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Hi everyone, Ive decided to do my own Lily/James story. And I've decided to do it only from James point of view cause most Lily/James fiction I read is mostly only of Lily and not enough of James. Also I'm going to make Lily be in the house of Ravin Claw cause I dont think that she was in Griffendore but thats just my opinion, I mean she could be in Griffendore but I'm not entirely sure cause in all the Harry Potter books everyones read so far it doesnt really say which house she's in. And could everyone plz comment and tell me what you'se think? cause I'd really like that and it would also make my writing improve.
Enjoy.

"Time to get up James" said Mary, shaking her son gently in an attempt to wake him up and Sirius up.

Sirius was staying with the Potters for the year until it was time to start their 7th year of Hogwarts School of Whichcraft and Wizardry. He left home after his 6th year to go and stay with the Potters cause he had just had quite enough of his family and the way they only liked purebloods and no one else.

James just grunted his response, turned over on his side and fell back asleep. Mary was getting quite frustrated, she shaked them both harder with better results. James and Sirius just took their time in getting up, get out of their nightware and chuck on some clothes."Quick, get a move on" shje snapped. Now that James and Sirius were 17, they were allowed to use magic out of school, they both made their beds with just the flick of their wands. That done, Mrs Potter walked out with the boys lagging behind, dew to lack of sleep cause they stayed up really late. James yawned and put his hands at the back of his head, accadently hitting Sirius in the head. He just retaliated by slapping him across the head. "Watch where you streach your arms Prongs"
"Sorry mate" replied James in a somewhat sleepy voice. Mrs Potter smiled in recinition and just smiled and shook her head. They all went to breakfast, sat down and ate. "Acio" the boys said simetuesly, their lugages floating down the stairs towards them. They went and put their things by the door ready to leave for Hogwarts in the morning."James, you just recived a letter from Hogwarts" said Mrs Potter, holding the letter out for James to take and read. Mr Potter arrived just a few minutes later, all dressed and ready for work when James was about to open the letter that was addressed to him. "Good morning everyone"
"Good morning" came the chorased reply. Mrs Potter had just said that their son recived owl post so he just sat down next to his son. He just opened the letter and couldnt couldnt belive what he had just read.

Pretty Good So Far, Though Lily Is Definitely In Griffindor...

well ill just change her to Griffendore than

first it's Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. DO SPELL CHECK!

i tried to at first but it wouldnt let me

you have to do it on Word first then post it don't do it on here.

if i did post on word then how would i transfer the writing on this forum? cause i dont no how

"Well read it, what does it say?" Sirius asked quite agitatedly.

Dear Mr Potter,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been chosen to become Head Boy this year in time,
signed by Deputy Head Mistress M. Magonigal,
Head of Gryffindor House.

He got his badge and presented it to everyone. They were all shocked, especially James himself. He thought for sure that Remus would be chosen to become Head Boy.

Sirius went and got into one of the compartments while James went to one of the compartments which consumed the prefects. On his way he saw a certain redhead. His hand automatically went straight to his hair and made it even messier than it already was, "Hey Evans" there was no reply. "What are you doing here Potter? this is only for prefects and HB and HG compartment."
"Well Evans, why don't you take a closer look and see for yourself" she took a closer look and had to blink to make sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her. "You stole that from Remus, give it back to him or I'll have no choice but to report you and put you on detention" she sneered, putting her most hateful glare that she could to the guy she loathed. "You obviously didn't look close enough" he said with a huge grin on his face. So she looked more closely this time and read the words 'James Potter HB' printed on the badge. "I don't believe this!" she outraged. "I know, I couldn't believe it at first either and that there must have been some kind of mix up"
"This is so absurd, great, I'm going to have to do patrolling with you this year" she said in a disgusted voice. "Oh, cheer up Evans, surely it wont be that bad, will it?"
"As a matter of fact it will be." She just walked on like he didn't even exist. He mustered up the courage and grabbed her arm but she simply pulled away. "Eh, don't touch me Potter"she said with vemace. She walked ahead without a seconds glance. James simply stood there, feeling really dejected. He got into the compartment and sat down. He kept on shooting Lily furtive glances which she just ignored and faced the front.

