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Give your favorite corny Spider-Man lines on this thread! Let's be honest, we love Web-Head's sarcasm, so give the best one liner!

(other lines from villains and such can be put here too!)

only 1 tht springs to mind without reading is when spider-man rips off some1s jet pack in mid air and says "quick flap your arms flap your arms!"

the only one i remember so far is when he confronts Rhino.

"Is that a horn on your head or are you just happy to see me?"

Or when life gives you lemons squirt them in his eye and run like hell

This one time, when he got hit, he said, "Ugh!"

I thought it was really funny.

Originally posted by H. S. 6
This one time, when he got hit, he said, "Ugh!"

I thought it was really funny.



HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA

One of my faves when he told Morlun that Stephen Segal wants his ponytail back.

Originally posted by DBZ MAN
the only one i remember so far is when he confronts Rhino.

"Is that a horn on your head or are you just happy to see me?" In the game he says
"Is that a rino horn on youre head or are you(Rhino stands up)....justt...happy..to see.... I am so scared I can't even finish my lame joke."
I never stop with that one. It's too funny.

I know, its absolute crack up! I love where he climbs out of tthe river in USM game:
"Glub" then like a min later: "Did I just say glub?"
Oh, and in the movie:
"that's a nice outfit... did your husband give it to you?"

Originally posted by Spideys Sister
In the game he says
"Is that a rino horn on youre head or are you(Rhino stands up)....justt...happy..to see.... I am so scared I can't even finish my lame joke."
I never stop with that one. It's too funny.



















So hilariouse tht was, to bad the game pretty much sucked.

Another 1
thug "heyyyy check the suit"
thug 2 "he aint no local
thug 1 " shud we charge him a toll?"
thug 3 " yeah and bash him around a little"
Spidey" Nahhhhh i think we shud let him go"
they turn to look at him
Spidey " what dont i get a vote?!"

Also

"Its times like this I appreciate thatI'm almost as agile as i m good looking"

Originally posted by Sparkz
So hilariouse tht was, to bad the game pretty much sucked.

Another 1
thug "heyyyy check the suit"
thug 2 "he aint no local
thug 1 " shud we charge him a toll?"
thug 3 " yeah and bash him around a little"
Spidey" Nahhhhh i think we shud let him go"
they turn to look at him
Spidey " what dont i get a vote?!"

Also

"Its times like this I appreciate thatI'm almost as agile as i m good looking" USM BY ALL MEANS DOES NOT SUCK!!!!!!!!

I don't know what it was, or where it was, but it was one of the most recent comics (maybe FNS 4?).

But he lands in front of a couple on the sidewalk. The guy starts saying, "You...you're--"

But Spidey cuts him off and says, "Yes... I am Batman."


I thought it was funny.

Originally posted by Spideys Sister
USM BY ALL MEANS DOES NOT SUCK!!!!!!!!








































yes in the whole 3 hours it took for me to complete it i had a fantastic time, especialy with the repetative venom missions and the crap web swinging, the only good things bout tht game was the boss's and cut scenes

I like when Spidey tells GG in the game: "What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!!" Yes, I know it was on Chappelle's Show, but that was why it was so funny..

Originally posted by Spideys Sister
In the game he says
"Is that a rino horn on youre head or are you(Rhino stands up)....justt...happy..to see.... I am so scared I can't even finish my lame joke."
I never stop with that one. It's too funny.

























yeah that one was funny sometimes in USM he occasionally says
"If i dont get back to the bugle Jameson will chew my butt off"

I liked the game, but that's because the web-swinging didn't consist of having to memorize about 90000 button combinations. Story mode was too short though.

From Venom, Lethal Protector:

*spidey drops onto a winshield*
BOO!
Okay, maybe I should leave the scary stuff to Ghost Rider

I love in the fight with Shocker, Spidey goes:
"HERMANN? I dint know your name was HERMANN? Well, HERMANN..."
He just keeps takin' the piss

Spider-Man 2

Peter leaps to a building "I'M BACK, I'M BACK"

He falls, hits a car and lands on the road. As he gets up he says "My back... My back".

Trust me. It was funny the first time I saw it.

Also from Spider-man: the game

Spidey to Shocker: "So what's your name? Oh wait. I've got it. (dramatic voice) THE CUSHION"

Originally posted by H. S. 6
I don't know what it was, or where it was, but it was one of the most recent comics (maybe FNS 4?).

But he lands in front of a couple on the sidewalk. The guy starts saying, "You...you're--"

But Spidey cuts him off and says, "Yes... I am Batman."


I thought it was funny.

you are not the only one who thinks that it was funny. But it was from Runaways not FNS.

Here a scan:

http://img40.imageshack.us/my.php?image=batman0dh.jpg

Spidey meets X-23:

http://img99.imageshack.us/img99/5083/x23spidey5eb.th.jpg


you have to love Spidey for his jokes.

Originally posted by Arahan
Spidey meets X-23:

http://img99.imageshack.us/img99/5083/x23spidey5eb.th.jpg


you have to love Spidey for his jokes.

Can you post that entire comic strip or a website to find it on, please?

Oh, you didn't find it on a website?

uhm no, it is my scan from my comic

I love that:
"Wolverine... good lord! What did they do to you!?"

In the rino chase he says he has already fought with scorpion .
"Why can't I fight a guy in a Teddy Bear suit. Just for once a guy who gives hugs insted of a rino or a scorpion."

And there was the beetle fight. I know this wasn't his line but a lady said "Spider-Man is chasing Iron-Man!"

All his lines from the bettle fight were funny as hell.

Its cool the way Beetle's working for the latverian embassy. Does Doc Doom get involved at all?

From the animated series.

"More robots. Why aren't women this attracted to me?"

