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I have a number of little stories to share, and I hope that others will be inclined to add more stories from their own lines of work.

First let me give you a little background info:

I work in a college registrars office for a school called Eisenhower University - see eisenhoweruniversity.com. My division deals with prior learning assessment and evaluation for people with work experience and/or previous college credits that they could apply to an Eisenhower degree. Every day our office gets calls and emails from all around the country, and I have the pleasure of speaking to a number of upstanding individuals who think they could get a Master's Degree in Engineering because they once "built a do-it-yourself radio kit." While we offer degrees in many majors, we're not going to give you an Accounting Degree because your aunt is an accountant and you once balanced your own checkbook.

- Story 1 -

Earlier today I had a call from a redneck wanting to apply with us. During the conversation this is what transpired:

Me: May I have your zip code please?

Him: Zip code? You mean 804?

Me: Oh, I'm sorry I meant your 5 digit zip code

Him: Hold on, HONEY!! WHATS THE ZIP CODE!!

Me: *pause*

Him: We don't know, I just want to sign up for the PLA program

Me: Absolutely. I will be happy to help you further; what state do you live in?

Him: STATE? the UNITED STATES!

- Story 2 -

Often we'll get clueless people who are so out of touch with technology that its laughable. Here's a snippet from a conversation with a 40 year old guy about applying for our program online.

Me: What version of Windows are you running?

Them: Hold on, let me check.

Me: OK.

Them: They're thermal.

Me: I...I beg your pardon?

Them: The windows are thermal.

Me: ...

- Story 3 -

Last week a lady called in who was having trouble accessing her student account on our website. I don't know why she called our office, since tech support is a different division entirely. But after a little trial and error we were able to get her account fixed and everything squared away. The tail end of our conversation went like this:

Me: Well, seems like everything is working, is there anything else I can help you with?

Her: Yeah, don't use anti-perspirant! Wanna know why?

Me: Not really, but I bet you're going to tell me.

Her: Because it causes cancer! Look at the first ingredient, it's aluminum! It gives you the cancer!

Me: Well, that's good to know ma'am, have a good day!

Her: Wait!! Do you know why 9/11 really happened? George Bush ordered it! There were secret Nesara computers in the sub-sections underneath the WTC!

Me: Wow, amazing.

Her: I'm part of this secret agency tied to Nesara, and we're planning on overthrowing the government! Here's a few links you should check out, and tell all your friends about!

Me: Will do ma'am, thank you for calling.

Her: No no! Wait! Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara !!!!!!

The call lasted about 40 minutes after I fixed her problem, and since I can't hang up on students I had to sit there and listen to these awesome stories. She went on and on about Nesara, and how I should watch the news because something huge was going to happen in the next few days. Of course nothing did. God I love my job.

Is this like real????????????

Though the aluminum thing is true because it's a by product and clogs up your pores thus not letting the toxins in your body escape and building up, causing damage to your cells.

Originally posted by FSwenson
I have a number of little stories to share, and I hope that others will be inclined to add more stories from their own lines of work.

First let me give you a little background info:

I work in a college registrars office for a school called Eisenhower University - see eisenhoweruniversity.com. My division deals with prior learning assessment and evaluation for people with work experience and/or previous college credits that they could apply to an Eisenhower degree. Every day our office gets calls and emails from all around the country, and I have the pleasure of speaking to a number of upstanding individuals who think they could get a Master's Degree in Engineering because they once "built a do-it-yourself radio kit." While we offer degrees in many majors, we're not going to give you an Accounting Degree because your aunt is an accountant and you once balanced your own checkbook.

- Story 1 -

Earlier today I had a call from a redneck wanting to apply with us. During the conversation this is what transpired:

Me: May I have your zip code please?

Him: Zip code? You mean 804?

Me: Oh, I'm sorry I meant your 5 digit zip code

Him: Hold on, HONEY!! WHATS THE ZIP CODE!!

Me: *pause*

Him: We don't know, I just want to sign up for the PLA program

Me: Absolutely. I will be happy to help you further; what state do you live in?

Him: STATE? the UNITED STATES!

- Story 2 -

Often we'll get clueless people who are so out of touch with technology that its laughable. Here's a snippet from a conversation with a 40 year old guy about applying for our program online.

Me: What version of Windows are you running?

Them: Hold on, let me check.

Me: OK.

Them: They're thermal.

Me: I...I beg your pardon?

Them: The windows are thermal.

Me: ...

- Story 3 -

Last week a lady called in who was having trouble accessing her student account on our website. I don't know why she called our office, since tech support is a different division entirely. But after a little trial and error we were able to get her account fixed and everything squared away. The tail end of our conversation went like this:

Me: Well, seems like everything is working, is there anything else I can help you with?

Her: Yeah, don't use anti-perspirant! Wanna know why?

Me: Not really, but I bet you're going to tell me.

Her: Because it causes cancer! Look at the first ingredient, it's aluminum! It gives you the cancer!

Me: Well, that's good to know ma'am, have a good day!

