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*Right Beside Lea*
Vinny: *Cough* Look over here.

Vinny: Excuse me, Lea?

Lea: Yes, what is it Vinny?

Vinny: I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.

Lea: Excuse me?

Vinny: The... party. With the... with the pants. Party with pants?

Lea: Vinny , are you saying that there's a party in your pants and that I'm invited?

Vinny: That's It.

Lea: Did Alex tell you to say this, Vinny?

Vinny: No! Yes. He did.

Lea: Okay. No. I don't want to go to a party in your pants.

Vinny: Very well. Ken, would you like to go to a party in my pants?

Ken: No Vinny.

Vinny: All Right, Lets Go!

"Bloigen Owns".

"Your threads please, we wouldn't want to make a mess in things in front of the Moderators."

"You won't be posting this time, Dooku"

Originally posted by Vinny Valentine
*Right Beside Lea*
Vinny: *Cough* Look over here.

Vinny: Excuse me, Lea?

Lea: Yes, what is it Vinny?

Vinny: I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.

Lea: Excuse me?

Vinny: The... party. With the... with the pants. Party with pants?

Lea: Vinny , are you saying that there's a party in your pants and that I'm invited?

Vinny: That's It.

Lea: Did Alex tell you to say this, Vinny?

Vinny: No! Yes. He did.

Lea: Okay. No. I don't want to go to a party in your pants.

Vinny: Very well. Ken, would you like to go to a party in my pants?

Ken: No Vinny.

Vinny: All Right, Lets Go!

w00t

Redirivation

Lea: Good evening and welcome to KMC news. I'm Ladyluck and this is our new anchorman, Vinny Valentine.

Vinny: And here's what's making news: A potential scandal with -
(voice breaks)
*nonsensical squeaks*

Ahem!

*nonsensical squeaking* Excuse me, I think I need a glass of water...ahem. Sorry about that.

Anyways, in other news: The prime minister of Sweden visited today and my tiny little nipples went to France.

Lea:

(Off stage) Ken: Check the prompter. Vinny, just read the copy please. The copy's good. Just read it!

Vinny: The white house reception greeted the prime rib roast minister. And I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl.

Lea:
Ken: eer

Vinny: I "lika" do. The cha cha.

(constant gibberish/blabbering for five minutes)

w00t

That never fails to make me roar with laughter.

Awesome

My heac hurts Im laughing so hard from that.

Isn't that from Bruce Almighty?

Originally posted by Thorinn
Isn't that from Bruce Almighty?
Yup.

That is the greatest. I was cracking up during the whole thing.

"But Bloigen told me that beauty is on the inside."

"No thats just something ugly people say."

Originally posted by Spartan005
"But Bloigen told me that beauty is on the inside."

"No thats just something ugly people say."

cry

Originally posted by Bloigen
"Bloigen Owns".

Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed KMC jury, Bloigen's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "Bloigen Owns".

And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed KMC jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider.

http://www.jimbo.info/weblog/archives/chewbacca.jpg

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!

Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!

But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense!

Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major penguin member, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense?

Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, *approaches and softens*............ does it make sense?

NO!

Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.

Originally posted by DarkC
Redirivation

Lea: Good evening and welcome to KMC news. I'm Ladyluck and this is our new anchorman, Vinny Valentine.

Vinny: And here's what's making news: A potential scandal with -
(voice breaks)
*nonsensical squeaks*

Ahem!

*nonsensical squeaking* Excuse me, I think I need a glass of water...ahem. Sorry about that.

Anyways, in other news: The prime minister of Sweden visited today and my tiny little nipples went to France.

Lea:

(Off stage) Ken: Check the prompter. Vinny, just read the copy please. The copy's good. Just read it!

Vinny: The white house reception greeted the prime rib roast minister. And I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl.

Lea:
Ken: eer

Vinny: I "lika" do. The cha cha.

(constant gibberish/blabbering for five minutes)

I'm doing LOTR next.

Son, we live in a world that has DVD's, and those DVD's have to be rented out by men with scanners. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Random Teenager? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Blockbuster, and you curse Hollywood Video. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Blockbuster bringing back late fees, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at movie theatres, you want me in that video store, you NEED me in that video store. We use phrases like overdue fees, early return credit, have a good night. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending entertainment. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very entertainment that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, took your movies, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a scanner, and stand a register. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Originally posted by GCG
Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed KMC jury, Bloigen's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "Bloigen Owns".

And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed KMC jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider.

http://www.jimbo.info/weblog/archives/chewbacca.jpg

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!

Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!

But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense!

Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major penguin member, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense?

Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, *approaches and softens*............ does it make sense?

NO!

Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.

Chewie doesn't live on Endor. 1234

it is from south park...

Originally posted by Null ARC Avis
it is from south park...

Then his stolen dialogue isn't from a movie...he loses.

1234 Wha?

Originally posted by LanceWindu
Then his stolen dialogue isn't from a movie...he loses.

This is the off-topic forum : you lose a bunch of bananas, slide down the chute and miss one turn.

Originally posted by GCG
This is the off-topic forum : you lose a bunch of bananas, slide down the chute and miss one turn.

*climbs the ladder, free spin*

Lea: Damn it. What's going on out there? I can't see. *hopping to see over parapet*
David: Shall I describe it to you? Or would you like me to find you a box?
Lea: ..............

Originally posted by DarkC
Lea: Damn it. What's going on out there? I can't see. *hopping to see over parapet*
David: Shall I describe it to you? Or would you like me to find you a box?
Lea: ..............

Haha. So now I'm a Dwarf?

Originally posted by Ladyluck
Haha. So now I'm a Dwarf?
No, but the dialogue suited us so perfectly.

Last week, Japanese scientists explaced... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Gornack out of the water. Sir Tired Hiker of the Gornack Alliance summoned the help of KMC's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our OTF ally.

Originally posted by Ladyluck
Haha. So now I'm a Dwarf?

You're short enough.

I have a boatload of quirky LOTR quote comments relating to Lea, but I'm too lazy at the moment to write a full script.

Mace Windu: You are under arrest, my Lord.

Darth Sidious: Xavius, I told you it would come to this! I was right! The Jedi are taking over!

Xavius: Hehe . . . Mace just owned you, dude.

Mace Windu: The oppression of the Sith will never return. You have lost.

Darth Sidious: No. No, no YOU will die!



Darth Sidious: He's a traitor!

Mace Windu: HE is the traitor, ahhh!

Xavius: Okay, this is bullshit. Shut up, you two.

Darth Sidious: I have the power to save the Hampster you love! You must choose!

Xavius: Meh, that's true.

Mace Windu: Don't listen to him, Xavius! Ahhh!

Darth Sidious: Don't let him kill me!



Xavius: Jeez, It's hard to make a decision. The Sith are kind of looking promising . . . I mean . . . The Benefits . . . Twenty years of free Dental Coverage? Hmm . . .

Darth Sidious: I - I can't hold on any longer... I'm... weak... I'm too weak.



Xavius: You're an ugly bastard now! Not that you were good looking before, because you weren't.

Darth Sidious: Help me, Anakin! Help me! I can't hold on any longer.

Mace Windu: I'm going to end this, once and for all!

Xavius: What the . . . ? You can't just kill him! He's a bloody politician! He has to stand trial!

Mace Windu: He has control of the Senate and the Courts! He's too dangerous to be kept alive!

Darth Sidious: I'm too weak. Oh, don't kill me.

Anakin Skywalker: Yeah, but he can save my Hampster!

Darth Sidious: Please don't!

Anakin Skywalker: Dude, stop. This isn't the Ghetto we're back at here. This is some official shit. You need to relax!

Darth Sidious: Please don't!

Anakin Skywalker: F#ck, you asked for it!

Mace Windu:

Darth Sidious: POWER!

Mace Windu:

Darth Sidious: UNLIMITED POWER!

Xavius: Wow, you're nuts. Maybe it wasn't worth the Dental . . .

Mace Windu:

Darth Sidious: Ah.

Anakin Skywalker: About the Hampster . . .

Darth Sidious: What Hampster?

"Gornack, come get some ham!"

Originally posted by LanceWindu
You're short enough.

Hey! Shut up!

Originally posted by Ladyluck
Hey! Shut up!
I'll probably get killed anyways if I write a full script.

FINAL DUEL BETWEEN VADER/SKYWALKER (Different perspective)

Guard 1: Man, we've been standing guard on and off for five days.
Guard 2: You'd think they'd let us take a day off.
Guard 1: No kidding. I swear I saw at least six on that shuttle.
(Door opens)
Guard 1: What the - ?
Guard 2: THAT'S his son?
Guard 1: Explains the nasty temper.
Guard 1: What kind of crazy chick would do Vader?
Guard 2: Beats me.

Sidious: Guards! Leave us!

Guard 1: Yay!
(Both go around the pole)
Guard 2: Where's the "other" elevator?
Guard 1: What other elevator?
Guard 2: Forget it, let's just go around.

