What is the purpose of life?

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Immortality

calvinNhobbes
Okay here goes my attempt. This is what I wrote off the top . It needs tweeking and refinement but I wanted to get this out so I would be commited to the challenge.

here goes.

Thoughts born one day
Give form to consciousness
Sifting through sensory perception
With neuron connections .

Transmitted messages accumulate through the years
And self awareness extends beyond the immediacy of the present
Such is the backflip we make into the societal pool.

We swim to the deep end to find ourselves
Only to find how alone we really are.
In frustration we flounder in the water looking for something to grasp on.

Once we realize our frantic actions are all that we battle against, serene acceptance of our position leads to the ability to stay afloat.

To learn to live
To give our own story on life
Our own color
Our own breath
Our own transcended peace

Born out of peace with ourselves
Life has no meaning.

Life happens and pushes you out
Just push back if you want to know what its all about

Immortality
Impressive, very impressive.

Immortality

Immortality

calvinNhobbes
I like the second poem. Four Seats away. The begining was very well done and draws me back to a time I can remember in high school. So I give you kudos for that. The middle seems a little forced in some parts and I am not quite sure if the word choices were intentional or accidental. The ending part confused me a little because it made it seems as though you do have some type of relationship going on but I may have read it incorrectly. The cadence and timeing worked really well in you structure. Thanks for sharing this work with us. I will have to get back to you on the first one because I need to read it a few times to make sure I have a better idea of the feelings you are conveying. I mean off the bat it is dark and depressing but I would like to look for something deeper that I am not seeing at first glance.

Immortality
Thanks, I'll see if I can change it around a bit to see if I can. It's kinda supposed to be a rap so you have to understand that some of the terms that I use in 'Four Seats Away' I wouldn't use when I write normal poems, like 'surround sound', and yeah it was deliberate.
The last stanza's supposed to be the impossibilities of having a relationship with this guy 'can't be true' meaning it just wouldn't be right.
Does that make it a little clearer?

calvinNhobbes
I reread the first poem.
I liked it better the more I read it.
I had to adjust my speed as I read to get a comfortable rhythm out of it.
When I cut up the lines a little differently I found it to flow better for my taste. Here is an example. All the Ors can be used to give pause by taking up one line by themselves and , in my opinion, adding more power to the following line. That is just for me you may like a different tempo. Everyone dances to the beat of their own drum. The other issue I noticed with this poem is that it seems to be the type that stands out better when read aloud. Some poems seems to dance on their own but dance better when given voice. Anyway try these things on you own time and let me know what you think. The Dark poem I am still going to look over some more. I hope this helped.

Immortality
Thanks! I'll have a look into it. Actually now that I've read it more carefully myself, it sounds more repetitive and stupid, I'll see it I can change that, and the last line totally does not go in rhythm with the rest of the poem, it sounds tedious. I'll have a fiddle about with it and see what I can do!
You know, you can submit some of your own poetry here, anything about the shittiness of life or the meaning of life, anything basically, as long as it's about life!

Weeping Fairy
omg..... u said my poems are good?!?!?!? they are nothing compared to urs..... urs are awesome happy

Immortality
I appriciate the flattery but they ain't that good.

By the way people, you can post your own here.

Immortality

Immortality
Glum and dark, as usual, for me anyway!

Immortality

SouthernGirl814
WOW My poems suck compared 2 urs ur really good keep writin

Immortality
Thank you but please don't compare, I wouldn't say I'm good but I'm practicing. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, right? Yours have a lot of strengths.

SouthernGirl814
Yea I'm practicing and learnin as I go along as u've seen urs are very deep

Immortality
Good, keep goin man, those poems are really good and yeah, I suppose they are deep, to me anyway. Most of my poems are just improvised rants.

SouthernGirl814
thx and trust me they r deep and my poems most of the time have 2 be brought on by sumthin that happened that day or that I was talkin bout so

Immortality
Inspiration can come from anything, mine comes from supressed feelings, I think.

SouthernGirl814
Yea true mine always comes from what happens with the guy I like that day cuz otherwise my poems suck or sumthin that hes done 2 me trust me thats been happenin alot lately

Immortality

SouthernGirl814
Wooow Nice One I can relate 2 that myself

Immortality
Yeah, I just got so pissed of everything so I wrote a poem about it. That's typical of me!

SouthernGirl814
yup I feel ya there

Immortality
Thanks.
Judging by the way that I'm feeling right now, I'd say there's lots more where that came from.

SouthernGirl814
yea same 4 me

Immortality
Hmm, still bored

Immortality
does no body have any poems of their own to post?

SouthernGirl814
I would post on urs but I have my own place 2 post

Weeping Fairy
i think this thread should be only for you immortality lol, i like reading ur poems, they deserve a place of their own stick out tongue

Immortality

Immortality
Oops! A lot of the words I used are censored, sorry.

