harry potter and the attack of the death eaters

This is a story that popped into my mind. I will write more if anyone likes it. Hasn't got a name yet. I will think of one along the way. By the way, i am not jkrowling and have no warner bros rights. And, please pm me any suggestions, and tell me if i made errors. I would REALLY appreciate it.

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A boy with messy black hair, bent glasses, and worn clothes lay in a bed. He also had green eyes, but you could not tell because they were shut. On his dresser his snowy white owl Hedwig sat on her perch, with her head tucked under her wing. It was 11:59, in 1 minute, Harry Potter would be able to do magic. Then he could leave his aunt and uncles house, who had treated him worse than house elves his whole life. He was going to go to his best friend ron's house, and would probably stay there most of the summer. Then, when his friends when back to school..... BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. Harry Potter woke up from his bed with a start. Confused, he looked at the alarm clock. After about 15 seconds Harry realized he was a qualified wizard now.
He looked at Hedwig, whos amber eyes were wide open. He picked up his wand, and decided he would go to Rons right now. He flicked his wand, and all his contents flew into his trunk. He pointed his wand at the door, which shot open. He went downstairs, making no attemp to skip the last step, because he didn't care anymore. He heard Uncle Vernon shout, WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT!!!!!
He laughed to himself, then went to the front door. He pointed his wand at the door, and said quietly, alohomora . The door clicked then unlocked. Grinning because he could do these things, he stepped outside. He got to the driveway, then realized he had forgot something. accio firebolt he said. He heard a sound, then another one, which sounded like Uncle Vernon falling down the stairs. His magnifecent broom came zooming toward him. He was about to jump on it, when he decided he would go to Hermione's, because he had never been there, and then he might go to Ron's the next day. There was only one dilemma, he didn't no where that was. After thinking hard, he figured out he had no other choice. He waved his wand. A black bus appeared out of nowwhere. A sing attached to it said The knight Bus. A pretty girl stepped out. She had blond hair, around his age, and sky blue eyes. " Hi, welcome to the night bus" she said in a nervous voice. He waved his wand, saying locomotor trunk , and stepped inside the bus, controlling his trunk inside. He set it down, then flicked his wand, in which the trunk rose and pushed itself into the compartment above the seat. " You can stay on the bus for 10 sickles with a mug of hot chocolate, 12 with a toothbrush of your choice, or 8 for just the ride.""Last time I came prices were a bit higher" Harry said. " But i'm not going to complain." He lay on his bed, and realized he was already at Hermione's. He looked around the bus, and knowbody was there. Business must be bad, he thought.
He stepped out onto the driveway. It was a nice house. It had yellow siding, with red shutters. He went to the patio and rang the doorbell. He rang the doorbell twice, and nobody answered. He summoned a pair of extandabal ears from his trunk he stuck it under the door, and tried to listen. He heard nothing. Getting annoyed, he pointed his wand at the door, which clicked open. He walked inside the living room, to find a total mess. There tv was broken, cabinets split in half, there was nothing in site that had not been broken. He walked around, feeling bad.reparo he muttered at a stack of plates that had been broken. He knew it was no use, that he could do nothing. Angry, first that they had done this to there house, and that the death eaters had tryed to capture hermione to get to him. He walked outside, and angry jabbed his wand at his trunk and hedwigs cage. They dissappeared. He turned around real suddenly. He swore he heard some movement by the garage. Then he heard it again. Lumos! He saw a death eater, wearing an evil smile across his face. " Hello,Harry . I see you've met my...... friends." At that moment, about 20 wands ignited around him.

at least answer

It is not bad could use a little work on some grammer and stuff like that, which no one is perfect at. But overall not bad.

IM writing more now..... and everone is reading, please, post your replyies! I want to hear them bad!!!!!

He pulled out his wand, not fearing any fear, only anger. "Hello,Crabbe. Where's Hermione!" he demanded. " You better not have hurt her." he said, anger pulsing through his veins.
He waved his wand and thought in his head, levicorpus! Crabbe shot up, hanging from thin air. He pointed his wand at him and him and said, " if anyone attacks, I will apparate with him to the ministry. We will use Veriterasium on him, and i don't think you want that do you?" Harry said. He flicked his wand at Crabbe, who immdediately became as stiff as a board. With another wave, he fell to the ground. " Now, he pointed his illuminated wand at one of the death eaters. Come here, and put your wand down." he said commandingly. He reluctantly set his wand down, and walked towards harry. Harry waved his own wand, and the other one zoomed toward him. He pointed this wand at the death eater coming toward him, and the other at Crabbe. "Now, where is Hermione?" "I don't know, ask the others." "Your just not answering because you don't want the dark lord to punish you!" one death eater shouted. Then, before Harry could react, a jet of green light flew towards Crabbe and hit him in the chest. He turned over, dead. Then Harry spun on the spot and vanished into thin air.
Harry thrust open the door to the Leaky Cauldron. He sat down at the bar and ordered a butterbeer. He drank it fast and threw 3 sickles on the table. Then he went threw the next door, and said to the secretary, "I want todanger. Right after you left, about five death eaters appeared at our door. They demanded to know where you were. They took dudley, and threatened to kill him if we didn't find out where you are in five days. I want you to know that I am not a witch, but a magician. I cannot use wands, but can summon and control things. I can also teleport things like i did this letter. I refrained from using my magic, but now know it is for the best. I beg you to forgive me for all the cruel things i did do you. I guess I was jealous of your mother, as let me tell you, she had great talent. Please help save Dudley. Yours sincerely, Aunt petunia. rent a room for 3 days."
"Room #141 is open for a price at seven sickles a day which includes all meals with a queen bed, and a good view of Diagon Alley." He thanked the lady, took the key, and headed up to his room. He threw open the door, pointed his wand at a corner of the room, in which his trunk appeared. A wave and everything threw itself out, flying to handy spots. Then he laid down on his bed. He was thinking, when a letter suddenly appeared in thin air above him, and landed on his stomach. He opened the letter and read.

