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First thing to say is that i can't believe that i got so bored that i actually wrote this but as i did, please read it, i don't actually think that its too bad
no lets be truthful - tis damn good!!


So cold, so lonely

Letters

In the darkness, the cold mist swirled around them but they didn’t notice, to absorbed by each other, their flamboyant presence exciting everyone else, embarrassing them, as James Potter turned away from his best friends they were all young again. The past was behind them.

Evening drew on and the party returned home, a birthday celebration, cake and butterbeer passed around and a sense of foreboding hanging over them as they watched each other from across the room, somehow they knew this would be their last night together. Sirius smiled, catching the eye of his lover, birthday boy, the man of the evening.
‘Its getting late,’ he mouthed across the room, Sirius couldn’t hear the others around him as Remus’ voice filled his head and his knees went weak, ‘No-one will notice if we go.’

Upstairs, they lay together, hearing the guests leave, Remus turned to him and Sirius stared into his eyes, loosing himself, having lost himself, that smile was there, playing about his lips and suddenly he was serious,
‘Sirius, I need to speak,’
‘I know,’
Well, tomor…’
‘Not now, it can wait, until tomorrow.’ Sirius stopped him with a short kiss that became deeper and more passionate; he found Remus’ side and pulled him in closer, holding onto him, living through him. Neither man wanted to let go; they lay there, trying to memorize the other, taking in their every detail, knowing that tomorrow it would all change.

Remus woke up to a cold morning and found himself alone, a dull dread pounding on his heart, he quickly turned to where Sirius had been the night before and saw the note.

Moony,

Just to say that I loved you and always will.
I can’t see you any more for a time now and I want you to know why but I have been sworn into secrecy, no one knows but the people who sent me off. I will be in touch with you all, every one of you, tell James because he does not believe me.

I will forever remember last night, it is my lasting memory of us together, and now, knowing that I will never see you again, I know it will be all that keeps me sane. Your touch is haunting me already as I write this by your side. I long to turn back, to lie down by your side and just be there, with you. But I can’t, I hope you can understand that I loved you so very much.

I loved you forever and always, I can never say it too much, today is the tomorrow that should never have come. But its here.
I cannot act against my fate, I am compelled to leave.

Beautiful, I miss you, I loved you and I know that by now you must hate me, if you don’t, you are stronger than me.

Forget I ever existed.

Remember me.

Padfoot.

Remus read it through again, same old Sirius, he thought, uncertain and melodramatic. He smiled fondly at the parchment and moved on, there is only one direction for the separated, forwards. They would meet again, that was destiny.

------------------------------

So cold, so lonely, I sit alone in my prison cell, lost amongst those who no longer have the will to live as they go mad. So cold locked away. I didn’t do it. There are simple facts keeping me sane as the wind howls and I grasp at the wire fence holding me in, keeping me from them. From their kiss. Here on a damp and misty island, I finally have time to order my thoughts, lost in a whirlwind of emotions, I smile through my tears, shout our with the others, cry to the moon, and watch the squirming squealing victims enter begging.

Bad memories always find me here but at least I always have something to hold onto. My family haunt my waking moves, the malicious smiles of my father and mother, the noble line of Black, I cry. My brother, the fool that died, they were proud of him for what he did, nothing, they hate my name from the beginning, I am sorry that they have no pride in my supposed act. I’m not like them, I didn’t do it, my smile reeks of death as those memories draw to a close. I watch the chilling mist draw in, I feel the sinister haunted heartbeat, the waves crash, the wind blows and I find that thought and hold onto it. My sanity – I didn’t do it. It gives me the strength to smile.

I only have one regret, dear Moony, that you do not know the truth, and that if you did, you would not believe me. How could I expect you to trust me when I did not trust you? That is why I had to leave - I thought it was you. Now I have said it, stop it from finding me. My memory of your smile that last day, your birthday has almost killed me over the years, so serene and above it all, you were always mature, but you had grown up so suddenly. I missed you more each day that passed and I heard, small rumours, lies of where you were.

