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Hello fellow ... things, and welcome to my almost nooby harry potter story. Today, for all the little kids, there is a song called jack and jill.

The fall of the dark lord
Chapter 1- The horcrux.

Coming soon!

Screams… A dark figure…Snape…Snape!
A young man with an unnatural scar on his forehead woke with a start, sweating in his bed.
“Ruzzvup?” Another, red haired boy scrabbled around under his pillow, then snores filled the room again.
Scowling, Harry Potter tried to sleep again until dawn, where, hopefully he would be able to say his goodbyes to his friends, and most importantly (his heart thumped wildly) Ginny Weasley, his best friend’s sister.
Tossing and turning, he soon decided against it. He gulped down some water which could have been a day old, he no longer cared. Crack. He swore under his breath as a dirty old house elf landed on his toes. “Kreacher!” He shouted. Kreacher, feigning deafness, stepped on his bed, oozing muck. Slapping Ron hard, Harry tried to pull him out of the door, then realizing he was no longer at Hogwarts. Crack. What was Kreacher doing?
It was then that he saw the green potion dissolving into a cup of water beside Ron, had obviously woken up. “Get this- thing of me!” he shouted, panting and reaching for the cup.
“Ron, NO!!!” But even as he said the last two syllables, Kreacher disapparated, and Ron, yawning in relief, tipped the contents of the cup down his throat.
He stared into space for a moment, then abruptly pushed Harry out of the way.
Harry, stung by his best friend’s weird behaviour shouted “Petrificus Totalus!”
His brain filled with all types of questions, he dragged the limp body into the Gryffindor common room.
It was completely empty, the fire out and not a sound emanated from any object.
The silence was unnatural…
Ron groaned. Harry looked behind him and saw a glass of some silver mist, swirling inside, sitting on the main table with a lable on it saying “Drink me”
“ What the heck is going on!!!” he yelled.
Nothing answered.
Swearing repeatedly, he heaved the body onto his shoulder and proceded to Proffessor Slughorn’s room.

This is just fairly rubbish....

ok, ok, so i'm not the perfect storymaker, but it'll improve!

noo, don't leave me and my story...
nooooo.....
I beg u....

Ok, it would help me be a little more calm if everyone could do the thing in the story "the forbidden forest", not copying or anything, but i'm no good writer, even though i really want this story to continue.

Originally posted by Swirly Girl
This is just fairly rubbish....

...
Please don't be mean!

I throw myself at your royal mercy

You can torture me, but don't be mean....

then why don't you get someone else to write if your not good. Cuz this is just complete rubbish!

Originally posted by iluvhpsomuch1_7
then why don't you get someone else to write if your not good. Cuz this is just complete rubbish!

that's a bit cruel...i've read stories that are way, way worse than this.

I'm just confused when and where it is...6th year? 7th? Hogwarts? a dream? What's with Kreacher?

don't be so mean guys. The first couple posts that i wrote for my first story was completly rubbish as well, give him some time, he'll get better along the way. if you dont have anything nice to say dont say it at all. give constructive criticisim.

Thanks!

Good start. You might want to add more details. Uh. Natasha says she's falling in love with everybody on the sight. Boys only of course. What a zigorot. Gosh.... Oh. And she kiffe your story. (She digs your story)

Chapter 2
“Surprise!” There was an instant roar of voices and Harry was seized onto the many pairs of hands that had pulled him in.
Harry was momentarily stunned when he realized it was his birthday.
His heart raising considerably, he fought against the tide of people that were now frantically pulling him over to drink firewhisky, including Romilda Vane.
Harry took care to tread around the suspected love potion, seeking one person who was fixed into his mind: Ginny.
“Harry, M’boy!”
Harry dreaded facing the overgrown walrus that was now pulling him to a distant table, away from the party, but there wasn’t any way he could dodge a teacher, let alone one that had a iron-hard grip on his shoulder.
“Harry, you simply must see the banquet I’ve prepared! I must say, I’ve been lucky enough to get treacle pudding-your favorite, I assume?” Professor Slughorn said.
But Harry was already staring at some bushy brown hair, and red hair that had clearly not been shaven in a month, which were tangled together, tightly.
"Hermione?" Harry whispered.