That done he walked back to the carriage in low spirits that contained Sirius and Remus. Peter on the other hand wasn't present which was quite peculiar to all of them, he hadn't told either of them his whereabouts. "Hey mate, whats up? your looking kind of glum." Sirius asked with a questioning look. "Let me guess, Evans?" said Sirius shaking his head. He looked towards James who appeared to be nodding his head in confirmation. "Bad luck mate, better luck next time" said Sirius with an amused look plastered onto his face and also a look of sympathy to go along with it. James went and sat down next to Sirius. Sirius and Remus exchanged glances, both thinking the same thing, Evans and how she keeps neglecting James. They really wanted to help but didn't know how. "Hey mate, she's not worth it, why not go out with a chick who actually likes you. Hey mate are you even listening to what I'm saying? Earth to Prongs!" Sirius waved one of his hands and waved it in front of his face in order to get his full attention. James looked so out of it, it was like he was in another world of his own. "What?" he asked in a confused voice, seeing that Sirius was trying to get his attention. So he decided to repeat the question again for James.

Sometime later the express came to a sudden stop.

plz comment and tell me what u ppl think

It was great

It pretty good thus far....please continue.

Everyone filed out and everyones luggage was transfered inside of Hogwarts. As the Marauders formed out James heard someone call Evans a filthy little mudblood and hexed him and went up to him, hauled and lifted him by the shirt and said "How dare you, apoligize to Evans right now" sneered James and dropped Snivless to the ground. "Make me Potter" spat Snape. "I could make life very unpleasnt for you Snape" Sneered James. "How dare you talk to James like that" Sirius had his wand pinted at him and James felt himself slide back a couple of feet. "Dont you ever hex him again Potter" spat Lily and had her wand ponted at him. "Miss Evans, I am so appaled that you could even hex a student, especially a Head Boy, you will be serving detention with Mr Filch the care taker for a week. And as for you Mr Potter, I ve no reason to think that you took no part in this and the same goes for Black and Snape, you's will all serve detention with Mr Filch and 20 points from Gryffindor and 10 points from Slytheren." said an outraged Proffeser Magonigal and marched off. So they all walked to the castle, James and Sirius giving Snape dirty looks.

When they all got to the castle they sat down listening to Dumbledore welcoming everyone to Hogwarts for another year and Magonigal sorting the first years into their houses. When that was done Dumbledore made all sorts of food appear onto the table and everyone helped themselves to whatever appealed to them. When everyone was finished James and Lily led all the first years in their House to the Commin Room and gave them the password which was Flobber Worms. Then they both patrolled the castle. "Evans, I just dont get why you hate me so much, maybe if you could tell I could fix it" Lily looked at James and felt her stomick go all wiered as if she liked him or somthing. No I cant like Potter, could I? Its just not possable, but his all so messy hair just makes him look so handsome, no I will not think like this. Sjhe thought to herself. James saw a blush creep up her nice rosey cheeks. "Well I guess I should at least try to get along with you since we will be patrolling together for awhile, after all I dont think I have much choice. I dont think anyones doing anything wrong this evening, how about we just call it a night"
"Thats fine with me Evans." James suddenly looked at his watch and realized the time and that they were both 5 minutes late for their first detention. "Hey Evans, were 5 minutes late for detention with Mr Filch" So they both bolted down the hall and got to his office panting and trying to get their breaths back. "Your both late" He sneered. But in a way it didnt really matter cause he could just make them do more work.

you type it up on word spell check read it through a couple of times. COPY and PASTE it into the Posting box.

ok its McGonagall, Common Room, and don't forget the put punctuation in your quotes. Like put periods before the last quotation marks.

thanks

It needs work..

wat kind of work, could u plz tell me?

i mean pm me plz farrah_k21, thanks

Well it is nice except yes it is McGonagall.

you know what, I think we should make Sirius_Rulez a spelling dictionary! And you can use it at all times when your writing your story!

Originally posted by iluvhpsomuch1_7
you know what, I think we should make Sirius_Rulez a spelling dictionary! And you can use it at all times when your writing your story!
Or you Could Shut Up, and Let Him deal with it.

Just because you're Writing an Early Hogwarts Fic Too, doesn't mean you have to try to bring his down.

excuse me! I was being serious! I wasn't trying to bring his down i was trying to help him because we all knwo he does have a spelling problem< no offense Sirius_Rulez>. My intentions were not to bring his story down. I like his story. Don't tell me what I can and can't do

Originally posted by iluvhpsomuch1_7
excuse me! I was being serious! I wasn't trying to bring his down i was trying to help him because we all knwo he does have a spelling problem< no offense Sirius_Rulez>. My intentions were not to bring his story down. I like his story. Don't tell me what I can and can't do
Sounded like a Heap of Sarcasm to me.

well i wasnt trying to be sarcastic. Why would it matter if im writing a James/Lily story too. So are a few other people

yeah he is right u need to lay off a little and i think the story is comin along Sirius_Rulez and maybe she doesnt exactly know how i think she is really trying hard and if u can understand it than you shouldnt care how anything is spelled and again it is good

and Sirius_Rulez is a girl

Originally posted by iluvhpsomuch1_7
well i wasnt trying to be sarcastic. Why would it matter if im writing a James/Lily story too. So are a few other people

You are intolerably rude. I'm not sure if it's on purpose, or accidental, but it is unnecessary. If you have a suggestion to make, try to avoid comments like this
"first it's Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. DO SPELL CHECK!"