That day when I confronted him, my once friend, I did it for you, to win you back. I thought so much of you, I wish now that our love had never been tainted in this way. I wish I could re-live those hours when you were missing from my life, it’s not a happy thought, not anymore, it brings me dread, dread for the future, but it is honest. An honest dream that keeps my heart beating. They can’t take you from me locked up in this place. My memories will always have a place locked in my heart. The years we spent together, my silent love for you, our awkward moments of understanding, and your burning soft touch. None of it brings me happiness, but I could face anything with you by my side.

Do you believe them? Do you believe that I was bad? I’m sorry that I believed you possible of anything when I wouldn’t touch you, see you, hear you. I want you to hear me when I cry for you, when I shout out to you. Each day alone in here is torturing me. What do you believe?

‘Moony, I love you,’ I shout from behind these bars, your name is on my lips each night, muttered in my sleep. I howl to the moon each month and hope that you’ll understand - I long for the danger of your touch.

It’s so cold in here, the waves crash and I weep for you. Inside, I’m locked up waiting.

I didn’t do it.
Please hear me.
I love you, that’s what I forgot to say, but I say it now so fervently… I love you.

Remember me.

Padfoot.

Sirius Black folded up the scraps of parchment and hid them away, wishing he could send a message to one person. His goodbye hadn’t been enough and he had tears streaming down his face.

Every time he read it, he felt the same; he was lost, small, a little boy in a dangerous world. Sirius Black needed a friend in the darkness of night.

What the heck!?

Remus/Sirus.

well......i must say it is EXCELENT writing. a little strange, but i think that is because it threw me off. Its kinda nice to get a different perspective of the book's characters. the only problem is that Remus already has someone....Tonks. But oh well. Anyways, i did enjoy reading it. You are good at writing! Keep it up!

yeah it is very very good writing. But wow it relli is well different. Never seen a ship like that before.ha lol

yeah um.....just wondering......did you like Broke Back Mountain?

OhILuvHP!

ummmmm interesting story i never really thought of it like that but you are a really good writer tho!

what? im sorry! i was just wondering-maybe thats where XjainaX got there idea

lol i dont think so

what do you mean you dont think so? lol

so uh.....are you going to write more?

i dont think she got the idea from Broke back but its not impossible. I'm starting to change my mind lol

I didn't get the idea from brokeback - it was a gd film but i wrote this before seeing that, I don't see it having any corrolation to brokeback but if that's what u see, great...

for those who see Tonks as an issue in writing this may like to notice that this is, chronologically, happening before Remus and Tonks have ever met, assuming they don't meet at school. I am, if I finish writing planning on showing the Tonks issue later

Thanks for the pos. reviews

XJainaX

It is a weird story, but really good writing. This story really threw me off.

Yea really. You should write a story thats like more possible to happen like *cough*cough* James/Lily and Sirius/OC and Remus/Oc or Remus/Tonks. Would SO love to see a James/Lily story from you though lol

yeah! please continue the story! its SUCH good writing and i do think it is good-i didnt mean to be rude or anything when i said brokeback mountain....i was just wondering. anyways...who is OC (sirius/OC.....remus/OC)

other character

oh yeah-i think she should do sirius/oc-cause we dont hear much about sirius....well kinda. but he is one of my favorites

in my story im gonna a remus/OC i dont know if thats better

Time for part two - slightly different styleee but its still grandiosa


Duties

Cornelius Fudge, minister of magic headed up towards the prison, Azkaban. The island, cold and grey stretched ahead of him, dark in spirit as well as presence; he shuddered, looking at the guards who accompanied him, glad of their presence. Men like … and … were overlooked by some but not by this minister, he felt 10 feet taller when he walked between them, not that he would admit it to anyone else but he was terrified of all that his job entailed, at least he could rely on support, loyal support. The solid gates drew nearer, rocks jutting out to meet him as the boat stopped. Trembling he stepped off;
‘You alright boss?’
‘Just cold, lets move along.’ He muttered to his companion, looking at the paper he held in his hand, The Daily Prophet, headlining news – a family on holiday, at least he didn’t have any major crisis to preside over.