Originally posted by Knightfall93
Its cool the way Beetle's working for the latverian embassy. Does Doc Doom get involved at all?

He was originally supposed to, but they cut that part out of the game, along with the fact that the Ultimates were gonna make an apperance. Check out the concept art. It was gonna be a much longer game.

Spidey: What am I focusing exactly?
Cap: Your Chi.
Spidey: My Chee?
Cap: Yes
Spidey: Well, no problem. I'm a Chi-wiz. Get it? A.... Ya know I'm a lot funnier when I'm wearing my mask. Can I, maybe, go put it on?
Cap and MJ: NO!
Spidey:Okay

MaryJane: Peter! Peter!

Spider-man: pumpkin eater... had a wife!

LMAO. They cut the game short!? It's short and now I know what it could be....

Maybe they're saving the stuff for Ultimate Spider-Man 2.

Spider-Man on PSone

Mysterio: and now Spider-Man. You...will...DIE!
Spidey: (nervous laugh) Is it too late for us to be friends?

Originally posted by Marcus4600
He was originally supposed to, but they cut that part out of the game, along with the fact that the Ultimates were gonna make an apperance. Check out the concept art. It was gonna be a much longer game.

Spidey: What am I focusing exactly?
Cap: Your Chi.
Spidey: My Chee?
Cap: Yes
Spidey: Well, no problem. I'm a Chi-wiz. Get it? A.... Ya know I'm a lot funnier when I'm wearing my mask. Can I, maybe, go put it on?
Cap and MJ: NO!
Spidey:Okay Yeah, what's up with there being no Ultimates...that would'a rocked.

I know... Spidey 1 is so much better than 2 and has great wise crackin' humour! LMAO

i like in Ult Spi when GG is smashin up the school, hes standing there and says:
as hall monitor, im gonna have to see your hall pass
then this giant green thing comes out

Cool...

I remember in one of the Spider-Man comics (not amazing or anything else, the SPIDER-MAN comics) He had a thief webbed in between an alley and was interrogating him..

"So you're a knife salesmen and you just HAPPENED to be showing a little old lady a knife while holding it to her throat?"

Or something like that. I'll have to get that comic and quote it for you guys later. The whole scene's hilarious.

^Yeah, definately try to get that one scanned.

"Excuse me, but can you tell me where your Alien Costume department is?" - Venom: Lethal Protector #4

I love the thing in Ult Spidey game:
"Is that a hotn on your head or... I am so scared I cant even finish my lame joke!"

Shazam! (first web shot) movie#1 was a great line.

LOL, that scene was f**king hilarious!

Some would say it was redundant, but I liked it.

Honored to be!

My fave was in M vs. C, when one of Spideys Win Quotes after he defeats his opponents and he jumps back and takes a picture of his defeated enemy and him sayin' "One for O.J."

The skull, the corny line. You're name must be Bonehead, right?
-to the Punisher in the animated series.

Originally posted by Marcus4600
The skull, the corny line. You're name must be Bonehead, right?
-to the Punisher in the animated series.

Okay fror USM when he fist fights GG he goes to change He says
"This can't be how captin America does it."
Or (this is if you klnow who they are from the game) in the begining of vol 4 when he's fighting the high rollers he says:
"Do you guys know I fight actual guys with actual metal morphing arms. I'm A class baby."
Classic.

Yeah, then he says:

"I fight guys with REAL electric powers."

Still working on the quote guys, I keep forgetting to get it.

This wasnt one of spideys lines but he has just been thrown out of a car and Deadpool hijacked it they are driving and Deadpool asks this guy "Is this saturday night" Guy:No why DP:Just reminded me of a scifi channel original movie night. Man this is gonna be one big giant mondo spider.
(pic shows the car stuck in a giant web across the bridge)

here was another
DP: Gil Kane shot totally cool! Ok so when i got bitten by a radioactive spider all i got was a rash on my inner thigh like you wouldnt believe that doesnt mean i cant do some fancy moves too!
Spiderman: Fancy? You got thighs like a tree you move like a groundhog you got no lean mean grooves!
Chicks dont dig you and kids dont wear Deadpool underoos!
DP:Ive had like 3 action figures of me already and i heard they were gonna do a plush and some T-shirts to so..so there!

Okay, here's the quote I was talking about earlier.

Spidey has this guy hanging from his fingertips and legs on webs between an alley. Spidey's sitting on his shoulder blades.

Spidey: "Let me get this straight. You ACCIDENTALLY (emphasis mine) had a knife up to that dear little old lady's throat because she was going to buy it and couldn't read the brand name. Sounds convincing so far. Well, now I'm wondering, MR. GINSU, what kind of deal can you CUT me, get it?"

Guy: "I tell you man, she came up to me first. Regular customer, ya know?"

Spidey: "Of knives. I doubt it."

Guy "S-sure man, she's the wife of the local butcher. They were recently robbed and-- could you move a little to the left, thanks-- Anyways, they was robbed and needed to replace some--uh-- equipment, man."

Spidey: "Listen up, MAN! Just between you and me, this lie is getting WAY out of hand. I've wasted enough time on your two bit excuses. All I'm after is a simple confession. So here're your options. Either you tell me the truth, or, when an hour passes-- these webs will dissolve-- At which time, you will find yourself swimming face first in garbage. I HIGHLY recommend you decide quickly. 'Cause according to my watch, your time is just about--"

Guy: "Honestly, I didn't--" Panel shows guy falling into trash at bottom of alley.

Spidey: "--Up-- Or should I say down? Perfect! Almost an hour to the second. Filth has just met filth. I have to admit, that was a pretty good belly flop. A quick call to the authorities and my business is done here."



Spidey: "And they say the fun has gone out of superheroing. Just when I think I've been in this business too long, I'm rejuvenated by a new burst of creativity. My new motto is 'If you can't scare 'em into an honest life, then antagonize 'em while they're down.' I like it."

