My Stuff

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Xirius
Hey, I haven't written much poetry in a while, but I have a few written.

My first one, like many of my poems, is untitled.
I wrote this the first time I fell in love, with a girl who didnt love me, about a year ago.




I want to jump for joy, to shout her name,
to express my feelings without shame,
But through my fear, within my doubt,
I fail to leap, I do not shout.
Because I know, or more, I fear,
that should her feelings be made clear,
my worst predictions will come true,
the pain might be less if I only knew.
But my doubt grows as time moves by,
and deep inside, I weep, I cry.
And though we may never be together, I wll always care for my beautiful girl.
No.........not mine,
Always beautiful,
.....never mine.



Ill post more when I have time.

Xirius
Ok, here's another one, also un-named.


Please don't be sad, shed no more tears,
don't let your happiness be destroyed by your fears.
Don doubt your heart, it will show you what's right,
it will bring a new dawn from the darkest night.
Don't blame yourself for the way that you feel,
don't look with dread to what you see as the end.
To help reassure you, I'll make you this deal,
I will always be here when you need a friend.

SelphieT
I really liked both!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! very nice, smile

Xirius
Ok, here's one I wrote about a year ago when I accidentally started a large debate on the subject. About 30 or 40 people held one opinion, and only a friend of mine and I held the other.
That what inspired this. smile

The Truth.

I know it is true, beyond other's belief,
The joy that it brings is worth all the grief.
Others may mock, they may laugh and scorn
but through my belief I will not be forlorn.
And though it may one day cause my heart to break,
I will stay in defence for as long as I can take.
I''ll stand tall and proud for as long as I can,
because Wolverine will never beat Spider-man.


stick out tongue I'm a nerd, I admit it.
Needless to say, the feeelings in the poem were exaggerated for effect.

good times though......

Coldfire
Nice stuff happy

Because I can
just good stuff? Dude, this is..... touching stick out tongue (dont take it that way...)
it really is good. Who cares if your a nerd: "to express my feelings without shame" big grin wear it loud and proud. stick out tongue this is really really really good poetry... (shuddup, i'm always like this when good poetry has been read..)

Xirius
Thanks, I appreciate your opinions!

Opaleye92
eek! they are all soooo good! The first 2 made me wanna cry sad , i love them all! The 3 was funny laughing , and come on it doesn't matter if ur a nerd or not, we all have our nerdy moments geek , i seem to have many nerdy moments.

Xirius
Ok, this one is very special to me, I wasnt going to post it at first.
Its a poem I wrote for a girl in my class who died about 14 months ago.
For the sake of respect and privacy, Im going to change the name in the poem.


A smile on her face,
Though she smiles no more,
We wish and we long
For the way it was before.

Her energy, her joy
When she talked and she laughed.
All the smiles on her face
Now on photographs.

She taught us a lesson,
I hope we never forget,
To live life to the fullest,
To live without regret.

Though we cry and we mourn,
And the pain may not end,
We love her, we miss her,
Angela Dolan, our friend.

Rest in peace, Angela.

SelphieT
that last one was incredible....this girl, Emily, I won't say her last name, died about at most 5 months ago, and I couldn't believe someone with so much life like her was just.........gone. I know what you're feeling, you're not alone.

Xirius
Ok, here's another one.

Invisible Mirror

My faults and flaws now revealed,
Stinging like wounds not yet healed.
And not just the flaws displayed on the outside,
faults so deep, I wish I could just die.
Like a mirror that I cannot see,
In all I do, you blindly torment me.
Lonelier than when I'm on my own,
I'm most unhappy, when talking to you, on the phone.

SelphieT
on the phone.......interesting.....*scratches chin*

Rare__Fox
Woot they rock..why so sad Xirius ??do you need a hug??sad

Xirius
Originally posted by Rare__Fox
Woot they rock..why so sad Xirius ??do you need a hug??sad

Thanks, I appreciate the input. I'm not sad, but I won't say no to a hug.

SelphieT
Originally posted by Xirius
Thanks, I appreciate the input. I'm not sad, but I won't say no to a hug.

ZOMBIE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!

silver_tears
Originally posted by Xirius
Hey, I haven't written much poetry in a while, but I have a few written.

My first one, like many of my poems, is untitled.
I wrote this the first time I fell in love, with a girl who didnt love me, about a year ago.




I want to jump for joy, to shout her name,
to express my feelings without shame,
But through my fear, within my doubt,
I fail to leap, I do not shout.
Because I know, or more, I fear,
that should her feelings be made clear,
my worst predictions will come true,
the pain might be less if I only knew.
But my doubt grows as time moves by,
and deep inside, I weep, I cry.
And though we may never be together, I wll always care for my beautiful girl.
No.........not mine,
Always beautiful,
.....never mine.



