Thorin
And now another random fact about Chuck Norris.....
Chuck Norris does not open doors for his date. He roundhouse kicks them down. Her, too
Chuck Norris caused all the pain and suffering that is the inspiration for emo music. It was his only mistake
When he is alone at night, Chuck Norris likes to wear slippers with bunnies on them. Real bunnies
As a young lad, Chuck Norris' parents warned him of household toxins that little Chuck should avoid. Proving his superior wit and strength, Chuch then shattered a thermometer and drank the mercury, ate a handful of lead-filled paint chips, and chased it all down with a shot of Clorox. Disappointed in his parents, Chuck roundhoused his dad, and then ripped off his mother's left hand and ***** slapped her with it. How dare they patronize Chuck Norris
Stores will accept Monopoly money if Chuck Norris is paying.
Chuck Norris is slated to speak at his own eulogy
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own
The "S" on Superman's suit was woven out of chest hair taken from Chuck Norris as he lay unconscious from an intense Total Gym workout session. This is the true source of Superman's powers.
As a youngster, Chuck Norris promised himself he wouldn't cry. Last year, his beloved mother died and a single tear fell out of his eye and down his cheek. He immediately roundhouse kicked himself for breaking his promise
The Tower of Pisa leans because Chuck Norris kicked it once while on vacation.
Chuck Norris carved Mt. Rushmore by himself with his teeth. It took him thirty seconds
Chuck Norris once ate 9 bullets and they lodged in one of his massive chocolate loafs. We now call that chocolate loaf 50 Cent
Chuck Norris can't have pets. He had a dog once, but when it refused to do anything but lie on its back and quiver, Chuck had no choice but to eat it alive
Inertia is a property of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts
The wind generated by the speed of one Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is enough to blow the clothes off of 37 women
Chuck Norris can end any sentence with a preposition.
Chuck Norris ejaculates C-4 explosives and uses his manly emissions to eliminate inner city pre-schools.
The movie "Face-Off" is loosely based on Chuck Norris. It only loosely based because Chuck does not use doctors. He just rips faces off people and uses them as his own. It is likely if you saw someone do something bad-ass it was not them, but Chuck Norris wearing their face
The film Delta Force was not fiction, but actually a home movie of Chuck Norris' summer vacation
The reason emo bands are so emo is because they are being persecuted by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris hates emos
Contrary to popular belief, Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, and Heart can actually combine. However, it is not Captain Planet that materializes out of thin air to stop ecological disasters from destroying our fragile planet, it's Chuck Norris dressed in full jungle camouflage with an uzi and a flamethrower
Parapsychologists have documented that Chuck Norris is the only human to ever have punched a ghost.
Earthquakes occur when Chuck Norris wants to make a milkshake
Chuck Norris can breathe through his ears.
Chuck Norris created John Mayer so that everyone would always have someone to make fun of
Yoda mouthed Chuck. Chuck smacked the force out of Yoda. Eventually the force returned, Yoda's voice and speech pattern however, never were the same
People are known to have their ass beaten by the shadow of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris only uses emergency exits because when you are Chuck Norris, everything is an emergency.
The drummer of Def Leppard only has one arm because Chuck Norris did not eat the other one too.
Chuck Norris does not know how to swim, but water is too afraid to do anything about it
Chuck Norris photosynthesizes through his beard, which seems to be the source of most of his power. The rest of it stems from a steady diet of virgin girl and mayonaise sandwiches
The earth did not start spinning until Chuck Norris gave it a roundhouse kick
Chuck Norris keeps Conan O'Brien's testicles in a jar next to his Bible.
Chuck Norris still uses "soap on a rope" and says he wouldn't have it any other way
Chuck Norris knows how to pronounce Cthulhu. However, if he says Cthulhu in the correct pronounciation, several Turkmenistanian virgins will be sacrificed to Loki
Chuck Norris does not need a remote for his TV. He simply gives it "the look" and the television changes channels by itself.
Chuck Norris' sweat repels mosquitoes and other irritating insects, such as William Shatner
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat
Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick anyone in the face if they're wearing red, just in case they're a Communist
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray as eye drops
Any redhead person that was born since the dawn of time is an offspring of Chuck Norris, including his own parents
Chuck Norris's favorite vegetable is Terri Schiavo.