LMAO!

...anymore...?I'm sleeeeepy.

Then soddin'; well sleep! I can sleep for a week now, it's beautiful half trm!

In The Spiderman 2 video game, when Spidey falls in the water, he comes out and says, "Greeeeat. Nothing better than a soaking-wet costume. Iuck." And he also says, "Oh. Nothing better than a little New York water to clear out the sinuses."
I thought those were both pretty funny.

I thought it was funny when spidey was gonna take out these two gang members and he sees hears madam webs voice in his head and he takes them out by accident and the victim asks if spidey actually meant to do that and spidey goes into how his costume pants once split and then gets interrupted by Madam Web.

What???? Oh, i love that Spidey 2 game... so many more jokes tyhan in the movie. i love it where he bursts into a gang hideout and goes:
"Yeah, I'm making my way through college selling grit!"

Spider-Man " See, thing is I'd love to hang out and continue this fascinating dialogue..."

Crook "LEMMEGO LEMMEGO"

Spidey " Exactly you big ol' smart guys with your big city ways and your fancy talk, but I'm almost late for work. So this is going to be... quick. Which would you prefer: to be unconscious or insulted?"

Crook " I...I

Spidey "Pick 1"

Crook "I...I

Spidey "good choice

Crook is then seen hanging upside down in a webnet with the word loser written underneath

Crook " what the #$%@ are you looking at?!"



Spider-man "Am I dead?...because if im dead...then who or what is the I thats askingthe question?...And if I'm dead why does my nose itch?...And whats weirder I can't find my nose anymore. Okay this is seriosly starting to creep me out

Dr Strange " BE......SILENT

Spidey" Doc? Doc is that..."

Dr Strange " BY THE VAPOURS OS THE VISHANTI DOES IT TAKE A COURT ORDER TO GET A LITTLE SILENCE AROUND HERE?!"

Spidey" Yep, its you all right"

Doc Strange " One word... just one more word and when we return to our dimension you will do so in the form of a toad"

Spidey " Sorry...does that count as a word?"

Doc Strange " #$%@#$%@#$%@#$%@#$%@#$%@#$%@#$%@#$%@"


Captain America " Agent Hill this is Steve Rogers CAptain America do you have access to my sheild file?"

Agent Hill "Yes"

Cap" Then you can verify that I have full champion license"

Hill " I didnt know that"

Spidey " Oh no I'm not joining the chamions"

Cap " It means that I have the authority to assemble any team I see fit to go on any mission I see fit"

Spidey "Yeah? I have clones"


Spide-man "yep were naked"

Spider-woman" they couldnt leave our underwear?!"

Spider-man " I wasnt wearing any"

SW " why?"

Spidey "I chafe"

SW " I want off the team"

Falcon " she dosnt have that in her blood"

Fury " actuly she does she is magnetos daughter, and before she was an avenger she was a mutant terroist, she was a premier member of the brootherhood"

Spidey" and she married a robot"

Total silence from like 20 super heroes

spidey "no offence, I mean he was is the vision is a robot...If i was dating a robot youd all be talking about me behind my bak

Falcon " the visons not a robot he was as real as any of--"

Spidey " he told me he was a robot"

Falcon " Android"

Spidey " Hey I like him I was just saying ...

Falcon " what are you even doing here

Spidey " I was helping with the aliens a second ago..."



Spider-man " whats that spider sense? ranger bob is pinned under a tree something to do with the closet good boy lassie now to... no I have to say it Iv waited my whole life to say this...You see inspector? I was right THE BUTLER DID IT!... I am so 9 years old"


Spider-man " Mindless ones?... We're being attacked by hockey fans"

Thing " hey I like hockey"

Spidey " and this disprooves my point how?"

Spidey " heavier than i thought...Cmon pete its just like what you told MJ after we ate that 3 day old polyensian food out of the fridge what goes down has to come up!"

Heh theres a few

OMG, you have some HILARIOUS stuff...

Originally posted by Knightfall93
OMG, you have some HILARIOUS stuff...

practicly all of tht is from jms aswell, people may not have liked his mystic spider thing but he made spider-man funny as hell.

yeah... crack up!

But I love the way he can say 1 thing and offend like 20 super heroes, now that takes some skill.

I know... sheer quality!

Originally posted by Knightfall93
I know... sheer quality!

Only Deapool does it better.

Deadpool rules and he MUST have a movie! Actually he might be cool in the Wolverine movie, maybe Wolvie frees him from weapon X...

Deadpool would be so awsome in a movie, but they prob make him boring like they did spider-mans sense of humor "here's your change" sheesh, for saying sam raimi has like 1000 comics of spidey he could at least learn his sense of humor a bit more.

Irony... the humour of kings!

Originally posted by Sparkz
Spider-Man " See, thing is I'd love to hang out and continue this fascinating dialogue..."

Crook "LEMMEGO LEMMEGO"

Spidey " Exactly you big ol' smart guys with your big city ways and your fancy talk, but I'm almost late for work. So this is going to be... quick. Which would you prefer: to be unconscious or insulted?"

Crook " I...I

Spidey "Pick 1"

Crook "I...I

Spidey "good choice

Crook is then seen hanging upside down in a webnet with the word loser written underneath

Crook " what the #$%@ are you looking at?!"



Spider-man "Am I dead?...because if im dead...then who or what is the I thats askingthe question?...And if I'm dead why does my nose itch?...And whats weirder I can't find my nose anymore. Okay this is seriosly starting to creep me out

Dr Strange " BE......SILENT

Spidey" Doc? Doc is that..."

Dr Strange " BY THE VAPOURS OS THE VISHANTI DOES IT TAKE A COURT ORDER TO GET A LITTLE SILENCE AROUND HERE?!"

