Lesson Learned

Text-only Version: Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.



Regulus A Black

hotsauce6548
Good start. There were some mistakes, but nothing too major to worry over. I'm interested in seeing where this goes. thumb up

Regulus A Black
what mistakes were there?

Regulus A Black

Brunette Angel
It's pretty good. I am also interested to see where this leads. Keep it up. big grin

jlee17xoxo412
yea nice story...can't wait to read more of it♥

Regulus A Black

Regulus A Black
House Point to anybody that can correctly guess what Snape is teaching him with just the clue its protection that few wizards have.

Regulus A Black
hmm i plan on having through chapter 6 posted by sunday ill post chapter 4 later tonight for sure possibly five as well and by later tonight i mean like 3:00 am

Regulus A Black

Regulus A Black

Regulus A Black

Regulus A Black
ok so chapter 6 was getting to long so i decided to change the title from what it oringally says in this post it is now called the stranger. Chapter 7 will be called the Hidden Horcrux

Regulus A Black

Regulus A Black

Regulus A Black
if you have any questions or theories about what is going to happen in the story i would prefer it if you would PM me and i will answer you if i feel it won't ruin the story.

Saratn
whoah whoah whoah. This is good an all, but some of this stuff would never happen. and their were mistakes as well.

A.) The house James and Lily lived in was destroyed if i remember correctly.
B.) Harry can't talk to Dumbledore normally.
C.) Dumbledore didn't know fully about the horcruxes until Harry confirmed his hunches.
D.) this story was way too fast paced. You really need to slow it down.
E.) Petunia would never act like that to Harry and his friends
F.) Yeah, Petunia loves him, like Bush cares about America.
G.) How can Harry grow to like a place that he hated?
H.) longer, longer, longer chapters
This is how i would score your fanfic, though you didn't ask for it.

Score:

Spelling/Punctuation- i saw barely any errors, which was great. 25/25

Paragraphing- once or twice you didn't start a paragraph when needed. 23/25

Detail- no offense but this is the area where you could use more work on. You didn't use any detail really, which is kind of a disappointment, no offense again. 15/25 which is quite gracious

Characters- though this is a fanfic, you still need to make the characters more clear than you have been doing. no offense once more. You got their personallities down, but that isn't all of it. like what about his scar? And Petunia loving Harry? Dumbledore talking to Harry like nothing happened? You brought the R.A.B. in too fast. 20/25

Total 83/100 B-

Additional Comments- Great story. you have me interested, but may i suggest one of two things. start your story over, and try to add more detail. you should get a beta. you have great ideas, but you bring them in too fast. If you want, i could be your beta. but if you wanted me to be your beta, you would need to a.) start over, b.) more detail, c.) longer chapters. You may want a different title, because "Lesson Learned" is the title of chapter one. oh and Snape i think is teaching Malfoy Occlumency.

But anywho, i still love it. keep up the good work.

Regulus A Black
Here are a few more chapter titles so you can know what to expect.
Chapter 7: The Hidden Horcrux
Chapter 8: A Halloween Surprise
Chapter 9: A Few Questions
Chapter 10: Draco's Mistake
Chapter 11: The Return

Regulus A Black
Remember Chapter Titles can be misleading

Regulus A Black

Regulus A Black

Regulus A Black

WldGrnAgel
eek! need more *twitch* please post ASAP

im really liking to story thumb up thumb up

Regulus A Black

Regulus A Black

Regulus A Black

Regulus A Black

WldGrnAgel
it's getting better and better...

jlee17xoxo412
nice stuff smile

Regulus A Black

lzyjosh
dats it? y arent u continuing? i must say ur story is really quite oringinal compared to the rest in the forum. i nv would have tot of regulas as R.A.B...
anyway...plz continue posting!!

Regulus A Black
write now im kinda stuck trying to make this chapter flow smoothly, its kinda rough i have what i want for this chapter in my head, and i know how to put it into words, i just need to finish up with a certain part of the chapter before i can begin writing the main part of the chapter, and this chapter isn't going to be as long as the previous one, or at least i don;'t think so and im having trouble accessing it. I can only write it every once in a while, im on school computers and it is on my drive at the school, but sometimes it can't locate my drive, well most of the time it can't but expect chapters 9 and 10 by new years, if i don't get them up PM me like crazy

Regulus A Black

Regulus A Black

Regulus A Black

Regulus A Black

lzyjosh
errr it's a bit too fast towards the end...and Snape in glee? I tot he talk to everyone like dirt...
but cool work i like the first one about the quidditch smile

yoda545
its cool write more

jlee17xoxo412
that was really good.......i'm glad you posted a really long one

Regulus A Black

Regulus A Black

Regulus A Black

Regulus A Black

Sirius_Rulez
plz continue ur doing gr8 i really like it, dont give up on it, i really want 2 c wat happens next, cant wait

Text-only Version: Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.