(Both peek out to glimpse part of the duel)

Guard 1: Ah, on second thought...
Guard 2: Should we interfere?
Guard 1: Are you crazy, man? It's family affairs. Don't bother.

"It was pity that stayed Gornack's hand. Many that live deserve death and some that die deserve life. ....Even the very wise cannot see all ends. The pity of Gornack may rule the fate of many."

Dwight (Alex): You are a dirty pirate hooker
Lea(Ladyluck): You look like a blueberry
Dwight (Alex): Why dont you got back to your home on whore island
Ladyluck (lea): Well you have bad hair!
Alex (Dwight): What did you say cry
Ladyluck (lea): I'm really sorry. Do you want to make out?
Alex (Dwight): I guess so

*make out sesh occurs*

Originally posted by Dwight Shrute
Dwight (Alex): You are a dirty pirate hooker
Lea(Ladyluck): You look like a blueberry
Dwight (Alex): Why dont you got back to your home on whore island
Ladyluck (lea): Well you have bad hair!
Alex (Dwight): What did you say cry
Ladyluck (lea): I'm really sorry. Do you want to make out?
Alex (Dwight): I guess so

*make out sesh occurs*

WHOA!

Sanctuary: Well, what do you think of him?
Dark C: He's a pedantic, pontificating, pretentious bastard, a belligerent old fart, a worthless steaming pile of cow dung, figuratively speaking.

Bloigen: That's the funniest damn thing I've ever heard. You're a real card, C. I love a good roast. Do Maynard.
Dark C: Maynard is old. He should've been out of the game years ago but he can't stay home because he hates his wife. You've met her at the Christmas parties, she's the one that gets plastered and calls him a retard, and you, Floigen; you're the biggest brownnose I've ever seen. You've got your head so far up Bloigen's ass, I can't tell where you end and he begins.
Bloigen: Priceless!

Dark C: You have bad breath caused by gingivitis. You couldn't get a porn star off. Your hairpiece looks like something that was killed crossing the highway. I don't know whether to comb it or scrape it off with a shovel and bury it in lime. Loser! Idiot! Wimp! Degenerate! ******!
Bloigen: I like your style, Dark C! That's just what this stuffy forum needs - a little irreverence!
Dark C: Good! I'll see you later, dick-head!

My wife is a whore (dont talk about her like that)

Originally posted by Spartan005

Sanctuary: Well, what do you think of him?
Dark C: He's a pedantic, pontificating, pretentious bastard, a belligerent old fart, a worthless steaming pile of cow dung, figuratively speaking.

Bloigen: That's the funniest damn thing I've ever heard. You're a real card, C. I love a good roast. Do Maynard.
Dark C: Maynard is old. He should've been out of the game years ago but he can't stay home because he hates his wife. You've met her at the Christmas parties, she's the one that gets plastered and calls him a retard, and you, Floigen; you're the biggest brownnose I've ever seen. You've got your head so far up Bloigen's ass, I can't tell where you end and he begins.
Bloigen: Priceless!

Dark C: You have bad breath caused by gingivitis. You couldn't get a porn star off. Your hairpiece looks like something that was killed crossing the highway. I don't know whether to comb it or scrape it off with a shovel and bury it in lime. Loser! Idiot! Wimp! Degenerate! ******!
Bloigen: I like your style, Dark C! That's just what this stuffy forum needs - a little irreverence!
Dark C: Good! I'll see you later, dick-head!
Nice.

Indeed

Alicia: Is sex the only thing that matters to you?
Vinny: I love you

K.Diddy: That was Snowball.

Gornack: Why do you call him that?

K.Diddy: Vinny Valentine made it up. It's a blow job thing.

Gornack: What do you mean?

K.Diddy: After he gets a blow job, he likes to have the cum spit back into his mouth while kissing. It's called snowballing.

Gornack: He requested this?

K.Diddy: He gets off on it.

Gornack: Vinny can be talked into anything.

K.Diddy: Why do you say that?

Gornack: Like you said, he snowballed him.

K.Diddy: Vinny? No; I snowballed him.

Gornack: Yeah, right.

K.Diddy: I'm serious...

Gornack: You sucked that guy's dick?

K.Diddy: Yeah. How do you think I know he liked...

Gornack: But...but you said you only had sex with three guys! You
never mentioned him!

K.Diddy: That's because I never had sex with him!

Gornack: You sucked his dick!

K.Diddy: We went out a few times. We didn't have sex, but we fooled around.

Gornack: Oh my God! Why did you tell me you only slept with three guys?

K.Diddy: Because I did only sleep with three guys! That doesn't mean I didn't just go with people.

Gornack: Oh my God, I feel so nauseous...

K.Diddy: I'm sorry, Gornack. I thought you understood.

Gornack: I did understand! I understand that you slept with three different guys, and that's all you said.

K.Diddy: Please calm down.

Gornack: How many?

K.Diddy: Gornack...

Gornack: How many dicks have you sucked?!

K.Diddy: Let it go...

Gornack: HOW MANY?

K.Diddy: All right! Shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak like this when you told me how many guys you ****ed.

Gornack: This is different. This is important. How many?! Well...?

K.Diddy: Something like thirty-six.

Gornack: WHAT? SOMETHING LIKE THIRTY-SIX?

K.Diddy: Lower your voice!

Gornack: What the hell is that anyway, "something like thirty-six?" Does that include me?

K.Diddy: Um. Thirty-seven.

Gornack: I'M THIRTY-SEVEN?

K.Diddy: I'm going to KMC.

Gornack: Thirty-seven?! (to customer) My man-child sucked thirty-seven dicks!

Customer: In a row?

Gornack: Hey! Where are you going?!

K.Diddy: Hey listen, jerk! Until today you never even knew how many guys I'd slept with, because you never even asked. And then you act all nonchalant about ****ing twelve different girls. Well, I never had sex with twelve different guys!

Gornack: No, but you sucked enough dick!

K.Diddy: Yeah, I went down on a few guys...

Gornack: A few?

K.Diddy: ...And one of those guys was you! The last one, I might add, which-if you're too stupid to comprehend-means that I've been faithful to you since we met! All the other guys I went with before I met you, so, if you want to have a complex about it, go ahead! But don't look at me like I'm the forum whore, because you were plenty busy yourself, before you met me!

Gornack: Well...why did you have to suck their dicks? Why didn't you just sleep with them, like any decent person?!

K.Diddy: Because going down it's a big deal! I used to like a guy, we'd make out, and sooner or later I'd go down on him. But I only had sex with the guys I loved.

Gornack: I feel sick.

K.Diddy: I love you. Don't feel sick.

Gornack: Every time I kiss you now I'm going to taste thirty-six other guys.

K.Diddy: I'm going to KMC. Maybe later you'll be a bit more rational.

Gornack: Thirty-seven. I just can't...

K.Diddy: Goodbye, Gornack.

Gornack: Try not to suck any more dicks on your way through the internet!

Vinny is going to laugh his ass off.

Originally posted by LanceWindu
K.Diddy: That was Snowball.

Gornack: Why do you call him that?

K.Diddy: Vinny Valentine made it up. It's a blow job thing.

Gornack: What do you mean?

K.Diddy: After he gets a blow job, he likes to have the cum spit back into his mouth while kissing. It's called snowballing.

Gornack: He requested this?

K.Diddy: He gets off on it.

Gornack: Vinny can be talked into anything.

K.Diddy: Why do you say that?

Gornack: Like you said, he snowballed him.

K.Diddy: Vinny? No; I snowballed him.

Gornack: Yeah, right.

K.Diddy: I'm serious...

Gornack: You sucked that guy's dick?

K.Diddy: Yeah. How do you think I know he liked...

Gornack: But...but you said you only had sex with three guys! You
never mentioned him!

K.Diddy: That's because I never had sex with him!

Gornack: You sucked his dick!

K.Diddy: We went out a few times. We didn't have sex, but we fooled around.

Gornack: Oh my God! Why did you tell me you only slept with three guys?

K.Diddy: Because I did only sleep with three guys! That doesn't mean I didn't just go with people.

Gornack: Oh my God, I feel so nauseous...

K.Diddy: I'm sorry, Gornack. I thought you understood.

Gornack: I did understand! I understand that you slept with three different guys, and that's all you said.

K.Diddy: Please calm down.

Gornack: How many?

K.Diddy: Gornack...

Gornack: How many dicks have you sucked?!

K.Diddy: Let it go...

Gornack: HOW MANY?

K.Diddy: All right! Shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak like this when you told me how many guys you ****ed.

Gornack: This is different. This is important. How many?! Well...?

K.Diddy: Something like thirty-six.

Gornack: WHAT? SOMETHING LIKE THIRTY-SIX?

K.Diddy: Lower your voice!

Gornack: What the hell is that anyway, "something like thirty-six?" Does that include me?

K.Diddy: Um. Thirty-seven.

Gornack: I'M THIRTY-SEVEN?

K.Diddy: I'm going to KMC.