Ill post more when I have time.

Not to offend you or anything because I adore him, but this reminds me of Dr.Seuss. *faved*

Xirius
Originally posted by silver_tears
Not to offend you or anything because I adore him, but this reminds me of Dr.Seuss. *faved*

Really? Dr. Seuss?..................I mean, the guy was a genius and all at writing but thats not exactly what I was going for when I wrote it.....

Xirius
Originally posted by SelphieT
ZOMBIE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dont act like you dont love them!!

silver_tears
It's the rhyming which I think is fabulous, especially:

Xirius
Originally posted by silver_tears
It's the rhyming which I think is fabulous, especially:

O..........k, I choose to take it as a compliment........ confused

silver_tears
It is, like I said, I love Dr.Seuss big grin

Xirius
Ok, thanks big grin

Coldfire
I don't think it reminds me of Dr. Seuss (even though he is genius), but good stuff big grin

Xirius
A new one. (I know it's been a while, when I have more time I'll post up more)


I wander over scorching sands,
The sun too bright to see.
No oases, no promised lands,
No salvation for me.

The vultures circle overhead,
Their shrieking fills the air.
I know I am as good as dead,
I break down in despair.

I close my eyes and wait for death,
And give a final sigh,
And with that final, depressed breath,
I fin my peace.......and die?

My eyes snap open suddenly,
Adjusting to the light.
What is that sound that revived me?
It lies just out of sight.

I stumble from my chosen grave,
Just following this sound,
And come across a hidden cave,
That leads into the ground.

I enter it and lie within,
Embracing it's cool shade.
I hear the vultures cry, and grin,
As fear begins to fade.

I journey on and realise,
The cavern's dark and deep.
I strike a match, and then my eyes
Reveal coyotes, all asleep.

The sound's source now revealed to me,
My puzzle solved at last,
I run away to safety,
Praying they won't be too fast.

But then they wake and start to chase,
My prayer's amount to naught.
Before too long, they win the race,
They pounce and I am caught.

When they surround I know I'm dead,
But find that I'm not sad.
Still one thought just won't leave my head;
Those vultures won't so bad.....

Xirius
Dammit, I only just noticed the mistake in the last line ^

That should be "weren't", not "won't" Oooops.

Selina*Starfire
Wow. Your stuff is...beautiful. Just beautiful. That's all I can say- I'm speechless. embarrasment Wow.

Xirius
Thanks, that means a lot. big grin

Selina*Starfire
Welcome. smile Your stuff is truly amazing. yes

AOR
Originally posted by TheMercurial
A new one. (I know it's been a while, when I have more time I'll post up more)


I wander over scorching sands,
The sun too bright to see.
No oases, no promised lands,
No salvation for me.

The vultures circle overhead,
Their shrieking fills the air.
I know I am as good as dead,
I break down in despair.

I close my eyes and wait for death,
And give a final sigh,
And with that final, depressed breath,
I fin my peace.......and die?

My eyes snap open suddenly,
Adjusting to the light.
What is that sound that revived me?
It lies just out of sight.

I stumble from my chosen grave,
Just following this sound,
And come across a hidden cave,
That leads into the ground.

I enter it and lie within,
Embracing it's cool shade.
I hear the vultures cry, and grin,
As fear begins to fade.

I journey on and realise,
The cavern's dark and deep.
I strike a match, and then my eyes
Reveal coyotes, all asleep.

The sound's source now revealed to me,
My puzzle solved at last,
I run away to safety,
Praying they won't be too fast.

But then they wake and start to chase,
My prayer's amount to naught.
Before too long, they win the race,
They pounce and I am caught.

When they surround I know I'm dead,
But find that I'm not sad.
Still one thought just won't leave my head;
Those vultures won't so bad.....

laughing i hope you do not find me cynical, or offended if I took your poem the wrong way, but this made me laugh. Your rhyming scheme is impressive. Your meters seem very well balanced, and the topics are spread all over the field making your poems a delight to read. Granted so few one finishes quickly, but regardless of the quantity the quality makes me read over and over again...

TheMercurial
Originally posted by AOR
laughing i hope you do not find me cynical, or offended if I took your poem the wrong way, but this made me laugh. Your rhyming scheme is impressive. Your meters seem very well balanced, and the topics are spread all over the field making your poems a delight to read. Granted so few one finishes quickly, but regardless of the quantity the quality makes me read over and over again...

