Randomly known facts about Chuck Norris...

Text-only Version: Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.



Thorin
And now another random fact about Chuck Norris.....

Chuck Norris does not open doors for his date. He roundhouse kicks them down. Her, too
Chuck Norris caused all the pain and suffering that is the inspiration for emo music. It was his only mistake
When he is alone at night, Chuck Norris likes to wear slippers with bunnies on them. Real bunnies
As a young lad, Chuck Norris' parents warned him of household toxins that little Chuck should avoid. Proving his superior wit and strength, Chuch then shattered a thermometer and drank the mercury, ate a handful of lead-filled paint chips, and chased it all down with a shot of Clorox. Disappointed in his parents, Chuck roundhoused his dad, and then ripped off his mother's left hand and ***** slapped her with it. How dare they patronize Chuck Norris
Stores will accept Monopoly money if Chuck Norris is paying.
Chuck Norris is slated to speak at his own eulogy
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own
The "S" on Superman's suit was woven out of chest hair taken from Chuck Norris as he lay unconscious from an intense Total Gym workout session. This is the true source of Superman's powers.
As a youngster, Chuck Norris promised himself he wouldn't cry. Last year, his beloved mother died and a single tear fell out of his eye and down his cheek. He immediately roundhouse kicked himself for breaking his promise
The Tower of Pisa leans because Chuck Norris kicked it once while on vacation.
Chuck Norris carved Mt. Rushmore by himself with his teeth. It took him thirty seconds
Chuck Norris once ate 9 bullets and they lodged in one of his massive chocolate loafs. We now call that chocolate loaf 50 Cent
Chuck Norris can't have pets. He had a dog once, but when it refused to do anything but lie on its back and quiver, Chuck had no choice but to eat it alive
Inertia is a property of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts
The wind generated by the speed of one Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is enough to blow the clothes off of 37 women
Chuck Norris can end any sentence with a preposition.
Chuck Norris ejaculates C-4 explosives and uses his manly emissions to eliminate inner city pre-schools.
The movie "Face-Off" is loosely based on Chuck Norris. It only loosely based because Chuck does not use doctors. He just rips faces off people and uses them as his own. It is likely if you saw someone do something bad-ass it was not them, but Chuck Norris wearing their face
The film Delta Force was not fiction, but actually a home movie of Chuck Norris' summer vacation
The reason emo bands are so emo is because they are being persecuted by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris hates emos
Contrary to popular belief, Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, and Heart can actually combine. However, it is not Captain Planet that materializes out of thin air to stop ecological disasters from destroying our fragile planet, it's Chuck Norris dressed in full jungle camouflage with an uzi and a flamethrower
Parapsychologists have documented that Chuck Norris is the only human to ever have punched a ghost.
Earthquakes occur when Chuck Norris wants to make a milkshake
Chuck Norris can breathe through his ears.
Chuck Norris created John Mayer so that everyone would always have someone to make fun of
Yoda mouthed Chuck. Chuck smacked the force out of Yoda. Eventually the force returned, Yoda's voice and speech pattern however, never were the same
People are known to have their ass beaten by the shadow of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris only uses emergency exits because when you are Chuck Norris, everything is an emergency.
The drummer of Def Leppard only has one arm because Chuck Norris did not eat the other one too.
Chuck Norris does not know how to swim, but water is too afraid to do anything about it
Chuck Norris photosynthesizes through his beard, which seems to be the source of most of his power. The rest of it stems from a steady diet of virgin girl and mayonaise sandwiches
The earth did not start spinning until Chuck Norris gave it a roundhouse kick
Chuck Norris keeps Conan O'Brien's testicles in a jar next to his Bible.
Chuck Norris still uses "soap on a rope" and says he wouldn't have it any other way
Chuck Norris knows how to pronounce Cthulhu. However, if he says Cthulhu in the correct pronounciation, several Turkmenistanian virgins will be sacrificed to Loki
Chuck Norris does not need a remote for his TV. He simply gives it "the look" and the television changes channels by itself.
Chuck Norris' sweat repels mosquitoes and other irritating insects, such as William Shatner
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat
Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick anyone in the face if they're wearing red, just in case they're a Communist
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray as eye drops
Any redhead person that was born since the dawn of time is an offspring of Chuck Norris, including his own parents
Chuck Norris's favorite vegetable is Terri Schiavo.
Chuck Norris had sex with your mom, and your dad gave him a high five
Chuck Norris once had a contest with The Cookie Monster to see who could eat the most cookies. Halfway through the contest, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Cookie Monster for no apparent reason
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded
Chuck Norris never has to wait in line at the DMV
Chuck Norris is the only man alive to play a H note on guitar
Viagra is in fact Chuck Norris' solidified semen.
Chuck Norris once killed a judge and was sent to Alcatraz just to prove he could escape
Chuck Norris has never lost at Battleship.
The ex-porn star Savannah tried to deep throat Chuck Norris. Savannah is now dead.
Every time you masturbate, Chuck Norris calls you a pussy, ****s 23 women right in front of you, and the eats a kitten
Chuck Norris auditioned for the role of Albus Dumbledore for the movie "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban".
They respectfully sent him on his way before realizing he was a real wizard capable of using real magic
The only thing stronger than kevlar are vests woven out of Chuck Norris' chest hair
Chuck Norris could rip off your head and shit down your neck but his shit
is far too valuable. So valuable, in fact, that it is used as currency in
some countries and is a delicacy in others
Chuck Norris is currently the number one cure for VD. His sheer penetration automatically destroys all parasites
Chuck Norris violates all the laws of Science, God, Man and Nature in that he is both a pirate and a ninja, simultaneously
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once pinned James Bond down with a single finger and forced him to say, "The name's Norris; Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris takes regular drives through black neighborhoods with his doors unlocked.
Chuck Norris single-handedly invented technology by staring down an Asian and stealing his soul. He then roundhouse kicked the man for shits and giggles
Legend has it that Chuck Norris's beard is older than he is. When asked about this his beard replied, "Would a grasshopper be if it wasn't for grass?"
Video didn't kill the radio star: Chuck Norris did. With a roundhouse kick
Chuck Norris does not own a cellphone. Instead, he has state of the art homing devices tagged on everyone he knows.
Napoleon had a Chuck Norris Complex
Chuck Norris invented kryptonite because he thought Superman was "too cocky
God created heaven and earth, he then created man. Man overpopulated the earth, so, God created Chuck Norris.

