Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.

ok..i have been making short stories lately in the rp's im in. and i think i like the way they turn out.

the beating of a fox kitsune, the first short

"CMON! GET UP MUTT!" yelled Jackson, a wolf, and a leader of his pack "....." Jackson kicked James into the wall "I SAID GET UP!" james kept trying, but kept getting kicked, over and over. "p..please...." Jackson picked james up by the throat "aww, the little mutt tired? dumb fox's... think they are fancy" Jackson said "they always say that they are better than us wolves." Jackson threw james into a wall and started kicked him again "Cmon, les jus kill em" ped said, ped was jackson... little helper. "Nah, i like watchin the mutt suffer" jacckson and his pack continued beating on james, continued calling him mutt. he delt with them for more than a month, until he ran away from his home. on the way out of town, he saw the pack one last time, they looked at him and smirked "Hey mutt, where ya goin'?" Jackson asked him "uh..uh...." james stammered as he stepped backwards as they walked towards him. Thats when james' eyes turned blood red "Woah! look at the mutts eyes! he's actin tough!" james lunged himself at jackson, tackling him down. when they hit the ground, James ripped jackson throat out. "holy shit!" Ped said "the mutt's gone rabid!" at his words, the pack started to run. ever since then, james hutned them down, killing the pack.. one by one....

a flashback of a horrible moment~~~

James looked at Sanya, she was kind of drunk. he stood up and looked at her "have you been drinking??" he asked her. "only a little.." she replied. Sanya picked james up and started to kiss him and james pushed her away "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" he yelled " im just kissing you..." she said. "WHY!?" james asked "Becuase your cute...." James sighed and started to walk away, but sanya tackled him "Cmon shorty.." she said "im bored, and your the cutest guy here..." "what1?" james asked frantically trying to get away from her "go away!" Sanya sat up and had tears in her eyes "pleease???" she pleaded "why me!?" james asked. "becuase.. iv known you your whole life.. and i know you like me" James sighed and finally gave in ~~fade out~~

~away to war~

"ill miss you...." rose said "ill miss all of you...." James replied as he hugged rose tenderly "good bye...." Rose had tears in her eyes. "p..promise me you will come back.... alive..." she said as she ran up to him "dont worry rose... i promise.." he kissed her on the cheek and started off again. "i.. i love you james...." she cried as she fell to her knees, her cheeks red from sadness. James smiled and stopped "I love you too.... ill be back in exactly one year.... good bye..."

~the next year~

"Gee, you must be happy actually getting to go home eh, James?" Finny asked him "Of coarse... but i broke my promise... i was supposed to be back in one year.... oh my god!!!" James looked at the window of the Bus, tears instantly came to his eyes. his town was now nothing but rubble and smoke, covered in fire "WHAT THE HELL HAPPEND?!" he jumped out of the moving bus, as did Finny. "J..JAMES! WAIT UP!" finny yelled trying to catch up with his war buddy. when finny finally caught up with him he found James on his knees crying, and before james was a body.. of a young, dead female kitsune "r..rose...." james said as he cried "im so sorry.... please.. im.. so sorry...." Finny kneeled down beside james "James... im so sorry..." he tried "NO!" james interupted "THIS IS ALL MY FAULT! IF I WOULDNT HAVE BROKEN MY PROMISE......." Finny sighed and helped james up. "James... shes... your love.. isnt she?"

Interesting...

This is good for starters, and it is interesting

maybe you can some how bring all of these different things together and make a story out of it. i could help if you'd like. It'd be interesting, instead of seeing bits and pieces of things you've written.

i dont see how to peice them together... if you read them you would notice in two of them, he has a different girl and in one he is getting beat. if you can peice them together, be my guest ^-^

well simply put it, it all depends on where you go with the character. it could be for instance at different ages.

or.......

He's like 38 years old for instance, and he has a way to go back in time to fix something drastic that happened. When he goes back in time, he's with his best friend or something, but things don't turn out well, so he's back in the present. things are changed, so when he goes back into the past, his past is different too, so he's with another woman.

actaully, iin the one with him getting beat by the wolves, he is only 10 years old in human years, seeing as how he is half human half fox, he is around 11. and in the going to war one he is 17. and in the one with Sanya, he is around 8 months old.

it's just a thought. he could be a certain age, and he has a chance to fix things about his life.

hmm... i will work on that

okie dokie.
in the mean time, i need to memorize a poem.

see ya

iitzak, how bout you explain why you did the face... your not much help...