No offence taken at all, I wanted that poem to end on a slightly humourous-ish note.
Thanks, I appreciate the input!

AOR
Originally posted by TheMercurial
No offence taken at all, I wanted that poem to end on a slightly humourous-ish note.
Thanks, I appreciate the input!

Likewise I for yours. laughing I still read that poem and laugh. If ever we be famous for our poetry, we should rival each other. Not for the sake of seeing the other fall, but just for kicks and fun....

TheMercurial
Deal smile

TheMercurial
I wrote this about three minutes ago, about my grandmother who's dying. It's probably not great, because I wrote it an about ten minutes, but I'd appreciate some feedback or suggestions.

For Rita

As cold descends, and all sound leaves,
she moves towards the light.
While all around, my family grieves,
we know she's lost her fight.

But fight she did, she never bowed,
no sign of weakness was conveyed.
Her strength in life has made us proud,
though it's begun to fade....

In her time she has done so much,
her life was always full.
But as she falls to Death's cruel touch,
does it amount to null?

No. She herself has shown no fears,
but looks forward with hope.
So though I grieve, through falling tears,
I know that I will cope....

Kenshinswife
Geez, your poems are really something. its nothing short of great good job.

TheMercurial
Thanks, I'm glad you like them.

Selina*Starfire
Originally posted by TheMercurial
I wrote this about three minutes ago, about my grandmother who's dying. It's probably not great, because I wrote it an about ten minutes, but I'd appreciate some feedback or suggestions.

For Rita

As cold descends, and all sound leaves,
she moves towards the light.
While all around, my family grieves,
we know she's lost her fight.

But fight she did, she never bowed,
no sign of weakness was conveyed.
Her strength in life has made us proud,
though it's begun to fade....

In her time she has done so much,
her life was always full.
But as she falls to Death's cruel touch,
does it amount to null?

No. She herself has shown no fears,
but looks forward with hope.
So though I grieve, through falling tears,
I know that I will cope....

This is really pretty... Nothing I can say can do it justice, though. confused

AOR
Originally posted by TheMercurial
I wrote this about three minutes ago, about my grandmother who's dying. It's probably not great, because I wrote it an about ten minutes, but I'd appreciate some feedback or suggestions.

For Rita

As cold descends, and all sound leaves,
she moves towards the light.
While all around, my family grieves,
we know she's lost her fight.

But fight she did, she never bowed,
no sign of weakness was conveyed.
Her strength in life has made us proud,
though it's begun to fade....

In her time she has done so much,
her life was always full.
But as she falls to Death's cruel touch,
does it amount to null?

No. She herself has shown no fears,
but looks forward with hope.
So though I grieve, through falling tears,
I know that I will cope....

I critique with great respect to your grandmother. I too have written poetry for fallen comrades of mine. The beginning stanza does not flow smoothly and kicks the poem off a rocky start. The poem seems to be attempting archaic prose. Trust me, I do it all the times, but it is very difficult to keep the count that way when moving in and out of styles. I'm sure people tell you this, but rhyming isn't everything. It's more the shape and form of the poem then how it sounds.

But hey overall it's an amazing poem. Consider redoing it when you have the time, yes? I sometimes post down poems that took me five minute to write. That after about 30 seconds after posting them, I am rewriting them; fixing mistakes I couldn't believed I wrote.

TheMercurial
Originally posted by AOR
The beginning stanza does not flow smoothly and kicks the poem off a rocky start.

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. Can you explain where it doesn't seem to flow to you, because when I read through it in my head, it seems to fit. Is it any line in particular?

Originally posted by AOR
The poem seems to be attempting archaic prose. Trust me, I do it all the times, but it is very difficult to keep the count that way when moving in and out of styles.

I didnt set out to write it with any style in mind. I never do. I just sat down, and that's what came out so Im not entirely sure what you mean.
If you want to reply here or you could pm me, I'd like to discuss it some more, and Id appreciate any more input you have.

AOR
Originally posted by TheMercurial
Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. Can you explain where it doesn't seem to flow to you, because when I read through it in my head, it seems to fit. Is it any line in particular?



I didnt set out to write it with any style in mind. I never do. I just sat down, and that's what came out so Im not entirely sure what you mean.
If you want to reply here or you could pm me, I'd like to discuss it some more, and Id appreciate any more input you have.

As cold descends, and all sound leaves,
she moves towards the light.

