Name a number between 1 to 10

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Twilight Janick
Chapter 1: How to recruit a dysfunctional team

Cardassian producers seek six teams in order to produce the TV show, aired on Cardassian and Elven TV, "Name a number between 1 and 10". The rules concerning the teams are made as such that all 3 team members should be people who have either physical, behavorial or mental handicaps, with zero or one of these having physical disabilities. They found five of them for the July 1st show in the evening. The Cardassians told themselves that at least 1 of these teams must be Canadian for it is held in their national day.

Yvan: And if we used out our own G-wing students?

Sasakik: Please explain what the G-wing is to me.

I explained to the producer of the show that the G-wing is where all students with mental disabilities are housed in Yvan's school. The producers of the show often recruited their teams several weeks or months in advance, the average delay being 6 to 8 weeks. At this time, we're April 30th (the limit day in Quebec for tax reports). If they were to participate on the First of July, they would have to wait about 9 weeks to do so.

Sasakik: Agreed. You have three days to find three mentally handicapped students and send the list to me.

Chapter 2: The Legend of the G-wing

I made a tour of the G-wing classes, often facing the bad behaviors of the students entrenched there. Some others have mental disabilities other than behavior. This was pretty difficult to have students interested into it, but I got two students by luring them (promising the money go to them when it actually goes into the school's alien bank account, from which I am the custodian).

Yvan: You're aware that you are participating into a TV show specifically made for people like you. The team must be comprised of three people who have physical, behavorial or mental disabilities. And you have those. Now, I'm your coach. My name is Yvan. You may call me coach or Yvan.

The two students I succeeded to make them into the team are people who are nowhere near me when it comes to math (I am a straight A student, following pre-calculus class) and who wish to have their "15 minutes of glory", though their match may be shorter than that. Their names: David and Julianne.

Julianne: Coach, when are we going to go on TV?

Yvan: On July 1st.

David (singing the national anthem of Canada): O Canada! Our home and Native land...

Yvan: David, you seem a little bit too patriotic unless you wish to sing that on TV after our victory.

Julianne: Why are you so confident that you will win? We will almost certainly lose!

Yvan: I never thought our victory would be so easy, Julianne. Our opponents are just about like you both, ready to make follies out of the show and/or the audience. Name a number between 1 and 10.

David: Six.

Julianne: That's not it! Two would have done as well. And you seem like if you have too much energy. So you just run three times around the soccer field, David.

David suffers from an ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder), though it is not a complete hyperactivity. Julianne always has the habit of opposing almost everything. These two things enter the Cardassians' list of behavorial troubles.

Chapter 3: How to fake an impairment

I realized that the Cardassians counted any sensitive disability as a physical disability. So, since I didn't have three players to coach, I'll play as the third player. So I will try to do as though I had visual problems when the producer will come back. He did that two days after I found these two students.

Sasakik: Did you find interesting contestants?

Yvan: Yes, I did. I am autistic person myself.

Sasakik: Good! See you on July 1st!

Chapter 4: Julianne's other trouble

Julianne: I know you know some things about math.

Yvan: How I can be of service?

Julianne: You have a power level I don't have!

Yvan: I got it! It's like if you wish me to use my powers to get whatever info you need. But sorry, I deny your request.

Julianne is anxious because she will get to have her first training session with me as her coach. We're both waiting after David, for he is still running his silencing three laps of the school.

Julianne: I assume you know about the kinds of champagne.

Yvan: What I know about champagne is limited to the zone in France champagne is produced and the methods: traditional and Charmat.

David completes his silencing three laps and then enters the room where we both are.

David (grunting): I'd like to know about the principles of the show.

Yvan: I think the opponents we will have would be likely to do some follies, especially if they are just as dysfunctional as we are.

Julianne: We can expect a tournament. If we win here, we will be invited to a 2nd round. And the 2nd round, only the producers know when we will pass, if we were to play a 2nd round.

Chapter 5: Follies of the Opponents

Julianne: I decided, as a player, to contribute to the team by showing you the 1st match aired with Sasakik as the host (and referee).

So Sasakik was both the host and the producer.


Sasakik: We have Norbert Halverd, Nekogal Bone and Natasha LeClair from Nyoabek. Nekogal is blind, the other two suffer from brain damage that made them mad people. And on the other side, we have Reteul the paranoid, Atriel the one with cerebral palsy and Younese the hyperactive. This is the Shakuras Asylum team.

Natasha trips on the button.

Sasakik: Natasha's turn.

Natasha: How many cream pies do you need to win?

Sasakik: Right of counterpart to the other team.

Atriel: I am paraplegic, so I can't use my legs to count.

Sasakik: Nyoabek team.

Nekogal: Let's say we have six pies.

Sasakik: We have a victor!

Nekogal: I meant sixty. So the game continues.

Reteul: I'm afraid the other team will try to kill me if I win, so I'd try anyway. My life has been wasted as it is, so I'd try eight.

Sasakik: The Shakuras team wins!

Chapter 6: Twisted training

Yvan: I agree that many teams will do follies, but, please, don't make fools of yourselves on stage. We will have a clear shot at the second round. If we win it out from here, and each other round afterwards, then we will have a shot to the grand prize: the sum of all the prizes won by our opponents and by our opponents' opponents.

Julianne: The day we will win, it is only because our opponents will do a large mass of follies.

David: But will we be able to sing our national anthem?

Yvan: I told you before, only in case of victory. But now, back to business. Let's assume Julianne is a team and David, the other. Name a number from one through 10.

David: Eight!

Chapter 7: The national anthem

David feels that this day is the ONE day that will change his life. It will change his life if he wins. Or, should I say, we win. I first thought that founding such a team is a challenge because behavior troubles would change a team's success on stage. I though that pitting my own behavior-trouble team against the team of the sitcom Le coeur a ses raisons (Love has its reasons), aired in Quebec's TVA, would be a fair match not because behavior-trouble people are stupid, but because of their attitude.

David: I can't wait to be on stage! O Canada! Our home and native land!

Yvan: I'll let you continue because you need practice. I am confident that our victory is at hand. We're one week away from our show, I'll let you do.

That WAS the calming trick! If we let David sing the national anthem until the end, he will surely calm himselfafterwards. Of course, Julianne is not there, for she is too busy celebrating the Saint-Jean-Baptiste (St.John-the-Baptist; another Catholic holiday and the name given to Quebec's National Holiday) in the Parc Lafontaine (Lafontaine Park) of Montreal.

Chapter 8: The first round

We are July 1st, on Cardassia II. Stage personnel explained us where we should be.

Sasakik: We're back to Name a number between 1 and 10! We have David Miller, an hyperactive person, Julianne Paquette and Yvan Ung, two autists, from Earth, and Zanki, Links and Destroyer, three hyperactive persons from Opusab. You know the rules, so let's play!

David trips on the button.

Sasakik: David's turn.

David: Eight.

Sasakik: The Terran team is the winner!

David: O Canada! Our home and native land! True patriot love in all thy sons command. With glowing hearts we see thee rise, the True North strong and free! From far and wide, O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. God keep our land glorious and free! O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

Twilight Janick

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