Spidey" Yep, its you all right"

Doc Strange " One word... just one more word and when we return to our dimension you will do so in the form of a toad"

Spidey " Sorry...does that count as a word?"

Doc Strange " #$%@#$%@#$%@#$%@#$%@#$%@#$%@#$%@#$%@"


Captain America " Agent Hill this is Steve Rogers CAptain America do you have access to my sheild file?"

Agent Hill "Yes"

Cap" Then you can verify that I have full champion license"

Hill " I didnt know that"

Spidey " Oh no I'm not joining the chamions"

Cap " It means that I have the authority to assemble any team I see fit to go on any mission I see fit"

Spidey "Yeah? I have clones"


Spide-man "yep were naked"

Spider-woman" they couldnt leave our underwear?!"

Spider-man " I wasnt wearing any"

SW " why?"

Spidey "I chafe"

SW " I want off the team"

Falcon " she dosnt have that in her blood"

Fury " actuly she does she is magnetos daughter, and before she was an avenger she was a mutant terroist, she was a premier member of the brootherhood"

Spidey" and she married a robot"

Total silence from like 20 super heroes

spidey "no offence, I mean he was is the vision is a robot...If i was dating a robot youd all be talking about me behind my bak

Falcon " the visons not a robot he was as real as any of--"

Spidey " he told me he was a robot"

Falcon " Android"

Spidey " Hey I like him I was just saying ...

Falcon " what are you even doing here

Spidey " I was helping with the aliens a second ago..."



Spider-man " whats that spider sense? ranger bob is pinned under a tree something to do with the closet good boy lassie now to... no I have to say it Iv waited my whole life to say this...You see inspector? I was right THE BUTLER DID IT!... I am so 9 years old"


Spider-man " Mindless ones?... We're being attacked by hockey fans"

Thing " hey I like hockey"

Spidey " and this disprooves my point how?"

Spidey " heavier than i thought...Cmon pete its just like what you told MJ after we ate that 3 day old polyensian food out of the fridge what goes down has to come up!"

Heh theres a few

And here is some more.

Angry Mob- "He's a mutie kill him"

Spider-Man-" oh puh-lease if I was a mutant could I.... Okay I don't have a good comeback."



Spider-Man- "Er...Devon You and your friends may want to relocate far away from here...While I must let you know that violence is the last bastion of the unintelligent It looks like im not going to be able to talk my way out of this."

Juggernaught- "Your calling me stupid now?"

Spidey- "Youd just not gonna be happy unless we fight are you?"

Juggs "looks that way don't it?"



Spidey- "Good afternoon officers"

cop- "your the big bad man?"

spidey- "what?er no, you must be talking about the guy behind me, but I wouldnt..."

Cop-"Move it wallcrawler Before i run you in for obstruction of justice."

Spidey "Okay...but whatever you do don't call him stupid!"

Cop- "don't call who stupid"

Juggs- "Who are you calling stupid!?"

Cop- "Oh jeeze"



Spidey- "Not to worry buddy boy escape isnt part of my game plan...speaking of games I have a real hot one I'd like to share with you! My only trouble is I don't know what to call it Ninja Jam..or wall wacker! What do you think fellas? I'm open to feedback. I know its no Turok the dinosaur hunter but one makes do with whats at hand."


Spidey- "Hang on sweety you'll be the envy of all your friends when you told em you went webslinging"

Girl- "My bike! whyd you leave it behind? what kind of hero are you? I-I'll bet captain america would have found a way to save me and my bike"

Spidey- "Are you seriouse? I'm in the middle of a fight!"

Girl- "thats not my problem you owe me a new one! My daddys a lawyer I'll sue if you don't come across"

Doc Ock- "I would be amused by your current predicment If i were not appaled by your utter stupidity, the child is unappreciative and a hinderance, the intelligent course is to discard her."

Girl- "ARRRAGH your gonna be mean and throw me away you belong in jail like my daddy says"

Spidey- "relax kid i'll get you to safety"

Girl- "And buy me a new bike?"

Spidey- "Don't push your Luck!"



silence

Spidey- "Did he just explode?!...I can't wrap my brain around this Xan I just assume your crew is going to handlethings from here and call it a night? the X-men are used to dealing with stuff like this...right?"

Wolvy- "Somewhat...I gotta admitt though Cyclops would never let me hear the end of it if i just throw this in his lap I think I'm just gonna call S.H.I.E.L.D"

Spidey- "You got their number?"

Wolverine "Yeah I got Nick on speed dial"

Spidey "Realy? You've got a direct line right to Fur? I've always got to go through his secretary. I didnt even think Captain America had his direct line....Um...Can I have that number?

Wolverine " No"

Spidey " actuly wolverine could you handle this from here? My wife is probaly worried sick"

Wolverine " your Married?"

Spidey "You find that hard to belive? You've seen me without the mask. I'm Totaly hot"

Wolverine "Oh yeah...I forgot."



Spidey(See's X-23) "Oh man...WOLVERINE GOOD LORD! What did they do to you?!"

X-23 " RAAAAGHHH"

Spidey "was it something I said?...Ok I take it back you don't remind me of wolverine at all...You can tell I'm lieing can't you"



X-23 "Leave me alone I'm not talking to you your crazy"

Spidey " ok thats cool wolverine hated me at first you'll come around"

X-23 "He still does every1 hates you"

Spidey " Everyone?Not everyone?...Realy?"

Cap "I don't hate you...but you can be kind of annoying from time to time...It's not that big of a dea. We've gotten used to tunning you out for the most part"

Spidey" No love for a fellow Avendure cap? thats cold"



Spidey " Oh good someone has done their civic duty and called in the police...Now lets get out of here before they do their civic duty and try to arrest us"

Moonknight "They do that with you too?"