papabeard
"Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month"

hahahaha

Come on people show some love for the Chuckalator

Kritish
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Kritish
When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.

Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.

Chuck Norris uses redhot lava to moisturize his skin.

Chuck Norris invented the apple.

Chuck Norris Buillt Mount Everest with a bucket and spade.

Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you.

Chuck Norris does not have chest hair, he has millions of highly venomous nematocysts. You have virtually no chance of surviving the venomous sting, unless treated immediately. The pain is so excruciating and overwhelming that you would most likely go into shock and collapse a split second before getting hit in the face with a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris can chug a gallon of milk and not throw up.

Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.

If you get roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris in your dream, you DIE!

Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too.

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.

Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.

Chuck Norris CAN lick his elbow.

P is for Chuck Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet.

Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.

Chuck Norris' paradise is war.

Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis.

Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.

Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.

Chuck Norris can lick his own elbows. At the same time.

Chuck Norris can kick start a car.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.

Chuck Norris wrote an autobiography....it was just a list of everyone he has killed.

Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it.

Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.

As seen in Sidekicks, Chuck Norris can climb a rope with one hand, and one hand only.

Chuck Norris does not dance. He roundhouse kicks to the beat.

Chuck Norris can MAKE water run uphill.

Chuck Norris can hold Puff Daddy down.

The moon is actually a comet that was once on course to hit earth... then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it into orbit.

Chuck Norris can strike a match on a bar of soap.

Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won.

The only reason the color pink still exists is because Chuck Norris is color blind.

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of Urban Legends, he is an Urban Legend.

Chuck Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54.

On the Asian market, Chuck Norris' urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce.

See spot. See spot run. See spot get round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.

Niagra Falls is the result of one of Chuck's legendary cannon balls.

Chuck Norris sneezes electricity.

Chuck Norris performs colonoscopies on himself.

If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped into pieces.

Chuck Norris' smile once brought a puppy back to life.

You know he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle.

Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off.

Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given day.

Chuck norris invented the corndog.

The agent of Chuck Norris asked Chuck if he wanted to be in Brokeback Mountain. Chuck Norris' agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never ask Chuck Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie.

Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

Chuck Norris understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Chuck Norris belives the hype.

Chuck Norris CAN in fact stop the beat.

When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

When Chuck Norris picks his nose, he REALLY does find Gold.

Chuck Norris speaks in all caps.

Chuck Norris delivers more male with one thrust of his pelvis than the U.S. Postal Service and the Pony Express have combined for the last 146 years.

Chuck Norris wasn't born with feet, just boots.

Chuck Norris won a pissing contest against a Russian race horse.

When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.

Chuck Norris floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk missile. At mach 3. In the face.

Chuck Norris can dribble a football.

Chuck Norris’ IQ can be expressed simply as a sideways eight

Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris was once asked to repeat himself. The last thing that person ever heard was the wooshing sound of a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.

Chuck Norris had his tonsels removed with a chainsaw.

Chuck Norris digs graves with a shoe horn.

Clavis
chuck rhymes with duck no expression

Text-only Version: Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.