Instead, you could concentrate at first on what's good in the story. (Words like Gryffindor and Ravenclaw aren't even the basic Microsoft dictionary!). Starting with words like "first" or "ok" don't put people's confidence up - you're disregarding everything else in their stories.

And okay, spelling can get on my nerves, too. But I don't go on about it obsessively. Your concentration on spelling is bizarre but I won't criticise it - everyone has their pet hates (mine's apostrophes and paragraphing). It's not just that you concentrate on it, it's that you make posts - 'reviews' - that are only a sentence or line long. Popping in to trash someone's story isn't nice, and it isn't wanted by anyone. Going by the old idea of "do unto others...", I don't think you appreciated it if I started trashing your stories. Oh, and if you're going to criticise spelling and punctuation, you might want to take a look at your own posts.

If you're going to add constructive criticism, then do it in a decent post. The point is that it's constructive, and if you have nothing constructive to say, then don't post. We're not correcting grammar to the extent of scaring somebody out of writing but trying to help them write their story so it's good.


On to my comments on the story itself:

It's good! I like the story - though I have two major qualms. The first is a common one. When you started, you include a lot of detail. by your third post, though, this has gone. You could expand upon the overhearing of the 'mudblood' comment. The other qualm is paragraphing. Spelling, it seems, I can leave up to Ilhp. When writing dialogue, the normal rule is to have a new line for each speaker.

Apart from that the story is good. You seem to have a plot going well enough - but don't be afraid to expand upon points. You can have normal events between major plot events, like lessons in JKR's books. Otherwise your plot will be quickly gone through and the story finished. Keep writing!

i relli wasnt trying to be mean. People around thinking they own the site. The tone of what I say isn't supposed to be mean. Most people think it is but its not. I dont like beating around the bush so i write straight answers. You know what im not even going to bother. I shouldn't even be writing my story anymore if people are going to treat me this way when i try to help others. Dont even bother saying i wasn't trying to help or it didn't sound like because I know that i was, and that's all i need to know. I will write my story but i will never, never comment on someone elses if people feel that way about how i comment. I will read/ write but more commenting.

when i finished writing the third part of the story i accidentally pressed submit reply and quickly tried to press spell check. But obviously it was to late, it had already submitted the third part of the story. i usually do spell check but just forgot at the last minute.

i read other ppls stories and see that others don't usually don't make a new sentence when they make ppl speak, but some do and ill try an do that in future.

I do try to write my story as best as i can. I'm not really that good at creating them so sorry for not making it that good but i do try my best. after all, English isn't something I'm really good at school, its one of the subjects i suck at school, and also the fact that i hate it. so sorry about the story not being that good, I'm doing the best of my ability

Don't worry about it. The story's good! It's a fair assumption to make that everyone else knows what they're doing. However, for a couple of good examples on grammar and stuff like that, take a look at Hotsauce's or DarkC's fanfics.

Of course, it's just a fanfic - people aren't expecting professional-style work! As for english not being your best subject at school... Bah! The subject of english is more about reading other people's stuff than writing your own.

Yea, don't worry about it. It is a really good story. Also Trickster is about English. You really only read others peoples work you don't really write your own. Also, keep up the good work.

thanks.
i do read Dark'Cs work and its excellent, such a gr8 story

Lily and James stepped inside, speculating what needed work.
"Potter and Evans, the two of you can help Black and Snape scrub the walls, and none of yous are leaving till everythings spotless, have I made myself clear?"
"Yes Professor" The 4 chimed in.
They all started to scrub till their hands ached and several stopped to give their hands a rest.
"Back to work, if I see anyone slacking off again there'll be trouble" Spat Mr Filch, giving them his most deadliest glare he could muster.

After Filch turned his back Sirius rolled his eyes and made a face while James snickered in the background, lifting his hands up to his mouth to try to stifle the sound so as not to bring Filches attention and land an extra detention.

After a long while Mr Filch had to go and take care of Peeves the apologist ghost who was probably causing a lot of mayhem.

After he had gone they all threw their rags down.

Snape kept on giving James and Sirius dirty looks.
"Ah, we can finally have a break and my hands are killing me." said James shaking his hands to try and get the stiffness out of them.
"Mine to mate" said Sirius.

