Scythe
Church's Chicken' bells ring and the smell of fried chicken and flowers fills the air. Outside, an outstretched hearst pulled by rotting horses descends from the underworld.
A bride covered in filth and engulfed in malice steps through a car wash style maiden-wash removing the speckled parasites that were using her as a host. Selphie looks up, and displays a look of relaxation. All the while placing her hand firmly on her tummy. Her bun in the oven is slumbering still, and she smiles relatively slowly to bask in her surroundings.
From atop a mountian, thunder clashes thrice as a noble goat-steed gallops toward the scene of the fast-food necropolis. Engaging in horse to horse combat with those that would veer the happy couple in a marriage of their own religious accord are stomped down with nullified ferocity. Scythe's anti-ghey shield and sword glistened in the sunlight as he drove it through the masses of "witnesses" all trying to prove that false hope is to be reckoned with a disturbed environment. All hope, however, dies out with a mass-variety of hoes all bludgeoned to death with hammers of those kings that have long past. Scythe arrives on time, as usual, dressed in a ritualistic black tie manner. His merry expression of his goat mask provides added support that he is in quite the greatest of moods. However, one with a never changing expression can never be told he is a psychopath. The putrid smell of horse manure becomes enveloped by the antics of the participating party all gathering here for the black wedding which requires black buzzards to fly overhead.
The automatic doors fly open, and the ritual commences. Scythe is lead inside the vacinity by the great elder priest Pitt. He bludgeons Scythe with a meat tenderizer, and calls him "sin incarnate" while jokingly calling him a marsupial. Scythe's smile shatters to pieces with rotted teeth all plummeting in every which way, he makes his way to the alter with Pitt, and waits for his love to come.
The doors fly open again, to reveal an almost drawn perfect visualization of Lancewindu in un-appropriate Jedi attire.
"Wow Lance, I thought you were a drawing of yourself, you look perfect!" Said Scythe.
"I'm Brisk baby!" Replied Lancewindu.
"What?" Questioned Scythe, wonder what the hell that even meant.
The best man, Lancewindu, had shown up, and walked beside Scythe with a smile.
"If I hear your demented excuse of wheelchair make a squeak, I'll kill you." Threatened Lance.
"Lance, this is a happy occasion, and for that matter, with what, your lightsaber?" Answered Scythe with bleakened menopause.
"It exists! You'll see! Someday!" Hoorayed Lance.
A black carpet which once used to be red, but has been charred to an early blackened tint which was why it was so cheap rolls up to the alter. Naz, dressed in a permeated dress which once belonged to Divine, enters the fast-food establishment dispersing petals and chopped human hearts made of starved students from nightschool. She made her way to the alter, and blessed Scythe with a swear word. Smiling, she gave way for the maid of honor, Reanna, to plummet from the cieling with a loud crash, landing directly behind Naz, and killing Osama Bin Ladin at the same time with a smile.
"Her entrance is so far the best." Declared Scythe.
"That was pretty cool." Admired Lancewindu.
The poorly educated automatic doors schreeched open again to give way to the black bride all dressed...in black. Being walked by DaRev. Who for some reason...was...not..dressed..in rev attire...
But was dressed however in a pearly white bride's dress. Slowly taking steps along with Selphie, he offered her an excuse as to why she shouldn't get married every step they took. Selphie, hopefully, drowned it out. Upon cumming, I mean, coming face to face with her husband to be, Selphie smiled, and apologized for the massive fart Scythe had blown.
"Sorry..." Said Selphie.
"It was me..." Corrected Scythe.
"Dearly departed, we welcome thee to the nieghborhood, for we wish that not one of us is capped in the 'hood." Declared Pitt.
"But I mean, women, right? I mean, come on! Geez, we now look foward to the ring bearer, to come forth, and bludgeo...er I mean ring these two in un-holy matrimony, so forever hold your peace."
"The hell?" Asked Scythe.
"Shh, he's a professional!" Hisses Selphie.
"Professional what?" Wondered Scythe, picturing a gorilla riding a tricycle in his mind.
The doors once more screams open, and a teddy-bear-esque Vinny composed solemnly of bear parts with a neck collar and black tie-green hat combo, Yogi Bear style, enters the poorly kept urban eatery.
"RAWRRRR, GHWARRRR, MARMARMARMAR." Pooped Vinny.
"The hell?" Said Selphie surprisingly.
"Like it? I invited him." Assured Scythe.
Weaving and snaking his way up to the alter, Vinny finally reached alter, after being rejected by all the Scythettes who were firmly standing their ground in the war-torn seats of the audience.
"Where's the pillow housing our rings?" Scythe asks.
"Ummm..." Thought Vinny.
WIth a mucus fueled insanity derived "urk", Vinny opens wide, and unrolls his massive pimpled tongue. It outstretched six feet forward and covering 2/3rds of the alter with tadpole ridden saliva. The tip, which was forked, finally revealed two rings cupped on each departing split of his tongue..