Gornack: Thirty-seven?! (to customer) My man-child sucked thirty-seven dicks!

Customer: In a row?

Gornack: Hey! Where are you going?!

K.Diddy: Hey listen, jerk! Until today you never even knew how many guys I'd slept with, because you never even asked. And then you act all nonchalant about ****ing twelve different girls. Well, I never had sex with twelve different guys!

Gornack: No, but you sucked enough dick!

K.Diddy: Yeah, I went down on a few guys...

Gornack: A few?

K.Diddy: ...And one of those guys was you! The last one, I might add, which-if you're too stupid to comprehend-means that I've been faithful to you since we met! All the other guys I went with before I met you, so, if you want to have a complex about it, go ahead! But don't look at me like I'm the forum whore, because you were plenty busy yourself, before you met me!

Gornack: Well...why did you have to suck their dicks? Why didn't you just sleep with them, like any decent person?!

K.Diddy: Because going down it's a big deal! I used to like a guy, we'd make out, and sooner or later I'd go down on him. But I only had sex with the guys I loved.

Gornack: I feel sick.

K.Diddy: I love you. Don't feel sick.

Gornack: Every time I kiss you now I'm going to taste thirty-six other guys.

K.Diddy: I'm going to KMC. Maybe later you'll be a bit more rational.

Gornack: Thirty-seven. I just can't...

K.Diddy: Goodbye, Gornack.

Gornack: Try not to suck any more dicks on your way through the internet! Oh my god


what ****ing movie is this from

lol

Originally posted by Dwight Shrute
Oh my god


what ****ing movie is this from

lol

Clerks

Originally posted by LanceWindu
Clerks I should probably watch that movie shock

My Penis Got a K.Diddy Restraining Order 5 minutes ago.

mhm

Originally posted by DarkC
Vinny is going to laugh his ass off.


I did

Originally posted by Vinny Valentine
My Penis Got a K.Diddy Restraining Order 5 minutes ago.

mhm




I did
*slap*

Originally posted by LanceWindu
K.Diddy: That was Snowball.

Gornack: Why do you call him that?

K.Diddy: Vinny Valentine made it up. It's a blow job thing.

Gornack: What do you mean?

K.Diddy: After he gets a blow job, he likes to have the cum spit back into his mouth while kissing. It's called snowballing.

Gornack: He requested this?

K.Diddy: He gets off on it.

Gornack: Vinny can be talked into anything.

K.Diddy: Why do you say that?

Gornack: Like you said, he snowballed him.

K.Diddy: Vinny? No; I snowballed him.

Gornack: Yeah, right.

K.Diddy: I'm serious...

Gornack: You sucked that guy's dick?

K.Diddy: Yeah. How do you think I know he liked...

Gornack: But...but you said you only had sex with three guys! You
never mentioned him!

K.Diddy: That's because I never had sex with him!

Gornack: You sucked his dick!

K.Diddy: We went out a few times. We didn't have sex, but we fooled around.

Gornack: Oh my God! Why did you tell me you only slept with three guys?

K.Diddy: Because I did only sleep with three guys! That doesn't mean I didn't just go with people.

Gornack: Oh my God, I feel so nauseous...

K.Diddy: I'm sorry, Gornack. I thought you understood.

Gornack: I did understand! I understand that you slept with three different guys, and that's all you said.

K.Diddy: Please calm down.

Gornack: How many?

K.Diddy: Gornack...

Gornack: How many dicks have you sucked?!

K.Diddy: Let it go...

Gornack: HOW MANY?

K.Diddy: All right! Shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak like this when you told me how many guys you ****ed.

Gornack: This is different. This is important. How many?! Well...?

K.Diddy: Something like thirty-six.

Gornack: WHAT? SOMETHING LIKE THIRTY-SIX?

K.Diddy: Lower your voice!

Gornack: What the hell is that anyway, "something like thirty-six?" Does that include me?

K.Diddy: Um. Thirty-seven.

Gornack: I'M THIRTY-SEVEN?

K.Diddy: I'm going to KMC.

Gornack: Thirty-seven?! (to customer) My man-child sucked thirty-seven dicks!

Customer: In a row?

Gornack: Hey! Where are you going?!

K.Diddy: Hey listen, jerk! Until today you never even knew how many guys I'd slept with, because you never even asked. And then you act all nonchalant about ****ing twelve different girls. Well, I never had sex with twelve different guys!

Gornack: No, but you sucked enough dick!

K.Diddy: Yeah, I went down on a few guys...

Gornack: A few?

K.Diddy: ...And one of those guys was you! The last one, I might add, which-if you're too stupid to comprehend-means that I've been faithful to you since we met! All the other guys I went with before I met you, so, if you want to have a complex about it, go ahead! But don't look at me like I'm the forum whore, because you were plenty busy yourself, before you met me!

Gornack: Well...why did you have to suck their dicks? Why didn't you just sleep with them, like any decent person?!

K.Diddy: Because going down it's a big deal! I used to like a guy, we'd make out, and sooner or later I'd go down on him. But I only had sex with the guys I loved.

Gornack: I feel sick.

K.Diddy: I love you. Don't feel sick.

Gornack: Every time I kiss you now I'm going to taste thirty-six other guys.

K.Diddy: I'm going to KMC. Maybe later you'll be a bit more rational.

Gornack: Thirty-seven. I just can't...

K.Diddy: Goodbye, Gornack.

Gornack: Try not to suck any more dicks on your way through the internet!

Hily shit. lol

Originally posted by Ladyluck
Hily shit. lol
Quick edit, dear.

Originally posted by Ladyluck
Hily shit. lol You need some sleep lol

Originally posted by Ladyluck
Hily shit. lol

*quote before she edits*

Originally posted by LanceWindu
*quote before she edits*
That was my philoshophy.



That's right. Philoshophy.

Lance: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.
Darkc: I don't think I was.
Lance: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.
Darkc: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
Lance: No, it's too perilous.
Darkc: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.
Lance: No, we've got to find the Holy Thread. Come on.
Darkc: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?
Lance: No. It's unhealthy.
Darkc: I bet you're gay.
Lance: Am not.


hmm

Nice.

Originally posted by LanceWindu
K.Diddy: That was Snowball.

Gornack: Why do you call him that?

K.Diddy: Vinny Valentine made it up. It's a blow job thing.

Gornack: What do you mean?

K.Diddy: After he gets a blow job, he likes to have the cum spit back into his mouth while kissing. It's called snowballing.

Gornack: He requested this?

K.Diddy: He gets off on it.

Gornack: Vinny can be talked into anything.

K.Diddy: Why do you say that?

Gornack: Like you said, he snowballed him.

K.Diddy: Vinny? No; I snowballed him.

Gornack: Yeah, right.

K.Diddy: I'm serious...

Gornack: You sucked that guy's dick?

K.Diddy: Yeah. How do you think I know he liked...

Gornack: But...but you said you only had sex with three guys! You
never mentioned him!

K.Diddy: That's because I never had sex with him!

Gornack: You sucked his dick!

K.Diddy: We went out a few times. We didn't have sex, but we fooled around.

Gornack: Oh my God! Why did you tell me you only slept with three guys?

K.Diddy: Because I did only sleep with three guys! That doesn't mean I didn't just go with people.

Gornack: Oh my God, I feel so nauseous...

K.Diddy: I'm sorry, Gornack. I thought you understood.

Gornack: I did understand! I understand that you slept with three different guys, and that's all you said.

K.Diddy: Please calm down.

Gornack: How many?

K.Diddy: Gornack...

Gornack: How many dicks have you sucked?!

K.Diddy: Let it go...

Gornack: HOW MANY?

K.Diddy: All right! Shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak like this when you told me how many guys you ****ed.

Gornack: This is different. This is important. How many?! Well...?

K.Diddy: Something like thirty-six.

Gornack: WHAT? SOMETHING LIKE THIRTY-SIX?

K.Diddy: Lower your voice!

Gornack: What the hell is that anyway, "something like thirty-six?" Does that include me?

K.Diddy: Um. Thirty-seven.

Gornack: I'M THIRTY-SEVEN?

K.Diddy: I'm going to KMC.

Gornack: Thirty-seven?! (to customer) My man-child sucked thirty-seven dicks!

Customer: In a row?

Gornack: Hey! Where are you going?!

K.Diddy: Hey listen, jerk! Until today you never even knew how many guys I'd slept with, because you never even asked. And then you act all nonchalant about ****ing twelve different girls. Well, I never had sex with twelve different guys!

Gornack: No, but you sucked enough dick!

K.Diddy: Yeah, I went down on a few guys...

Gornack: A few?

K.Diddy: ...And one of those guys was you! The last one, I might add, which-if you're too stupid to comprehend-means that I've been faithful to you since we met! All the other guys I went with before I met you, so, if you want to have a complex about it, go ahead! But don't look at me like I'm the forum whore, because you were plenty busy yourself, before you met me!