Regular inspections of the prison, all in a day’s work. Past the rows of cells, madmen lined up twisted in agony, crying out to him, whimpering, shadows of the men who once were esteemed by some, feared by many. This was the prize of the aurors, row upon row of mindless followers, unable to think but intent upon revenge and holding out, pleading for him to return. Cornelius shuddered again, shaking himself off to move on to the end cell, the final prisoner, the worst of all…
‘Afternoon minister,’ a sinister voice called through the darkness of his bars, a toothy grin accompanied it as the face of Sirius Black came into view peering at the ministerial crowd. The Cornelius jumped, spluttering, his head not reaching the height at which Sirius bent to, his hat now perched in a rather peculiar manor, falling slightly over his eyes, robes twisted, he shuffled straightening up.
‘Afternoon Black, good to see you in such high spirits’
‘Well I am always enchanted by your visits,’ Black scowled, he would much rather see almost any other wizard or witch than this blundering fool but anyone with hints of the world beyond the bars of his cell was a welcome change to the dementors. Anyway, Fudge was always fool enough to entertain him, give him food for thought, an offering of amusement, a copy of a paper, a quiz or questionnaire, and Sirius needed a new challenge.

Fudge entered the cell, if he was being honest, a part of him looked forward to meeting Black, the man, murderer, was remarkable, practically sane in the madhouse of a prison. He was full of ideas and theories concerning ministry work, not that he used the ideas, oh no, that would be dangerous, but he was bright, could have been a great asset. Today conversation turned to the news, nothing to say really, he handed over the paper for the crossword. Black looked at it curiously, the front cover, shaking his head:
‘I honestly look forward to these visits minister,’
Cornelius laughed, ‘I do suppose there is little else to look forward to,’ he muttered light-heartedly, smiling at the prisoner and shaking him by the hand.
‘Until we meet again or so the cliché goes…’ Sirius turned to the paper as the minister gathered his officials and left. Buffoon, he thought as he carelessly leafed through the pages, waiting to be sure the minister’s crowd had gone, then turning to stare at the front again.

Pettigrew! The rat, quite literally, there in front of him, Sirius snarled at the picture of the happy family, waving and smiling and the rat on the boy’s shoulder. Scanning through the article, he found something that made him cling to an idea, the boy was returning to Hogwarts, with him the rat would go. A plan began to form in his mind as he doodled on the floor of his cell in the sand: A moon, Moony; A stag, Prongs with an girl next to him; A dog, himself, small and insignificant; and A rat, Wormtail with a dagger in his heart.

Moony, he scrawled around the edge of the paper,
I have found him now, I promise, once I have done this I will find you. But first I must go Marauding alone, my final task and then…I feel so much hate burn inside of me as I sit here and watch the grinning family with their smug pet rat. Him Moony, I promise you it was him and now for all of us, I will escape, I have a plan please wait for me, please here me tonight when I howl to the moon for you, please hear me then. Look for me, I will return.

I feel so much stronger now, the wind is not so harsh as I look across the sea, I could swim that, in one form, I am sure, and then

Sirius looked up, it was true, he was starting to feel alive again, he was mad, blood was cursing through him as he thought, it was so simple, all too simple perhaps. Not yet, he must gather strength and then soon he would be ready, soon he would be free. He was no longer so alone, inside he felt some comfort that 12 years in prison could not take away. He would be ready and he would get revenge, apologise and leave, they could have him then. That was all he needed.

----------------------------------------

Remus Lupin woke up from a dream, sweating and shaking, he was weak couldn’t focus on what had just happened. There had been happiness, something that felt quite alien to him and something else that in its existence made him happy, something he just couldn’t remember.

Sighing he lay back down, life itself was always too much of a struggle that it was nice for there to be a moment of unearned happiness. Now, he couldn’t believe it, he had a proper respectable job, Dumbledore had asked him to teach and he had had to think about it, he didn’t like the pitty that followed him around any more than the disgust, but a job was a job and at Hogwarts too, how that place held memories. Him and the Marauders, their fun and mischief, their pranks and the truly dangerous things that they did.

How much he missed them, how much James did for him, and Sirius, he didn’t think that too often. But how he missed Sirius. That always joyful presence, the ability to make him do the craziest thing, his smile and the look in his eyes, how he imagined Azkaban had made that go. What would be left of him now, surely there would be none of the arrogant beauty, none of the playful mischief, what would it be like to meet him again. How would he, the thinker react if he saw him again. Not since a whole year before the incident. So long and no word, that final, fateful note ‘I am compelled to leave’ it said, but what did that mean?