"Eww." Said Lancewindu.
"GHARGLWHUPURGISSNARL?" Said Vinny. Everyone ignored.
The couple to wed took the rings in unison, and basked in their love.
"Selphie, everytime I see you, I think, man, this girl is hott, with two T's. So if I may, I would like to read you my wedding vowels." Said Scythe romanticly. "Ready Lance?"
Lancewindu positions himself directly in front of Scythe with a few flash cards.
"A-E-I-O-U-and sometimes-Y!" Read Scythe. "Isn't that weird? I mean, come on, the letter Y?! Haha!"
At this point in time, Selphie let out a tear which slid down her cheek, and Vinny pooped alittle.
"The first time I ever laid eyes upon you Scythe, I knew I'd grow close to you. Your upright horns, your perky chest, and the certain tone of your fur, I knew I'd do anything for you. And I will stay true to that, by being your wife, I promise my love, for the rest of my days. I promise to stay true, and honest, and the best wife I can be till the day I die." Said Selphie with tears running down her face.
"Aww, Selphie, all I haves ta say is ditto!" Replied Scythe.
"Now, if there is anyone here who objects to this, may they shut the hell up!" Roared Pitt.
"Noooo! He was suppose to marry me!!!" Screamed Faultline28, as he jumped out of a window in a vagrant display of ghey glitter and glass.
Noticing that he jumped out of a window exactly two feet high, Fault line begins to stand up, but is cut down to size thanks to Lance's blue glowing lightsaber.
"Holy crap, I guess he does have one of those." Smirked Scythe.
"I now, finally, pronounce you goat-husband and hot wife! Now go make babies, kiss like the wind, and stay owt da west side!" Declared Pitt.
The Scythettes cheered, Reanna joined Lancewidu, DazRev and Pitt on an applause. Vinny barfed alittle after realizing his fecal matter entrails on his fur, and then began to wail in a chewbacca inspired scream.
Star Wars ending theme music abruptly begins to play, coupons for half off cat-fish nuggets are past out, and the happy newly wed couple come aboard their horse-pulled hearst which suddenly rear-ends another car ignorantly parked out front, thus crushinf the horses pullin the newly weds.
"Well, we all now what this means!" Yelled Scythe.
Riding into the sunset on a hearst pulled by Reanna, Lancewindu, Vinny, DaRev, Lancewindu's lightsaber and Naz, the happy couple were on their way to Norway!
A bride covered in filth and engulfed in malice steps through a car wash style maiden-wash removing the speckled parasites that were using her as a host. Selphie looks up, and displays a look of relaxation. All the while placing her hand firmly on her tummy. Her bun in the oven is slumbering still, and she smiles relatively slowly to bask in her surroundings.
From atop a mountian, thunder clashes thrice as a noble goat-steed gallops toward the scene of the fast-food necropolis. Engaging in horse to horse combat with those that would veer the happy couple in a marriage of their own religious accord are stomped down with nullified ferocity. Scythe's anti-ghey shield and sword glistened in the sunlight as he drove it through the masses of "witnesses" all trying to prove that false hope is to be reckoned with a disturbed environment. All hope, however, dies out with a mass-variety of hoes all bludgeoned to death with hammers of those kings that have long past. Scythe arrives on time, as usual, dressed in a ritualistic black tie manner. His merry expression of his goat mask provides added support that he is in quite the greatest of moods. However, one with a never changing expression can never be told he is a psychopath. The putrid smell of horse manure becomes enveloped by the antics of the participating party all gathering here for the black wedding which requires black buzzards to fly overhead.
The automatic doors fly open, and the ritual commences. Scythe is lead inside the vacinity by the great elder priest Pitt. He bludgeons Scythe with a meat tenderizer, and calls him "sin incarnate" while jokingly calling him a marsupial. Scythe's smile shatters to pieces with rotted teeth all plummeting in every which way, he makes his way to the alter with Pitt, and waits for his love to come.
The doors fly open again, to reveal an almost drawn perfect visualization of Lancewindu in un-appropriate Jedi attire.
"Wow Lance, I thought you were a drawing of yourself, you look perfect!" Said Scythe.
"I'm Brisk baby!" Replied Lancewindu.
"What?" Questioned Scythe, wonder what the hell that even meant.
The best man, Lancewindu, had shown up, and walked beside Scythe with a smile.
"If I hear your demented excuse of wheelchair make a squeak, I'll kill you." Threatened Lance.
"Lance, this is a happy occasion, and for that matter, with what, your lightsaber?" Answered Scythe with bleakened menopause.
"It exists! You'll see! Someday!" Hoorayed Lance.