Dear Harry, I want you to know you are in grave danger

Sorry i messed it up.

"Room #141 is open for a price at seven sickles a day which includes all meals with a queen bed, and a good view of Diagon Alley." He thanked the lady, took the key, and headed up to his room. He threw open the door, pointed his wand at a corner of the room, in which his trunk appeared. A wave and everything threw itself out, flying to handy spots. Then he laid down on his bed. He was thinking, when a letter suddenly appeared in thin air above him, and landed on his stomach. He opened the letter and read.

I want you to know you are in grave todanger. Right after you left, about five death eaters appeared at our door. They demanded to know where you were. They took dudley, and threatened to kill him if we didn't find out where you are in five days. I want you to know that I am not a witch, but a magician. I cannot use wands, but can summon and control things. I can also teleport things like i did this letter. I refrained from using my magic, but now know it is for the best. I beg you to forgive me for all the cruel things i did do you. I guess I was jealous of your mother, as let me tell you, she had great talent. Please help save Dudley. Yours sincerely, Aunt petunia.

That was good!

thanks, just everyone else post what they think!

I will write more when 5 more people comment. Good or bad. Then i will write. and brit531, are you serious when you say its good?

I am seroious it is good. Just needs a bit more work. Like for instance make new pargarphs when someone talks which you did in a last post of yours. Why 5 that will take forever at this rate!! lol

because if knowone likes it im not posting more

that is mean*has tear in eye* I like it cant you finish it for me!!

well think of it from my side of view. 84 people have viewed, and noone has answered. Would you finish it? I want at least 2 more people 2 read it. Oh and heres a link to another story i wrote, has nothing to do with harry potter though:

http://www.killermovies.com/forums/f53/t417709.html

I think that one is mich better. PM me if you like it or for any comments on either threads.

Im writing write now, but im trying to make the story slower, as that one was way to fast.

Harry read and reread the letter. He didn't know if he should believe it, if it was a fake, if she was just trying to get him to help Dudley. Well, he knew she was a magician, by the way the letter had come. The real question was, where was Dudley, and was it worth it? He waved his wand, an a piece of parchment, ink, and a quill zoomed over to him, and lay themselves on the desk. Harry walked to the desk, staring at the parchment, thinking about what to write. He sat down, dipped the quill into the ink and wrote:
Dear Aunt Petunia,
I will not forgive you for being cruel to me. I had the worst treatment ever, just enough to keep me alive, for 11 years. Then, I had some respect after I learned I was magic. I will not forgive you, but I will not remind you over the years of how mean you were to me. I will come back to your house, not willingly, in 2 days. I will work out a plan there. I WILL go alone though.
Harry

Harry reread the letter, and decided knowone else would be able to tell what he was walking about. He waved his wand, and an envelope flew out of his trunk, put the letter inside then sealed itself. He gave a treat to Hedwig, then said, "I'm going to stay here probably the rest of the summer, so you can just come back here." She gave him a pluck on the finger, then took off threw the open window. He watched her fly gracefully out the window, her wings flapping in a consistent rhythm. Then he decided he would go out and shop. He picked up his money bag off of his bed, put on his shoes, picked his wand off the cabinet, and headed out the door. He went down to the restaurant, tapped the certain brick, then stepped into Diagon Alley.
There were hardly any people, even though it was a saturday. He saw posters from the Ministry of Magic, showing death eaters and there rewards. Then he saw posters saying "NOW HIRING". He passed Ollivanders, and noticed it was still boarded up, as was the ice cream parlor. He went up to the store that said, "WEASLEYS WIZARD WHEEZES" and walked in. There was barely any people in the store, but it was still relatively crowded compared to the other stores. Fred and George were at the cashier, playing with there pens. They smiled as Harry walked in, and said "how's it going Harry?"
"Not bad, see business has slowed down." Harry said. "Yeah, but we still have the most customers in the whole Diagon Alley" said George cheerfully. "and, we still make more money then we lose, even with business being bad!" said Fred. "What's this?" Harry asked, pointing to a little box. "New instant invisibility box. Just tap it twice with your wand, and you turn invisible. Also, it has a clip that clips on to your pants" said George, in an unusual, business like tone. "Ill take one." said Harry. He pulled out his money bag, and took out three, silver sickles. " NO, said George, everythings free for you, you gave us 1000 galleons, thats the least we can do to pay you back." Harry nodded, but waved his wand behind his back. George's coat flew at him. Pretending to be knocked over, he fell down, at the same time putting the money in the pocket. " Sorry" harry said. "Well, I gotta go, say hi to Ron for me." said Harry.
He walked out the door then headed down the street to a new store that had an advertisement in the window for books with jinkes, curses, and defense magic. He walked into the store, bought one of those, then headed back to the leaky cauldron. He walked to his door, and sat on his bed. Then he remembered, he hadn't taken his apparation test yet. He had done it twice, so he thought he should get it soon. He decided he would go the next day, then went to sleep.