Agreed! Awesome shorts james!

heh... thanks guys

Originally posted by Fox13
iitzak, how bout you explain why you did the face... your not much help...

Because you spelled my name wrong.

uh huh.. how bout you just rate the stories

I don't wanna. I'm too bored to do that.

then stop postin here your just spamming

Yes Sir! captain

........go swab the poop deck.....

Confirmed, we have a Dyingstar clone...

one word... Chill...

~the kiss of death~

James smiled at Ashleigh, and she smiled back "y...you know you will get in trouble for being with me..." James said to her. "i don't care... us wolves really.. well... most of us... we really don't like foxes... but you... your the sweetest fox iv ever known..." Ashleigh stated. James smiled "well... i don't.... well.. i.. i love you...." he said. "really?! i.. i... i don't know what to say...." Ashleigh stuttered "i.. i don't think... i cant fall in love with you, james... I'm so sorry..." James frowned and took a sharp breath "o..OK..." he said "james... its against the wolf code... i... i DO love you... but I'm not supposed to and...." she was cut off at the sound of a gunshot. james had been shot in the stomach. and fel over, half dead. the blood was comeing out of the wound and his mouth. JAMES!!" Ashleigh yelled, her voice was full of concern "oh my god james! are you ok?! please answer..." she frantically tried. "So.. you love a fox eh??" another wolf said "i shoulda known what you were doing... and you KNOW the punishment..." the wolf said "n..no! please! PLEA......" the last thing that james heard and saw, was the wolf he loved... get shot through the head. James eyes went red, meaning his was going rabid. he stood up, blood still comeing from his mouth and gunshot wound "Whats the matter, fox boy?" the wolf taunted with a smirk "....." James couldnt answer. his mind and heart was full of sadness and hatred. he kicked the wolf, send him to the ground, making him drop his gun. james picked the gun up and shot the bastard, directly in the face... james body basically died after that... but he kept going. his eyes went to his normal light green. he ran back to Ashleigh and picked her up. he kissed her dead body, getting blood all over his fur, more than what was there. "Ashleigh... you shouldnt.. have...." he cried "you should have stayed with the other wolves...." he picked her up and carried her to the meadow. he laid her in a bed of flowers... and walked off.

Originally posted by Fox13
........go swab the poop deck.....

No sir!

will you please top posting here if you arent going to say something about my short stories?

That was the best one yet! Only one that was kinda weird and you should make longer is the sanya one. You should tell how they grew up together and stuff.

heh thanks.

Originally posted by Fox13
will you please top posting here if you arent going to say something about my short stories?

Yeah I can get the top posts here.

...you have no clue what spam means, do you?

Originally posted by Fox13
...you have no clue what spam means, do you?

I sure do Willis.

just stay out....

