Lord". And with that the snake jumped at harry causing him to get thrown back into the real world. "WOW!" harry said.

Interesting storyline so far. It still seems a bit rushed though.

I noticed that you need to start a new paragraph every time somebody new speaks.

Good stuff, though. Don't worry too much about the mistakes, as I'm assuming this is your rough draft. I'm just pointing them out so you know.

and its not my rough draft i just write it here and i dont go back for mistakes. if your confused about anything in the story so far, it will all be explained as i continue

Should i continue, Or just quit now?

keep going

Originally posted by The Ones
and its not my rough draft i just write it here and i dont go back for mistakes. if your confused about anything in the story so far, it will all be explained as i continue
Type The Story Up In Word First, Helps To Catch The Mistakes Better. Story Is A Bit Rushed, But I Like It None-The-Less. Keep Going, Finish What You Start.

thanks. i am writing the next part and am taking more time over it to get this story back on track

Next part:

“What is it?” Hermione asked. Harry was about to answer but then reconsidered. “Nothing. Just a bit of a head ache” Harry said. Hermione knew he was lying but didn’t want to make a big deal. Harry was in deep thought over breakfast. But that didn’t stop him from helping himself to a few of Banana Joes Magical Waffle’s and Pumpkin Juice. Harry knew he had to leave tomorrow morning to continue to hunt for the 5 remaining Horcruxes. He had to go alone. Even though Ron and Hermione agreed to come with him, he couldn’t put there lives in anymore danger than he already has.
The remainder of the day seemed to go rather slowly. He spent the afternoon talking with the people who were the closest thing he had to a family. Then he had dinner. Harry spent the rest of the evening playing Quiddich with Ron, Hermione, Fred, George and Ginny. It was Fred, George and Ginny VS Harry, Hermione and Ron. Harry’s team won 20-5. Fred and George even made and few flimsy attempts to bewitch Harry’s broom. As the sun withdrew its self over the horizon, Mrs. Weasley called them in for bed.
During the night, Harry thought about how he was going to even find the location of the Horcruxes let alone destroy them. Then he had an idea of where they could be. The stone room where Snape was killed. Slytherins locket, which Voldemort gave to that Nigerian death eater. And Hufflepuffs cup. The cup had to be there as he had no recollection of it being moved. But if the cup was there so was Voldemort. Harry would save it till last.
As dawn rushed onto the green hills around the burrow, Harry got supplies together. 1 bottle of ‘never-run-out” water and some food. Harry decided he would stop of at gringrot’s bank on the way. As Harry walked down stairs a voice called out to him.
“Harry is that you?”
“Hermione, you’re up already?” Harry Said. Hermione was about to speak when she saw Harry was clearly leaving with all his stuff. Harry could tell what she was thinking by her face.
“Look. Im going to look for the horcruxes. I don’t want you to come with me…”
“Rubbish” Hermione interrupted “I’ll go get Ron and we will…”
“NO!” Harry yelled. “You come, you die. I don’t want you to die.”
“Then you’re going to die then, too aren’t you?” Hermione asked
“Maybe, but at least you wont be there in the cross fire” Harry said. Hermione began to shed some tears but Harry could tell she understood. Hermione leapt at Harry with her arms round him and started to kiss him. Harry kissed back but then broke off.
“Don’t tell Ron or the others where I’ve gone, ok?” Harry asked. Hermione nodded. Harry gave her one last kiss on the lips and walked toward the door. Harry walked a bit away from the door and looked back at Hermione. Hermione looked back at Harry with sadness in her face and tears traveling down her face. And with a loud crack, he was gone.

Hermione and Harry, eh?

Good stuff, just remember to start a new paragraph every time a new character speaks.

Bit rushed, but I really like this.

Thanks. Theres alot of stuff to fit in the next part so im going to take atleast 2 days over it to spread it out and make it readable and make the appropiate cuts

Take your time The_Ones. No need to hurry, though I can't wait to see what else you have in store for us with this story!

cheers. if i do it right, you wont be disappointed. Ive got lots of twists lined up that only me and barker know about

Don't get me two excited. I dunno about anyone else, but I doubt I will ever be disappointed by your writing.