Spidey "Your kidding? Thats my shtick. You'd think I was a mutant or something so many people hate me"



Frenchie " Pardon moi sir--but it appears there is a bank robbery"

Moonknight " brind us in Frenchie and let us out we'll put a stop to this

Spidey "No--thats fine--just assume I'll help, I'v got nothing eles to do realy, i realy want to help out did that sound rude? I didn't mean for it to be rude"

(they get shot down)

Spidey "you guys ok?"

Moonknight " yeah..Frenchie get out of here Its not safe, Spider-man are you ok?"

Spidey "Yeah sorry about your spaceship"

Moonkinght " Its okay I've got 2 more Frenichie will probaly be back with another one to pick us up by the time we're done with whoever shot us done"

Spidey "Oh man the take out My wife is gonna kill me"

Moonknight " Your Married?"

Spidey "Why does that suprise every1?"



Spidey " From bowling pins to super elephants...why are'nt we winning?...Stupid ring"




Daredevil " What in the world just happend? I thought you were fighting the Ringmaster!"

Spidey "I don't know--He's all cosmic now. Got some new ring just-uh-die knowing hes not as lame as before"

Moonkinght "that brings me no comfort whatsoever"



(Spider-man returns home very late and MJ has gone to bed waiting for the takeout)

Spidey "Aw crap"

(Sneaks past MJ)

MJ " It better have been thanos again. thats all I can say if it was'nt Thanos Don't even bother telling me who it was...I swear if you tell me it was the vulture i will punch you in the face"




Nova "WHAT IS THAT!?"

Spidey "Thats Doc Strange's astral projection--You'v never met Doc strange? Half the time we team up its with his creepy ghost , hes a cool guy you'll like him"

Doc Strange " I'm standing right here...sort of, We don't have time for this something disastrouse has taken place and we must take drastic action, you 2 will meet me back at my abode momentarliy"

Nova "Any Idea what this is about?"

Spidey " No but bet you 10 bucks its cosmic"



Nova " are you ok?"

Spidey "I don't know do I have a tail? Please tell me I don't hve a tail"

Nova " No tail"

Spidey "Good good DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!"

Nova "Why are you telling me youre the one knocking stuff over...You could have sent us back in time or into hell or something...You think he can hear us?"

Spidey "I hope not, If he saw what i did he woulf kick my ass"



Spider-ben "good thing the police has code blue to catch all those super villains on the loose, especialy the ones who have made good there escape...What are all the sirens for Lt. Stone some1 double parked"

Lt.Stone " Verrrry funny"



Cops "CODE BLUE EVERYONE FREEZE! By the authority of the new york city police

Spider-Ben "Man! you guys are slower than the postal service"




Cops "Everybody freeaze Code Blue NYPD and we have a warrant for the arrest of Mac Gargan"

Spider-Ben "Guys did you have to come so early?...we barley had to time to sell the bookrights, make the tvshow, the movie, bury the poor guy hold a memorial make the actuion figure do the cartoon cancel the cartoon...Now you boys be careful we don't want the corpse...oh I mean the perpertrtor getting away"

Cop "Har har go eat some bugs"



Spidey " I think every1 got out okay, but I can go back and check. Who was that guy"

MJ " A director. he was mean to me"

Spidey "Look a puppy in troyuble"

Mj "Go get him!"



Loki " What are the green bits?"

Spidey "No1 knows "

Loki "How can you eat things you do not evn know what they are"

Spidey "Hey its the American way"



Spidey "I want you to leave your tennants alone, Everytime you do we play thump"

Lanlord "Thump?"

Spidey "I web you to the ceiling, the webbing lasts a few hous then it dissolves, When it dissolves gravity says hello and...thump"



Spidey "Hi my names Spidey I'm here to deliver a singing strip-o-gram, so come out and play this thong is killing me, but what kind of thinger would i be without a killer thong, I athk you?"



Lamont "Y'know I almost feel sorry for her"

Spidey "She slapped me"

Lamont "Then shes definatly my kind of woman"



Spidey "was this my coffe or was that my coffee"

(Both look)

Lamont "Forget it I aint taking the chance"

Spidey " ME either"

Lamont "For all I know if I drink from the same cup as you I might end up a costume myself"

Spidey "The annoying lame man I like it"

Lamont "Shove it"




Lamont " One costume is plenty in my life thanks"

Spidey " 2 Dates and already we're going steady your such a sweety"

Lamont "One more remark and I'm playing YMCA on the boom-box.LOUD.In German"

Spidey "I'm all yours"




Spidey "You know it never occured to me untill now I could probaly sell this stuff on ebay..."Buy spider-mans butt-print in a plaster wall"...Also available in concrete bricks, Steel, Lead, Iron"




(Spider signal lights up an alley"

Lamont "So...I'm supposed to be impressed?"

Spidey "You like it? I could loan it to you if you want"

Lamont " Yeah? That'd be great thanks. We could put it on the roof and use it whenever we want you to come over, so we can kick the crap outta you"

Spidey "Yeah right you and what thunder god"

Lamont "Theres more than one?"

Spidey "Sigh dosen't any1 read the paper anymore?"

Lamont "Just the bugle"

Spidey "razemfrazem"

Spidey "Nothing i just burped...A bunch of kids have gone missing nobody eles seems to care but you"

lamont " yeah why?"

Spidey " because of the way the moonlight dances in your eyes you big studly guy. and the sister of 1 of your regulars said you were a stand-up guy. You gonna make a liar out of her?

Lamont " get in the freakin' car before some1 spots you a whips out a can of raid"

Spidey "thanks.And I meant the part about the moonlight--"

Lamont "Shuddup"


Hmmmmmmm maybe I wrote to much.