Please, post your opinions!

Good!! I would do the same too. So I won't push you to finish anymore!

Ok, heres the next part. Post your opinions!

The next day, Harry decided he would look go to the post office send a letter to the ministry about his apparation test. He walked down to the Leaky Cauldron, ordered a butterbeer, and headed to Diagon Alley.
On the way to the post office, he looked through the pet store window, and saw what looked like a little bird, but it was talking to everyone. He walked in the store, and said "hi" to the bird. "Hi, I am only ten galleons. I will follow you around, and do not need a cage." He went to the manager, and said, "can you give me that bird right there" he said, pointing to the little yellow bird, "along with food for a week?" Harry asked. "Sure, that will be 12 galleons." The manager handed him a bag of food, and said, "come here" the bird flew over to him. "This is your new owner" he said to the bird. "His name is Harry Potter" the manager said. Harry did not ask how he knew his name, it was obvious. He handed over the 12 galleons, then walked out the door. The bird followed him, circling his head everywhere he went. People were staring at him, but of course, he was used to that.
He walked up to the post office, which was a small building with dozens and dozens of birds, all different colors. He pointed to one of the larger ones, then said "come here." It flew down to him. He pulled out a piece of parchment while the owl perched on his shoulder. He wrote a letter to the ministry explaining why he had apparated, and asked for a set date for his test. He tied the letter to the owls leg, put 4 sickles in it's pouch, then threw it out the door. His new bird landed on his shoulder. He walked to the leaky cauldron. He went up to his room, waved his wand, and 2 bowls came out of the cabinet, at the same time, the food from his hand zoomed over to one of the bowls and filled it up. The other one filled with water. Another wave, and they flew to the top of a cabinet. "What's your name?" He asked questionally to the bird. " Thats for you to decide. I was just hatched, can speak 50 languages, and can do some household chores for you. I can also be a good friend." Harry thought for a moment, then thought of a name. " How about Oz?" Oz sounds like a wonderful name!" the bird said happily. Then Harry said to the bird " do you have any type of magic?" asked Harry. "Actually, I do. I can teleport, use disarming spells, and most spells that the regular wizard can do. Also, Im very smart." The bird said proudly. Oz flew up to the top of the cabinet, took a few gulps of water, and had some food. Harry was laying on his bed, thinking about nothing, when he heard a loud tap on the window. He looked over and saw the post office owl at the window. He said to his new bird, " can you open that window for me?" The bird clicked his beak, and the window flew open, and at the same time, a little voice in his head said "sure." The owl flew over to him, and after Harry had took the letter off it's leg, took off throught the window. He said to the bird curiously " was that you who said that in my head?" "Yes, since you are my owner, I share a telepelithic connection with you. I can talk to you from all over the world." She said defiantly. "Wow, you didn't tell me that earlier!"Harry said. " Well, my mom said you should wait for a reason to talk, then show you, so I did."
Harry pointed his wand at the letter, which flew to him. He opened and read:

Dear Mr. Potter,
Since you have apparated twice without a license, there will be a fine of 6 sickles. If you apparate any more times without a license, you will have stricter and harsher punishments. There is a open space on Monday, at 12:30 P.M. If that time works for you, just show up at the ministry. If it does not, then send a owl to tell us so. Once you have your wand inspected, walk down the hallway, take a right, and go to the third door on your left. That is will your test will be taken.
Yours Sincerely,
Mr. WIngflip
Head of apparations

Today was saturday, so monday would be fine. He put the letter back in his envelope, waved his wand at which it flew over to the desk, and put his arms comfortably behind his neck. " So, how do you talk, like, in our heads?" He asked eagerly to the birds. " All you have to do is talk, and I will hear it. Its really simple." He tried, but couldn't do it. After about 10 minutes, he finally got it. He said to the bird " fly to my shoulder." Oz flew to his shoulder, just like he had asked it to. With the bird on his shoulder, he walked out of the room, and downstairs. He went to the secretary and told her he will stay 4 more days. Then he walked back upstairs. Once in the room, he said to Oz, "will you teleport me to the Dursleys house?"
He walked up to the Dursleys door, and knocked three hard times. He saw Aunt Petunia's long, bony neck look out the side window.

its gd but i think you need to tone it down a bit.... all the magic makes everything simple

it is good but i think you are using bit to much magic now, but that bird is real interesting lol