WOW...Just WOW

I just looked into this Landover Baptist, and no IT IS NOT A PARODY SITE! I look into forums and they don't seem like parody people. And heres a letter from a kid who asks the landover Baptist Pastor if hes dog will go to heaven.

Do Pets Go to Heaven?

Dear Pastor,

I am 8-years old and I am so sad now cause my dog, Scruffy is awfully sick. The pet doctor told my mom that Scruffy has only a few weeks to live because he has a bunch of cancers everwhere. The doctor told my mom that I am gonna see Scruffy when I get to heaven, but she told me that my doctor is not saved, so that I will write to you and ask you the real answer about Scruffy because you know.

Pastor, I love Scruffy so much! I have been trying so much every day not to cry, but when I look at his eyes, he is so sad! My poor dog is in so much pain with his cancers. Is Scruffy going to go to Heaven, Pastor? Will I get to see him again?

Timothy Galvin - Age 8
Freehold, Iowa

Dear Timmy,

It always breaks my heart when I have to answer a question like this. I understand your concern, but I won't lie to you. According to the Bible, there will be no animals in heaven except for horses. And those horses, the book of Revelation tells us, will be used solely as a means of transportation. Scripture tells us that horses will sprout wings and be able to fly at high speeds. We'll fly too, Timmy, but the horses will probably fly faster, which is why Jesus is going to keep them around.

As True Christians™, we can only speculate why God doesn't find it necessary to populate heaven with dogs, cats, cows, chickens and other creatures. Most likely it is because we won't need food when we get to Heaven. Using Bible logic, we have to assume that there are going to be a whole mess of folks in Hell and most of them will be Chinese, since they never had the luxury of hearing about Jesus. People in hell will need food to sustain them through an eternity of torture at the hands of the loving God they rejected. As we understand it, Chinese folks love to eat dogs. I'm sorry, Timmy - it is a hard sight to take in, but in a few weeks little Scruffy will be savagely ripped to shreds, as will countless other pooches, at the blood-stained hands of starving, godless Chinamen as they are beaten and sodomized by demons on the desolate shores of the Lake of Fire. My guess is that those shores will be piled high with the rotting, bone-picked carcasses of every household pet there ever was.

I hope this helps.

Your friend and Pastor,

Deacon Fred

Oh my Sith Lord(I say Sith Lord instead of God, since thats not saying God's name in vain), these people suck!

Originally posted by General Envy
I just looked into this Landover Baptist, and no IT IS NOT A PARODY SITE!

The site is satirical, and you are a complete idiot for thinking otherwise.

shocking

wow...even as a joke...that's really messed up.

🤨

Originally posted by General Envy
Oh my Sith Lord(I say Sith Lord instead of God, since thats not saying God's name in vain), these people suck!

Hahaha, got a good laugh out of that.

I am laughing very much.....scuffy's gonna die.

how the hell could you think this was NOT a parody site I mean no-one in their right mind would talk to a child like that. And if it did happen they wouldn't go post it on a NON-parody site

I was going to post this article actually. It's great.

Yes, it's a parody site, says so somewhere in the hate mail or the FAQs or something.

I want a horse that can fly..

Pegasus

Can't... stop... laughing... "I hope this helps" OMFG 😆 That was golden! True Christains with a trademark symbol? HAH!

I found out it was satirical when I was at what I thought was the website for the White House (whitehouse.org), which claimed Pastor Deacon Fred of the Landover Baptist Church was the head of the US Department of Faith. devil

...scared the shit out of me, for like a few seconds, until I realized it was joke

How can you say such things to an 8 year old? That is just preposterous!

I think everyone's overreacting.
Everyone knows I completely disagree with all baptist believes but telling a little kid animals aren't allowed in heaven isn't that horrible thing to do.
When my younger siblings ask me about dead pets I always tell them they're dead, and most likely they haven't gone anywhere.
And that didn't shock them. So I doubt this kid will be "scarred for life" or anyting, in fact he's 8. He'll probably get over the dead dog in a week.
That is of course, assuming the letter's real.

Lil B. I see you're location says Japan, are you really in Japan or is it part of your "memoirs of a geisha" theme?
I've been twice to Japan, if you've never been you really should go sometime.

😆 that was funny. Even as a catholic I find this hilarious...

Originally posted by lil bitchiness
How can you say such things to an 8 year old? That is just preposterous!

I actually found it hilarious. I hope I get to say things like that when I have an 8 year old of my own.

Originally posted by Eis
I think everyone's overreacting.
Everyone knows I completely disagree with all baptist believes but telling a little kid animals aren't allowed in heaven isn't that horrible thing to do.
When my younger siblings ask me about dead pets I always tell them they're dead, and most likely they haven't gone anywhere.
And that didn't shock them. So I doubt this kid will be "scarred for life" or anyting, in fact he's 8. He'll probably get over the dead dog in a week.
That is of course, assuming the letter's real.

Lil B. I see you're location says Japan, are you really in Japan or is it part of your "memoirs of a geisha" theme?
I've been twice to Japan, if you've never been you really should go sometime.

Originally posted by Bardock42
Although I find it funny...I figure telling an 8 year old that "in a few weeks little Scruffy will be savagely ripped to shreds" and "those shores will be piled high with the rotting, bone-picked carcasses of every household pet there ever was" ....pretty ...harsh, I'd say.

Sure it is, but ever hear what comes out of Pentecostals mouths?

I've been visiting the land over baptist site for a few years...it's totally satirical and usually fricken funny as hell.

they referred to tampons as the devils fingers! gotta love it 😂