And Once again some more

lamont " I know a guy who can get us in, no way your getting in ooking like that so I bought a disguise"

Spidey " Tranch coat. Snap brim fedora "Innovative original brightest idea of the theater season" new YORK TIMES"

Lamont "Just put it on"



Guard "He hasnt done anything since he got here"

Spidey Uh-oh"

Lamont "What?"

Spidey "He's a congressman"

Lamont " y'know this would probaly be a good time for me to mention i'm armed"

Dr. Strange: Let the Eye of Agamotto peer into the Stygian darkness and seek out the truth.

Spidey: You know, not to be silly, but I saw something similar at the Sharper Image.

Dr. Strange: Yes, I saw it too. Quiet now!

Sparkz you have too much time on your hands

Originally posted by Spideys Sister
Sparkz you have too much time on your hands

I know I'm off work at the min and all my friends are at college, so I have alot of free time to do nothing lol.

Originally posted by Sparkz
I know I'm off work at the min and all my friends are at college, so I have alot of free time to do nothing lol.

Man, you're doing good.
Post more lines.

Originally posted by samishe
Man, you're doing good.
Post more lines.

I'v posted all the funny 1s I could find, but I'm re-reading most of comics (again nothing to do) so if I find any I'll post em.

i am trying to collect more spidey comics i don't really have any but i have all three of venom thge madness

Originally posted by carnageandvenom
i am trying to collect more spidey comics i don't really have any but i have all three of venom thge madness

I don't realy like venoms own comics they all seem to ignore continuity and make him rediculously strong, and then warp his character.

You don't know much about Venom then. They don't really make him any stronger than he already is. They haven't warped his character either, unless you want him to be a psycho obsessed with killing Spider-man, which got pretty old. None of them have ignored continuity either.

Originally posted by Marcus4600
You don't know much about Venom then. They don't really make him any stronger than he already is. They haven't warped his character either, unless you want him to be a psycho obsessed with killing Spider-man, which got pretty old. None of them have ignored continuity either.

Maybe it was just that 1 story I read then where Toxin was first introduced, last time I checked Venom wasn't on par with carnage in strength and wasnt obbssesd with killing innocent people.

Spider-Man had noticed that the symbiote had taken Brock over at that point. Notice how you never see Eddie Brock in those comics. It's all the symbiote speaking, not Eddie. Also, I don't remember Eddie trying to kill any innocents in that comic either.

Originally posted by Marcus4600
Spider-Man had noticed that the symbiote had taken Brock over at that point. Notice how you never see Eddie Brock in those comics. It's all the symbiote speaking, not Eddie. Also, I don't remember Eddie trying to kill any innocents in that comic either.

He was saying he was going to after he killed Toxin, he even threatened to kill the black cat just cause she was annoying.

I'm kinda not suprised. Spidey did say that he could tell that the symbiote was in control at that point. One of the reasons I want Eddie to come back is so he can have the symbiote again, and tame it, rather than letting it get the best of him. Eddie as a tortured hero is the best, to be honest. Anyway, back to good Spidey lines.

Originally posted by Marcus4600
I'm kinda not suprised. Spidey did say that he could tell that the symbiote was in control at that point. One of the reasons I want Eddie to come back is so he can have the symbiote again, and tame it, rather than letting it get the best of him. Eddie as a tortured hero is the best, to be honest. Anyway, back to good Spidey lines.

I agree I think the symbiote talking stuff is a load o crap and the carnage symbiote seems to make casady seem sane as he has rational thinking it takes the personality away from the characters lol, anyway yeah back to spidey lines I may find some more when im bored

Not realy a spidey line but its related

Franklin richards walks in the room wearing a spider-man hat

Franklin "its ok second place is nothing to be ashamed of"

(Torch looks at hat and storms off)

Franklin "How was hat uncle Ben?...I thought unca johnny was gonna blow his stack"

Thing "Always Tommorrow"


And now for Spidey lines.

Spidey "Hey mr popularity long time no heckle...whats the emergency?shouldn't you be out kissing hands and shaking babies? Thos animal shelters wont burn down themselfs you know."

Torch "Shut up I need some ad...advuhhhh"

Spidey "Advice?"

Torch "Advice"

Spidey "From me?"

Torch "I know but your the go to guy in this particular area"

Spidey " I told you before I don't know anything about macrame"

Torch " Its not about..."

Spidey " Every1 thinks because of the webs I must be a hot shot at weaving andknitting and all that, but thats a false assumption"

Torch "ITS NOT AB..."

Spidey "Now needlepoint..."

Torch "ARE YOU STILL BABBLING?! Listen this is killing me to turn to you of all people but I have an honest question"

Spidey "Wow ok, hit me"

Torch " How do you do it?"

Spidey "...do what?"

Torch "Don't mock me! I'm new to this, youv had years of experience at it, how do you get out of bed in the morning?"

Spidey "What are you talking about?"

Torch "Come on the public has hated you for years! Tell me how you get through the day as a complete looser!"

Spidey "...........How did you live this long?"

Torch "I don't follow"

Spidey "Thats the advice you wanted!!!!? Aakkk"

Torch "I thought youd be flatterd a guy like me coming to a guy like you"

Spidey "KKAAAGH"

Torch (turns around) "Then again maybe I'm overstating it maybe im not the pariah I think"

Spidey (Moves in to strangle Torch) " Gloves leave...no fingure prints"





Spidey "THE HUMAN TORCH!!!!!!!!"

Torch " Keep it down"

Spidey "MR JOHNNY STORM!!!"

Torch "Low proile"

Spidey "OF THE FAN-TASTIC 4...The Human torch in the sizzilig flesh ladies and gentlmen If I'm lieing I'm dieing...Don't bve bashful step right up...Guess his weight win a prize, win an autograph, secon prize two autograph's"


Spidey "Not to break up the party sparky but we're in some kinda danger. My spider sense is a - jangling...Everytone backaway for your own saftey and and from the Human torch who hates ponies!!"