James kept staring at Evans in hopes of catching her eyes. He saw her glancing at her now and then, giving her his most charming smile he could. He saw her blush and turn away, a big grin appearing on his face.

Sirius just turned and rolled his eyes, shaking his head.
"Hey Evans, why don't you just go out with him, everyone knows that you like him, why not face that fact that you like him and just go out with him. You know you want to." Sirius aid smirking.
They could both see that she was thinking, her blush deepening on that beautiful face of hers. She just turned around and continuing on with her work.
"Shouldn't the three of you continue with what your suppose to do?"
James and Sirius shared a knowing look and continued working.

Where as Snape was grimacing at the fact that a Mud blood would tell him what to do.

Mr Filch came back an hour later from trying to get Peeves and checked that everything was cleaned properly. After he found the place to his stander ed he said they could leave.
They all returned to their deometries and went to sleep.

THAT WAS SO GOOD! That was such a good improvement! I loved it!Very Very Very Very Very Very Very Very Very Very Very Very MINT!

thanks

i love it. it is excellent.

James woke up with a loud rasberry blown in his face. He looked around and noticed Peeves and cursed. He looked around and saw Sirius's disgusted face and new the same had happened to him. They tried to curse him but it was no use so they gave up and decided to try again later. They tried to get back to sleep but both knew sleep was pointless and decided they may aswell get up and ready for breakfast in the Great Hall.

i have writers block and need some help on what to write so if anyone has any suggestions could they plz pm me thanks

It was good. But peeves can't get into the dorms. And its hexing not cursing

yea exactly what iluvhpspmuch1 7 said and it was good

oh, thanx.
and my mistake.
iluvhpsomuch1_7, in 1 of the hp books doesnt peeves cause Harry to wake bf a Quiditch Match?
cause i think i remember him blowing in his ear, but i dont exactly remember whitch one.
dont get me cause he may have not but i dont exactly remember

I don't think so.If it was, it wasn't in his dorm it was probably sometimes when he fell asleep inthe library or something. I've read the book three or fours times each so I know them pretty well and Peeves doesn't wake Harry up.

oh, ok

They entered the Great Hall and sat down for breakfast and saw a whole heap of food and picked out all they wanted. James was just gazing at Evans hoping that she'd notice him and saw her take a look at him and quickly turned away all flushed in the face. He saw that she was sitting all alone. Not to mention the fact that she looked sad and lonely and he wanted so badly to comfort her and make her happy. He turned his head towards his friends and they were looking at him questioningly and he said that he was fine, that nothing was wrong with him. But all of his friends new better and just kept to themselves.

They went to their first lesson which was Defence Against the Dark Arts.

James was going to become an Aurore and had to do certain subjects for him to achieve his future goal when he finished his 7th and final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

When they got To Defence Against the Dark Arts they all went and sat down and listened to what Professor Bagy had to say. And the also did some practical work.

When the Defence Against the Dark Arts was finished he told Sirius and Remus that he had to speak to Evans alone and that he'd catch up with them later.

what sort of subjects in hp are required to be an Aurore?

Transfiguration, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Potions, Charms and I think that is it and it is good.

You'd need a N.E.W.T. in Potions, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Charms and Herbology.

Originally posted by Sirius_Rulez
in 1 of the hp books doesnt peeves cause Harry to wake bf a Quiditch Match?
cause i think i remember him blowing in his ear, but i dont exactly remember whitch one.
dont get me cause he may have not but i dont exactly remember
Yeah, in PoA, in the Chapter "Grim Defeat".

relli? i dont remember that and ive just read that book again.

thanks for tellin me Brit531 and Barker

anyway cant wait for more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yea me to and your welcome

He ran to catch up with her and saw that she was all alone.

"Hey Evans", he said with a concerned look.

She looked really sad. And he could tell that she was probably going to go to lunch all by herself.

She let out a big sigh. It looked liked she was about to say something but nothing came out. Then he saw her struggle to stop herself from crying. He wanted to try to help but he didn't know if he should at case she tried to lash out at him.

"Whats wrong?" he asked, trying to get an answer out of her.