Chuck Norris had sex with your mom, and your dad gave him a high five
Chuck Norris once had a contest with The Cookie Monster to see who could eat the most cookies. Halfway through the contest, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Cookie Monster for no apparent reason
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded
Chuck Norris never has to wait in line at the DMV
Chuck Norris is the only man alive to play a H note on guitar
Viagra is in fact Chuck Norris' solidified semen.
Chuck Norris once killed a judge and was sent to Alcatraz just to prove he could escape
Chuck Norris has never lost at Battleship.
The ex-porn star Savannah tried to deep throat Chuck Norris. Savannah is now dead.
Every time you masturbate, Chuck Norris calls you a pussy, ****s 23 women right in front of you, and the eats a kitten
Chuck Norris auditioned for the role of Albus Dumbledore for the movie "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban".
They respectfully sent him on his way before realizing he was a real wizard capable of using real magic
The only thing stronger than kevlar are vests woven out of Chuck Norris' chest hair
Chuck Norris could rip off your head and shit down your neck but his shit
is far too valuable. So valuable, in fact, that it is used as currency in
some countries and is a delicacy in others
Chuck Norris is currently the number one cure for VD. His sheer penetration automatically destroys all parasites
Chuck Norris violates all the laws of Science, God, Man and Nature in that he is both a pirate and a ninja, simultaneously
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once pinned James Bond down with a single finger and forced him to say, "The name's Norris; Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris takes regular drives through black neighborhoods with his doors unlocked.
Chuck Norris single-handedly invented technology by staring down an Asian and stealing his soul. He then roundhouse kicked the man for shits and giggles
Legend has it that Chuck Norris's beard is older than he is. When asked about this his beard replied, "Would a grasshopper be if it wasn't for grass?"
Video didn't kill the radio star: Chuck Norris did. With a roundhouse kick
Chuck Norris does not own a cellphone. Instead, he has state of the art homing devices tagged on everyone he knows.
Napoleon had a Chuck Norris Complex
Chuck Norris invented kryptonite because he thought Superman was "too cocky
God created heaven and earth, he then created man. Man overpopulated the earth, so, God created Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not open doors for his date. He roundhouse kicks them down. Her, too
Chuck Norris caused all the pain and suffering that is the inspiration for emo music. It was his only mistake
When he is alone at night, Chuck Norris likes to wear slippers with bunnies on them. Real bunnies
As a young lad, Chuck Norris' parents warned him of household toxins that little Chuck should avoid. Proving his superior wit and strength, Chuch then shattered a thermometer and drank the mercury, ate a handful of lead-filled paint chips, and chased it all down with a shot of Clorox. Disappointed in his parents, Chuck roundhoused his dad, and then ripped off his mother's left hand and ***** slapped her with it. How dare they patronize Chuck Norris
Stores will accept Monopoly money if Chuck Norris is paying.
Chuck Norris is slated to speak at his own eulogy
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own
The "S" on Superman's suit was woven out of chest hair taken from Chuck Norris as he lay unconscious from an intense Total Gym workout session. This is the true source of Superman's powers.
As a youngster, Chuck Norris promised himself he wouldn't cry. Last year, his beloved mother died and a single tear fell out of his eye and down his cheek. He immediately roundhouse kicked himself for breaking his promise
The Tower of Pisa leans because Chuck Norris kicked it once while on vacation.
Chuck Norris carved Mt. Rushmore by himself with his teeth. It took him thirty seconds
Chuck Norris once ate 9 bullets and they lodged in one of his massive chocolate loafs. We now call that chocolate loaf 50 Cent
Chuck Norris can't have pets. He had a dog once, but when it refused to do anything but lie on its back and quiver, Chuck had no choice but to eat it alive
Inertia is a property of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts
The wind generated by the speed of one Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is enough to blow the clothes off of 37 women
Chuck Norris can end any sentence with a preposition.
Chuck Norris ejaculates C-4 explosives and uses his manly emissions to eliminate inner city pre-schools.