9-7

While all around, my family grieves,
we know she's lost her fight.
11-7

The numbers are the "count" per lines. Your fist two line has 9 syllables followed by seven. Your second two lines have 11 in the fist sentence and then seven in the second. Like I said, it's a little off and starts off rocky. Maybe because I'm thinking of this:

The cold descends, and all sound leaves
as she moves slowly towards the light.
While all around, my family grieves,
for we know she's lost her fight.

It's not perfect but you see it moves roughly like a -~- poem. It helps the flow of the stanza. Because poetry, unlike music, can not be written to differing speeds. You may get readers who will look at it and understand a shift in pace, but not everyone diverges that much into the poem.
---------------------------------------------

But fight she did, she never bowed,
no sign of weakness was conveyed.
Her strength in life has made us proud,
though it's begun to fade....

I call this archaic style. Not that it is an ancient and old style, but the way it moves its subjects and verbs make it seem old. For example you say "fight she did, she never bowed" instead of "and yet she fought, she never bowed". I don't think it's wrong or makes the poem anything less. I personally agree that sometimes it is necessary to move subjects and verbs around to keep to the rhyming scheme. Which is why I say:

Originally posted by AOR
I'm sure people tell you this, but rhyming isn't everything. It's more the shape and form of the poem then how it sounds.

But yeah there's my two cents ermm

TheMercurial
Originally posted by AOR
As cold descends, and all sound leaves,
she moves towards the light.

9-7

While all around, my family grieves,
we know she's lost her fight.
11-7

The numbers are the "count" per lines. Your fist two line has 9 syllables followed by seven. Your second two lines have 11 in the fist sentence and then seven in the second. Like I said, it's a little off and starts off rocky. Maybe because I'm thinking of this:

The cold descends, and all sound leaves
as she moves slowly towards the light.
While all around, my family grieves,
for we know she's lost her fight.

It's not perfect but you see it moves roughly like a -~- poem. It helps the flow of the stanza. Because poetry, unlike music, can not be written to differing speeds. You may get readers who will look at it and understand a shift in pace, but not everyone diverges that much into the poem.


............Are you sure about that? Its seems to me that it's more like 8-6 for my first two lines, and 8-6/9-6 for my second two (depending on how you pronounce "family"wink I know that isn't exactly perfect, but I think it helps set out the rhythm of the rhyming scheme for the rest of the poem.
---------------------------------------------
Originally posted by AOR

But fight she did, she never bowed,
no sign of weakness was conveyed.
Her strength in life has made us proud,
though it's begun to fade....

I call this archaic style. Not that it is an ancient and old style, but the way it moves its subjects and verbs make it seem old. For example you say "fight she did, she never bowed" instead of "and yet she fought, she never bowed". I don't think it's wrong or makes the poem anything less. I personally agree that sometimes it is necessary to move subjects and verbs around to keep to the rhyming scheme. Which is why I say:


But yeah there's my two cents ermm

For some reason I just felt that "fight she did" emphasised what I was trying to say better. I try not to place too much emphasise on rhyme if it costs the poem it's rhythm though.

AOR
Originally posted by TheMercurial
............Are you sure about that? Its seems to me that it's more like 8-6 for my first two lines, and 8-6/9-6 for my second two (depending on how you pronounce "family"wink I know that isn't exactly perfect, but I think it helps set out the rhythm of the rhyming scheme for the rest of the poem.
---------------------------------------------


For some reason I just felt that "fight she did" emphasised what I was trying to say better. I try not to place too much emphasise on rhyme if it costs the poem it's rhythm though.

I guess I see. Granted it's hard to post poetry on the Internet since, like I said before, you can't really detail out how someone should read it, or pronounce certain words. Than again, you can argue that for practically every poem ever printed.


I see your point, I also emphasize certain words by switching word order. But I didn't quite see any emphasis in seeing that she fought till her dying breath. The only reason why I would remember the stanza is because it has different wording then the entire poem. Than you'd be debating consistency and I don't think I could right now faint...

vivando-loca
awesome poems. that's really all i can say. amazing, i totally enjoyed them. smile

keep up the great work!

TheMercurial
Rest in peace Rita. You are missed.

TheMercurial
This is something I wrote fairly recently. It's still a little rough, but I'll work on it some more.

In battle armour, tall and proud,
The gladiator stands.
He does not hear the thundrous crowd,
Nor feel the bone-dry sands.
His eyes seek only his next fight,
His shield and sword held high,
Though mortal he, he feels no fright,
His target finds his eye.

As he circles his hated foe,
His stance is safe and still.
But soon, for reasons he can't know,
His lust o'erwhelms his will.
He leaps with sudden bursts of speed,
Abandoning his shield,
With weight lost, his movements are freed,
His foe appears to yield.