Pretty short, but i'm not into long ones.
I haven't posted for a week because I went to Adelaide.

Did I add more detail?
Like all other stories, if you have any suggestions, please pm me

No, not post meridiem!

Should I make Hermione seem homersexual, by making the red-haired person Ginny, or should I not make them gay... yet, and turn the red haired fellow into Ron?
a difficult decision.....

I hate the title!

Originally posted by iluvhpsomuch1_7
then why don't you get someone else to write if your not good. Cuz this is just complete rubbish!


Really, That's not Nessecary.
Originally posted by Waterslicer
Should I make Hermione seem homersexual, by making the red-haired person Ginny, or should I not make them gay... yet, and turn the red haired fellow into Ron?
a difficult decision.....

I hate the title!
Lesbians

And... It's not rubbish. It's pretty good. Longer posts, more depth, and a plot.

That's all you need. Nothing major about your writing style, though it would be good if you made it clear when your story is set.

Ok, rubbish is a little bit harsh guys don't you think? I agree with trickster, go into more depth make them longer, and give it a plot, don't just stop with something, I'm totally lost what was the deal with kreacher. Here is my suggestion though, my bet is you are writing the story actually on the website. Try writing it in word first, better chance to make things longer more detail, and you don't have to rush it. You also will have the chance of having somebody review it. In my story that's what I do, and each chapter got progressively longer, as I went into more and more depth, although some were shorter just due to lack of material for that chapter. Anyway I'm gonna go work on my story. Yours is good but needs work. Keep going and explore more detail and don't trail off on things unless they are small and the resolution is irrelavent because most people will be able to figure it out, or there was no need to give a detailed resolution just that it was resolved, I want to know what was placed in the drink and what happened with it and by doing that you will have a wonderful story.

I'm going to add what the "deal is" about Kreacher in the post after the next and I do type it in word, only i don't use it for long periods.
Just a little scribble for 10 minutes and i post.
anyway, a bit of the next post, coming later today.
* Hermione starts dating Ron
* Lavender chucks a firewhisky bottle at Hermione(U know why!)
* Harry has another prmonition from Trelawney
*The new charms teacher is revealed
*The new Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher is...stuck in a cliffhanger.

U lose ur bet!
(pay me 100 bucks)
And nothing was in the drink, Ron was fine
didn't u read about him snogging Hermione?

You still need to say when it's set.

Chapter 3
“Ron?”
Ron blinked and looked around, sparing Harry a glance.
“Oh, hey Harry, lovely day isn’t it?” he said brightly.
And with that he resumed to glue his lips to Hermione.
“It’s raining, you idiot!”
Ron mumbled something indistinct and shrugged, nearly falling out of the chair he sat in.
Hermione whispered something into his ear, and Ron whispered back. From what Harry could gather they were dating each other. Cursing himself he realized he’d missed the sorting.
Totally stunned by the sudden show of affection, something snapped into his mind and he began searching for Ginny again, only to have Slughorn wheel him to face Headmistress Mcgonagall and her announce the new charms teacher.
“Welcome to Hogwarts and we hope the old students don’t lament about our previous headmaster, who …”
This speech was broken by the shattering of a firewhisky bottle, which connected with Hermione’s head and sent her flying, that shocked him even more when a very murderous looking Lavender Brown allowed herself to be escorted to the Gryffindor common room, in which Lavender laughed unkindly over her back at a very hurt Hermione Granger, until Ron picked her up and settled her back on her chair.
Harry was already half thanking Lavender that she’d interfered, he didn’t need to feel the horrible sinking feeling in his stomach again.
“As I was saying, the new charms teacher will be none other than… our late headmaster’s brother, Professor Aberforth!” This statement was met by a lot of boos and cheers that echoed around the Great Hall.
“Now, how did a dragon come to be a charms teacher?” a dreamy voice beside Harry said. Harry blinked and realized that Luna lovegood had said the strange sentence. Harry, who was not yet ready for such a bizarre statement said “A- a dragon?”
“Yes-he’s a metamorphagi. Father wrote a long article on it but was stopped by Dumbledore.” “And now, if I could have you’re attention everyone, I’d like to introduce our new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher,”
Misty blue eyes were carved into his face, met by lines and wrinkles and his whole body was a complete white color. He hovered a few inches above the ground and the four tables gasped. The teacher was none other than….
(Can you guess who I mean?)