~~the grass is always greener~~

James sighed. he was all alone. he was lost in the forest, surrounded by many, many creatures. most of them had tried to attack him, but failed. James sat in the darkness of the green forest until he met a young female kitsune. about his age, she was the most beautiful think he had ever seen. she had beautiful blue eyes, and beautiful orange fur, she had the smile of a thousand angels. "hi there" she said with a giggle "uh..uh.....hi..." james stuttered. the young kitsune was nervous, he had never spoken to a girl with such beauty, let alone seen one. "whats your name?" she asked "uh.. i..I'm james..." he stammered. She giggled again at his nervousness "I'm crystal" she said, she had a warm smile on, and james looked into her eyes as he stood up. "n..nice to.. meet you.. Crystal..." he said "Why are you here in the dark all alone, james?" she asked him "uh... I'm kinda... lost..." he said with a bit of embarrassment, that of which made her giggle, yet again. "oh really? she said "i guess you could come to my village to find your way home..." she smiled at him, mischievously "um..sure?" james said, unsure of what he was doing. 'hes kinda cute..' crystal thought in her head "so, james, what is your village's name?" she asked as they walked towards her own village. "um.. i don't have a village..." james said, with a hint of sadness. "oh.. you could stay with me.. that is... if you wanted o..." she said "i..i..i guess i could.. but.. i don't want to intrude...." james replied, uneasily "i live alone, james..." she said "i could really use.. the company...." at that, James smiled, but only a little, not enough to be seen. "i.. i guess... i could stay with.. you..." Crystal smiled warmly at him "Thank you, James." she said "um.. james... i know I'm being a bit rude but... i think you should clean off a bit when we get to my home.. you look like you have been bleeding all day." she said. james rubbed his face, and found his face had been bleeding the whole time "oh.. i..I'm.. I'm sorry..." he said "It's OK, james" she smiled "you just look like you have been beat..." James sighed at her words "no.. Ive been fighting the creatures that live in these woods all day..." james stated "oh... OK... um james...." she said "d...do you think I'm cute?" she asked, rather forwardly "huh??" james stopped in his tracks "uh..um.. yea..." he said as he started walking again. Crystal smiled at him again, she looked as though she was about to burst in excitement. "i think your cute too..." she said. after she said that, they were both silent on the way to the village. when they got there, the village was decent. it had houses, shops, markets, and of coarse, a town square. "wow...." was all james could get out. "cmon james, we need to get you cleaned up." Crystal said to him. Crystal guided James to her house, and led him to the bathroom, so he could wash off. "thank you, Crystal..." james said "no problem." she replied as she walked down stars. "i think he could be my one true love..." she said to herself, "he's sweet, kind, and handsome.. his only problem is his nervousness... you would think he had never seen a girl before... has he?". after around 20 minutes, james came back down stairs. the blood and dirt was all washed off of him, reviling he had light silver fur, dark green eyes, and a scar going through his left eye. "well...." james said. "James.... um... i know this may be too forward but.... follow me." she said as she led him to her room. she sat on the bed, and motioned him to sit next to her. "w..what is it?" he asked her. "nothing.. i just want to talk for a moment..." she answered. James sighed to himself and walked to her, and sat next to her. the next thing he knew, she started kissing him, with more passion that james had every felt in his life. "w..what are you doing?!" james asked. "nothing... I'm sorry..." she said "i.. i cant control.. my urges sometimes...." james kinda inched away from her a bit. Crystal sighed and looked at him "James.. Ive been alone... for all of my life... and i could use..... a ... mate...." at her words, james practically died of embarrassment "..a...a..a mate??" he stammered "b..but... why don't you get someone from your village?" he asked, frantically trying to figure out why she was saying these things. "no one likes me here... they say I'm nothing but an orphan...." Crystal said, making james sigh "i..i just met you, crystal...." he said "a..and.. not to mention... i don't think..." james was cut off half sentence from her kissing him again. ~fade out~

Yes Willis.

ok.. my name is robert... next time you call me willis.. ill kill you.

Originally posted by Fox13
ok.. my name is robert... next time you call me willis.. ill kill you.

Seriously. That's the stupidest treat on KMC. "I'll kill you"??

I thought your name was james? Itzak if you have no comment stay out!!

James = middle name

O.

~Loss of a friend~~

James smiled at his friend, Kage. "Hey Kage... We have a job to do, stop slacking around." he said "Oh cmon.... man... that.... tired...." Kage tried "No, we have a job... cmon." James said as he grabbed Kage's arm and dragged him onto the battle field "Stay down and we will be fine." james said, "ok?" "...fine...." Kage sighed and picked up his assault rifle. "Awesome, lets go." James and Kage walked onto the battle field, killing the humans, one by one "This is to easy." James said "Your crazy, James..." Kage said with a roll of his eyes "How can you possibly find this fun...." "i can, and i do." James smiled as he shot another human. James and Kage went through the humans base, walked in, and ambushed. There were around 50 humans there "FREEZE, DROP YOUR WEAPONS!" one of the humans yelled "Dammit.. i knew this would happen... great plan james...." Kage mocked. "yup, just how i wanted it" James said with a smirk "over there, a gas tank, ill shoot it. you just get the hell out of here." James said "i cant leave you here alone, james..." "Just do it!" Kage sighed and slowly backed up. "FREEZE!" yelled the human, who seemed to be in charge "GO KAGE!" James yelled, and when he did, gun fire started,"KAAAGE!" James yelled as he watched his partner get blasted "you humans..... good....for nothing... BASTARDS!" James dropped to the floor, picking up and shooting his assault rifle, hitting the gas tanks, making them explode, completely destroying the base. the last thing james heard before the explosion, was kage, laughing.. and then nothing......