Gornack: Well...why did you have to suck their dicks? Why didn't you just sleep with them, like any decent person?!

K.Diddy: Because going down it's a big deal! I used to like a guy, we'd make out, and sooner or later I'd go down on him. But I only had sex with the guys I loved.

Gornack: I feel sick.

K.Diddy: I love you. Don't feel sick.

Gornack: Every time I kiss you now I'm going to taste thirty-six other guys.

K.Diddy: I'm going to KMC. Maybe later you'll be a bit more rational.

Gornack: Thirty-seven. I just can't...

K.Diddy: Goodbye, Gornack.

Gornack: Try not to suck any more dicks on your way through the internet!

Originally posted by Dwight Shrute
You need some sleep lol

lol I do.

Originally posted by LanceWindu
*quote before she edits*

disgust

LanceWindu: That's nothing compared to how my friend Maynard died.

Vinny: How'd he die?

LanceWindu: Broke his neck.

Vinny: That's embarrassing?

LanceWindu: He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick.

(Absolute silence. Then...)

Vinny: Shut the hell up.

LanceWindu: Bible truth.

Vinny: Stop it.

LanceWindu: I swear.

Vinny: Oh, my god.

LanceWindu: Come on. Haven't you ever tried to suck your own dick?

Vinny: No!

LanceWindu: Yeah sure. You're so repressed.

Vinny: Because I never tried to suck my own dick?

LanceWindu: No, because you won't admit to it. As if a guy's a ****ing pervert because he tries to go down on himself. You're as curious as the rest of us, pal. You've tried it.

Vinny: Who found him?

LanceWindu: Maynard? Lea found him. On his bed, doubled over himself with his legs on top. Dick in his mouth. Lea freaked out. It was a mess.

Vinny: His dick was in his mouth?

LanceWindu: Balls resting on his lips.

Vinny: He made it, huh?

LanceWindu: Yeah, but at what a price.

(Silence. Then...)

Vinny: I could never reach.

LanceWindu: Reach what?

Vinny: You know.

LanceWindu: What, your dick?

Vinny: Yeah. Like you said, you know. I guess everyone tries it, sooner or later.

LanceWindu: I never tried it.

(Vinny glares at LanceWindu. Silence. Then...)

LanceWindu: ****ing pervert.

Originally posted by LanceWindu
LanceWindu: That's nothing compared to how my friend Maynard died.

Vinny: How'd he die?

LanceWindu: Broke his neck.

Vinny: That's embarrassing?

LanceWindu: He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick.

(Absolute silence. Then...)

Vinny: Shut the hell up.

LanceWindu: Bible truth.

Vinny: Stop it.

LanceWindu: I swear.

Vinny: Oh, my god.

LanceWindu: Come on. Haven't you ever tried to suck your own dick?

Vinny: No!

LanceWindu: Yeah sure. You're so repressed.

Vinny: Because I never tried to suck my own dick?

LanceWindu: No, because you won't admit to it. As if a guy's a ****ing pervert because he tries to go down on himself. You're as curious as the rest of us, pal. You've tried it.

Vinny: Who found him?

LanceWindu: Maynard? Lea found him. On his bed, doubled over himself with his legs on top. Dick in his mouth. Lea freaked out. It was a mess.

Vinny: His dick was in his mouth?

LanceWindu: Balls resting on his lips.

Vinny: He made it, huh?

LanceWindu: Yeah, but at what a price.

(Silence. Then...)

Vinny: I could never reach.

LanceWindu: Reach what?

Vinny: You know.

LanceWindu: What, your dick?

Vinny: Yeah. Like you said, you know. I guess everyone tries it, sooner or later.

LanceWindu: I never tried it.

(Vinny glares at LanceWindu. Silence. Then...)

LanceWindu: ****ing pervert.


Oh My God I'm laughing so hard it hurts

A1: I've got the whole state looking for a Screenname that has ADMIN on its tag
Black Dave: I dont agree with your policework there, A1.
A1: Ya?
Black Dave: Ya. I think he had Administrator screen name, you know....ADMIN?
A1: Oh......Jeeze

Gornack: Do you mind if we... park... for a while?

K.diddy: That's a great idea. I'd love to park.

Gornack: Huh?

K.Diddy: Gornack, I'm almost 13 years old. It's not like I've
never parked before.

Gornack: What?

K.Diddy: Gornack, you seem so nervous. Is something wrong?

Gornack: No... No.



Gornack: K.diddy, k.diddy, What are you doin'?


K.Diddy: I swiped it from the old lady's liquor cabinet.

Gornack: Yeah, well, you shouldn't drink.

K.Diddy: Why not?

Gornack: Because you - you might regret it later in life.

K.Diddy: Gornack, don't be such a square. Everybody who's anybody drinks.



Gornack: Geez! You smoke too?

K.Diddy: Gornack, you're beginning to sound just like my mother!

Dwight: I'm leaving. I'm out.

Lance: No, Dwight! You can't leave! We need you now, more than ever!

Dwight: Don't you see what's going on out there? Everyone hates us!

Lance: Hey, now, everyone hated Winnie the Pooh, too.

Dwight: No, they didn't!

Lance: Well, I did. That cocksucking bear killed Jack Kennedy!

Originally posted by Vinny Valentine
Dwight: I'm leaving. I'm out.

Lance: No, Dwight! You can't leave! We need you now, more than ever!

Dwight: Don't you see what's going on out there? Everyone hates us!

Lance: Hey, now, everyone hated Winnie the Pooh, too.

Dwight: No, they didn't!

Lance: Well, I did. That cocksucking bear killed Jack Kennedy!

What's this from?

Originally posted by Vinny Valentine
Dwight: I'm leaving. I'm out.

Lance: No, Dwight! You can't leave! We need you now, more than ever!

Dwight: Don't you see what's going on out there? Everyone hates us!

Lance: Hey, now, everyone hated Winnie the Pooh, too.

Dwight: No, they didn't!

Lance: Well, I did. That cocksucking bear killed Jack Kennedy! I'm buying whatever that movie is

(I Picked Darkc Because Hes Asian)

Darkc: Backfire? Oh no! Oh, herro. Great to see you again, Backfire!

Backfire: Mr. Darkc, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today, but your guards won't let me enter certain areas.

Darkc: Backfire, Backfire, Backfire! We've been frew this a dozen times. I don't have any weapons of mass destwuction, OK Backfire?

Backfire: Then let me look around, so I can ease Raz's collective mind. I'm sorry, but Raz must be firm with you. Let me in, or else.

Darkc: Or else what?

Backfire: Or else we will be very angry with you... and we will write you a pm, telling you how angry we are.

Darkc: OK, Backfire. I'll show you. Stand to your reft.

Backfire:

Darkc: A rittle more.

Backfire:

Darkc: Good.


Darkc: Take that you Butt-****ing *******!

Sounds like something Mr. Burns would do.

Lance: OK, a limosine that can fly. Now I have seen everything.

Vinny: Really? Have you seen a man eat his own head?

Lance: No.

Vinny: So then, you haven't seen everything.

Da Moose: From what I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.N.C.E has gathered, it would be 9/11 times 100.

Lance: 9/11 times a hundred? Jesus, that's...

Da Moose: Yes, 91,100.

Vinny : Basically, all the worst parts of the bible.

Mist: Man, you guys are so mean.

Lance: Who the hell are you? Vinny, do we know this guy?

Vinny: Nope.

Lance: Yeah, see? Look, strange dude, I don't know what we've done to offend you but I swear to God it's not anything illegal.

Mist: What the f*ck?

Vinny: Look at this guy, Ken. He has criminal written all over his head. Literally.

Mist: I do?

Vinny: Oh, yeah. Want a mirror?

Mist: That's not cool.

Lance: And you simply suck at the handwriting, Vinny. From here it looks like "Crumbling".

Mist: That's not cool.

Lance: You're stupid.

Mist: I said "not cool", not "stupid".

Lance: I'm aware of that, prick!

Vinny: Ken, be nice. The guy bought me a beer.

Lance: What the f*ck! When was this?

Vinny: Two nights ago. He got rather drunk. Maybe that's why he doesn't remember me.

Lance: You bastard.

Vinny: Hey, we didn't do anything vulgar or gay. I swear.

Lance: Bastard.

Vinny: Dude, ask him, he knows.

Lance: You just said he was too drunk to remember anything, f*cktard.

Vinny: Oh yeah.

Nice

Originally posted by DarkC
Mist: Man, you guys are so mean.

Lance: Who the hell are you? Vinny, do we know this guy?

Vinny: Nope.

Lance: Yeah, see? Look, strange dude, I don't know what we've done to offend you but I swear to God it's not anything illegal.

Mist: What the f*ck?

Vinny: Look at this guy, Ken. He has criminal written all over his head. Literally.

Mist: I do?

Vinny: Oh, yeah. Want a mirror?

Mist: That's not cool.

Lance: And you simply suck at the handwriting, Vinny. From here it looks like "Crumbling".

Mist: That's not cool.

