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I've had a few good stories and writings in my head, So I'll just write a little poem for you. (and some Short stories later on). So, Enjoy. This one is called 'I love her for it'. It's got a strange structure, but I've been thinking about it for a number of days now. I think we've all dealt with someone like this before

'I Love Her for it'

She caught my eye
Her wicked figure
She's a Desirable piece
I talk to her and get lost with her
She says her name is Anna
We part physically, but she doesn't part my mind

She calls me that night and we get personal
We get more serious and I enjoy it
We get together and I want to get close enough to hear her breathing
She lets me get close
When she does a shot of thunder goes through my veins
We Part once again and nothing registers until I see her again

She invites me and I desire her more than ever now
A sure shot of satisfaction that she is mine and mine only is present
She's a wicked devil and her words crack like a whip
She does everything and I praise her
She appears delicate but something is amiss
We part again, Her and I

I leave all my friends for her
They have been friends since the beginning, but who needs them now
that I have her

I don't seem myself anymore
I yell at my parents
I don't answer the phone unless I'm sure it's her
My Best friend warns me of her and calls her names
Names that I'm not proud to hear
I punch him in the face for speaking like that
"You've Changed"
He's a Liar
He's Jealous
She's mine and no one else's

She's everything I want and I can't focus on anything else
This Desirable dame

2 Weeks later and things aren't like they were before
I call her, she doesn't call me
She yells at me and blames me for everything
She flirts with other men
She threatens to hurt herself if I talk to her
But, I haven't done anything wrong
I lean to kiss her and she pulls away and ignores my presence

I can't take this torment anymore
I yell at her and say things that I regret
We aren't what we were
We were lovers

I stay at my house and I don't go to class
I drink until I pass out
I wake up with a roaring headache and I try to drink until it fades
My friend knows the news and he calls
I don't answer

Two days later my elementary girlfriend comes to visit
Sweet April
She tries to comfort me and I turn
She hugs me and a beam of light hits me in the face when she looks into my eyes
Why the kindness? I left you
She puts her finger to my lips and tells me it's okay
I hug her and forget about Anna

April and I get back together and nothing is better
I look back at Anna and I laugh at my stupidity
Anna calls me to apologize but I hang up
Never in my life have I felt so great
April and I share everything in common and it's everything
She calls me right when I want her to
We talk and laugh and share old memories
She's the one that was meant to be

Anna was a Desirable Dame and I liked her for it
April is a sweet Angel and I Love her for it.

You write poems too. shock

Originally posted by Dusty
I've had a few good stories and writings in my head, So I'll just write a little poem for you. (and some Short stories later on). So, Enjoy. This one is called 'I love her for it'. It's got a strange structure, but I've been thinking about it for a number of days now. I think we've all dealt with someone like this before...



Yeah, sounds familiar.

Originally posted by LanceWindu
Yeah, sounds familiar.

Gotta fight through that stuff!

GREEN GUY


I looked at him
He looked at me

He kicked me on the shin
I kicked him on the knee

He pulled out he sword
I pulled out my gun

We're gonna have ourselves a war
We're gonna have ourselves some fun

We throw a few fists
Blood comes from my face

He throws his sword at me
I dodge it and tie my shoe lace

I shot his armour back
It reflected and went away

Then I took out my weapon
A giant plasma Ray

He thought of a way to escape
He flipped and did a little hurtle

Damn you leonardo
You f*ckin' ninja turtle

Nice stuff

Originally posted by Dusty
GREEN GUY


I looked at him
He looked at me

He kicked me on the shin
I kicked him on the knee

He pulled out he sword
I pulled out my gun

We're gonna have ourselves a war
We're gonna have ourselves some fun

We throw a few fists
Blood comes from my face

He throws his sword at me
I dodge it and tie my shoe lace

I shot his armour back
It reflected and went away

Then I took out my weapon
A giant plasma Ray

He thought of a way to escape
He flipped and did a little hurtle

Damn you leonardo
You f*ckin' ninja turtle

"I dodge it and tie my shoe lace" Oooooooooooooooh man, that is soooo funny

Originally posted by Dusty
I've had a few good stories and writings in my head, So I'll just write a little poem for you. (and some Short stories later on). So, Enjoy. This one is called 'I love her for it'. It's got a strange structure, but I've been thinking about it for a number of days now. I think we've all dealt with someone like this before

'I Love Her for it'

She caught my eye
Her wicked figure
She's a Desirable piece
I talk to her and get lost with her
She says her name is Anna
We part physically, but she doesn't part my mind

She calls me that night and we get personal
We get more serious and I enjoy it
We get together and I want to get close enough to hear her breathing
She lets me get close
When she does a shot of thunder goes through my veins
We Part once again and nothing registers until I see her again