Her: Wait!! Do you know why 9/11 really happened? George Bush ordered it! There were secret Nesara computers in the sub-sections underneath the WTC!

Me: Wow, amazing.

Her: I'm part of this secret agency tied to Nesara, and we're planning on overthrowing the government! Here's a few links you should check out, and tell all your friends about!

Me: Will do ma'am, thank you for calling.

Her: No no! Wait! Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara !!!!!!

The call lasted about 40 minutes after I fixed her problem, and since I can't hang up on students I had to sit there and listen to these awesome stories. She went on and on about Nesara, and how I should watch the news because something huge was going to happen in the next few days. Of course nothing did. God I love my job.
You're looking for the OTF.
Have fun there.

Him : "That lighter you sold me was out of gas!"
Me: "Yes, thats why I sold it"

Lol

How about "Cables a wonderful thing, let me hook you up?"


And BTW, why does my name appear last when I'm looking at my screen????????????...........

Customer: .........and I will complain !

Me: We dont accept complaints either.

I worked at a restaurant for 9 years, these aren't the most hysterical, but they're real:

Waiter (Me): You okay?
Customer: Yeah. Are you?


Waiter: Can I get you anything else?
Customer (rubbing his belly): Just a wheelbarrow!


Waiter: Here's your check, sir.
Customer: Oh, we're not staying for the drawing!


Customer: What exactly is chicken-fried-chicken?
Waiter: It's country-fried steak, except it's chicken.
Customer: Seems a little redundant. I'm not eating anything like that!

Yeah, what's the deal with the chicken fried steak without the chicken.............yeah what is that???????????......so miss leading........pork

http://www.picpop.com/gallery/albums/userpics/1-14-05/j5input.jpg

Customer: My pizza was made wrong.

Me: Oh, and you had to eat half of it to figure that out?

(this was back in my pizza days, I mean daze)

I help my dad at his store and well one time this drunk comes in and starts talking with my dad. He told him that when 9/11 happened, they called him to go fix their computers....then later on they called to head into space...that he was leaving in a year...he never left....

Originally posted by JLred
I help my dad at his store and well one time this drunk comes in and starts talking with my dad. He told him that when 9/11 happened, they called him to go fix their computers....then later on they called to head into space...that he was leaving in a year...he never left....

I wasn't drunk.

Originally posted by botankus

Waiter (Me): You okay?
Customer: Yeah. Are you?






This is my fav.

When I worked at Ace Hardware once, this guy needed help putting his lumber on top of his car, and he said to me . . . "Can you help me get my wood up?"

I worked in a contract department for a health spa........

Them: This contract doesn't really mean anything does it?
Me: Well, you did sign it.
Them: But it says, I have to pay.
Me: Well, you do go, ya know.
Them: But what if I don't want to pay?
Me: Then we talk to the Judge.
Them: Don't you feel bad for doing this?
Me: No..............hahahaha.............what, you want great thighs for free??????

OK......A collection agency I worked for.
Me: Can I talk to Mr Smith?.......(name I forgot)
Them: No, he's dead..
Me: Then how did he charge on his credit card?
Them: I don't know..............................me---..>..(hahahahaha)
Me: Will he be there next week?
Them: I don't think so.................Me --->........(hahahah)

Originally posted by Tired Hiker
When I worked at Ace Hardware once, this guy needed help putting his lumber on top of his car, and he said to me . . . "Can you help me get my wood up?"

hysterical

Originally posted by Bloigen
I wasn't drunk.

ohh.......

I'll fix it....

I help my dad at his store and well one time this mentally retarded man comes in and starts talking with my dad. He told him that when 9/11 happened, they called him to go fix their computers....then later on they called to head into space...that he was leaving in a year...he never left....

Originally posted by JLred
ohh.......

I'll fix it....

I help my dad at his store and well one time this mentally retarded man comes in and starts talking with my dad. He told him that when 9/11 happened, they called him to go fix their computers....then later on they called to head into space...that he was leaving in a year...he never left....

Thanks.

oky u beat me i used to work in a waterpark and we had one guy ring up from a carpeting company telling us that the carpet we had order was ready .


Plus i had one regular customer ring up ask where we had the pool side seating from because she liked it

Originally posted by Bloigen
Thanks.


indeed ...

i work in a restaurant/cafe kitchen, we've had some awesome requests before.

"Can i order something that wont smudge my lipstick?"

"Can you put my soft drink through the blender to take the bubbles out, they hurt my tongue" (hence we gave them cordial)

this one takes some explaining. we have outdoor seating, theres some sparrows that fly around looking for crumbs and what not. we cant scare them off, they are used to humans now. we had a lady sitting outside complain to one of our waitresses, she said (in these words) "i think its really unacceptable to let birds be around these tables, what with the bird flu going around." dead set moron.

there are more but i dont remember them off the top of my head

"I'll suck yo **** if I can get a discount off those jeans!"

ermm Dang.

Here's one. it was at a salon.

"Can you blow dry my hair after you're done wetting it? It soaks into your scalp and damages the nerves in your brain..."


...dumbass. glare