Then she just suddenly broke down crying. James caught her in his grasp just before she fell to the floor, steadying her. He held her right to him, trying to comfort her. He waited till she calmed down and stopped her crying. Then he asked her the same question. She couldn't answer so she got the letter out and gave it to him. He lifted her up and when she didn't even try to struggle he took them to a place where they could sit. He gently placed her down, took the piece of parchment and started to read. He couldn't believe what he had just read, Evans was now an orphan, she had nowhere to go or nowhere to stay. Not to mention the fact that her sister Petunia didn't want anything to do with her.
He just couldn't believe that her sister didn't want anything to do with her. He wrapped his strong arms around her and pulled her towards him. And they just stayed like that for a while

sounds familiar

what part cause im just making it up as i go along, cause if its the same as another fic then ill stop writing it and just leave it as it is

no its fine! I love your story it just sounds like mine! Your more than welcome to use any of my ideas. Relli i dont mind! Your story is great!

thanx

if it looks like im copying u im not meaning too. i really am trying to make it so its not like anyone elses, so sorry it seems that way and i will try and change it and try not to make it sound like anyone elses.

NO NO NO NO! Don't change it because i said that! It's perfectly ok! I seriously don't mind!

He heard the lunch bell go.

"I don't feel like going to our next lesson." She kept resting on his chest.

"You should at least try shouldn't you?"
"No. Who really cares if I get into trouble. I just don't feel like it." She said in a shaky voice.
"Please don't go. Stay here with me." She clung to him tighter.
"James let out a slow sigh and said "Ok. Shall we just go to the Common Room?"
"Alright"

He lifted her up and carried her to their destination. When he got there he gently placed her down. She just snuggled up to him and they stayed like that till they both fell asleep.

After their last lesson Sirius and Remus were both wondering where James could have gone.

"I wonder where Prongs is. He's been out for the rest of the day" said Sirius with curiosity and concern for his best friend.
"I know. I wonder as well"

They both went to the Common Room and found both James and Lilly asleep on the couch and Sirius knew it was time for them to do their 2nd detention.

try to make your posts longer like save them up on word. Or something just so it looks neater and when your finished it really feels like your accomplished something big

how do u put it on word and then post on here?

You type it up on word then copy and paste it into the box. You just save as it then add onto it

thanx

It was VERY VERY VERY VERY GOOD!!!!! I like the length, *wink*wink*. I know, I know but im just saying this because in Harry Potter lingo you would say it a lot. Gryffindor,Slytherin, McGonagall, and Dumbledore. Please don't hurt me. I'm just trying to help.

That was so so so so good, post more soon.

thanx iluvhpsomuch1 7, i no dat i keep getting them wrong, thanx for correcting me in spelling them correctly and im glad that the both of you's are enjoying the story. thanx for the comments.

oh and iluvhpsomuch1 7 could u also plz tell me how to spell Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff? thanx

You spelled Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff right. I know I am not iluvhpsomuch1 7, but they are correct in spelling how you spelled them on here

thanx

Hopefully you will post soon because I want to find out what happens next

yep, im working on it right now, just trying to make a good length

Yes!! Post more soon!

k, im done now and ready to post more

plz tell me wat yous all think. does it need improvement, was it good or bad?. thanx yalls

It was really good!!

thanx

That was really good post more soon

that was really good. Post more soon so I can see what happens next

That was REALLY good!!

That was really good. So post more soon.

Oh um, still not crazy about Sirius ands the gay thing. Walking in XjainaX's footsteps. Oh well its was good!

That was fuuny and real interesting at the same time. Post more soon.

OMG Sirius is les???!!! Ew ew and double ew! I was never a big fan of Sirius but I still think that that was wrong.
Otherwise really good story. POST POST POST POST POST POST!!!

u dont have to read it if u dont want to. im kind of with XjainaX's. it never said in hp that Sirius ever went out with any girl.

I agree with Sirus Rulez on that

That was good. I really liked the thought of Sirius being straight, but I don't have a problem with you making him like guys. So I like your story either way! Keep posting you're doing good!

That was really good. I have to say that if I were Regulus and I saw my brother stark naked I would probably act the same. Wow you really went far on that one, but really good. Post mroe soon

im just trying to make this story really interesting, or do u think im going a bit to far

no I dont ok maybe a little, but it was interesting

Oh um well......Ok Let's just say......hmmm.......It's very....... no comment

you of all people didn't have anything to say. That is shocking.

Yeah well this story kinda freaked me out there for a second. No offense of course. What can I say I give a lot of critisism. Most of the time its good and helpful I think at least.

I did read a bit of this, but I won't anymore; Sirius is blatantly out of character here.

It's good writing, but... I'm not into OOC stuff.

Barker lives!

Originally posted by iluvhp1_7
Barker lives!
Hear hear. barker

Before anyone come off with the wrong Idea with that post abovoe iluvhp's, I don't have a problem with gays or anything, It's just the Out-Of Character thing; Felt like I needed to clarify.

Closed on request.