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I just thought I could post a couple of writes on here so here goes, they are both quite different and are just a couple that i'd quite like some feedback on if that's alright...

thanx

Questions

where does this water come from that runs so freely now?
the window to my heart
shaded, merged and blocked
by tear drops from the sky falling
of weeping rain i hear
and sigh amongst the others as wishing peace to appear


Rubies in the sand

There are rubies hidden
Lost in the sand
The explorer heads forward
Child, spade in hand

Dream of the ocean
Lying far ahead
The journey - so long
For the rubies so red

Each step goes beyond
A journey to my past
Frozen toe to water
What couldn't last

Forward, knee height
It's freezing, run back
Skittered and flee away
Memories fade to black

Of the things I used to do
Of the stories told to me
Of those gems in the sand
Of what they could be

Were they ever there?
Just dreams of the past
Fairy tales of muttering
Burried with all else that shouldn't last

As I loose myself once more
With those rubies in the sand

I like Rubies in the Sand

ta muchly, its cute i think, and i even managed to stucture it kinda well after the ermmm about 20th attempt.

still not perfect at the end yet... *sigh*

I think both of ur peoms are lurvly loves em! Keep writing, ur really good at it!

Originally posted by XjainaX
ta muchly, its cute i think, and i even managed to stucture it kinda well after the ermmm about 20th attempt.

still not perfect at the end yet... *sigh*
You're welcome

Well practise makes perfect You'll get better as you keep on expanding your creativity.

Here as I wait for death (again)

I have no feelings of sympathy
The world just passes by,
I feel no longing to help mankind
A tragedy so high
Is it normal?
For a child so filled with hate for life
To sit here and wait?
The uneaven ticking of the clock
The bell sounds too late
Tick tock tick... tock
Forcing my had closer to the blade
Of the plough - hand to feed
A ravaged pulse, sloping dreams
I hate mankind who hates the world
It's strange, I have no desire
To save man or beast,
Let it burn
But let me go first
Tick... tock, tick..... tock
Mummy is it time to go home yet?
I want
DONG
DONG
DONG
Tick....... tock... tick......... tock..... tick..............................


its not meant to be too dark or emo - it just sounds it... the end of the world is near us... global warming and...

Originally posted by XjainaX
Here as I wait for death (again)

I have no feelings of sympathy
The world just passes by,
I feel no longing to help mankind
A tragedy so high
Is it normal?
For a child so filled with hate for life
To sit here and wait?
The uneaven ticking of the clock
The bell sounds too late
Tick tock tick... tock
Forcing my had closer to the blade
Of the plough - hand to feed
A ravaged pulse, sloping dreams
I hate mankind who hates the world
It's strange, I have no desire
To save man or beast,
Let it burn
But let me go first
Tick... tock, tick..... tock
Mummy is it time to go home yet?
I want
DONG
DONG
DONG
Tick....... tock... tick......... tock..... tick..............................


its not meant to be too dark or emo - it just sounds it... the end of the world is near us... global warming and... i feel i should style my hair oddly and wear dark depressing clothes and have thoughts of killing myself. oh god! why live?!?

Ok, so I've not posted for a while but at the moment I'm really having trouble with poetic form and so have done a load of freewrite exersises to try and help.... unfortuantely, I like the writing as it is so here I post a freewrite of (semi)poetic nature:


my plea

Insanity, I think I must plead insanity. For the times I ask what I do not want to know, for the times I think that I'm alone and find you with me. Is this strange, or insane to see you with me when you're not to talk you through my day, to tell you time and time again how much you truely mean but never to your face. I think it may be. I think it may have hit the mark, where before I screamed insanity without waiting I saw the thousand haters march by, now i see just you and smile, surely this is mad.

Insane, I say it so often, I am insane, like never before I mean it now. I want to tell you everything but it comes out piece by piece and i start to think i have forgotten the most important thing. Who I am...

I know I'm not sane as I scream from the rooftops, banned from my places and hang over cliffs, but now, in the stillness of my physical being when I'm thinking to you, trying to communicate, telling you time and again what you mean, but all inside my head, is this insane?

My sweet insanity, can i not plead to know and write and say and be and... just find calmness in my mind?

thanks for reading