Weeping Fairy
haha, u had me fooled lol laughing out loud awesome poem. right on

Immortality

Weeping Fairy
wow... that made me wanna cry, ive been in that situation before. it hurts so bad.... guys who make ppl feel like that are assholes, but when u feel so strongly about them, its hard to see that. its hard to see alot of things when u feel so strongly about someone. just never let him bring you down, ur kewl, and he should realize that, man, ive been through this wit sierra so many times about this guy she likes. but if you truly feel that way about him, dont give up, but remember whatever happens, happens, and evrything happens for a reason happy....... but sides that, kick ass poem big grin....... ur not sad at all, i do the same lol

SouthernGirl814
Wooow nice poems immortality DAMN u can write

Immortality
Originally posted by Weeping Fairy
wow... that made me wanna cry, ive been in that situation before. it hurts so bad.... guys who make ppl feel like that are assholes, but when u feel so strongly about them, its hard to see that. its hard to see alot of things when u feel so strongly about someone. just never let him bring you down, ur kewl, and he should realize that, man, ive been through this wit sierra so many times about this guy she likes. but if you truly feel that way about him, dont give up, but remember whatever happens, happens, and evrything happens for a reason happy....... but sides that, kick ass poem big grin....... ur not sad at all, i do the same lol

He doesn't do it on purpose, there's just a very strong...cultural barrier in between that can't be crossed. And thanks, I really appreciate the...the (what's the word I'm lookin for?)...kindness.
Just so you know, I don't usually write poems like this, normally dark and foreboding, I specialise in that kinda thing.

Immortality
Originally posted by SouthernGirl814
Wooow nice poems immortality DAMN u can write

Thank you! Which is why I hope to be a writer someday!

Weeping Fairy
Originally posted by Immortality
He doesn't do it on purpose, there's just a very strong...cultural barrier in between that can't be crossed. And thanks, I really appreciate the...the (what's the word I'm lookin for?)...kindness.
Just so you know, I don't usually write poems like this, normally dark and foreboding, I specialise in that kinda thing.

Oh, i see, srry, i tend to jump to conclusions sometimes... i need to work on not doing that stick out tongue. Cultural barrier?, srry, nuna my biznezz lol.... anyways your a...... (whats the word im lookin for?)..... oh, yeah... welcome lol stick out tongue. Hehe, i do the same lol, whenever im really pissed off or depressed, i just write poetry laughing out loud

Immortality
It's ok, I judge people too and it doesn't really matter about the whole cultural thing.
Keep at the peoms though! Your really good, so dya have any ambitions of becomin an official poet any time soon?

Weeping Fairy
Thank you soooo much, but ur poems are sooooo much better. Me an official poet?!?! haha, no, i couldnt be an 'official' poet, i just write when im depressed or really pissed off lol. But when i grow up, i reeeeeeeeeeeeeally wanna become a writer, ive gotta step up my writing a bit tho lol. After i get outta college ima join the peace corp, then travel around the world, and write about the things i see.... so in the long run i just wanna make a differance in the world when i grow up i guess laughing out loud

Immortality
Wow, nice. I wouldn't mind travelling the world myself, it's my ambition to live in Venice, Italy, I've read soooo much about it and it's always described as city of wonder and beauty, I'd love to go there some day.

Weeping Fairy
Venice, Italy does sound nice. My friend Ryan goes to Italy every summer, cause hes Italian.... he says its the most beautiful place ever.... he takes alot of pictures... my god, its absolutely beautiful.

Immortality
Oh, man, I'm gettin jealous now, lol.
But I gotta settle down with a proper career before I move anywhere....
Same ole' boring house for now....

SouthernGirl814
Nice poems

silver heart
What is the purpose of life?
I was thinking.
when I was writing.. when I was playing.
only I will live for moments only



What is the purpose of life?

If the life was end for my ways
If the life was end for my dreams

What is the purpose of life?
yes .. by time .. I remembered that God promised us give us the paradise ..

I smiled
I began think again
when I was writing .. when I was playing
only I will live for moments only


for paradise this is my purpose of life



very nice poetry Immortality


best smile

silver heart

Immortality
Thank you! Nice little poem you got there too

Weeping Fairy
awesome poem silver heart....... all the poems here are full of feelings... and tons of feelings makes for a good poem, no?

Immortality
S'pose.

It's all so confusing,
What exactly is the purpose of life?
Why are we here?
What awaits us in life?
All the religions say it's to worship God,
Some people say it's to find true love
And live happily ever after,
Some people say it's about finding yourself,
And fulfilling your hopes and dreams.
I think the meaning of life will be in death.
Once we enter oblivion
All shall become clear
And we shall see what the purpose
Of this wasteful life is.

That's from the top of my head. Totally rubbish

Weeping Fairy
rubbish?!?!? how on earth can you call that rubbish?!? its totally kick ass

Immortality
No way! I just wrote down whatever came to my head. Whenever I do that, the worst of my work shines through.

Weeping Fairy
Omg, yes way.... then you must have absolute genius swirlin aound in ur head

Immortality
No way! I write poetry best when I'm mad, lonely or simply depressed. Other times it's completely rubbish.

Weeping Fairy
Haha.... same here, i think ppl can pretty much tell i was either depressed or really pissed off when i write my poems. but, its really not rubbish, trust me stick out tongue

SouthernGirl814
Ur last 2 poems are really really deep I love em

Immortality
Which one was the last two? Sorry, I'm a bit confused, I haven't been coming on here in a few days but thanks anyway

Immortality

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