She invites me and I desire her more than ever now
A sure shot of satisfaction that she is mine and mine only is present
She's a wicked devil and her words crack like a whip
She does everything and I praise her
She appears delicate but something is amiss
We part again, Her and I

I leave all my friends for her
They have been friends since the beginning, but who needs them now
that I have her

I don't seem myself anymore
I yell at my parents
I don't answer the phone unless I'm sure it's her
My Best friend warns me of her and calls her names
Names that I'm not proud to hear
I punch him in the face for speaking like that
"You've Changed"
He's a Liar
He's Jealous
She's mine and no one else's

She's everything I want and I can't focus on anything else
This Desirable dame

2 Weeks later and things aren't like they were before
I call her, she doesn't call me
She yells at me and blames me for everything
She flirts with other men
She threatens to hurt herself if I talk to her
But, I haven't done anything wrong
I lean to kiss her and she pulls away and ignores my presence

I can't take this torment anymore
I yell at her and say things that I regret
We aren't what we were
We were lovers

I stay at my house and I don't go to class
I drink until I pass out
I wake up with a roaring headache and I try to drink until it fades
My friend knows the news and he calls
I don't answer

Two days later my elementary girlfriend comes to visit
Sweet April
She tries to comfort me and I turn
She hugs me and a beam of light hits me in the face when she looks into my eyes
Why the kindness? I left you
She puts her finger to my lips and tells me it's okay
I hug her and forget about Anna

April and I get back together and nothing is better
I look back at Anna and I laugh at my stupidity
Anna calls me to apologize but I hang up
Never in my life have I felt so great
April and I share everything in common and it's everything
She calls me right when I want her to
We talk and laugh and share old memories
She's the one that was meant to be

Anna was a Desirable Dame and I liked her for it
April is a sweet Angel and I Love her for it.

Dusty, that's bloody fantastic! I really, really like it... and you're right, I think everyone can relate to the concept. Also, I think it could be used well as song lyrics, it has that kind of structure and flow

Thanks guys.

Compliments are always welcome in this house.

As they are anywhere

I may just dig up my poetry thread and give it a little bump, I haven't had half the appreciation I deserve eyes

droolio

I'm here at the concrete lot
Rain falls, and the sun dries it away
Rain repeats itself
Rain repeats itself like life
Rain repeats itself like love

She says she'd meet me here
Love is what we had
Love is what makes thoughts
Love is what makes life contain worth

Her beauty appears and her blonde hair shines like gold thread
She makes me feel love
She makes life feel like love
She makes love feel like life

Her words bring tears to my eyes
Life has a meaning
Life looks like her golden hair
Life looks like love.

*cough* I'm a brunette baby. ermm











It's lovely dustin, very lovely.

Dusty, do you write song lyrics at all?

Nope. But, i'm starting up a band here soon. So hopefully I can.

New poem coming soon.

The Ronin

My Sword is my only friend
Mistake it not, for an object
For you may meet your life's end
A blade of samurai steel is cold
But so are the intension's of a samurai built for business
If forever truth be told
A Yojimbo, or a mercenary, it matters not
No words can describe my patience and loyalty
along with the skill I've shown in the battles I've fought
A Ronin has no definite lord
Only works for food when his gut begins to roar
And that is the way of the samurai sword

Originally posted by Dusty
Nope. But, i'm starting up a band here soon. So hopefully I can.

New poem coming soon.

Whaddaya mean, hopefully you can?? These submissions are song lyric worthy already

Originally posted by Syren
Whaddaya mean, hopefully you can?? These submissions are song lyric worthy already

Originally posted by Dusty
I've had a few good stories and writings in my head, So I'll just write a little poem for you. (and some Short stories later on). So, Enjoy. This one is called 'I love her for it'. It's got a strange structure, but I've been thinking about it for a number of days now. I think we've all dealt with someone like this before

'I Love Her for it'

She caught my eye
Her wicked figure
She's a Desirable piece
I talk to her and get lost with her
She says her name is Anna
We part physically, but she doesn't part my mind

She calls me that night and we get personal
We get more serious and I enjoy it
We get together and I want to get close enough to hear her breathing
She lets me get close
When she does a shot of thunder goes through my veins
We Part once again and nothing registers until I see her again

She invites me and I desire her more than ever now
A sure shot of satisfaction that she is mine and mine only is present
She's a wicked devil and her words crack like a whip
She does everything and I praise her
She appears delicate but something is amiss
We part again, Her and I

I leave all my friends for her
They have been friends since the beginning, but who needs them now
that I have her

I don't seem myself anymore
I yell at my parents
I don't answer the phone unless I'm sure it's her
My Best friend warns me of her and calls her names
Names that I'm not proud to hear
I punch him in the face for speaking like that
"You've Changed"
He's a Liar
He's Jealous
She's mine and no one else's