The warrior abandons fear,
He lets his armour fall,
But things are not as they appear,
He has not won at all.
His opponent strikes, with strength unknown,
And deals a crippling blow.
The fighter falls on ground like stone,
And shameful tears soon flow.

Though the victor has been named,
And the noble knight has lost,
He feels his own haste should be blamed,
His grave injuries, the cost.
For one who fights without defense,
Who casts their shield aside,
Will always suffer their penance,
For their openness and pride.

But such brave knights will not refrain,
Only death can make them rest.
Gladly, they suffer through their pain,
For to them, it is a test.
Our hero's battles will restart,
Though his fate's not yet unfurled.
This warriors name, it is My Heart,
His foe is called The World.

AOR
Bravo, bravo, BRAVISSIMO!!!! clap

Another, another! What crime it is to deny your crowd another wonderful poem. Do not be cruel, nor denying, please another another! laughing

TheMercurial
Originally posted by AOR
Bravo, bravo, BRAVISSIMO!!!! clap

Another, another! What crime it is to deny your crowd another wonderful poem. Do not be cruel, nor denying, please another another! laughing

Thanks for the praise, I'd love to have more work to show, but unfortunately I've more or less entered the depressing stage of heartbreak, leaving the tragically inpsiring part behind.

Nice to know I have a fan though wink
When I have more to show, you'll see it.

AOR
Originally posted by TheMercurial
Thanks for the praise, I'd love to have more work to show, but unfortunately I've more or less entered the depressing stage of heartbreak, leaving the tragically inpsiring part behind.

Nice to know I have a fan though wink
When I have more to show, you'll see it.

I would recommend taking this time to explore the emotions of sadness as a way to conveying poetry. God knows how many times when I was feeling down, that merely writing something as humble as flowers, through the eyes of remorse, opened my mind to a different world. Granted it may not be for everyone, but I have come to love and appreciate the flower more for it's complexity in its seemingly simple nature. My prayers for your improvement. smile

TheMercurial
I know what you mean, depression and sadness have led to some of my best writing, I'm just at a point where I don't feel much like writing. It won't last for long though.
Thanks.

~Forever*Alone~
im sorry but i like your work. i am envious.

TheMercurial
Thanks big grin

AOR
Hey on a lighter note Happy thanksgiving. hope you stuffed yourself big grin

TheMercurial
Well, I'm Irish, so I don't have Thanksgiving, but thanks anyway, I hope yours was good!

faraday
Wow.
I love them all smile

faraday
Originally posted by TheMercurial
This is something I wrote fairly recently. It's still a little rough, but I'll work on it some more.

In battle armour, tall and proud,
The gladiator stands.
He does not hear the thundrous crowd,
Nor feel the bone-dry sands.
His eyes seek only his next fight,
His shield and sword held high,
Though mortal he, he feels no fright,
His target finds his eye.

As he circles his hated foe,
His stance is safe and still.
But soon, for reasons he can't know,
His lust o'erwhelms his will.
He leaps with sudden bursts of speed,
Abandoning his shield,
With weight lost, his movements are freed,
His foe appears to yield.

The warrior abandons fear,
He lets his armour fall,
But things are not as they appear,
He has not won at all.
His opponent strikes, with strength unknown,
And deals a crippling blow.
The fighter falls on ground like stone,
And shameful tears soon flow.

Though the victor has been named,
And the noble knight has lost,
He feels his own haste should be blamed,
His grave injuries, the cost.
For one who fights without defense,
Who casts their shield aside,
Will always suffer their penance,
For their openness and pride.

But such brave knights will not refrain,
Only death can make them rest.
Gladly, they suffer through their pain,
For to them, it is a test.
Our hero's battles will restart,
Though his fate's not yet unfurled.
This warriors name, it is My Heart,
His foe is called The World.

Love that one best big grin

SelphieT
Post more! shakefist

TheMercurial
You're not the boss of me!

SelphieT
Originally posted by TheMercurial
You're not the boss of me!

Well I am now! whip

You better learn to write good poetry under pressure!

TheMercurial
Originally posted by SelphieT
Well I am now! whip

You better learn to write good poetry under pressure!


Nu-uh!

SelphieT
It's been nearly a month. Post more stuffffff plzzzz

TheMercurial
Sorry, I've been reeeeeally busy. As soon as I write something, I'll post it.
By the way, I love the sig.

AOR
Merry Christmas!

TheMercurial
Thanks, Happy Holidays!

King of Blades
Any more poems, friend?

King of Blades
What of it now

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