Originally posted by The Ones
cheers. if i do it right, you wont be disappointed. Ive got lots of twists lined up that only me and barker know about
*Nods* Yes, They Are Grand.

post more. the story interesting

Originally posted by deathgod
post more. the story interesting

i agree, it's very interesting

your a good auther

Thanks, the next part will be up in about 2 hours.

Originally posted by The Ones
Thanks, the next part will be up in about 2 hours.

Sorry for the long wait. ive almost finished the next bit. it should be up soon.

Oh and ive put in some hints of what will happen later. but there very discreetly put in.

post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post

Lots of Stuff has been cut out of this with good reason. Anyway heres the next bit.

The Hogwarts Express pulled into Hogsmede station, ejecting mass amounts of smoke as it did so. The doors opened and a bunch of children ranging from 11-17 came flocking out of the train. The atmosphere was ecstatic.
“First years over here!” a voice bellowed out of nowhere. Ron and Hermione started to walk to there usual place when another voice called out
“Seventh years, this way”. This caused an up rise of whispers and confusement, but Ron, Hermione and the other seventh years obeyed. A crowd gathered and in the midst stood Professor McGonagall, Head Mistress of Hogwarts.
“Gather round in a circle please” she asked. “Now, its best if you hold hands” she advised. They did as they were told and held hands.
“Professor?”, Hermione asked. “Yes Miss Granger?” Professor McGonagall responded. “What are we doing?” Hermione continued.
“We are going to Archdale Academy, for the Triwizard Tournament” She replied as they disappeared with a loud crack
Harry breathed heavily, his hands bleeding from climbing. He was exhausted. He reached the top of the cliff and clambered over it. He smacked down and took out his bottle of ‘never-run-out’ water and drank it. He heard a large shout exclaiming: “MARMORDA!” a stream of white smoke blew over Harry’s head and into the sky. The white smoke exploded leaving a large green skull with a serpent as a tongue “the dark mark” Harry whispered as his scar hurt more than ever. He looked around there was nobody in sight until he spotted at least 200 large men in robes with skull-like masks heading toward him. He quickly pulled his invisibility cloak and put it on. He waited for them to pass. One of them broke of from the group and walked to where Harry was. He looked down to Harry. The Death Eater jumped back and pulled out his wand. Harry was already holding his “Imperio!” The death eater said. Harry lost all line of thought and control of his body. “Take of the cloak” the Death Eater said. Harry did as he commanded. “Follow me” He said. Harry couldn’t stop himself. He had now joined the Death Eaters on there march

Good. Just remember to begin a new paragraph every time a new character speaks.

thanks. glad you like it

plssss continue plssss continue plssss continue plssss continue

almost finished the next part. i will post within the next 100 hours or so

Originally posted by The Ones
almost finished the next part. i will post within the next 100 hours or so

please continue, its really good

pooooooooooooooooooost............lol

im making modifications to the next part. im trying my hardest to lengthen the story and not make it go down hill

I'll be waiting when it comes.

me too, keep it it its really good stuff

but harry can fight off da impirios cures

but its still verry good

post more plz

i will when ive got the next part the way i want it

Originally posted by The Ones
i will when ive got the next part the way i want it

*gets down on knees* do we have to beg you! this stuff is gold!!

post post post more plz

good storyline

but there are some parts i dun get it....

first it was telling us that harry juz apparated, the next thing, he was on...where?? wad made his hands bleed? and how come the death eaters could see him in his invisibility cloak?? did dat death eater have a magical eye?? then why would there be another triwizard tonourment so quickly???

sorry but i really must say dat you're writing to quickly w/o giving enuf details or fillers.

all will be revealed later. It will explain why there is another tournamount, How that death eater saw harry.

