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You know the drill:

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Customer:"I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get
through to enquiries, can you help?".

Operator:"Where did you get that number from, sir?".

Customer:"It was on the door to the Travel Centre".

Operator:"Sir, they are our opening hours".
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Samsung Electronics

Caller:"Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"

Operator:"I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking
about".

Caller:"On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that
I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone
Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"

Operator:"I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

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RAC Motoring Services

Caller:"Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
travelling in Australia?"

Operator:"Doesn't the product give you a clue?"

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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in
France):

"If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering
wheel to the other side of the car?"

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Directory Enquiries

Caller:"I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".

Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"

Caller:"Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell
off".

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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator:"Woven? Are you sure?"

Caller:"Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland".

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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:

"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the
number on".

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Tech Support:"I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".

Customer:"OK".

Tech Support:"Did you get a pop-up menu?".

Customer:"No".

Tech Support:OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer:"No".

Tech Support:"OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?".

Customer:"Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".

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Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you
see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer:"Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

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Caller:"I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised
that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have
my file back again?".

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There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a
long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This
is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed
from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently
suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:"Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Operator:"What sort of trouble??"

Caller:"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words
went away."

Operator:"Went away?"

Caller: "They disappeared."

Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Caller:"Nothing."

Operator:"Nothing??"

Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Operator:"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"

Caller: "How do I tell?"

Operator:"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"

Caller:"What's a sea-prompt?"

Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything
type."

Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"

Caller:"What's a monitor?"

Operator:"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"

Caller:"I don't know."

Operator:"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"

Caller: "Yes, I think so."

Operator:"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall.

Caller:"Yes, it is."

Operator:"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there
were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"

Caller:"No."

Operator:"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
find the other cable."

Caller:"Okay, here it is."

Operator:"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
the back of your computer."

Caller: "I can't reach."

Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"

Caller:"No."

Operator:"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way
over??"

Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's
because it's dark."

Operator: "Dark??"

Caller:"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window."

Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Caller:"I can't."

Operator: "No? Why not??"

Caller: "Because there's a power failure."

Operator: "A power...................................... A power
failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the
boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"

Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Operator:"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up
just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
bought it from."

Caller:"Really? Is it that bad?"

Operator:"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"

Operator:"Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer!!!!!"

So true, though...

honestly, why are people so stupid?

That last one is great

That'd be me....telling someone to return their computer because they're too stupid to use it.....

loved the last one!!!

The last one is just classic

I suddenly have an urge to call customer support and say something stupid.

This one is called "Nice Try"



Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won't work."

Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"

Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."

Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error messages did you get?"

Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the drive and wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out. That didn't work either."

Tech Support: "You did what sir?"

Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."

Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject button?"

Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used a turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe you would send me a disk that was broke and defective."

Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in your A: drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?"

At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and motioned at the other techs to listen in.



Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat what you just said?"

Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your crappy disk out, then I had to use pliers to pull it out."

Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that was sticking out when the disk was in the drive, you know, the thing called the disk eject button?"

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.
.
.
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Tech Support: "Sir?"

Customer: "Yes."

Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"

Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am going to sue you for breaking my computer?"

Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue our company because you put the disk in the A: drive, didn't follow the instructions we sent you, didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't consult your user's manual on how to use your computer properly, instead proceeding to pour butter into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"

Customer: "Ummmm."

Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do record every call and have it on tape?"

Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed to help!"
Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for you. Have a nice day."

I love the one where the customer support guy tell him he's too stupid to own a computer.

theres some genius' out there