Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.

Hello fellow ... things, and welcome to my almost nooby harry potter story. Today, for all the little kids, there is a song called jack and jill.

The fall of the dark lord
Chapter 1- The horcrux.

Coming soon!

This is just fairly rubbish....

ok, ok, so i'm not the perfect storymaker, but it'll improve!

noo, don't leave me and my story...
nooooo.....
I beg u....

Ok, it would help me be a little more calm if everyone could do the thing in the story "the forbidden forest", not copying or anything, but i'm no good writer, even though i really want this story to continue.

Originally posted by Swirly Girl
This is just fairly rubbish....

...
Please don't be mean!

I throw myself at your royal mercy

You can torture me, but don't be mean....

then why don't you get someone else to write if your not good. Cuz this is just complete rubbish!

Originally posted by iluvhpsomuch1_7
then why don't you get someone else to write if your not good. Cuz this is just complete rubbish!

that's a bit cruel...i've read stories that are way, way worse than this.

I'm just confused when and where it is...6th year? 7th? Hogwarts? a dream? What's with Kreacher?

don't be so mean guys. The first couple posts that i wrote for my first story was completly rubbish as well, give him some time, he'll get better along the way. if you dont have anything nice to say dont say it at all. give constructive criticisim.

Thanks!

Good start. You might want to add more details. Uh. Natasha says she's falling in love with everybody on the sight. Boys only of course. What a zigorot. Gosh.... Oh. And she kiffe your story. (She digs your story)

Did I add more detail?
Like all other stories, if you have any suggestions, please pm me

No, not post meridiem!

Should I make Hermione seem homersexual, by making the red-haired person Ginny, or should I not make them gay... yet, and turn the red haired fellow into Ron?
a difficult decision.....

I hate the title!

Originally posted by iluvhpsomuch1_7
then why don't you get someone else to write if your not good. Cuz this is just complete rubbish!


Really, That's not Nessecary.
Originally posted by Waterslicer
Should I make Hermione seem homersexual, by making the red-haired person Ginny, or should I not make them gay... yet, and turn the red haired fellow into Ron?
a difficult decision.....

I hate the title!
Lesbians

And... It's not rubbish. It's pretty good. Longer posts, more depth, and a plot.

That's all you need. Nothing major about your writing style, though it would be good if you made it clear when your story is set.

Ok, rubbish is a little bit harsh guys don't you think? I agree with trickster, go into more depth make them longer, and give it a plot, don't just stop with something, I'm totally lost what was the deal with kreacher. Here is my suggestion though, my bet is you are writing the story actually on the website. Try writing it in word first, better chance to make things longer more detail, and you don't have to rush it. You also will have the chance of having somebody review it. In my story that's what I do, and each chapter got progressively longer, as I went into more and more depth, although some were shorter just due to lack of material for that chapter. Anyway I'm gonna go work on my story. Yours is good but needs work. Keep going and explore more detail and don't trail off on things unless they are small and the resolution is irrelavent because most people will be able to figure it out, or there was no need to give a detailed resolution just that it was resolved, I want to know what was placed in the drink and what happened with it and by doing that you will have a wonderful story.

I'm going to add what the "deal is" about Kreacher in the post after the next and I do type it in word, only i don't use it for long periods.
Just a little scribble for 10 minutes and i post.
anyway, a bit of the next post, coming later today.
* Hermione starts dating Ron
* Lavender chucks a firewhisky bottle at Hermione(U know why!)
* Harry has another prmonition from Trelawney
*The new charms teacher is revealed
*The new Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher is...stuck in a cliffhanger.

U lose ur bet!
(pay me 100 bucks)
And nothing was in the drink, Ron was fine
didn't u read about him snogging Hermione?

You still need to say when it's set.

Oops!
accidentally posted twice!
sorry!

It is better I like it keep posting please

is it in a bad way, or good way?

A good way.

it's getting better. keep posting!

um, i might try to explain about kreacher now, i think u waited long enough.

or maybe i could make a threat...

"Hem Hem" He says, in a good imitation of umbridge. "I believe that you, ewalker, have started a thread?
Well post urs and i post mine!"
Just a very short one right now, i'm working on the next bit.

Dumbledore hovered above the ground, translucent and green.
Unnaturally green.
He had a green glow around his hand, especially, which flashed with all the colours of the rainbow.
Harry felt hot tears start to trickle down his face.
Hadn’t Hermione told him, long ago while he was playing quidditch, that only people that weren’t happy would become ghosts?
He felt a hand touch his shoulder, and blinking, he turned around to face Ginny.

(i know, i'm not happy about the length either, especially as i only worked on it for 30 seconds.)