Lance: You're stupid.

Mist: I said "not cool", not "stupid".

Lance: I'm aware of that, prick!

Vinny: Ken, be nice. The guy bought me a beer.

Lance: What the f*ck! When was this?

Vinny: Two nights ago. He got rather drunk. Maybe that's why he doesn't remember me.

Lance: You bastard.

Vinny: Hey, we didn't do anything vulgar or gay. I swear.

Lance: Bastard.

Vinny: Dude, ask him, he knows.

Lance: You just said he was too drunk to remember anything, f*cktard.

Vinny: Oh yeah.

ROFL

Vinny: Man. I really, really have to piss.

Lance: Geez, go then. We're alone. Down a dark alley too.

Vinny: Dude, you make that sound so nasty.

Lance: Shut up, moron. You're the one who brought it up.

Vinny: I'm a guy, okay?!

Lance: So am I, and that hadn't occured to me.

Vinny: *sarcastic* Oh, sure.

Lance: I'm serious.

Vinny: I wouldn't be suprised if you had gay thoughts about me once in a while.

Lance: That's twisted. You're sick.

Vinny: You haven't had any gay thoughts about me?

Lance: NO!

Vinny: Oh, damn. I had some about you.

Lance: ....I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

Vinny: Hey, c'mon. It doesn't change anything.

Lance: Oh, it sure as hell does. I'll be thinking of you now as the friend who had gay thoughts about me randomly.

Vinny: That's mean.

Lance: Just take a bloody piss in the alley and we can get out of here!!!

Barker: They want me to do a sequel.

Ladyluck: A sequel, to "Death of a Salesman"? Doesn't he die at the end of the first?

Barker: Yes, but he has a twin brother, and he wants revenge.

Ladyluck: Revenge? But, doesn't he kill himself?

Barker: No, no, that's what you were led to believe. He was killed
by the C.I.A for selling smack... to Nazis...

Ladyluck: Wow!

Originally posted by DarkC
Vinny: Man. I really, really have to piss.

Lance: Geez, go then. We're alone. Down a dark alley too.

Vinny: Dude, you make that sound so nasty.

Lance: Shut up, moron. You're the one who brought it up.

Vinny: I'm a guy, okay?!

Lance: So am I, and that hadn't occured to me.

Vinny: *sarcastic* Oh, sure.

Lance: I'm serious.

Vinny: I wouldn't be suprised if you had gay thoughts about me once in a while.

Lance: That's twisted. You're sick.

Vinny: You haven't had any gay thoughts about me?

Lance: NO!

Vinny: Oh, damn. I had some about you.

Lance: ....I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

Vinny: Hey, c'mon. It doesn't change anything.

Lance: Oh, it sure as hell does. I'll be thinking of you now as the friend who had gay thoughts about me randomly.

Vinny: That's mean.

Lance: Just take a bloody piss in the alley and we can get out of here!!!

LanceWindu: One time this douche K.Diddy got this cat stuck in his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco
wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for everyone on KMC and all, but the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, "Jesus, K.Diddy! You know you're gonna get this cat stuck in your ass too. Why don't you knock it off ?" And he said to me, "Lance, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out ?" K.Diddy was a weird little 14 year old.

Vince: You know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in france?
Black Dave: What do they call a quarter pounder with cheese
Vince: A Royale with cheese
Black Dave: Royale with cheese, i like that.
Black Dave: What do they call a big mac?
Vince: well, a big mac is a big mac. But they call it Le Big Mac
Black Dave: Le big bac, thats cool.
Black Dave: What do they call a whopper?
Vince: I dont know, i didn't go to Burger King

(taken from Rush Hour 2)


Vinny: Okay, I want you to keep an eye on Irene, okay? Lemme know if she does something fishy.

Lance: *chews on Beef Jerky* Okay, okay.

(Lance peeks through scoped camera)

(Irene starts undressing)

Lance: AGhhh. (loosens collar, shifts legs)

Vinny: (relaxing on bed) She doing anything fishy yet?

Lance: *monotone* Oh, no.

Vinny: Well, don't fall asleep on me, man.

Lance: *monotone* Okay. I'll just try to stay awake, it's so boring.

(Irene continues undressing)
Lance: (whispers) Slow down, baby.

Vinny: What?

Lance: Nothing.

Vinny: You said something.

Lance: I said nothing.

Vinny: You said something.

Lance: *sighs heavenly* She's getting undressed.

Vinny: WHAT! LEMME SEE!

(Vinny grabs camera)
(Irene takes off panties)

Vinny: *wolf howl* She's wearing black panties.

Lance: I cannot listen to this.

Vinny: Oh, and a Snoopy tattoo, isn't that cute?

Lance: Snoopy? I love Snoopy. Gimme.

Vinny: Snoopy's a guy. You're gay? Sheesh, I need this more than you.

Lance: What?

Vinny: Wait, hold hard. She's going to the door.
(Irene puts on bathrobe and goes to door)
Vinny: Looks like the same girl that hit the Embassy.

(Vinny and Lance stare at each other, realising something)

Vinny/Lance: IT'S A BOMB!

Originally posted by DarkC
(taken from Rush Hour 2)


Vinny: Okay, I want you to keep an eye on Irene, okay? Lemme know if she does something fishy.

Lance: *chews on Beef Jerky* Okay, okay.

(Lance peeks through scoped camera)

(Irene starts undressing)

Lance: AGhhh. (loosens collar, shifts legs)

Vinny: (relaxing on bed) She doing anything fishy yet?

Lance: *monotone* Oh, no.

Vinny: Well, don't fall asleep on me, man.

Lance: *monotone* Okay. I'll just try to stay awake, it's so boring.

(Irene continues undressing)
Lance: (whispers) Slow down, baby.

Vinny: What?

Lance: Nothing.

Vinny: You said something.

Lance: I said nothing.

Vinny: You said something.

Lance: *sighs heavenly* She's getting undressed.

Vinny: WHAT! LEMME SEE!

(Vinny grabs camera)
(Irene takes off panties)

Vinny: *wolf howl* She's wearing black panties.

Lance: I cannot listen to this.

Vinny: Oh, and a Snoopy tattoo, isn't that cute?

Lance: Snoopy? I love Snoopy. Gimme.

Vinny: Snoopy's a guy. You're gay? Sheesh, I need this more than you.

Lance: What?

Vinny: Wait, hold hard. She's going to the door.
(Irene puts on bathrobe and goes to door)
Vinny: Looks like the same girl that hit the Embassy.

(Vinny and Lance stare at each other, realising something)

Vinny/Lance: IT'S A BOMB! Turns me on, and funny


I love you Black Dave

Originally posted by Dwight Shrute
Turns me on, and funny


I love you Black Dave

lol

Originally posted by Vinny Valentine

Hey, it sounds like something you would do.

Originally posted by DarkC
Hey, it sounds like something you would do.

Yeah, I know

Originally posted by Vinny Valentine
Yeah, I know
Just to be honest, I typed the first two up from scratch.


I am genius.

Originally posted by DarkC
Just to be honest, I typed the first two up from scratch.


I am genius.

Seriously ?

Originally posted by DarkC
Just to be honest, I typed the first two up from scratch.


I am genius. Self proclaimed w00t

Originally posted by Vinny Valentine
Seriously ?
Yes.

Nice

(Taken from LOTR: Two Towers)



PART I
=====
(scene of David strapping on armour)
Vinny: (hands David his elven dagger)
Vinny: You have led us this far, we have not gone astray.
David: Really?
Vinny: Oh, sure. Forgive me.
David: There's nothing to forgive, Vinny.
David: Seriously, I let Boromir die, Frodo wander off alone, and Merry and Pippin get captured. And you say I haven't led you astray?
Vinny:.....okay, I take it back.
(Lea walks in and forces a chainmail vest over her head)
Lea: We had time, I'd get this adjusted.
Lea: It's a little tight across the chest.
David: Yeah, Lea. That's because you have a little something called boobs. Unlike us.
Vinny: (giggling)
Lea: Oh, shut up. And they're not little.
David: Okay, fine! They're big honkin' huge mofos! Happy?
Lea: Do you really have to put it like that?
David: Oh, sure.
(Lea gives David the middle finger)

(tune is heard in the air)

Vinny: That is no orc horn.
Lea: No kidding. I don't think orcs play "Pop Goes the Weasel" with bagpipes.
Vinny:.......ah, shut up.