She's everything I want and I can't focus on anything else
This Desirable dame

2 Weeks later and things aren't like they were before
I call her, she doesn't call me
She yells at me and blames me for everything
She flirts with other men
She threatens to hurt herself if I talk to her
But, I haven't done anything wrong
I lean to kiss her and she pulls away and ignores my presence

I can't take this torment anymore
I yell at her and say things that I regret
We aren't what we were
We were lovers

I stay at my house and I don't go to class
I drink until I pass out
I wake up with a roaring headache and I try to drink until it fades
My friend knows the news and he calls
I don't answer

Two days later my elementary girlfriend comes to visit
Sweet April
She tries to comfort me and I turn
She hugs me and a beam of light hits me in the face when she looks into my eyes
Why the kindness? I left you
She puts her finger to my lips and tells me it's okay
I hug her and forget about Anna

April and I get back together and nothing is better
I look back at Anna and I laugh at my stupidity
Anna calls me to apologize but I hang up
Never in my life have I felt so great
April and I share everything in common and it's everything
She calls me right when I want her to
We talk and laugh and share old memories
She's the one that was meant to be

Anna was a Desirable Dame and I liked her for it
April is a sweet Angel and I Love her for it.

I like the to the point straightforward laying the facts bare method. It actually stings where its supposed to and that is quite the achievement. However, there I couldn't help but see, was a sense of inconsistency to the narrative tone here. I can't picture the protagonist through the naration.Fleshing out the narrator would have served you well. And at the way it is now, it seems kinda contradictory for the same person to say something like, "She's a wicked devil and her words crack like a whip" and then go on to more softly worded, "She appears delicate but something is amiss."

You seem to be teetering back and forth between and hestitating when it comes to giving our narator a definite sense of personality. Had you taken one route with him, the end result probably would have been more satisfactory.

But regardless, an honestly impressive piece. You have a vision in your head and obviously know how to put it forth.

Originally posted by Dusty
I'm here at the concrete lot
Rain falls, and the sun dries it away
Rain repeats itself
Rain repeats itself like life
Rain repeats itself like love

She says she'd meet me here
Love is what we had
Love is what makes thoughts
Love is what makes life contain worth

Her beauty appears and her blonde hair shines like gold thread
She makes me feel love
She makes life feel like love
She makes love feel like life

Her words bring tears to my eyes
Life has a meaning
Life looks like her golden hair
Life looks like love.
Brilliant. An appluad worthy bit of writing. Repetition is used to its full advantage, and yields a poignant narration.

Originally posted by Punkyhermy
I like the to the point straightforward laying the facts bare method. It actually stings where its supposed to and that is quite the achievement. However, there I couldn't help but see, was a sense of inconsistency to the narrative tone here. I can't picture the protagonist through the naration.Fleshing out the narrator would have served you well. And at the way it is now, it seems kinda contradictory for the same person to say something like, "She's a wicked devil and her words crack like a whip" and then go on to more softly worded, "She appears delicate but something is amiss."

You seem to be teetering back and forth between and hestitating when it comes to giving our narator a definite sense of personality. Had you taken one route with him, the end result probably would have been more satisfactory.

But regardless, an honestly impressive piece. You have a vision in your head and obviously know how to put it forth.

*insert colin powell pic*


No I'm kidding, I read it. Thanks for the words.

Originally posted by Dusty
A Ronin has no definite lord
Only works for food when his gut begins to roar
And that is the way of the samurai sword
The way you rhymed lord with sword is genius.

Here's a little something I've been working on. Possible song.

What Is The Rain?

I'm traveling
Walking a path for a woman
A path I have walked many times
But this is different
My legs refuse to quit moving on
But I'm weary of the path
I can't see straight
The world moves under me
In place of me moving over the world
I have to rest
The rain is my savior
I have everything to thank it for
It gives me a reason to steady
But it falls on me like drops of metal
I stop for a moment
But I get back up and keep moving and I reach my destination
To this day I look back, and think about that rain
It was only the thought, that it kept me from getting to you
That made me move on

It's great... chorus;

But I get back up and keep moving and I reach my destination
To this day I look back, and think about that rain
It was only the thought, that it kept me from getting to you
That made me move on

And then into the second verse

"Complications"


My life is alive
Loved ones dead are living through me
Everything revolves around something
The Earth, the Moon
The Galaxy, the Universe.

Darkness is the absence of light
Light is the absence of darkness
Day is the absence of night
Night is the absence of day

You are always
living within my heart
The absence of my heart
Is the absence of you

Life is like a spark of flame
Once lit, it stays illuminated
Until its time runs out
Then darkness is the absence of light

Give me a moment to gather my thoughts

Life is a cycle of starts and stops
Where you start
And why you stop
Are the only things that matter

If I had one last thing to speak
That would be my final statement.