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i know, it's really bad...

Saphira it was honestly interesting, and it is a really good start


My suggestion is to slow down a bit, and to give Sapphire a little more description so people know what she looks like.

space between paragraphs would help a lot too.



You may just want to work on that sentence really. Doesn't make sense really, but it was good none the less.

I thought the same. The pull was decent, too.

Originally posted by Tarvos
I thought the same. The pull was decent, too.

"Pull"?

The hook.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WHAT ABOUT CHRISTAN???

interesting...

And so begins "The War of the Worlds"...

Hmm... It started well, but I sense a devolution into cliche

yeah. i know.

I can't thinkof anything better for the really-bad-poem-type-thing. Anyone got any ideas?

i like the stories.. to me there is the element of mystery and of wanting to know more.the one i would really like to know more about is the chapter 2-kieran and ruby