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!h
eeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaheeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!



























































































Still awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

James woke up in the darkness. he was laying on a couch "w..where am i?" he asked no one in particular. "Your in my house..." came a female voice "who are you, and why am i here?" james asked looked around. "My name is Jewel. and i found you in town... you looked like you were beat....." she answered. she stood up and turned on the light. she looked 17, James' age. she was beautiful.... "y..your a human...." james said as he looked at her. "Yes... and your a fox...." She replied, a bit defensively. "s...sorry..." James said as his ear twitched. She laughed a bit and walked over to him and sat down next to him "Whats your name, Fox?" she asked "i.. I'm James...." he said to her. his eyes slowly went down and he looked at her breasts, but fell off the couch 'damn... i can't like her... shes of a different species.... and a human at that.....' he thought to himself. Jewel laughed at him "like what you see, pervert?" she asked with a small blush and a smile "i..uh... sorry...." he answered. Holding back a laugh, she helped him up, and as she did, his eyes looked at her legs as he was going up, he was definitely aroused without knowing it. She started laughing aloud, and james cocked his head to the left. "w..what?" he asked her. "um.... perhaps you should... adjust yourself..." she laughed and turned around. James looked down and fell over. he quickly adjusted himself and covered his face "...I'm so sorry......." he said to to her, embarrassedly. "its no problem...." she said "i think its kinda cute. as are you." she giggled. James sighed and kept his face covered. "i..i think i should go.... im sorry for troubling you..." he said as he stood up. "n..no! i dont want you to leave..." she blurted out "huh?" was all james could get out, his eyes were wide. "i..i want you to sty with me..." she said shyly. "b..but...." he tried "please!!! i insist you stay!" she pleaded as she ran over to him, holding him tightly to her, and her chest. James sighed and stood still. "f..fine..." he said. "Thank you!" she yelled, and kissed him gently on the lips, non-hesitantly. James sighed as she kissed him. she slowly started running her hand down his chest. "s..stop!" james said as he pulled back, out of her arms. "what?" she asked, dumbfounded, "dont you want me?" "yes... I MEAN NO!!" he said "i... i just want.... damn... why are you even attracted to me?!" he asked her "becuase... you seem nice, and your the cutest kitsune ive ever seen..." "NO!" he yelled "WHY CANT YOU JUST LOVE ANOTHER HUMAN?!" "i..i... im sorry.. your right....." she said as tears came to her eyes, forcing james to feel horrible to what he just said. "i..im sorry..." he said "i shouldnt be yelling...... but.. why would you like a fox??" "becuase your nice...." She said. James sighed and gave in, letting her have her way with him.

I think with a little tweaking here and there you could take the general idea for the story and fix it so it works into a plot. This would of course require to get rid of or change what you may have already written but if you really want to go through with the story it would be well worth it.

I sort of got lost when you started talking about the drunk animals... This story might do better with human characters.

black ghost has a point

no he ont. there is no just some shorts... and they arent... well they are animals... its called a KITSUNE. a mystical beast, half human, half fox.

oh really? he has no point?

and out of curiousity what was the point of the video you made and uploaded it on youtube?

i see no point in making only one or two paragraphs on one thing, and going to another.

honestly, i have half a mind to vote it's bad, since it lacks a lot of things.

i dont care. vote away. and once you do, you can leave.

still haven't answered my question........

and who are you to order around? I can come here as much as i please. i can still say my views on these so called "shorts"

A.) I dont stick to one story line, gets boring. B.) You dont need to be an ass. C.) Will you just read and stop being an ass?

A.) it get's boring reading lame stuff you created that don't make sense.

B.) you're being an ass for not answering my question yet.

C.) I read what you've written, and i gave you my suggestion. honestly it would be better with one story line, and not hundreds

D.) You know you made yourself look like a retard in that numa numa thing you did.

E.) You know everyone is an ass at least once in their life. And it so happen it's your day to be an ass. Congrats.

F.) You are one annoying s.o.b. you know that?

look, iv had a bad day, im sorry... i got in school suspension for callin someone a wigger. and then i got my tooth knocked out. so im kinda pissed.

that is your fault isn't it? don't need to take it out on other people.