I don’t hate him, Remus thought, I miss him. Hogwarts will be painful, it is crammed with 7 years of memories and there will be no escape from them. Only six weeks to go, a summer of loneliness before his life would change. But how much, that he didn’t know.

That was it, the dream, Sirius had been there. He was tired and old but happy, newly invigorated. It was a long time since he had thought about his old lover but dreams had a knack of forcing things upon him.

You're quite the writer, XjainaX!

Jesus. You sound just like J.K. Still not crazy about the remus/Sirius thing but its still amazing!

I was amazing. I really like your story even though it is kind of weird still, but it is really good.

but remus already has someone-its tonks-do something with sirius cause thats fresh and original

dube shush about the tonks thing - they've not met yet, it is possible that even in the mind of the great jk that he dated others before tonks...

im not saying she ment for the guys but.... hey we can all write as we want

i think what shes trying to say is that Remus is straight lol

how would you kno? he could be bi - thats how i see him so thats how i write him, adds deapth to the problem that tonks has in bk 6 in getting him to say yes, i think it has to be more than just warewolf problems that makes him doubt for so long. I read it that JK has him battling something deeper, i.e. his feelings for women/men and trying to work that out.

why else would he not go out with her after (presumably) an incident between the two that convinces tonks that she likes/loves him and he back at her, unless there was history or no feelings on his half which there obviously isn't by the end of bk 6



but this afterall suggesting that JK's characters have deapth which i do doubt at times, well most of the time... lol

i dont think that. I was trying to help you understand what OhILuvHP said. That could be.

lol cant wait till you post more

i think it was really gr8 althogh i gotta admit i tthought id neva read a Remus and Sirius fic. but it was so good and i hope to read some more soon lol.

it kinda makes me wanna write a fic on just Sirius on how he got to Godrics Hollow and finds Lily and James dead and how he landed himself into Azkaban Prison and of how he escaped and eventually ends up dying but with him not going out with anyone and how he stumbles upon Harry.

ye its like i said ur story is just so unreal. i really like it

Originally posted by XjainaX
dube shush about the tonks thing - they've not met yet, it is possible that even in the mind of the great jk that he dated others before tonks...

im not saying she ment for the guys but.... hey we can all write as we want

oh yeah.....i know they havent met yet. but i was just saying that someone should write about sirius because we havent heard anything about him (besides you story) and remus/tonks are together-but its TRUE.....jk could have meant for remus to have dated someone before. i was just saying that about sirius. anyways, you should keep going. i dont care what you write about cause your a really good writer!

yah. you are a truly great writer!! i see why you might think that lupin is bi or whatever but why did you put him with sirius? i just would have never thought he would like guys ( well i guess i really never thought any of them would but you know what i mean)

Sirius the way i see him at school is the hottest guy who flits with everyone, male and female but thats only to hide how he feels inside, i guess that if any of the characters in HP are gay, it would have to be him - if i try to see him with female OC, it just dusnt work. Either he never dated or he is gay!

are you going to post soon

ye i cant wait to c wat happens next

soon.....sooon

sp_ike

Originally posted by XjainaX
Sirius the way i see him at school is the hottest guy who flits with everyone, male and female but thats only to hide how he feels inside, i guess that if any of the characters in HP are gay, it would have to be him - if i try to see him with female OC, it just dusnt work. Either he never dated or he is gay!

ok yeah i guess you are right. i cant really see him having a girlfriend. and you should post! your writing is excellent!

well it is soon in a long time sort of way, NEW CHAPTER NEW CHAPTER i am very excited by this one, it is just a little weird, the things i do when i don't want to write my personal statement, lol.... so here it is... in all its shiny greatness...

Spies

I don’t believe I’m writing this. Always you felt that things needed to be written down, I was content to smile and speak. I would be happy now if it weren’t for you suddenly being on my mind. I dreamt first that you were happy, or at least motivated to do something and the next time I hear of you, it is in the news, every paper muggle and wizard saying that you’re mad and escaped. I think of you so much this summer, but before I had forgotten; you were gone but you are back again.