“Ron?”
Ron blinked and looked around, sparing Harry a glance.
“Oh, hey Harry, lovely day isn’t it?” he said brightly.
And with that he resumed to glue his lips to Hermione.
“It’s raining, you idiot!”
Ron mumbled something indistinct and shrugged, nearly falling out of the chair he sat in.
Hermione whispered something into his ear, and Ron whispered back. From what Harry could gather they were dating each other. Cursing himself he realized he’d missed the sorting.
Totally stunned by the sudden show of affection, something snapped into his mind and he began searching for Ginny again, only to have Slughorn wheel him to face Headmistress Mcgonagall and her announce the new charms teacher.
“Welcome to Hogwarts and we hope the old students don’t lament about our previous headmaster, who …”
This speech was broken by the shattering of a firewhisky bottle, which connected with Hermione’s head and sent her flying, that shocked him even more when a very murderous looking Lavender Brown allowed herself to be escorted to the Gryffindor common room, in which Lavender laughed unkindly over her back at a very hurt Hermione Granger, until Ron picked her up and settled her back on her chair.
Harry was already half thanking Lavender that she’d interfered, he didn’t need to feel the horrible sinking feeling in his stomach again.
“As I was saying, the new charms teacher will be none other than… our late headmaster’s brother, Professor Aberforth!” This statement was met by a lot of boos and cheers that echoed around the Great Hall.
“Now, how did a dragon come to be a charms teacher?” a dreamy voice beside Harry said. Harry blinked and realized that Luna lovegood had said the strange sentence. Harry, who was not yet ready for such a bizarre statement said “A- a dragon?”
“Yes-he’s a metamorphagi. Father wrote a long article on it but was stopped by Dumbledore.” “And now, if I could have you’re attention everyone, I’d like to introduce our new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher,”
Misty blue eyes were carved into his face, met by lines and wrinkles and his whole body was a complete white color. He hovered a few inches above the ground and the four tables gasped. The teacher was none other than….
(Can you guess who I mean?)

Oops!
accidentally posted twice!
sorry!

It is better I like it keep posting please

Originally posted by Waterslicer
“Ron?”
Ron blinked and looked around, sparing Harry a glance.
“Oh, hey Harry, lovely day isn’t it?” he said brightly.
And with that he resumed to glue his lips to Hermione.
“It’s raining, you idiot!”

For some reason, I couldn't stop laughing at this Part. It's in my Profile Now.

is it in a bad way, or good way?

A good way.

it's getting better. keep posting!

um, i might try to explain about kreacher now, i think u waited long enough.

or maybe i could make a threat...

"Hem Hem" He says, in a good imitation of umbridge. "I believe that you, ewalker, have started a thread?
Well post urs and i post mine!"
Just a very short one right now, i'm working on the next bit.

Dumbledore hovered above the ground, translucent and green.
Unnaturally green.
He had a green glow around his hand, especially, which flashed with all the colours of the rainbow.
Harry felt hot tears start to trickle down his face.
Hadn’t Hermione told him, long ago while he was playing quidditch, that only people that weren’t happy would become ghosts?
He felt a hand touch his shoulder, and blinking, he turned around to face Ginny.

(i know, i'm not happy about the length either, especially as i only worked on it for 30 seconds.)