A black carpet which once used to be red, but has been charred to an early blackened tint which was why it was so cheap rolls up to the alter. Naz, dressed in a permeated dress which once belonged to Divine, enters the fast-food establishment dispersing petals and chopped human hearts made of starved students from nightschool. She made her way to the alter, and blessed Scythe with a swear word. Smiling, she gave way for the maid of honor, Reanna, to plummet from the cieling with a loud crash, landing directly behind Naz, and killing Osama Bin Ladin at the same time with a smile.
"Her entrance is so far the best." Declared Scythe.
"That was pretty cool." Admired Lancewindu.
The poorly educated automatic doors schreeched open again to give way to the black bride all dressed...in black. Being walked by DaRev. Who for some reason...was...not..dressed..in rev attire...
But was dressed however in a pearly white bride's dress. Slowly taking steps along with Selphie, he offered her an excuse as to why she shouldn't get married every step they took. Selphie, hopefully, drowned it out. Upon cumming, I mean, coming face to face with her husband to be, Selphie smiled, and apologized for the massive fart Scythe had blown.
"Sorry..." Said Selphie.
"It was me..." Corrected Scythe.
"Dearly departed, we welcome thee to the nieghborhood, for we wish that not one of us is capped in the 'hood." Declared Pitt.
"But I mean, women, right? I mean, come on! Geez, we now look foward to the ring bearer, to come forth, and bludgeo...er I mean ring these two in un-holy matrimony, so forever hold your peace."
"The hell?" Asked Scythe.
"Shh, he's a professional!" Hisses Selphie.
"Professional what?" Wondered Scythe, picturing a gorilla riding a tricycle in his mind.
The doors once more screams open, and a teddy-bear-esque Vinny composed solemnly of bear parts with a neck collar and black tie-green hat combo, Yogi Bear style, enters the poorly kept urban eatery.
"RAWRRRR, GHWARRRR, MARMARMARMAR." Pooped Vinny.
"The hell?" Said Selphie surprisingly.
"Like it? I invited him." Assured Scythe.
Weaving and snaking his way up to the alter, Vinny finally reached alter, after being rejected by all the Scythettes who were firmly standing their ground in the war-torn seats of the audience.
"Where's the pillow housing our rings?" Scythe asks.
"Ummm..." Thought Vinny.
WIth a mucus fueled insanity derived "urk", Vinny opens wide, and unrolls his massive pimpled tongue. It outstretched six feet forward and covering 2/3rds of the alter with tadpole ridden saliva. The tip, which was forked, finally revealed two rings cupped on each departing split of his tongue..
"Eww." Said Lancewindu.
"GHARGLWHUPURGISSNARL?" Said Vinny. Everyone ignored.
The couple to wed took the rings in unison, and basked in their love.
"Selphie, everytime I see you, I think, man, this girl is hott, with two T's. So if I may, I would like to read you my wedding vowels." Said Scythe romanticly. "Ready Lance?"
Lancewindu positions himself directly in front of Scythe with a few flash cards.
"A-E-I-O-U-and sometimes-Y!" Read Scythe. "Isn't that weird? I mean, come on, the letter Y?! Haha!"
At this point in time, Selphie let out a tear which slid down her cheek, and Vinny pooped alittle.
"The first time I ever laid eyes upon you Scythe, I knew I'd grow close to you. Your upright horns, your perky chest, and the certain tone of your fur, I knew I'd do anything for you. And I will stay true to that, by being your wife, I promise my love, for the rest of my days. I promise to stay true, and honest, and the best wife I can be till the day I die." Said Selphie with tears running down her face.
"Aww, Selphie, all I haves ta say is ditto!" Replied Scythe.
"Now, if there is anyone here who objects to this, may they shut the hell up!" Roared Pitt.
"Noooo! He was suppose to marry me!!!" Screamed Faultline28, as he jumped out of a window in a vagrant display of ghey glitter and glass.
Noticing that he jumped out of a window exactly two feet high, Fault line begins to stand up, but is cut down to size thanks to Lance's blue glowing lightsaber.
"Holy crap, I guess he does have one of those." Smirked Scythe.
"I now, finally, pronounce you goat-husband and hot wife! Now go make babies, kiss like the wind, and stay owt da west side!" Declared Pitt.
The Scythettes cheered, Reanna joined Lancewidu, DazRev and Pitt on an applause. Vinny barfed alittle after realizing his fecal matter entrails on his fur, and then began to wail in a chewbacca inspired scream.
Star Wars ending theme music abruptly begins to play, coupons for half off cat-fish nuggets are past out, and the happy newly wed couple come aboard their horse-pulled hearst which suddenly rear-ends another car ignorantly parked out front, thus crushinf the horses pullin the newly weds.
"Well, we all now what this means!" Yelled Scythe.
Riding into the sunset on a hearst pulled by Reanna, Lancewindu, Vinny, DaRev, Lancewindu's lightsaber and Naz, the happy couple were on their way to Norway!
I hope you guys have an excited evening by yourselves. 
I'm sure they'll be more people to congratulate you guys. 
