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Holy Shit. That's all that I can think to say--Holy shit.
Very powerful end, personally.
I definitely wouldn't want my 18th birthday to go down like that. Phew.
Sweetness.

Thanks a lot. I really appreciate a good comment.

Very nice, man, very nice. But one thing noted, when you're doing that many drugs you are the most peaceful ****er in the world.

It'd take something really messed up for you to be angry about it.

I liked it though, especially the conclusion, didn't see it coming.

Originally posted by Solo
Very nice, man, very nice. But one thing noted, when you're doing that many drugs you are the most peaceful ****er in the world.

It'd take something really messed up for you to be angry about it.

I liked it though, especially the conclusion, didn't see it coming.

Awesome. I tried making the ending both believable and surprising. Glad it worked.

Very Nice Short Story, Kudos to you Dusty, I'm impressed.

I think the most striking thing about this story is the prose and the voice used to convey it.The fact that it attempts to be more than a mundane naration of sorts and adapts the protagonists personality is only favorable to the story.

The story itself tho outlandish as a whole serves its purpose well, I can see. The whole incident of his grandma getting shot is very reminiscent of Sider-man too, I noticed.

A good attempt regardless. I really do want to see more of your short stories. A little bit of skill polishing goes a long way.

Dude that kicked ass

It's a pretty fast story. Not a lot of descriptions. My next story for the competition should kick ass. Mark my words.

Thanks for the comments. Any constructive criticism?

Originally posted by Dusty
It's a pretty fast story. Not a lot of descriptions. My next story for the competition should kick ass. Mark my words.

Thanks for the comments. Any constructive criticism?

A Little Long, More detail, and a bit more character development.

Keep an eye on your capitals and grammar.

I really like this story. Nice ending

thumbsup Kickass story, man. It was a good choice to write it in the first person. There are a couple stylistic issues I had though; it sort of shifted into third person when the robbery started, and I would have liked it a lot better if you would have kept Donald's perspective (however altered) in there.

Still, it was fantastic. Good ending.