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You are beautiful, brilliant, intelligent and bright;
You drift through this life giving joy and delight.
Your smile is bewitching, your manner Alluring,
Your presence enthralling, your being enchanting.

Everyone loves you, you seem so in control,
Your life planned ahead, you achieve all your goals,
They see you this way all your family and friends,
In troubles and darkness on you they depend.

You’re selfless and giving, to all those you know,
When someone needs help it’s to you they will go.
A tower of strength, a shoulder to cry on,
a caring heart filled with love and affection

But when I look deeper into your dark eyes,
I see that the laughter and joy is a guise.
The front that you have is just a protective wall,
With you hiding behind all frightened and small.

It saddens me to think the brightest Star I ever knew,
Is so cold, sad and lonely and feeling blue.
The pain and darkness feel quite surreal,
Although the hurt and tears you feel are real.

I’m here for you, the strength to provide
To bring you though, no need to hide
behind the walls that pen you in alone.
Reach out to me - we two are one.

Is anyone going to comment on what is wrong or right with this?

I think I may have seen this piece before... I can't recall my exact reaction but I still think it's wonderful.

I really like the consistent rhythm, although I personally prefer poems with a more jagged flow to them. I think it's a great effort and it's really good to see you sharing it with everyone. I'd like to see more, if you have any

I agree with Sy; great effort! I'd also like to see some more

Originally posted by Syren
I think I may have seen this piece before... I can't recall my exact reaction but I still think it's wonderful.

I really like the consistent rhythm, although I personally prefer poems with a more jagged flow to them. I think it's a great effort and it's really good to see you sharing it with everyone. I'd like to see more, if you have any Awww thanks, you always make me feel special and wanted

yeah, nice ryming man.
and did you keep all the lines roughly the same length on porpose?

Originally posted by Corran
Awww thanks, you always make me feel special and wanted

Long time no speak cry

It's a beautiful piece... and where have you been? hug

kisssadwalkweepwinkissinlovein_love

Originally posted by Machete_Guy
kisssadwalkweepwinkissinlovein_love
MG! Long time no talkie! hug

Originally posted by bogen
yeah, nice ryming man.
and did you keep all the lines roughly the same length on porpose? Nope not on purpose, it was just how it flowed in my twisted head.

nice stuff. i like how it's sort of two faced because the person seem really happy and like he has it together when really he or she is falling apart.
Nice.