The one i cant answer is what made his hands bleed in a realistic way.

and i will give a back story on where harry went later on.

Does the bleeding hand have significance? Is it some sort of... clue?

damn. got it in one. work it out now

Next part. sorry for the delay:

The innocent looking walls of the outside of Archdale Academy stood still through the night as rain lashed down onto it. 2 giant doors stood on the wall. A very loud crack broke the near-silence of the night as 1 adult and about 40 teenagers popped out of nowhere and fell on the ground. They got up and proceeded to the doors.

“Professor, why is there another tournament?” A voice echoed from the crowd.

“Yea, the last one ended 3 years ago, it’s supposed to be 100 years before another one.” Hermione questioned.

“Im afraid I can’t answer that Miss Granger” Professor McGonagall answered. The doors opened with a large screech that echoed through the castle. They made there way upstairs to 2 smaller doors where 40 brooms lay.

“Now, grab a broom each of you” McGonagall said. The students did as they were told and grabbed a broom and perched on them.

“There enchanted to fly in an organized way so you won’t have to do any flying of your own.” And to that note, the doors opened automatically and the brooms swept off around the room darting in and out of each other in an impressive way. Ron and Hermione found it hard to keep balance. A boy with blonde hair named Draco Malfoy fell from one of the brooms onto a table, breaking it as he did. Everyone laughed at his misfortune to which Ron was thrown of landing on the table, knocking over all the food onto everyone and himself. The brooms landed in front of the teachers of Archdale and the students climbed off. Ron and Draco got up with everyone laughing at them and hurried to the rest of the students. Hermione did her best to try and brush the food of Ron. They took a bow and took seats. It was now the students got a proper look at the hall. It had more or less the same style as Hogwarts, great hall only it was larger and had a blue colour scheme.

yay you posted..lol

Nice post; you're certainly improving.

A few things: When you write numbers such as "two" or "forty", always use the word form. Never use "2" or "40".

You need more detail. It seems to me that at the start of the post, you're ready to describe everything, and by the end of the post, there is hardly an detail at all.

For example, don't say: "Draco fell onto a table breaking it." Say something like, "Draco's broom wobbled uncertainly in the air. He made a grab to steady it, but instead, the broom flipped over, dumping him into the air. He fell and landed onto a long wooden table, which broke with a snap."

It'll make your writing easier to understand, and also make it a better story altogether. Nobody wants to read something boring and undescriptive.

But like I said, I can still see improvements in your posts. Keep it up, and use more details.

writing the next part now. thanks for your comments sauce. been a great help.

Originally posted by The Ones
im trying my hardest to lengthen the story and not make it go down hill
Don't Fret. Your story is top Notch.

thanks barker. heres the next part:


In the Great Hall of Archdale, The headmaster of Archdale, Professor Bemus stood at the golden podium and waited to speak. Bemus was around 6 foot with long, brown hair and was definitely in his mid forty’s Of course the loud noise of the eagerly excited children wasn’t going to quiet down. Bemus took out his long, brown wand and pointed it at the back wall. A beam on silvery, while light escaped the tip of his wand. The beam turned into a phoenix as it swooped over everyone’s heads, leaving behind a trail of light. Its screech echoed loudly though the Hall. The phoenix swooped to the ceiling and blew up in a sea of fire and light. Everyone was immediately silenced and turned there attention to Bemus. Bemus flicked his wand and two golden barrels appeared from nowhere. One, the size of Bemus and the other the size of his legs. He pointed his wand at the shortest one and it started floating. Bemus guided it to the table and let it fall. He then turned to the tallest barrel and pointed his wand at it. It started to melt and bend into a giant goblet. Once done the gold then turned into silver and a bright, elaborate blue flame.

“The Goblet of Fire” the professor yelled across the room. “Those students wishing to submit there name to there tournament, write your name on a piece of parchment, and throw it in the flame. But be warned, 3, extremely dangerous tasks await the 3 students chosen. But the winner will be the owner of, The Triwizard Cup” He said as the ball vanished leaving a large glass cup. The students gasped in awe and started talking amongst themselves.