(Lance strides up at the head of two hundred 03'ers)
Lance: Long ago, we swore an allegianc -
Vinny: Oh, when was this?
Lance: Long ago. Like I just said.
Vinny: Really?
Lance:.....yes.
Vinny: Oh wow, why?
Lance: Let me make my f*cking speech, okay?
Lance: Yeah. As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, we swore an allegiance long ago an -
Vinny: So what's the issue?
Lance: Okay, seriously. I am a nanosecond away from ramming my dagger up your ungrateful ass.
Vinny: Sorry.
Lance: Do you think I marched a thousand miles just to hear your stupid, nasal, whiny voice interrupting me at every turn?
Vinny: Nossir.
Lance: And don't you think that we're being generally courteous to come to your aid at this time of peril?
Vinny: Yessir.
Lance: Then shut your f*cking mouth and let me do the talking.
Vinny: Well, what about -
(Lea stomps on Vinny's foot violently)
Vinny: GAH.
Vinny: (whispering) Lea, for a petite, you weigh a f*cking ton.
Lea: It's all in the legs.
David: Oh, I'm sure it is. *shifty eyes*
Lea: Seriously, look at me like that again and I will ram this axe up your..
David: Point taken. Sheesh.
Vinny: (whispering) Hey, Dave. I don't think she likes you.
David: No shit, sherlock. Put it a lid on it or I'll ram this dagger up your ass.
Vinny: Two identical threats in the same hour. Ugh.
Lea: Put a LID on IT. Or I will make it THREE.
Vinny: Yes ma'am.

bah

Oh my god...

w00t

PART II
======
Lea: What's happening out there? I can't see!
Vinny: Shall I describe it to you? Or would you like me to find you a box?
Lea:..........*reluctant laughing*
Lance: Okay. From my keen 03'er eyes, I spy with me little eye...
Vinny: A rock?
(Lea stomps on Vinny's foot again)
Vinny: AY.
Lance: Okay. Listen up everyone! Their armour is weak at the groin!
David: Really?
Lance: From the looks of it, yeah.
Vinny: Nice.
Vinny: LET'S SHOOT US SOME ORC PENISES!
(Everyone starts laughing and takes up the chant)
"Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis!"



Down on the plain.......



Uruk-Hai 1: Why are they saying "penis"?
Uruk-Hai 2: I dunno. Maybe they plan to take a piss on us when we try and scale the ladders.
Uruk-Hai 1: Ewwwww! That's nasty.
Uruk-Hai 2: Are you gay?
Uruk-Hai 1: No.
Uruk-Hai 2: Then why the hell are you making such a big deal over their pee landing on you?
Uruk-Hai 1: It's gross.
Uruk-Hai 2: Yeah. Newsflash, bro. We're URUK. F*CKING. HAI. We're supposed to be gross.

Uruk-Hai 3: Or maybe they plan to shoot our dicks out.
(Every orc within hearing range shudders)
Uruk-Hai 1: Damn. I ain't charging.
Uruk-Hai Commander: Lemme put it this way, you pussies. If you don't charge, Saruman'll replace those dicks of yours with pussies. Literally.
(Every orc within hearing range shudders)
Uruk-Hai 2: Well...I suppose getting an arrow in the little guy would heal.
Uruk-Hai 1: Personally, I think it'd be cool to have a vagina. Apparently it feels better.
Uruk-Hai 2: Dude..............just..........shut the F*CK UP!

Originally posted by DarkC
PART II
======
Lea: What's happening out there? I can't see!
Vinny: Shall I describe it to you? Or would you like me to find you a box?
Lea:..........*reluctant laughing*
Lance: Okay. From my keen 03'er eyes, I spy with me little eye...
Vinny: A rock?
(Lea stomps on Vinny's foot again)
Vinny: AY.
Lance: Okay. Listen up everyone! Their armour is weak at the groin!
David: Really?
Lance: From the looks of it, yeah.
Vinny: Nice.
Vinny: LET'S SHOOT US SOME ORC PENISES!
(Everyone starts laughing and takes up the chant)
"Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis!"



Down on the plain.......



Uruk-Hai 1: Why are they saying "penis"?
Uruk-Hai 2: I dunno. Maybe they plan to take a piss on us when we try and scale the ladders.
Uruk-Hai 1: Ewwwww! That's nasty.
Uruk-Hai 2: Are you gay?
Uruk-Hai 1: No.
Uruk-Hai 2: Then why the hell are you making such a big deal over their pee landing on you?
Uruk-Hai 1: It's gross.
Uruk-Hai 2: Yeah. Newsflash, bro. We're URUK. F*CKING. HAI. We're supposed to be gross.

Uruk-Hai 3: Or maybe they plan to shoot our dicks out.
(Every orc within hearing range shudders)
Uruk-Hai 1: Damn. I ain't charging.
Uruk-Hai Commander: Lemme put it this way, you pussies. If you don't charge, Saruman'll replace those dicks of yours with pussies. Literally.
(Every orc within hearing range shudders)
Uruk-Hai 2: Well...I suppose getting an arrow in the little guy would heal.
Uruk-Hai 1: Personally, I think it'd be cool to have a vagina. Apparently it feels better.
Uruk-Hai 2: Dude..............just..........shut the F*CK UP!


Part 3 Part 3 Part 3 !!!

Chants!

Woo

Lea: Penis! Penis! Pe - oh shit. Here they come!
Vinny: (sights down arrowhead) Excellent.
Lea: This f*cking blows. I can't even see over the parapet to shoot, let alone watch the fun.
David: Aw, there there.
Lea: Shut up David.
David: Yes ma'am. Oh wait. I'm company commander. SHIT!
David: ARROWS READY! AIM AT PENIS! FIIIIIIIIRE!

(Arrows loose)

Uruk-Hai 2: F***CK! AHHH! Man, that other dude was right. I'd rather have a pussy than last through this. Worst. Pain. Ever.
(Uruk-Hai 3 crawls up beside 2)
Uruk-Hai 3: "You do not know pain", he says. "You do not know fear", he says. Well, I say: "BULL! SHIT!"
Uruk-Hai 2: Amen to that, bro.


David: LADDERS!
Lea: Yay!
(Ladders fall, a bunch of UH berserkers jump off)
(shots of David kneeing one in the gut and throwing him off the Deeping Wall)
David: Use your axe, Lea!
Lea: Why? I see you didn't use your sword.
David: At least I didn't kick them in the balls and b*tchslap them until they fell off!
Lea: Well, I'm a woman, David. What do you expect?!
David: Good point. Where's Vinny?

(Vinny trips over a sword and accidentally lets arrow fly, which clips short a rope and sends a ladder falling to the plain below.)

Vinny: Woooooooow.
Vinny: *sees UH charging toward him* Oh. Oh shit.
Uruk-Hai: RAAAAAAAAAAR!
Vinny: One more step and I'll shoot you in the pee-pee!
Uruk-Hai: ARRRRRRrrrgh......*whimpering*
(Lea shoves UH off wall)
Lea: Vinny, you're such a pussy.
Vinny: Hey, hey, hey. I didn't see YOU take out a score of orcs with a single shot.
Lea: Maybe because I don't have a bow?
David: We saw that anyways. It was a fluke.
Vinny: Aw, damnit.

(Later on)
David: KILL HIM! VINNY!
Vinny: Wha?
David: That guy with the sputtering blue torch!
Vinny: Oh right. (aims, fires, hits UH's shoulder)
David: You f*cking retard! The penis, remember!
Vinny: Too late! Run!

(Everyone runs)

Vinny: ROYALGUARD! JacopeX! GTFO! It's gonna blow!
(They give him the finger)
Vinny: Oh, well....f*ck you too.
David: Oh shit! I forgot my iPod back there!
(David runs back)
Lea: David, you idio -

(BOOOOM)

David: (lands heavily 100 feet away) Oh my God. Oh, that was bad. But at least I got my iPod.
(David reaches into his pocket and pulls out a smashed wreckage of an iPod)
David: Oh, f*ck it!

(UH start charging through the breach)

Lea: Oh shit! David, I'm coming!
(Jumps down and crashes into a bunch of UH, taking them down instantly)

David: Oh my God, what a crazy ass b -
David: Oh.

Uruk Hai 4: Sheesh, how is it you're so damn small and weigh a f*cking ton?
Lea: Shut the f*ck up n00b. *beheads*
Lea: What the hell, a pithole? *trips*

David: Shit! Fire their penises!

!!!

Oh god..

Nice to see I was written out.

Originally posted by DarkC

David: Shit! Fire their penises!



Penii

Originally posted by LanceWindu
Nice to see I was written out.
You're Haldir! You don't come into play until later on!

Originally posted by Dwight Shrute
Penii

Darkc.

You should post them all in one thread.


Its Hilarius .

Originally posted by Vinny Valentine
Darkc.

You should post them all in one thread.


Its Hilarius .
Meh, don't feel like it. shrug That's all for today, folks, I'm getting off.

Originally posted by LanceWindu
K.Diddy: That was Snowball.

Gornack: Why do you call him that?

K.Diddy: Vinny Valentine made it up. It's a blow job thing.

Gornack: What do you mean?

K.Diddy: After he gets a blow job, he likes to have the cum spit back into his mouth while kissing. It's called snowballing.

Gornack: He requested this?

K.Diddy: He gets off on it.

Gornack: Vinny can be talked into anything.

K.Diddy: Why do you say that?

Gornack: Like you said, he snowballed him.

K.Diddy: Vinny? No; I snowballed him.

Gornack: Yeah, right.

