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When Mrs. Tawny Huxton opened her son Timmy's bedroom door, she was shocked to see his innocent white hiney nestled into the new 7ft Jar Jar Binks doll she had bought him for his birthday. Lately, many Americans have suffered similar incidents. Young children are being seduced by the character of George Lucas' latest Star Wars Movie. Jar Jar's soothing voice, and timid childlike manners, seem to lure young teens into a world of lustful abandon. Unsuspecting parents purchase the popular life-size doll, only to find out later that it is being used by the child as a masturbation toy.

Under the guise of family entertainment, Lucas' "Star Wars" prequel has contaminated America's youth with subliminal sexual innuendo. Pastor Ebeneezer Smith of the Landover Baptist Church commented, "The demonic characteristics of the Jar Jar binks creature become obvious when one pays close attention. His forked tongue, his lapping, his malignant features, are all too noticeable to the Christ centered man." Experts who have examined the life-sized doll that has become the favorite 'toy' of 12-14 year old children, say that the evidence is overwhelming. The doll was created for the sole purpose of masturbation. It has four openings, and three extrusions, making it compatible for male or female pleasure.

Members of The Landover Baptist Church are outraged at the Satanic subtlety in which marketing geniuses have moved this horrific abomination into the homes of America's youth. "One Mother was concerned that her young daughter was not interested in boys," a Pastor noted, "she asked her little girl, 'why don't you talk about the cute boys at school?' Her daughter replied, 'oh momma, nobody I know is cuter than Jar Jar Binks.' The mother was horrified."


Landover Baptist Church finds that the only way to resolve this problem is to ban not only life sized Jar Jar Binks dolls from American homes, but to ban any life sized doll. "Any child that has seen this movie is finding that their natural attraction to members of the opposite sex is being replaced with an attraction to a 7ft devil with elephant feet, a 25 inch tongue, polka dot skin, a fish snout, and two phallic eyes that jut out like hard erotic pokers. For the Love of God! If you've got this devil in your house, remove it as soon as possible!

my god, the days wen i can play with my life size doll of chuck norris are over.

man that was funny, good find woflet

. You don't need a 7ft doll of Jar Jar Binks which is used for masturbation to know the dude was evil. Just watch the damn movie.

sick and twisted comes to mind, and what the hell was george lucas thinking when he commisioned the mass production of that doll.

very old gag this is

Originally posted by Wolflet
When Mrs. Tawny Huxton opened her son Timmy's bedroom door, she was shocked to see his innocent white hiney nestled into the new 7ft Jar Jar Binks doll she had bought him for his birthday. Lately, many Americans have suffered similar incidents. Young children are being seduced by the character of George Lucas' latest Star Wars Movie. Jar Jar's soothing voice, and timid childlike manners, seem to lure young teens into a world of lustful abandon. Unsuspecting parents purchase the popular life-size doll, only to find out later that it is being used by the child as a masturbation toy.

Under the guise of family entertainment, Lucas' "Star Wars" prequel has contaminated America's youth with subliminal sexual innuendo. Pastor Ebeneezer Smith of the Landover Baptist Church commented, "The demonic characteristics of the Jar Jar binks creature become obvious when one pays close attention. His forked tongue, his lapping, his malignant features, are all too noticeable to the Christ centered man." Experts who have examined the life-sized doll that has become the favorite 'toy' of 12-14 year old children, say that the evidence is overwhelming. The doll was created for the sole purpose of masturbation. It has four openings, and three extrusions, making it compatible for male or female pleasure.

Members of The Landover Baptist Church are outraged at the Satanic subtlety in which marketing geniuses have moved this horrific abomination into the homes of America's youth. "One Mother was concerned that her young daughter was not interested in boys," a Pastor noted, "she asked her little girl, 'why don't you talk about the cute boys at school?' Her daughter replied, 'oh momma, nobody I know is cuter than Jar Jar Binks.' The mother was horrified."


Landover Baptist Church finds that the only way to resolve this problem is to ban not only life sized Jar Jar Binks dolls from American homes, but to ban any life sized doll. "Any child that has seen this movie is finding that their natural attraction to members of the opposite sex is being replaced with an attraction to a 7ft devil with elephant feet, a 25 inch tongue, polka dot skin, a fish snout, and two phallic eyes that jut out like hard erotic pokers. For the Love of God! If you've got this devil in your house, remove it as soon as possible!