I bet my days have been far worse than yours. when you've been sexually harrassed, and your ex girlfriend, who is also your best friend gets sexually harrassed by the same creep, and when you lose an aunt one weekend, and a week later your uncle dies, and a whole lot more shit happens to you, then you can let me know when you have a bad day, because frankly, it sounds like heaven compared to what i'm going through.

trust me, iv had a worse life than you, and yes, my grampa died not to long ago. dont think your life has been any worse than mine, and id rather be harrassed than have my tooth knocked out... i mean, harrassed... do you mean verbal, or physical?

physical

and i haven't even scratched the surface of my life.

oh, and i've gotten my tooth knocked out before. i'd rather have that done again than be harrassed.

Originally posted by Fox13
ok..i have been making short stories lately in the rp's im in. and i think i like the way they turn out.

the beating of a fox kitsune, the first short

"CMON! GET UP MUTT!" yelled Jackson, a wolf, and a leader of his pack "....." Jackson kicked James into the wall "I SAID GET UP!" james kept trying, but kept getting kicked, over and over. "p..please...." Jackson picked james up by the throat "aww, the little mutt tired? dumb fox's... think they are fancy" Jackson said "they always say that they are better than us wolves." Jackson threw james into a wall and started kicked him again "Cmon, les jus kill em" ped said, ped was jackson... little helper. "Nah, i like watchin the mutt suffer" jacckson and his pack continued beating on james, continued calling him mutt. he delt with them for more than a month, until he ran away from his home. on the way out of town, he saw the pack one last time, they looked at him and smirked "Hey mutt, where ya goin'?" Jackson asked him "uh..uh...." james stammered as he stepped backwards as they walked towards him. Thats when james' eyes turned blood red "Woah! look at the mutts eyes! he's actin tough!" james lunged himself at jackson, tackling him down. when they hit the ground, James ripped jackson throat out. "holy shit!" Ped said "the mutt's gone rabid!" at his words, the pack started to run. ever since then, james hutned them down, killing the pack.. one by one.... Originally posted by Fox13
a flashback of a horrible moment~~~

James looked at Sanya, she was kind of drunk. he stood up and looked at her "have you been drinking??" he asked her. "only a little.." she replied. Sanya picked james up and started to kiss him and james pushed her away "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" he yelled " im just kissing you..." she said. "WHY!?" james asked "Becuase your cute...." James sighed and started to walk away, but sanya tackled him "Cmon shorty.." she said "im bored, and your the cutest guy here..." "what1?" james asked frantically trying to get away from her "go away!" Sanya sat up and had tears in her eyes "pleease???" she pleaded "why me!?" james asked. "becuase.. iv known you your whole life.. and i know you like me" James sighed and finally gave in ~~fade out~~ Originally posted by Fox13
~away to war~

"ill miss you...." rose said "ill miss all of you...." James replied as he hugged rose tenderly "good bye...." Rose had tears in her eyes. "p..promise me you will come back.... alive..." she said as she ran up to him "dont worry rose... i promise.." he kissed her on the cheek and started off again. "i.. i love you james...." she cried as she fell to her knees, her cheeks red from sadness. James smiled and stopped "I love you too.... ill be back in exactly one year.... good bye..."

~the next year~

"Gee, you must be happy actually getting to go home eh, James?" Finny asked him "Of coarse... but i broke my promise... i was supposed to be back in one year.... oh my god!!!" James looked at the window of the Bus, tears instantly came to his eyes. his town was now nothing but rubble and smoke, covered in fire "WHAT THE HELL HAPPEND?!" he jumped out of the moving bus, as did Finny. "J..JAMES! WAIT UP!" finny yelled trying to catch up with his war buddy. when finny finally caught up with him he found James on his knees crying, and before james was a body.. of a young, dead female kitsune "r..rose...." james said as he cried "im so sorry.... please.. im.. so sorry...." Finny kneeled down beside james "James... im so sorry..." he tried "NO!" james interupted "THIS IS ALL MY FAULT! IF I WOULDNT HAVE BROKEN MY PROMISE......." Finny sighed and helped james up. "James... shes... your love.. isnt she?" Originally posted by Fox13
~the kiss of death~