I can never tell you how much I hated you back then when you left, seeing the others, I know you did. But you didn’t trust me: that hurt and I hated you for it. For so many years I could think of you in red light burning you up for the pain that you caused me for killing them. But now I find that I cannot recall that hate, I no longer want to see you dead. I think now, finally after all these years – I miss you.

All the years without you have been so lonely- can you imagine me like that. So cold, so lonely inside. I tried so many things. I had a band, a muggle group called Wolf, we rocked, you would have loved the stuff we played, old tunes that everyone knows. It was a laugh – I think that was the only time I felt I had friends, people who cared for me as the person, people who looked out for Remus. But then it went wrong, I started taking drugs. Simple, there I’ve said it, told you clean out. I took drugs, not so innocent now. They messed with my warewolfness I was free at night but after coming back, it was worse than ever before, the pain, it hurt too much but the drug was good – I was so alive.

I gave it all up, came back to my senses when two of the other band members were arrested. I didn’t want anything like that. I just wanted my freedom. Years alone after that, dead end job following loneliness, dreams were gone, Hogwarts, you, James, it all faded into a dreamlike memory. I hated life. One of those things, depression, that’s what they call it, a disease, an illness. I needed help. I think then it was that I saw it all differently. I lay on the grass, in any old field, drunk but peaceful – I never was a violent drunk. And then I just saw it – how great everything looked. How I could see so much more than was actually there, I decided to write, ‘A Spy On The World’. I was suddenly as thought the world was drawn in colour, I could smile and look at other people around me, not hide away, and I could write. So I wrote and I kept on at it, and here I am. Happy for once to be alive.

You wouldn’t recognise me, I’m not the kid I used to be, I’m stronger than before, and just a nicer person. I think that I have finally grown up, and I know you’ll find that hard to read but I never was as mature as you all though. I was just filling a role, you befriended me and I saw you needed a mature friend, I was so much younger inside that any of you, I was always so jealous of your sophisticated nature. Of the way you could flirt with anyone, girl or boy, of how much you knew of the ways of the world. I was never as old as you were at 12 not even leaving school. How did this all happen?

I’m writing to a convict, my ex-lover, best friend, the murderer of my only other friends, the only person who understood me then. Why? I’m not even going to send this, how could I? I don’t know where you are or how you have changed. I have to destroy this letter over every word I have thought so hard; I will put you behind me forever now. I fly solo, no shadow at my side, no ghost over my shoulder, no skeletons in my closet. I am to finally become a respectable man and no Hedda Gabler can bring me down (I know how you loved the play with its wrath and scheming, you always were the male Hedda, and I poor Eilert whose heart you have broken, but you cannot kill me).

Hogwarts, Padfoot – remember what that place meant to us, our home for the childhood I should never have had. Too many memories will haunt me, that is why it is good that I have thrown you off like this and moved on. I go to teach my friend, I am a teacher. You would laugh now, I just think if you had not done it all what fun we would have here as I prepare, you tease me on my proffessorlyness, and I hide from you. Gosh, I love that dream but I know it is not you. It is the man of my imagination, who is scared away by those photos of you now, the daemon staring out of them. I still hide.

I won’t burn this, I can’t. I will leave it here on the table. I can pretend I have left it for you to read, I haven’t moved house, you know where I live. I know you won’t come but a small part of me wants to see you again. Padfoot, how do you do this to me, I hate you!

So this is it, no parchment left, I say hello, goodbye, I hate.

Moony


_________________________________________



Sirius stepped into the light, above him streetlamps burnt as the great dog padded through the muggle estate. Looking, prowling, hunting for a familiar sight. Up above, a commotion, screaming and shouting. Sirius saw a shape heading into the sky, a large balloon screaming up above him, suspiciously like a human figure. He slowly stalked on down the road. He was close to his prey.