Torch "You had to take a shot"

Spidey "I so wanted to resist"



Torch "Its ok guys the torch and his assistant have you well in hand"

Spidey "Assistant!?"

(Torch is hit by a wave of water from hydroman)

Spidey "oooooo instant karma....Torchie a glurg little help here"

Torch "Can't do it spidey, I'm trapped"

Spidey " What the &%#@! do you mean TRAPPED? GET OUTTA THE POOL"

Torch "I...I can't...I...I...I HAVE NO PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!...did I just say that outloud?"

Spidey "Oh for the love of a mike"

Torch "This is the worst day ever"

Spidey "Not if your Michael Jackson now number two on the list of nightmare babysitters, Eve he knows better than to scream I have no pants...Hold still I'll fix you up"

(Spidey Makes torch some webbing underwear)

Spidey "Its from my spring collection"

Torch "Your a dead man"




Reporter " ...where a brawl has broken out between the human torch and hydroman, I'm told the torch arrived at the park to terrorize young children and that he may be naked"

Thing "And to think I wuz saving this tape for the game, this is much better...Best o Johnny volume 32"



Spidey "The drain he's getting away"

Torch "Of all the places to hide, we have to find him"

Spidey "This is the closest building to the water lines. I'll take the right you take the left"

(Torch flys into the ladies still naked)

Women "AGGGGHHHH PERVERT"

Torch "Spidey you did that on purpose!"

Spidey "Who me?"




Torch "Quick take this"

Spidey "Things trench coat? Hey good plan you keep hydroman busy...I'll make a hammock!"



And once again that be it for now.

Umm yea... Do you have a day job..?

Originally posted by Sparkz
Not realy a spidey line but its related

Franklin richards walks in the room wearing a spider-man hat

Franklin "its ok second place is nothing to be ashamed of"

(Torch looks at hat and storms off)

Franklin "How was hat uncle Ben?...I thought unca johnny was gonna blow his stack"

Thing "Always Tommorrow"


And now for Spidey lines.

Spidey "Hey mr popularity long time no heckle...whats the emergency?shouldn't you be out kissing hands and shaking babies? Thos animal shelters wont burn down themselfs you know."

Torch "Shut up I need some ad...advuhhhh"

Spidey "Advice?"

Torch "Advice"

Spidey "From me?"

Torch "I know but your the go to guy in this particular area"

Spidey " I told you before I don't know anything about macrame"

Torch " Its not about..."

Spidey " Every1 thinks because of the webs I must be a hot shot at weaving andknitting and all that, but thats a false assumption"

Torch "ITS NOT AB..."

Spidey "Now needlepoint..."

Torch "ARE YOU STILL BABBLING?! Listen this is killing me to turn to you of all people but I have an honest question"

Spidey "Wow ok, hit me"

Torch " How do you do it?"

Spidey "...do what?"

Torch "Don't mock me! I'm new to this, youv had years of experience at it, how do you get out of bed in the morning?"

Spidey "What are you talking about?"

Torch "Come on the public has hated you for years! Tell me how you get through the day as a complete looser!"

Spidey "...........How did you live this long?"

Torch "I don't follow"

Spidey "Thats the advice you wanted!!!!? Aakkk"

Torch "I thought youd be flatterd a guy like me coming to a guy like you"

Spidey "KKAAAGH"

Torch (turns around) "Then again maybe I'm overstating it maybe im not the pariah I think"

Spidey (Moves in to strangle Torch) " Gloves leave...no fingure prints"





Spidey "THE HUMAN TORCH!!!!!!!!"

Torch " Keep it down"

Spidey "MR JOHNNY STORM!!!"

Torch "Low proile"

Spidey "OF THE FAN-TASTIC 4...The Human torch in the sizzilig flesh ladies and gentlmen If I'm lieing I'm dieing...Don't bve bashful step right up...Guess his weight win a prize, win an autograph, secon prize two autograph's"


Spidey "Not to break up the party sparky but we're in some kinda danger. My spider sense is a - jangling...Everytone backaway for your own saftey and and from the Human torch who hates ponies!!"

Torch "You had to take a shot"

Spidey "I so wanted to resist"



Torch "Its ok guys the torch and his assistant have you well in hand"

Spidey "Assistant!?"

(Torch is hit by a wave of water from hydroman)

Spidey "oooooo instant karma....Torchie a glurg little help here"

Torch "Can't do it spidey, I'm trapped"

Spidey " What the &%#@! do you mean TRAPPED? GET OUTTA THE POOL"

Torch "I...I can't...I...I...I HAVE NO PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!...did I just say that outloud?"

Spidey "Oh for the love of a mike"

Torch "This is the worst day ever"

Spidey "Not if your Michael Jackson now number two on the list of nightmare babysitters, Eve he knows better than to scream I have no pants...Hold still I'll fix you up"

(Spidey Makes torch some webbing underwear)

Spidey "Its from my spring collection"

Torch "Your a dead man"




Reporter " ...where a brawl has broken out between the human torch and hydroman, I'm told the torch arrived at the park to terrorize young children and that he may be naked"

Thing "And to think I wuz saving this tape for the game, this is much better...Best o Johnny volume 32"



Spidey "The drain he's getting away"

Torch "Of all the places to hide, we have to find him"

Spidey "This is the closest building to the water lines. I'll take the right you take the left"

(Torch flys into the ladies still naked)

Women "AGGGGHHHH PERVERT"

Torch "Spidey you did that on purpose!"

Spidey "Who me?"




Torch "Quick take this"

Spidey "Things trench coat? Hey good plan you keep hydroman busy...I'll make a hammock!"