James smiled at Ashleigh, and she smiled back "y...you know you will get in trouble for being with me..." James said to her. "i don't care... us wolves really.. well... most of us... we really don't like foxes... but you... your the sweetest fox iv ever known..." Ashleigh stated. James smiled "well... i don't.... well.. i.. i love you...." he said. "really?! i.. i... i don't know what to say...." Ashleigh stuttered "i.. i don't think... i cant fall in love with you, james... I'm so sorry..." James frowned and took a sharp breath "o..OK..." he said "james... its against the wolf code... i... i DO love you... but I'm not supposed to and...." she was cut off at the sound of a gunshot. james had been shot in the stomach. and fel over, half dead. the blood was comeing out of the wound and his mouth. JAMES!!" Ashleigh yelled, her voice was full of concern "oh my god james! are you ok?! please answer..." she frantically tried. "So.. you love a fox eh??" another wolf said "i shoulda known what you were doing... and you KNOW the punishment..." the wolf said "n..no! please! PLEA......" the last thing that james heard and saw, was the wolf he loved... get shot through the head. James eyes went red, meaning his was going rabid. he stood up, blood still comeing from his mouth and gunshot wound "Whats the matter, fox boy?" the wolf taunted with a smirk "....." James couldnt answer. his mind and heart was full of sadness and hatred. he kicked the wolf, send him to the ground, making him drop his gun. james picked the gun up and shot the bastard, directly in the face... james body basically died after that... but he kept going. his eyes went to his normal light green. he ran back to Ashleigh and picked her up. he kissed her dead body, getting blood all over his fur, more than what was there. "Ashleigh... you shouldnt.. have...." he cried "you should have stayed with the other wolves...." he picked her up and carried her to the meadow. he laid her in a bed of flowers... and walked off. Originally posted by Fox13
just stay out....

~~the grass is always greener~~

James sighed. he was all alone. he was lost in the forest, surrounded by many, many creatures. most of them had tried to attack him, but failed. James sat in the darkness of the green forest until he met a young female kitsune. about his age, she was the most beautiful think he had ever seen. she had beautiful blue eyes, and beautiful orange fur, she had the smile of a thousand angels. "hi there" she said with a giggle "uh..uh.....hi..." james stuttered. the young kitsune was nervous, he had never spoken to a girl with such beauty, let alone seen one. "whats your name?" she asked "uh.. i..I'm james..." he stammered. She giggled again at his nervousness "I'm crystal" she said, she had a warm smile on, and james looked into her eyes as he stood up. "n..nice to.. meet you.. Crystal..." he said "Why are you here in the dark all alone, james?" she asked him "uh... I'm kinda... lost..." he said with a bit of embarrassment, that of which made her giggle, yet again. "oh really? she said "i guess you could come to my village to find your way home..." she smiled at him, mischievously "um..sure?" james said, unsure of what he was doing. 'hes kinda cute..' crystal thought in her head "so, james, what is your village's name?" she asked as they walked towards her own village. "um.. i don't have a village..." james said, with a hint of sadness. "oh.. you could stay with me.. that is... if you wanted o..." she said "i..i..i guess i could.. but.. i don't want to intrude...." james replied, uneasily "i live alone, james..." she said "i could really use.. the company...." at that, James smiled, but only a little, not enough to be seen. "i.. i guess... i could stay with.. you..." Crystal smiled warmly at him "Thank you, James." she said "um.. james... i know I'm being a bit rude but... i think you should clean off a bit when we get to my home.. you look like you have been bleeding all day." she said. james rubbed his face, and found his face had been bleeding the whole time "oh.. i..I'm.. I'm sorry..." he said "It's OK, james" she smiled "you just look like you have been beat..." James sighed at her words "no.. Ive been fighting the creatures that live in these woods all day..." james stated "oh... OK... um james...." she said "d...do you think I'm cute?" she asked, rather forwardly "huh??" james stopped in his tracks "uh..um.. yea..." he said as he started walking again. Crystal smiled at him again, she looked as though she was about to burst in excitement. "i think your cute too..." she said. after she said that, they were both silent on the way to the village. when they got there, the village was decent. it had houses, shops, markets, and of coarse, a town square. "wow...." was all james could get out. "cmon james, we need to get you cleaned up." Crystal said to him. Crystal guided James to her house, and led him to the bathroom, so he could wash off. "thank you, Crystal..." james said "no problem." she replied as she walked down stars. "i think he could be my one true love..." she said to herself, "he's sweet, kind, and handsome.. his only problem is his nervousness... you would think he had never seen a girl before... has he?". after around 20 minutes, james came back down stairs. the blood and dirt was all washed off of him, reviling he had light silver fur, dark green eyes, and a scar going through his left eye. "well...." james said. "James.... um... i know this may be too forward but.... follow me." she said as she led him to her room. she sat on the bed, and motioned him to sit next to her. "w..what is it?" he asked her. "nothing.. i just want to talk for a moment..." she answered. James sighed to himself and walked to her, and sat next to her. the next thing he knew, she started kissing him, with more passion that james had every felt in his life. "w..what are you doing?!" james asked. "nothing... I'm sorry..." she said "i.. i cant control.. my urges sometimes...." james kinda inched away from her a bit. Crystal sighed and looked at him "James.. Ive been alone... for all of my life... and i could use..... a ... mate...." at her words, james practically died of embarrassment "..a...a..a mate??" he stammered "b..but... why don't you get someone from your village?" he asked, frantically trying to figure out why she was saying these things. "no one likes me here... they say I'm nothing but an orphan...." Crystal said, making james sigh "i..i just met you, crystal...." he said "a..and.. not to mention... i don't think..." james was cut off half sentence from her kissing him again. ~fade out~ Originally posted by Fox13
~Loss of a friend~~