The movie "Face-Off" is loosely based on Chuck Norris. It only loosely based because Chuck does not use doctors. He just rips faces off people and uses them as his own. It is likely if you saw someone do something bad-ass it was not them, but Chuck Norris wearing their face
The film Delta Force was not fiction, but actually a home movie of Chuck Norris' summer vacation
The reason emo bands are so emo is because they are being persecuted by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris hates emos
Contrary to popular belief, Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, and Heart can actually combine. However, it is not Captain Planet that materializes out of thin air to stop ecological disasters from destroying our fragile planet, it's Chuck Norris dressed in full jungle camouflage with an uzi and a flamethrower
Parapsychologists have documented that Chuck Norris is the only human to ever have punched a ghost.
Earthquakes occur when Chuck Norris wants to make a milkshake
Chuck Norris can breathe through his ears.
Chuck Norris created John Mayer so that everyone would always have someone to make fun of
Yoda mouthed Chuck. Chuck smacked the force out of Yoda. Eventually the force returned, Yoda's voice and speech pattern however, never were the same
People are known to have their ass beaten by the shadow of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris only uses emergency exits because when you are Chuck Norris, everything is an emergency.
The drummer of Def Leppard only has one arm because Chuck Norris did not eat the other one too.
Chuck Norris does not know how to swim, but water is too afraid to do anything about it
Chuck Norris photosynthesizes through his beard, which seems to be the source of most of his power. The rest of it stems from a steady diet of virgin girl and mayonaise sandwiches
The earth did not start spinning until Chuck Norris gave it a roundhouse kick
Chuck Norris keeps Conan O'Brien's testicles in a jar next to his Bible.
Chuck Norris still uses "soap on a rope" and says he wouldn't have it any other way
Chuck Norris knows how to pronounce Cthulhu. However, if he says Cthulhu in the correct pronounciation, several Turkmenistanian virgins will be sacrificed to Loki
Chuck Norris does not need a remote for his TV. He simply gives it "the look" and the television changes channels by itself.
Chuck Norris' sweat repels mosquitoes and other irritating insects, such as William Shatner
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat
Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick anyone in the face if they're wearing red, just in case they're a Communist
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray as eye drops
Any redhead person that was born since the dawn of time is an offspring of Chuck Norris, including his own parents
Chuck Norris's favorite vegetable is Terri Schiavo.
Chuck Norris had sex with your mom, and your dad gave him a high five
Chuck Norris once had a contest with The Cookie Monster to see who could eat the most cookies. Halfway through the contest, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Cookie Monster for no apparent reason
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded
Chuck Norris never has to wait in line at the DMV
Chuck Norris is the only man alive to play a H note on guitar
Viagra is in fact Chuck Norris' solidified semen.
Chuck Norris once killed a judge and was sent to Alcatraz just to prove he could escape
Chuck Norris has never lost at Battleship.
The ex-porn star Savannah tried to deep throat Chuck Norris. Savannah is now dead.
Every time you masturbate, Chuck Norris calls you a pussy, ****s 23 women right in front of you, and the eats a kitten
Chuck Norris auditioned for the role of Albus Dumbledore for the movie "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban".
They respectfully sent him on his way before realizing he was a real wizard capable of using real magic
The only thing stronger than kevlar are vests woven out of Chuck Norris' chest hair
Chuck Norris could rip off your head and shit down your neck but his shit
is far too valuable. So valuable, in fact, that it is used as currency in
some countries and is a delicacy in others
Chuck Norris is currently the number one cure for VD. His sheer penetration automatically destroys all parasites
Chuck Norris violates all the laws of Science, God, Man and Nature in that he is both a pirate and a ninja, simultaneously
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once pinned James Bond down with a single finger and forced him to say, "The name's Norris; Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris takes regular drives through black neighborhoods with his doors unlocked.
Chuck Norris single-handedly invented technology by staring down an Asian and stealing his soul. He then roundhouse kicked the man for shits and giggles
Legend has it that Chuck Norris's beard is older than he is. When asked about this his beard replied, "Would a grasshopper be if it wasn't for grass?"
Video didn't kill the radio star: Chuck Norris did. With a roundhouse kick
Chuck Norris does not own a cellphone. Instead, he has state of the art homing devices tagged on everyone he knows.
Napoleon had a Chuck Norris Complex
Chuck Norris invented kryptonite because he thought Superman was "too cocky
God created heaven and earth, he then created man. Man overpopulated the earth, so, God created Chuck Norris.