Hiding silently in the bushes, a wiry figure ran towards him. Sirius started, James? The boy was so alike; in the light, it could easily have been a ghost of his old friend running through the night. Sirius stepped out of his hiding place, he wanted to see clearly, this boy, he couldn’t be, not the child, Harry, the angel baby he had seen last 12 years ago, grown up and so close to blossoming. Stepping forward again, the boy saw him and fell, tripping up behind him, falling ad stretching out onto the road, his wand. Sirius felt fear for the boy, he was all alone, why, why did no one look out for his godson? Where was the carer he deserved, in Azkaban for the last 12 years, he felt so guilty, turning to run that he promised himself to do it all. Everything he should have done, all that caring, all that love, he had to be there.

Padding back into the bushes as the Knight bus arrived. Slinking off to sleep. He had done what he wanted, he had seen, just seen him. The boy that lived. The boy that was so often cursed in Azkaban, the boy he had a duty to protect, the boy he had failed. Sirius needed to sleep away; tomorrow he would start to head upward. North to Hogwarts.

Passing by a village one lunchtime, Sirius chanced upon an idea. Lolloping up towards some young children, he barked and chased his tail.
‘Doggy,’ one girl cried out.
‘Pwitty dog, woof,’ her friend agreed as she sprinkled him in crumbs. Sirius barked and bounded up into the middle of a group of eating children being immediately rewarded by the many offerings given, sandwiches, biscuits, and fruit. Sirius smiled and played for his meal before bounding off down the road when the children ran out of food. Listening to calls of ‘ here boy’ ‘come back doggie’ ‘doggy, doggy, woof, woof’ as he fled their grasping hands.

As the countryside became more rugged and the hills became more painful, Sirius began to realise where he was. There was only one other person he cared about, only one other face he wanted to see. The last known residence of Remus Lupin had been on the outskirts of the small town of Leek. Sirius thought he could see the shapes of familiar hills forming around him. The little cottage in the hills, he could surely find that, and…

And what, confront Moony, a fully armed wizard? He would be gone before he could explain a thing, how would Moony have changed over the last years apart, he would have someone else, he wouldn’t even live here any more. But still. One little detour, look through the window, hope to see his face, his beauty. And then run.

Sirius found the house, no problem. Same as always, perfect, home. There was the door with the marks from the wolf and his dogged companion; there was the small carving of the two of them as one still by the door, why? That was odd, had he not moved on, was there still a part of him that hoped for him, Sirius wondered. Through the window, he could see nothing; there was no one there. Silently he pushed the backdoor, open as always, Sirius hurried back, he couldn’t. Nevertheless, he had entered so many houses undetected to steal a little food; he just wanted to see inside. No one would know. He stepped in.

Bare and natural, some people never change. Sirius froze, there, on the table just in front, a piece of parchment. Addressed, labelled, sealed, to him. Sirius trembling reached out a hand, he felt cold, shaking all over, he wondered if it were a trap, what this meant. He felt like a spy on his most daring mission, terrified. He grasped at the letter in both hands, sliding his finger under the seal, careful not to disturb it too much. He closed his eyes and then, sighing opened them, preparing for the worst. He read.







isn't this great, i even managed to bring dear old Hedda into this, good play btw if you ever want something to read. too much suspense and i can't write suspenders well... lol...love you and leave y'all

That was brillant. Post more soon

that was so so so so very very very good. no it was gr8 and just so brilliant. i just cannot wait until u post more. this is one of the best stories i have ever read. plz post more soon

I L-O-V-E IT!!! IT IS SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD!!!!

its great!!! keep it up! AWESOME!!!!!


by the way....i DO agree with you when you said you see sirius as being the hott guy at school

once again your story is brilliant!!!! great job!


yeah Sirius definitely does seem like he would be just gorgeous!

are you going to post soon

i'm super busy atm, been awayish all last week and am now just about to walk out of the door - i will really try to write something soon
xx

please writ more

its just so good! i luv it and i think im even starting to become a Sirius/Remus shipper. plz write again soon.

ok, i'm back from the far reaches beyond where i have been and should be writing and posting sometime soon - just once i recapture that train...........

Yay! till then!

sorry about the huge wait - and its not even a spectacular chapter - sweet but not great



Temptation

Sirius looked about him, the forest, his home for the past few months, he knew it well. Something was happening, stirring; tonight was the night as he felt it. Sooner or later. And where was that cat, Krookshanks, his only friend for the year, he needed to know what was happening, and he needed food. How would he have coped without the cat he didn’t know, friend now though and most useful.