James smiled at his friend, Kage. "Hey Kage... We have a job to do, stop slacking around." he said "Oh cmon.... man... that.... tired...." Kage tried "No, we have a job... cmon." James said as he grabbed Kage's arm and dragged him onto the battle field "Stay down and we will be fine." james said, "ok?" "...fine...." Kage sighed and picked up his assault rifle. "Awesome, lets go." James and Kage walked onto the battle field, killing the humans, one by one "This is to easy." James said "Your crazy, James..." Kage said with a roll of his eyes "How can you possibly find this fun...." "i can, and i do." James smiled as he shot another human. James and Kage went through the humans base, walked in, and ambushed. There were around 50 humans there "FREEZE, DROP YOUR WEAPONS!" one of the humans yelled "Dammit.. i knew this would happen... great plan james...." Kage mocked. "yup, just how i wanted it" James said with a smirk "over there, a gas tank, ill shoot it. you just get the hell out of here." James said "i cant leave you here alone, james..." "Just do it!" Kage sighed and slowly backed up. "FREEZE!" yelled the human, who seemed to be in charge "GO KAGE!" James yelled, and when he did, gun fire started,"KAAAGE!" James yelled as he watched his partner get blasted "you humans..... good....for nothing... BASTARDS!" James dropped to the floor, picking up and shooting his assault rifle, hitting the gas tanks, making them explode, completely destroying the base. the last thing james heard before the explosion, was kage, laughing.. and then nothing...... Originally posted by Fox13
James woke up in the darkness. he was laying on a couch "w..where am i?" he asked no one in particular. "Your in my house..." came a female voice "who are you, and why am i here?" james asked looked around. "My name is Jewel. and i found you in town... you looked like you were beat....." she answered. she stood up and turned on the light. she looked 17, James' age. she was beautiful.... "y..your a human...." james said as he looked at her. "Yes... and your a fox...." She replied, a bit defensively. "s...sorry..." James said as his ear twitched. She laughed a bit and walked over to him and sat down next to him "Whats your name, Fox?" she asked "i.. I'm James...." he said to her. his eyes slowly went down and he looked at her breasts, but fell off the couch 'damn... i can't like her... shes of a different species.... and a human at that.....' he thought to himself. Jewel laughed at him "like what you see, pervert?" she asked with a small blush and a smile "i..uh... sorry...." he answered. Holding back a laugh, she helped him up, and as she did, his eyes looked at her legs as he was going up, he was definitely aroused without knowing it. She started laughing aloud, and james cocked his head to the left. "w..what?" he asked her. "um.... perhaps you should... adjust yourself..." she laughed and turned around. James looked down and fell over. he quickly adjusted himself and covered his face "...I'm so sorry......." he said to to her, embarrassedly. "its no problem...." she said "i think its kinda cute. as are you." she giggled. James sighed and kept his face covered. "i..i think i should go.... im sorry for troubling you..." he said as he stood up. "n..no! i dont want you to leave..." she blurted out "huh?" was all james could get out, his eyes were wide. "i..i want you to sty with me..." she said shyly. "b..but...." he tried "please!!! i insist you stay!" she pleaded as she ran over to him, holding him tightly to her, and her chest. James sighed and stood still. "f..fine..." he said. "Thank you!" she yelled, and kissed him gently on the lips, non-hesitantly. James sighed as she kissed him. she slowly started running her hand down his chest. "s..stop!" james said as he pulled back, out of her arms. "what?" she asked, dumbfounded, "dont you want me?" "yes... I MEAN NO!!" he said "i... i just want.... damn... why are you even attracted to me?!" he asked her "becuase... you seem nice, and your the cutest kitsune ive ever seen..." "NO!" he yelled "WHY CANT YOU JUST LOVE ANOTHER HUMAN?!" "i..i... im sorry.. your right....." she said as tears came to her eyes, forcing james to feel horrible to what he just said. "i..im sorry..." he said "i shouldnt be yelling...... but.. why would you like a fox??" "becuase your nice...." She said. James sighed and gave in, letting her have her way with him.