K.Diddy: I'm serious...

Gornack: You sucked that guy's dick?

K.Diddy: Yeah. How do you think I know he liked...

Gornack: But...but you said you only had sex with three guys! You
never mentioned him!

K.Diddy: That's because I never had sex with him!

Gornack: You sucked his dick!

K.Diddy: We went out a few times. We didn't have sex, but we fooled around.

Gornack: Oh my God! Why did you tell me you only slept with three guys?

K.Diddy: Because I did only sleep with three guys! That doesn't mean I didn't just go with people.

Gornack: Oh my God, I feel so nauseous...

K.Diddy: I'm sorry, Gornack. I thought you understood.

Gornack: I did understand! I understand that you slept with three different guys, and that's all you said.

K.Diddy: Please calm down.

Gornack: How many?

K.Diddy: Gornack...

Gornack: How many dicks have you sucked?!

K.Diddy: Let it go...

Gornack: HOW MANY?

K.Diddy: All right! Shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak like this when you told me how many guys you ****ed.

Gornack: This is different. This is important. How many?! Well...?

K.Diddy: Something like thirty-six.

Gornack: WHAT? SOMETHING LIKE THIRTY-SIX?

K.Diddy: Lower your voice!

Gornack: What the hell is that anyway, "something like thirty-six?" Does that include me?

K.Diddy: Um. Thirty-seven.

Gornack: I'M THIRTY-SEVEN?

K.Diddy: I'm going to KMC.

Gornack: Thirty-seven?! (to customer) My man-child sucked thirty-seven dicks!

Customer: In a row?

Gornack: Hey! Where are you going?!

K.Diddy: Hey listen, jerk! Until today you never even knew how many guys I'd slept with, because you never even asked. And then you act all nonchalant about ****ing twelve different girls. Well, I never had sex with twelve different guys!

Gornack: No, but you sucked enough dick!

K.Diddy: Yeah, I went down on a few guys...

Gornack: A few?

K.Diddy: ...And one of those guys was you! The last one, I might add, which-if you're too stupid to comprehend-means that I've been faithful to you since we met! All the other guys I went with before I met you, so, if you want to have a complex about it, go ahead! But don't look at me like I'm the forum whore, because you were plenty busy yourself, before you met me!

Gornack: Well...why did you have to suck their dicks? Why didn't you just sleep with them, like any decent person?!

K.Diddy: Because going down it's a big deal! I used to like a guy, we'd make out, and sooner or later I'd go down on him. But I only had sex with the guys I loved.

Gornack: I feel sick.

K.Diddy: I love you. Don't feel sick.

Gornack: Every time I kiss you now I'm going to taste thirty-six other guys.

K.Diddy: I'm going to KMC. Maybe later you'll be a bit more rational.

Gornack: Thirty-seven. I just can't...

K.Diddy: Goodbye, Gornack.

Gornack: Try not to suck any more dicks on your way through the internet!


no2

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LANCE WINDU: I'm gonna tell you this one time, Vinny feckin' Twist, an' I ain't foolin'. What I don't know - all them things I don't know - could get you killed if I come to know them. I mean it.

VINNY TWIST: Yeah well try this one, and I'll say it just once!

LANCE WINDU: Go ahead!

VINNY TWIST: Tell you what, we coulda had a good life together! Feckin' real good life! Had us a place of our own. But you didn't want it, Lance! So what we got now is Brokeback Mountain! Everything's built on that! That's all we got, boy, feckin' all. So I hope you know that, even if you don't never know the rest! You count the damn few times we have been together in nearly twenty years and you measure the short fecking leash you keep me on - and then you ask me about Mexico and tell me you'll kill me for needing somethin' I don't hardly never get. You have no idea how bad it gets! I'm not you... I can't make it on a coupla high-altitude fecks once or twice a year! You are too much for me Lance, you sonofawhoreson bizzneratch! I WISH I KNEW HOW TO QUIT YOU.

LANCE WINDU: Well, why don't you? Why don't you just let me be? It's because of you that I'm like this! I ain't got nothing... I ain't nowhere... Get the feck off me! I can't stand being like this no more, Vinny.

hysterical

bump

Originally posted by Gornack
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LANCE WINDU: I'm gonna tell you this one time, Vinny feckin' Twist, an' I ain't foolin'. What I don't know - all them things I don't know - could get you killed if I come to know them. I mean it.

VINNY TWIST: Yeah well try this one, and I'll say it just once!

LANCE WINDU: Go ahead!

VINNY TWIST: Tell you what, we coulda had a good life together! Feckin' real good life! Had us a place of our own. But you didn't want it, Lance! So what we got now is Brokeback Mountain! Everything's built on that! That's all we got, boy, feckin' all. So I hope you know that, even if you don't never know the rest! You count the damn few times we have been together in nearly twenty years and you measure the short fecking leash you keep me on - and then you ask me about Mexico and tell me you'll kill me for needing somethin' I don't hardly never get. You have no idea how bad it gets! I'm not you... I can't make it on a coupla high-altitude fecks once or twice a year! You are too much for me Lance, you sonofawhoreson bizzneratch! I WISH I KNEW HOW TO QUIT YOU.

LANCE WINDU: Well, why don't you? Why don't you just let me be? It's because of you that I'm like this! I ain't got nothing... I ain't nowhere... Get the feck off me! I can't stand being like this no more, Vinny.

hysterical


my dear god

this thread makes me happy

Mist: Happy anniversary, Vinny.
Vinny: Mist, we broke up two months ago.
Mist: Well, that doesn't mean we can't still go out, does it?
Vinny: Well, it does actually, that's what breaking up is.
Mist: But we can still make out, right?
Vinny: Of course we can

*makeout sesh begins*

Oh My God..

Laughing Still.

That video is pretty famous among our WoW world.

Originally posted by DarkC
That video is pretty famous among our WoW world.

I know, I played WoW fo a few months.

Ken: Okay. So...we're going to tell a Halloween story, everyone. Gather round.

Vinny: Bkweeeu. Bkweeeu.

Mist: What the hell was that?

Vinny: Uh. That was thunder.

Ken: Riiiight. Go first, Mist.

Mist: Me? Oh, jeez. Okay. So there was a little, ah....goblin! And he often...looked arooound!

Ken:

Mist: And he did a little daaaaance!

Vinny:

Mist: Yeah. That was terrible.

Barker: Gimme the flashlight! Gimme. Okay. So this goblin had an SUV. 250 horsepower with decked out rims, chrome stell. And it had Dodge Viper racing stripes, a DVD player, MP3 hookup, and tricked-out bass stereo speakers. Top dawg, biatches.

Vinny: My turn, my turn. So this goblin had three chicks. And they all had masks.

Ladyluck: One of the girls had a cat. It's name was...Kitty Kitty. The other girl had a puppy and it's name was Doggy. And the third girl was.....was......a republican!

(Everyone stares at her in disbelief)

BackFire: Blasphemy, Lea. Anyways. So there were all these porno magazines! Hustler and Playboy and Yaoi and Hentai! All in glosed up magazines and good to go! Videos as well! HD DVD's of bondage, lesbians, and -

Ken: I think we get the point.

BackFire: I'm not finished.

(Lana slaps him.)

BackFire: Jeez.

Ken: You guys suck! Here I go. So this big robot came and destroys everything!!!

(Silence)

Lana: Ken. That's your answer to everything. Last year a big robot came and destroyed the homes of three little kittens.

Ken: Every story needs action.

BackFire: And porno.

Ken: Maybe less of that.

Originally posted by DarkC
Ken: Okay. So...we're going to tell a Halloween story, everyone. Gather round.

Vinny: Bkweeeu. Bkweeeu.

Mist: What the hell was that?

Vinny: Uh. That was thunder.

Ken: Riiiight. Go first, Mist.

Mist: Me? Oh, jeez. Okay. So there was a little, ah....goblin! And he often...looked arooound!

Ken:

Mist: And he did a little daaaaance!

Vinny:

Mist: Yeah. That was terrible.

Barker: Gimme the flashlight! Gimme. Okay. So this goblin had an SUV. 250 horsepower with decked out rims, chrome stell. And it had Dodge Viper racing stripes, a DVD player, MP3 hookup, and tricked-out bass stereo speakers. Top dawg, biatches.

Vinny: My turn, my turn. So this goblin had three chicks. And they all had masks.

Ladyluck: One of the girls had a cat. It's name was...Kitty Kitty. The other girl had a puppy and it's name was Doggy. And the third girl was.....was......a republican!

(Everyone stares at her in disbelief)

BackFire: Blasphemy, Lea. Anyways. So there were all these porno magazines! Hustler and Playboy and Yaoi and Hentai! All in glosed up magazines and good to go! Videos as well! HD DVD's of bondage, lesbians, and -

Ken: I think we get the point.

BackFire: I'm not finished.

(Lana slaps him.)

BackFire: Jeez.

Ken: You guys suck! Here I go. So this big robot came and destroys everything!!!