I didn't read any of that. All I have to do is read the title and I'm done!

somebody who says "I love Jar Jar" must be very desperate lol

Wa? Someone shoved a Jar Jar doll up their ass?

Originally posted by bogen
sick and twisted comes to mind, and what the hell was george lucas thinking when he commisioned the mass production of that doll.
I doubt that GL actually had anything to do with life size dolls coming out...sick people.

ITS A JOKE

landover baptist church is a parody website and this story was made up as a joke. its not real. save your shock and disgust for real issues

Originally posted by PVS
very old gag this is agreed my friend

Oh well, atleast someone out there likes Jar Jar lol

yeah and now back to chuck norris! ( he's so kool)

WHY THE HELL IS EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS

Cause hes rad man. Its Chuck Norris.

The only undefeated martial arts champion of all time. And walker Texas Ranger. Don't get much more intense then that.

its just some way overused inside joke, probably sprung by the new college drinking game.

and he's and absolute gangsta! without even carring a pisdol

Why does this guy love and masterbate using a Jar Jar toy?

Originally posted by PVS
ITS A JOKE

landover baptist church is a parody website and this story was made up as a joke. its not real. save your shock and disgust for real issues

*rolls eyes*

God... You almost f***ing gave me a heart attack! When I saw the title of the thread, I'm like "Oh damn, this bastard's going down." Then I actually read the thread and were relieved....

Originally posted by Wolflet
When Mrs. Tawny Huxton opened her son Timmy's bedroom door, she was shocked to see his innocent white hiney nestled into the new 7ft Jar Jar Binks doll she had bought him for his birthday. Lately, many Americans have suffered similar incidents. Young children are being seduced by the character of George Lucas' latest Star Wars Movie. Jar Jar's soothing voice, and timid childlike manners, seem to lure young teens into a world of lustful abandon. Unsuspecting parents purchase the popular life-size doll, only to find out later that it is being used by the child as a masturbation toy.

Under the guise of family entertainment, Lucas' "Star Wars" prequel has contaminated America's youth with subliminal sexual innuendo. Pastor Ebeneezer Smith of the Landover Baptist Church commented, "The demonic characteristics of the Jar Jar binks creature become obvious when one pays close attention. His forked tongue, his lapping, his malignant features, are all too noticeable to the Christ centered man." Experts who have examined the life-sized doll that has become the favorite 'toy' of 12-14 year old children, say that the evidence is overwhelming. The doll was created for the sole purpose of masturbation. It has four openings, and three extrusions, making it compatible for male or female pleasure.

Members of The Landover Baptist Church are outraged at the Satanic subtlety in which marketing geniuses have moved this horrific abomination into the homes of America's youth. "One Mother was concerned that her young daughter was not interested in boys," a Pastor noted, "she asked her little girl, 'why don't you talk about the cute boys at school?' Her daughter replied, 'oh momma, nobody I know is cuter than Jar Jar Binks.' The mother was horrified."


Landover Baptist Church finds that the only way to resolve this problem is to ban not only life sized Jar Jar Binks dolls from American homes, but to ban any life sized doll. "Any child that has seen this movie is finding that their natural attraction to members of the opposite sex is being replaced with an attraction to a 7ft devil with elephant feet, a 25 inch tongue, polka dot skin, a fish snout, and two phallic eyes that jut out like hard erotic pokers. For the Love of God! If you've got this devil in your house, remove it as soon as possible!

forget it i'm not readin all that.

Originally posted by Padawan
*rolls eyes*

Thanks for a redundant bump

borg Chuck Norris is not a good martial artist or even good with a gun bruce lee wiped the floor with him and the only films he can do are cheesey vietnam type movies like the M.I.A series. Anyway it was criminal for george lucas to create not just jar jar but the whole race of gungans and damn jar jar for surviving in the prequels.

Originally posted by Padawan
*rolls eyes*

how very pointless. thank you

this reminds me of this harry potter toy that was circulating the world, with its 'vibration effects' it was a broomstick.

O.K> I admit it, I am part of the most unpopular sect out there, ..I really DO love JarJar... I don't think he ruined the movie at all . /shrug, I thought he was funny as hell. All you JarJar haters need to hush and leave the poor boy be, and stop thinking up ways to kill him.. HOW WUDE!

Who dug up this old fossil???

It was me me me all me so jus close it already..lol..otherwise I will continue to post in the sweersa female gungan thread and keep it alive forever....muhahahah...koff..ahem...nah dude I wouldnt go that far...lol