There – Harry Potter, his godson running out and across the lawn in front of the castle, now or never, strike the ginger boy and off – Harry had to follow, he wouldn’t leave a friend in danger. Off into the shrieking shack, only then it crossed his mind, maybe this was wrong, ah well, nothing for it now, he had to talk.

How did this happen? The most wonderful reunion and at the same time it hurt – so many years without human contact, it was almost too much. Harry, he had tried to fight, he had tried to turn him down and kill him. But that wasn’t why he was buzzing – Remus, Moony, he had been there. Standing in the doorframe, my saviour, saved me from the boy before he maimed me, without talking to me he understood. He held me; his touch was electric, so long and so cool – like he had forgotten me. He was still the same taking all the time in the world to explain a simple event where Sirius would just have acted – the boy, Harry, he believed – that was a blessing too but to be honest Sirius didn’t care too much for him, his mind focused on Remus for the whole time, wanting to talk to him alone – needing him now.

He remembered the letter he had read – and carefully replaced – it said there that he cared for me and that he thought me guilty. Sirius so wanted to asking about its content – it had worried him all year, who was he now? A druggie, a drunk a sophisticated writer and teacher? All the glimpses of him had been of a handsome maturity but no odd behaviour. There wasn’t time, how much had been wasted when they were young – and he didn’t have the time to do more than apologise and cry. As Sirius chased him in dog-form through the woods, he was taken back to their childhood, Sirius touched him calmingly, stroking his faced, wrestling him to the floor – the wolf fought back hard, untamed for years, he didn’t want it and Sirius cried inside.

And then he was caught – there was the almost kiss – he nearly died, he remembered thinking to himself as I tried to fight it off ‘he doesn’t hate me, he doesn’t hate me’ it wasn’t a strong enough conviction. But somehow the boy, Harry managed to save them – he is remarkable, so Sirius can sit and contemplate upon the pain that he faces in living so unsure.

___________________________________________

Padfoot,
Sorry, I hope I can make it up to you some day. I want to talk to you sometime, but I promise as I did last night I BELIEVE YOU. Please accept my apology.

Moony

Moony,
My friend, no problem, of course I believe you and accept the apology. It is me who should apologise – I am sorry for the years of uncertainty and worry I hope you did not feel but know you did because of your wonderful caring nature. I would love to talk with you at some point, I must say, however, that I am still a convict and that sitting in a coffee shop is a little difficult for me at times. By the way, you looked like you’ve been keeping well.

Padfoot

Padfoot,
Thank you for being sweet – as funny as always, the little comedian. Feel free to come by my house at any time – I haven’t moved, too much trouble. You don’t have to apologise to me, my problems from the last 12 years were not down to you – it’s just my nature to take things badly. I feel so sorry for you having spent so long alone, you looked surprisingly real and normal when we met, not like those demonic photos of you in the news, well sort of like them – but better, honestly. Have you been reading the news? You are such a wonderful celebrity!

Moony

Moony,
Yes, I love to read my life story printed inside the papers, they don’t exaggerate or make anything up. I really am an evil murderer and bastard from the worst family in existence

P

Moony,
So sorry for writing what I just wrote I don’t mean it, honestly, ignore my spite. I will just curl up here and cry for a while. I would love to come to your house some day – not just yet though – I’m still too far north enjoying a mountainous summer, not to give away my location. Problems? Am I supposed to worry about your health beyond the furry problem? Please don’t be ill, I’m going to have to come down and visit you sooner than I thought of before. I just thought I would tell you – I am writing to Harry, telling him I will look after him from a distance as his rightful guardian. I am so mature and grown up aren’t I.

Padfoot xx

Padfoot,
You really are a changed man! But I still love you. Problems – just some drugs here and clinical depression there, please don’t worry. I’m fine at the moment, flying through life, minus the fact that I have just become unemployed again, that’s due to the furry problem. Harry needs a friend so that is wonderful that you’ll be there for him – you were always a great friend, and more.
I can’t wait for your visit, I have cake especially for you when you come, or will have.

Moony xx

that's good and funny

Thats really good!