(Silence)

Lana: Ken. That's your answer to everything. Last year a big robot came and destroyed the homes of three little kittens.

Ken: Every story needs action.

BackFire: And porno.

Ken: Maybe less of that.

I'll probably get killed for the porno bit. But it was worth it.

David, you need to keep making these.

Vinny: Hey Ken, looks like you have a new email.

Ken: Okay. Let's see what we have here.

"KenKenob====#%^&^h??>>>>Del11212rr\\}}"

Ken: What the hell?

Vinny: I see part of your name in there, but it looks like it's being eaten.

Ken: By some weird....Linux, or something. Wait a minute...

Vinny: Looks like one of those email viruses.

Ken: You mean like the ones mobs and casinos send you? Bah. I know just what to do with this!

(Opens up EdgarWare AntiVirus)

Ken: So, virus. Lemme introduce you to my main main Edgar.

("Welcome, KEN!"
Last scan was: 'NEVER' ago.)

Vinny: Teach 'em a lesson.

Ken: *hits Scan*

Vinny: (waiting)...ah, this should be good.

(You have: 430,205 viruses.)

Ken: WHAGH!

Vinny: Holy shit. Looks like it's going to infect KMC.

(Vinny's arm turns into a broken JPEG image)

Vinny: Shit! Do something about it! I don't want to get a mangina of sorts foisted on me.

Ken: Okay. Trying. *tries to delete*

(Error!)

Ken: What?! I said deleted!

(Error!)

Ken: Oh my God. What am I going to do?

(Flagrant System Error)
(Smaller text comes up)
Ken: (reading) "Computer over?" "Virus = very yes?"

Vinny: That doesn't sound like a very good prize!!

(Computer screen melts and drips onto Persian rug)

Ken: Jesus. And the Compy...just peed my carpet.

(Irene walks in)

Irene: Um, Ken, what's going on?

Ken: (noticing that Irene's legs are missing) GNAAGGH!!

Vinny: Um, that your legs are missing?

Irene: Have you been using the internet irresponsibly, Ken?

Ken: Ahhhh.....nosweat

Irene: Did you get a virus?

Ken: No.

Irene: Did you get four hundred thousand or so viruses?

Ken: Yes. Very yes.

Irene: Well, do something about it! I hate floating in mid air!

(meanwhile)

Raz: What the - ?! Why is there "#1 nub" under my name? Where did my mod privileges go? KEN!!!!

...

Fire: WHO CHANGED MY NAME TO "Ice"?!

...

K.Diddy: Oh wow. I have mod privileges.

...

Ladyluck: My pictures! Where'd they go!? Ken!

...

DarkC: It's not letting me post. Jesus Christ, Ken. And I'm suddenly a 2006 member?!

I would make one, but it would suck. I'm just going to stick to posting funny pics. I'm good at that.

Originally posted by DarkC
K.Diddy: Oh wow. I have mod privileges.

I added this thread to favourites.




Morning Glory: "My post count is zero?!"

Bloigen: "Where did the OTF go?!"

Sanctuary: "Where did the "" smiley go?!"

Originally posted by DarkC
I added this thread to favourites.




Morning Glory: "My post count is zero?!"

Bloigen: "Where did the OTF go?!"

Sanctuary: "Where did the "" smiley go?!"

Nice

Originally posted by DarkC





Sanctuary: "Where did the "" smiley go?!"




It died because face-plain killed it.

Originally posted by DarkC
Bloigen: "Where did the OTF go?!"

Don't even joke about that.

Originally posted by DarkC
I added this thread to favourites.




Morning Glory: "My post count is zero?!"

Bloigen: "Where did the OTF go?!"

Sanctuary: "Where did the "" smiley go?!"

Originally posted by Bloigen
Don't even joke about that.
I would be in a state of misery if the OTF disappeared.

Originally posted by DarkC
I would be in a state of misery if the OTF disappeared.

So Would I..

Originally posted by DarkC
I would be in a state of misery if the OTF disappeared.

Me too lol

I like to admire my own genius once in a while.


(Uruk-Hai chanting in unison)
All your base are belong to us.
All your base are belong to us.

Vinny, David, Lea: Oh, God...not that stupid song again.

Originally posted by Vinny Valentine
So Would I..

I wouldn't, but that's besided the point.

The opening scene of Saving Private Ryan is a reenactment of Chuck Norris playing dodgeball in the 2nd grade.

"Get Your Stinking Paws Off Me, You Damn Dirty Moderator"

David: Oh, my God, what a crazy b*tch.
David: Oh.

Uruk-Hai: Oh my God! How the hell is it that you're so tiny and weigh a f*cking ton?

Lea: Oh, STFU n00b.


Lea: Oh shit. I just stepped into sinkhole.

David: Oh, SHIT! Fire, fire!



Lea: *slaps David* You f*cking retard! Why did you shoot when I was up there? You could have hit me!

David: Newsflash, Lea. You weren't in the line of fire! And we couldn't have hit you anyways.

Lea: We're aiming at their dicks, remember?

David: Oh yeah.



David: Hell, there's not much to shoot at, anyways. Mine's bigger.

Lea: Stop bragging.



Vinny: Oh my God.

Vinny: What the f - ?! WAGGGH!



Vinny: Whooaahhah.....



Uruk-Hai 1: Wow, look at that crazy dude on the shield.
Uruk-Hai 2: Holy shit. So accurate even when off balance.
Uruk-Hai 3: Such style too!
Uruk-Hai 4: I wish I was an elf.



Grima: Holy. What an elf, eh?
Saruman: Jesus Christ!!! Why aren't any of ours as skilled as that?

Oh God, David you made this one of my favorite threads.

Bump

Very Very nice DC

Here's one from the Matrix

We appear in Neo's apartment. He is asleep at his computer, with headphones on. On his computer screen, we see he is running a search on a man named Morpheus. Suddenly on his computer screen appear the words 'Wake up, Neo.' He sits up, and stares at his computer screen

Neo : What?

On the computer, now appears 'The Matrix has you...'

Neo : What the hell?

On the computer, now appears 'Follow the white rabbit...'

Neo : Follow the white rabbit?

On the computer, now appears 'Yes, Follow the white rabbit...'

Neo : What white rabbit?

On the computer, now appears 'For the love of God, just follow the d*mn rabbit...'

Neo : The rabbit is still white, right?

On the computer, now appears 'Yes, follow the f*cking white rabbit...'

He presses the 'esc' key repeatedly, no effect. the computer comes up with one last message : 'Knock knock, you dumbsh*t.' There is a loud knock at his door, and he jumps. He stares at the door, and then back at his computer screen. it's now blank.

Choi and Neo talk for a bit, Neo gives Choi a disk, they talk some more, then...

Neo notices DuJour has a tattoo of a white rabbit on her shoulder, he ignores it, stupid dream anyway.

A voice from the computer speakers screams : You f*cking moron follow the f*cking white rabbit!

LanceWindu: David! Pull your men out of there! Fall back to the keep!

David: Christ. *yelling back up* WE'RE JUST GETTING STARTED, KEN!

LanceWindu: You WANT to get killed? OK. Fine by me. Gondor can have ME as their king!

David: Oh hell shit. Doesn't give me much of a choice. Let's go, you two.

Vinny: Ahoy hoy.

Lea: Okey Day.

David:

Vinny: Yeah, we'll stop.

David: Guys, save the weirdness for after.

(racing up Hornburg stairs)

Vinny: I wonder why it's called the Hornburg.

David: Maybe because someone had sex at the very top.

Lea: HAHAHAHA....no.

(ten seconds later)

Vinny: Ah, hahaha. Ah. No more steps. *panting furiously*

Lea: You're way out of shape.

Vinny: At least I don't have a temper problem, dwarf!

Lea:

David: Enough. Come on.

(races to the gate)

David: Not that way, Lea. This way.

(pushes Lea down side passage)

Lea:...are you trying to get me alone?

David:

Lea: Okay, okay. Just checking.

(Stepping outside)

Lea: Ahhh, shit. Toss me.

David: What?

Lea: I can't jump the f*cking distance! You'll have to toss me!

David: Are you sure? Remember last time I tossed you?

(flashback scene on the ancient stairway in Moria)

David: (reaches for Lea)

Lea: Whoa, ho. NOBODY tosses a lady.

(Lea jumps, and teeters on other edge. Vinny leaps forward and grabs her shirt by the neck and yanks her back to safety.)

Lea: Not my boobs!!

(Lea slaps Vinny violently.)

Vinny: What the f*ck? I just saved your life!

Lea: Yeah, but you tried to touch my boobs!

Vinny: What was I supposed to haul you back by? Your imaginary Dwarven beard? Sheesh, go figure!

(Flashback ends)

Lea: I got a good feeling about this one. Let's go.

David: (takes hold of the back of Lea's pants and tenses)

Lea: (slaps David)

David: You have a problem, Lea.

Lea: Toss me by the back of my shirt. Jeez. Perv.