And once again that be it for now.

LOL! Brilliant

The animated series had some great one liners.

Originally posted by Evil SeeD
Umm yea... Do you have a day job..?

Yep but I'v got 2 weeks off looking after my dogs...there isnt alot to do around here when al your friends are at school, and your broke, so...I get spider-man quotes...don't judge me

in the animated series, after he gets rid of the black symbiote costume, he sees rhino on a roof


Rhino : hey spider, u shoulda kept the black suit, cuz im gunna dirty u up.

spidey: really? they say the blue really brings out the colour of my eyes.

shocker and rhino attack spidey on the same roof,

Spierman : Shocker and Rhino? howd they get together? computer dating?


sorry id edit my other post, but it wont let me edit

Spider-Man/Black Cat: The Evil That Men Do

Spider-Man: Awww, what's the matter, Elmer? Run out of "buwwets"?

I like the one from one of the graphic novels where he switches bodies with wolverine. At the end hes like,

"You know why everyone hates you? Its not because your mutants, its because your a bunch of @@@$@!#!@!##@@#!!! and basically cusses them out. I think its funny.

I'm your friendly neighborhood spider-man.

Originally posted by IceDragon
I like the one from one of the graphic novels where he switches bodies with wolverine. At the end hes like,

"You know why everyone hates you? Its not because your mutants, its because your a bunch of @@@$@!#!@!##@@#!!! and basically cusses them out. I think its funny.
HA! yeah and after he does that colossus turns to cyclops and says "Why am I a ##$@%? I was just standing here."

After crashing through Dr. Stranges roof into his study "This is not my beautiful house! this is not my beautiful wife!"


Ultimate spidey #12-After battling electro in the security basement of fisk tower he is confronted by Kingpin who has been threatining him and had him beaten a few isues earlier. Spidey says

"I promised myself that if I ever had a moment face to face with you again that I would tell you all kind of things and I was afraid I was going to forget them..."(it seems like he's gonna say some pretty serious stuff about how crime doesn't pay or to stay away form him and his family)

** Spidey pulls out some pieces of notebook paper


"YOU ARE SO FAT THAT WHEN YOU CUT YOURSELF MARSHMALLOW FLUFF COMES OUT"

"nothing?"

"YOU ARE SO FAT THAT YOUR HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK PICTURE WAS TAKEN FROM A HELICOPTER"

"no? how bout this one"

"YOU ARE SO FAT THAT WHEN YOU GET ON A SCALE IT READS: ONE AT A TIME"

*proceeds to web kingpin to the wall and escape with damning evidence against kingpin.

Spidey surprises kingpin with a newspaper while Kingpin is eating dinner.

"I like the gossip colums, it always tells you where all the famous fat people eat, and here you are...eating for two as usual."

Kingpin tries to scare Spidey by saying he is going to find out who he is.."and when I do, I am going to come over to your house and.."
(SPidey) "are you hitting on me?"

**webs kingpins feet to the floor and swings away.

When Spider-man fights Draco the Dragon, and he says.. " you need Freshco, the mouthwash for droopy dragons. "

This from Marvel Ultimate Alliance

If Spider-Man is on your team during the Omega Base mission he talks to Mysterio before the battle

Spider-Man: Mysterio jeez it good to see you, still got a fish ball for a head I see.

Mysterio: Spider-Man do you always have to be a half wit?

Spider-Man: Ouch now that hurt and speaking of getting hurt step away from that console before I have to get medieval on you.

Mysterio: You idiot! Why do you think S.H.I.E.L.D. has plans for Ultron?

Spider-Man: I thought everybody had 'em I found some this morning in a box of cereal.

Mysterio: These are weapon upgrades the good guys want to reprogram his programing so they can turn him in to a S.H.I.E.L.D. weapon.

Spider-Man: That's impossible Ultron is sentient. Reprogramming him is illegal.

Mysterio: Yes it is but Ultron wants them for the weapon upgrades.

Spider-Man: If your Ultron gets weapon upgrades than my Ultron will want weapon upgrades and that just wont do.

Originally posted by IceDragon
I like the one from one of the graphic novels where he switches bodies with wolverine. At the end hes like,

"You know why everyone hates you? Its not because your mutants, its because your a bunch of @@@$@!#!@!##@@#!!! and basically cusses them out. I think its funny.

You mean Ultimate Spiderman? cause thats the only place I know where he switched bodies with wolverine. i loved that whole comic.

Peter was almost gunned down by the police and wolverine had to go to school for him.

Also, a line(one that Spidergirl changed a little but was still good)

Spiderman:
When life gives you lemons, squirt it in somebodys eyes and run like hell.

There was also when he was reading of cards to king pin in Ultimate Spiderman.

Spiderman: Your right. You don't know me. You don't know why I'm doing this. And I promised myself, that if I ever had a moment face to face with you again... that I would tell you. There are all kinds of things I wanted to say to you and I was afraid I was going to forget to say them... and I really wanted to tell you these things because these things are really important to me. Ok... here goes...

Spiderman: You are so fat, when you cut yourself shaving, marshmellow fluff comes out.

Kingpin: .........

Spiderman: No? Ok, how about this one. You are so fat, that your highschool yearbook photo was taken from a helicopter.

Kingpin: ......!!!!!

Spiderman: Ohh, tough room. Ok, how about-- you are so fat that when you get on a scale it says: one at a time.

Kingpin: AAAAAAAAARRRR!!!!!!!! You son of a--!
*kingpin pounces at him*

Spiderman: Wait-- Wait-- How about this one... You bellybutton makes an echo. If you where a truck, you would have a wide load sign. When you back up, you can hear a beeping sound.

*kingpin punches by spidey flips over and onto a wall*

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