Later that night everyone over the age of 16 submitted there name into the cup, apart from those at Hogwarts, who remember the dangerous tasks from 3 years ago and didn’t want to be part of it. Only some from Hogwarts, who wanted the prize and willing to risk there life for it, submitted there name into the tournament.

Meanwhile, the bewitched Harry was overseeing a conversation between Voldemort and a Death Eater. Voldemort seemed to be made up of some green gas.

“No my lord Voldemort, we just haven’t got the means to…”

“NO!!! YOU WILL DO AS I ASKED, NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP US TONIGHT”

“Please my lord, we are trying. Its just, 200 against 3000, we will be outnumbered.”

“I DON’T CARE IF THERE ARE 900,000, WE’LL KILL THEM ALL”

“But my lord…”

“QUESTION ME AGAIN AND THE WIZARDS WILL BE THE LAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS!”

“But my Lord”

“AVADA KEDAVERA!” A blinding green light surrounded the death eater and threw him to the floor permanently. “MOODY!” Voldemort commanded. A fat man with blonde hair walked toward the gassy Voldemort. “YOU SHALL LEAD THESE PEOPLE TO ARCHDALE. DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE YOUR PREDASSOR DID OR FAIL THE MISSION OR YOUR WILL END UP LIKE HIM.

“Yes my lord Voldemort” Moody said as Voldemort disappeared

2 days passed and the day of excitement came for the people of Archdale.

“And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for, The Champion selection.” Bemus said triumphantly, the goblet that emitted the blue flame shook and turned its flame pink and shot out a piece of paper. The paper landed in Bemus’s hand and he started to read it.

“The Archdale champion is, Gerald Arums.” A tall, Caucasian male stood up from the crowd of Archdale. He had short, brown, fuzzy hair. he made his way to the small door that had recently been created.

“The Maven county champion is, Olivia Felton”. A tall, white female stood up, she was beautiful and had long silky blonde hair. She made her way to the same door. “And now the final champion, from Hogwarts” Bemus said as the flame shot out another piece of parchment. It floated through the air and into bemuses hand.

“The Hogwarts champion is…”


hah. thought i'd end in a cliff hanger

Hey! Please don't stop like this.I can't digest this much suspence.

Ive already told you. re-read it and spot the clues. i'll post the next part tomorrow

oh man dun tell me its harry again

lol. its not. he's with the death eaters

it's ron isn't i know it is wait.....i don't know.....oh poo i hate clifhangers.....lol

Good job.

thanks

Is it Draco Malfoy? By the way I didn't understand one thing. How has Draco joined the school again?I mean he had killed Dumbledore.Still instead of arresting him, he has been allowed to continue the school?

i wont say anything except for this.
things arent always what they seem

Originally posted by paliwal_ruppal
Is it Draco Malfoy? By the way I didn't understand one thing. How has Draco joined the school again?I mean he had killed Dumbledore.Still instead of arresting him, he has been allowed to continue the school?

Oh, yeah... I didn't even think of that...

Hmm... and Ron and Hermione didn't even question it?

Hmm...

i am aware of that. there are loose ends dotted everywhere but they all link up at the end

please post ur story is amazing

POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
STPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST
POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPO
ST

SOZ BOUT DAT i got carried away

shouldnt be too long now for the next part

when? post soon plzzzzzzzzz.
POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POSTPOST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST
POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POSTPOST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POSTPOST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POSTPOST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST
POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POSTPOST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POSTPOST POST POST POSTPOST POST POST

Just completed the next 2 parts. But i like to toy with people so i will post them sometime tomorrow

noooooooooooooo post soon

post more now plz

When are u going to post

oooh its fun to toy. But ok, heres the next bit:


“The Hogwarts champion is, Ron Weasley.” A large applause spontaneously broke out. Ron looked like he had seen a ghost. He stood up and slowly walked over to the door. He met a large long staircase going down. It was muddy and steamy. It seemed to be going forever till he stood on a flat surface. He walked forward and saw 2 familiar faces, Gerald Arums and Olivia Felton. Both took one glance at him and turned away. Ron looked around. It was filled to the brim with portraits and clocks. It seemed a bit chilly in this room. Ron looked around and spotted a bench with 3 spaces on it. He went to sit down when he spotted that all of the clocks pendulums and hands stopped moving, as though it had been frozen solid. Everything started to get colder until the very air Ron breathed out condensed before it even left the safety of his lips. Ron felt all his happy memory’s draining from him. He heard people screaming from above. Sounds of tables overturning and mass carnage came. He grew weaker and weaker. He used what strength he had left to go back up to see what was going on. He reached the top of the muddy staircase and saw hundreds of gliding figures with hooded robes. In the midst of the crowd a big voice screamed, “DEMENTORS!”

ha i knew it was ron

i think someone took a polyjuice potion to look like Draco... It might be an Order member... hmmm...

Next part coming soon

Hi people,

The Ones computer is currently broken down so he'll be back in a day or two after it has been fixed

Originally posted by WldGrnAgel
i think someone took a polyjuice potion to look like Draco... It might be an Order member... hmmm...

And you think that none of the students would have questioned this? If parents knew students would be out of school straight away. Already with Dumbledore dead parents are scared of letting their kids into school. Imagine having someone who was a Death Eater.

Hi, im back. All the answers are coming soon. Im writing the next part now so it should be on here by Saturday

Originally posted by The Ones
Hi, im back. All the answers are coming soon. Im writing the next part now so it should be on here by Saturday

Well its sunday now *looks at watch* do you like to keep us waiting?

Sorry but my account was hacked. Im going to have to use TheOnes2 till i get it back. Yes i do like to keep you waiting.

Next Part.

Ron took out his wand and with all his energy left, pointed it at the huge cloud of Dementors and said: Expecto Patronum. A small wisp of smoke flayed out of the end of his wand and then disappeared. It hadn’t worked. He tried again but his wand froze. Ron quickly let go of it, the wand cracked as it hit the floor. Ron ran looking for cover. He looked around and saw almost an army of wizards with there wands pointed at the Dementors, with bright and shiny creatures and streams of light being ejected out of there wands and flying up to attack the vicious beasts. Ron ran over to join Hermione, who had just released a silvery, faded otter from her wand and sent it up at the Dementors. A large white light blinded every being in the area. The anxious screams of the Dementors could be heard as they pulled back to the entrance they came from and retreated. The light died down to reveal the patronus was cast by Olivia Felton.


Almost 1 hour after the violent attack, things were getting pretty much back to normal. Hogwarts students had been allocated an area to sleep in for the night. Just like Hogwarts, the boys and girls had been segregated. Ron and Hermione were both worried after they saw Draco fall of his broom. Draco was a Death Eater, a servant of the Dark Lord Voldemort. Why was he allowed back at Hogwarts? Of course Ron had taken the liberty to find out. He lifted his head up from his soft and comfortable pillow and looked over to Draco. He was asleep. Ron quickly jumped out of his bed and tip-toed over to his trunk and opened it. Inside were lots of old pieces of parchment and some strange drink. Before he had time to dig deeper, a ball of light was emitted from the bed as Draco quickly jumped out and pointed his wand at Ron.

Originally posted by TheOnes2
Yes i do like to keep you waiting.


Awesome

Thanks.

The seeds are now planted, the story will now unfold in dramatic ways.

Next part coming soon

Good stuff, Ones the Second.

just one question how come if this is supposed to be the 7th book harry kissed ginny in the 7th book and then suddenly now hes kissing hermione ity doesnt make since

I'm sorry but this is crazy the Triwizard tourneyment happens every 5 years or is 500 yrs i cant remeber and thats just a one time thing and you cant just skip a whole part of a story it doesnt make sense at all im sry but i dont like it as much as i thought i would

As i said. All the answers will be revealed. I will explain why the Triwizard is happening so soon along with alot of other "unanswered" questions.