what's the point of quoting all of that?

im trying to find a way to put them together....... i need to read them all to gether to even try.

and yet you said that their was no point made in when we said that.

Wow, a lot can change in one day...

You dont have to take it so personally, we're just trying to help, right? Isnt that why you put these stories on here?

If you want suggestions on what you've written maybe you should tell us how far you plan to take this story of yours. Is it just for fun or do you actually plan on turning it into something?

....I still dont understand why kitsunes can get drunk...

they are human, just different features....

and i could use some help.... could you guys like.... give me some ideas on how to fix these all together?

A wolf crossbred with a human... That WOULD be interesting to see... But never mind that.

I assume you are trying to assemble what you already have written into something like a story but maybe you could tell us a little more background information on everything- including Kitsunes and what is going on- before we say anything. Like Im really confused at where this takes place, why they are slaughtering humans and everything...

well, i cant call this a story, that of which i am about to type, this is more of an exploitation.

A war between mystical beasts and humans has raged on for many, many years. James, the fox kitsune, is the main character in most of my stories. He of which retains the war. He is confided, and respects most. but, he does not understand why the war has raged on for so long. he wants it to end... So, he does not trust many humans, and only kills he needs to. either it be for protection, or love, he will not let a friend be harmed. he has met many traitors, murderers, and many loves. He is trying to find one human, to stop the war, to prove that mystical creatures and humans CAN live together in peace. but, his comrades have either betrayed him, killed innocent humans, or have died. he takes himself respnsable for their deaths, or betrayal. he wants it all to end. so he, alone, will fight out this war. he wants to settle down, and have a family. but, every love he has had, have been brutily taken from him... he despises himself for that. but is considered a war hero for being a survivor for the last 4 years he has been to war. he has been in many half deaths, forgotten his memory, and almost everything else horrible has happend to him. he had a family, but only once.. and he watched them die. they were killed by the humans. that is what braught him to war.

You should start it with a kind of intro to explain all that to the reader, in better words obviously. Then you can start with the thing you originally started with with the pack attacking James. Maybe then you could have some things talking about before the war and then have the majority of the story be about him in the war remembering all those things with the other foxes- or whatever they are. Then i guess you could have him get captured or something by humans and sentenced for execution but one of them saves him and then they could start like a little alliance to eventually end the war. Then somewhere in there he can find some other fox-girl or one of the old ones (of which there are far too many) and then have that be the end or something. I dont know. Thats all I can really come up with with the writing you've shown. Just a thought.

I was going to read these, but before I do, I'm going to make some suggestions.

1. Start a new line for each new piece of dialogue.
2. Make less use of ... Too much use of any grammatical technique lessens its effect.
3. When not writing dialogue, you have a habit of giving each sentence several clauses. If you shorten them, it would be easier to read. For instance

Simply changing this to:


Sorry if it sounds like I'm being pompous, but writing with proper grammar and use of paragraphs would make your stories a lot easier to read.

Triksters got a point. Not only is it then simpler to read it makes it sound a lot more professional.

but im not prfecional. im a bored out of his mind 13 yr old.

Ok well we were just offering help...

and i appritiate it. im still thinkin on a new story line... but i need to use the storys....

all i can really think of for a storyline is what i mentioned earlier.

I'm not saying it has to be up to a professional standard, Fox. Simply cleaning up your grammar will make your stories more readable.

thoses short stories are good i'm working on a story myself called "DREAMS" i haven't finished it yet.

qhy thank ya kindly, love

your welcome babe

giggy giggy goo