Originally posted by TheOnes2
As i said. All the answers will be revealed. I will explain why the Triwizard is happening so soon along with alot of other "unanswered" questions.

11 Days. How much longer?

I have just come back from holiday. I'll finish the next part then post it. The more you complain the more i will wait.

PLEASE DON'T COMPLAIN! I LIKE THIS STORY AND DON'T WANT TO WAIT!

Your story is really good, TO. Don't feel you need to rush things. Though JKR manages to go from relevant scene to relevant scene, a lot of them are in fairly normal surroundings. For instance, Harry's journey to the cave - the train rides to Hogwarts have always played big parts in the books, as have some of the lessons (Care of Magical Creatures, for example), etc.

H.S.'s comments are always useful - more detail, and new lines for speech.

And one more comment... I'm going to be very disappointed if this is all a dream.

Thanks. Im just finalising the next part now. Should be online within a couple of days.

i think 16 days is more than a couple of days

sorry, had a lot of things to do

r u gonna post today
????????????????????

HUZZA! Finaly New post. sorry for the long wait:



“Ah, Ron” said the blonde haired child. Draco placed his wand at his bedside table. Ron noticed that the voice was different that his normal voice.

“Wh…who are you?” Ron stuttered. Draco turned toward Ron. His face was largely disfigured as he somehow started to grow. The sandy blonde hair turned dark brown as he gradually formed into:

“Professor Lupin?” Ron cried out. Ron darted his eyes back at the trunk by his bed. As he looked closer, the pieces of parchment were the plans from the order about spying on the death eaters, and that strange drink was obviously polyjuice potion.

“But I thought polyjuice potion didn’t work for animals” Ron joked. Lupin cracked a short smile, but was soon wiped from his face when he spotted a Ravenclaw student waking up. He quickly picked up his wand and pointed it at the student. A short, long orange light was released from the wand and into the students head. They quickly went back to sleep.

“I take it all the teachers know about this then?” Ron asked

“Yes” Lupin replied. “We have dispatched spies from the order. Mad Eye Moody is posing as a turned wizard with the death eaters…”

“What???” Ron whispered in a surprised tone. “They will kill him.”

“Direct access with Voldemort...” Ron flinched when he spoke the dark wizard’s name, but Lupin went on, “We had to take that risk. Find out what Volde…” Lupin stopped as he looked at Ron. “Find out what… you know who is planning.”

“Why are you here?” Ron asked.

“Now is not the time to tell you” Lupin replied with hesitancy.

“Go back to sleep Ron. Im already late” Lupin commanded. Ron did as he said as Lupin quietly stepped out of the room.

is that it???????????? u lazy git lol but it was good kinda seen it coming though that moody wasnt really a death eater i think u need to do like a flash back thing with lupin explaining to ron how moody got in though

ok. Will do. Next part coming real soon.

Post It's a really good story

Ok, Since i cut so much of this out, many people have become confused about the plot. I am therefore announcing i will release an Extended Edition of this story sometime in the near future to fill in all the plot holes.

cool but u know to do that u have to release a normal version of ur story hurry up and post lol

yeh POST POST POST

ahh, thats how that death eater saw harry in his cloak, good one, keep it up dude

EDIT

dude, its THE ONES!! haha do you remember me from our matrix days?? its good to be back on, its been like 48392842309 years, or so it seems. your story looks great, hopefully ill be around here a little more often to keep reading it, and maybe even start my own. so yea, its good to talk 2 u again, see ya!

Hi Joel. Of course i remember you. I dont think my story is that good (hopefuly thats only coming from the "creator's eye" perspective). Good to see ya.

Next part coming this week

your story's good. keep posting, i like it!

Pretty good so far

Holy shit, i forgot about this. I'll start writing more now

This is a really good story. Post More soon