The Fellowship of Nerds - A South Park parody

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It's capably written, but what's the connection to South Park?

FE Expert
Originally posted by Trickster
It's capably written, but what's the connection to South Park?

Before I write down what I did for Chapter 2, the connection to South Park is a plot-based one.

Chapter 2:

Later this day, an emergency reunion was held over the Web, where an experienced "pilot" for Crazy Clown Airlines Virtual, whose callsign is VCCA1047, contacts the "ATC", which is none other than Janick herself.

Flight DRL422: Control tower, this is flight Drill (the Crazy Clown Airlines callsign, according to ICAO standards) 422 heavy. Requesting permission to land.

Janick: Permission to land on runway 6R granted.

Flight DRL422: Acknowledged landing permission.

Janick: Mayday! Mayday! I am so sick that I have to leave my position from my Crazy Clown Airlines office. Until I recover, VCCA1047, you have full control over Crazy Clown Airlines Virtual. Please don't do anything stupid that would ruin CCAV, such as adding Boeings in the fleet. Please stick to the Airbus stuff and don't add or remove flights from the schedule without sending your suggestions to the Management Board.

She pictures the A340-600 from London-Heathrow landing in Springfield International when Jean-Philippe logs on to the game and his character is about to be killed.

Jean-Philippe's voice: I had no idea as to why he would attack me without dueling me first!

The rogue character, wearing black armor from tip to toe, and wielding a sword of terrible might. Jean-Philippe's character dies and his owner decides to call the technical support.

Squeaky-voiced teen: World of Warcraft support. How can I help you?

Jean-Philippe: My character was killed by another player that hadn't challenged mine to a duel!

Squeaky-voiced teen: That player has broken the rules.

The squeaky-voiced teen reports to the Blizzard executives the strange situation that has befallen Jean-Philippe.

Squeaky-voiced teen: I have extra strange news to report: several players have been killed by a rogue player!

Executive 1: Face it, we have to face someone that played almost nonstop for more than a year. If only we could locate the player, we could remove him/her from our servers. And ban that player.

Executive 2: If nothing can be done in the shortest delays, it may mean the end of the world... of Warcraft.

Executive 3: My children are playing World of Warcraft right now! Are they going to... death?

FE Expert
Chapter 3:

Janick realizes that giving VCCA1047 control of Virtual Crazy Clown Airlines may be disastrous for the virtual airline. She envisions the airline adding Boeings in its fleet, like 737-900s or 747-400ERs, under VCCA1047's leadership. In the meantime, Jean-Philippe summons more than just the other three nerds, he also called the other World of Warcraft players that were in his vicinity.

Jean-Philippe: Do you all have World of Warcraft?

There is one who does not raise his hand: the one known to Janick only as VCCA1047.

VCCA1047: No.

Jean-Philippe: You must install World of Warcraft and be able to play within two hours. You are to log in within two hours. At 19 o'clock, you will rendezvous in the easternmost Defias Camp near Stormwind. When he is in range, all warriors on Defensive Stance. Janick, cast Arcane Intellect. The battle is sure to be long, but... to victory!

VCCA1047 doesn't get any trouble getting all the stuff required to go to World of Warcraft. Which means that if the mission fails, he will get back at managing Virtual Crazy Clown Airlines. Yvan logs in and sees all the people grouped in the Defias camp.

Jean-Philippe's voice: To battle!

The thirteen people rush in at the first sight of the "Black Knight". Janick's character charged her fire spell, only to have it vanished in her hand. Her chair is out of control, so she fell. Once she regained balance, the Black Knight already began rushing towards the team.

VCCA1047: Crazy Clown 1047 down.

Mike: Mike down.

While at the rogue player's office, the player watches his character kill everything in its path.

Yvan: Yvan down.

Janick: Janick down.

Jean-Philippe: Break off the attack!

Black Knight: Is that all there is? No challenge... no resistance?

Chapter 4:

An intense questioning period follows about the strategy to employ to defeat the Black Knight, who terrorize the game and does not respect the rules of PvP combat.

Jean-Philippe: How come you don't play World of Warcraft anymore?

Janick: I do not want to get killed! I can't even complete quests! He's super-high level!

Jean-Philippe: Perhaps we can become super-high level too!

Yvan: Perhaps by killing low-level boars in the forest...

Mike: Even if they give only two experience points apiece? How many of them do we have to kill?

Yvan: Let's say that we have to do so until Lv.15. That would make 39,200 low-level boars each to kill. My best estimate is that if we slay 1 low-level boar each, per second, that stage would only take 10 hours, 53 minutes and 20 seconds.

Janick: What about the other stages of leveling up? Surely we can kill Brawlers... let's say that we can get twenty-five points each from that onwards Lv.30. Again, if we can kill them once in ten seconds by then, it would take, let's say, 46 hours and 44 minutes. This totals 57 hours, 37 minutes and 20 seconds.

Yvan: The Lv.30-45 stage of grinding is coming up. If we could kill ferocious yetis, worth 50 experience points apiece, every 10 seconds as well, it would take us 116 hours, 34 minutes and 40 seconds. At that stage, it would total 174 hours and 12 minutes.

Jean-Philippe: At the final stage, we can slay Atal'ai Skeletons, for 100 experience points apiece. 30 seconds each, we would require 211 hours, 22 minutes and 30 seconds, for a whopping total of 385 hours, 34 minutes and 30 seconds. If we played eight hours a day, in seven weeks we will be ready to face the Black Knight again.

The days pass by and the fellowship made an oath that they will use every occasion they have to succeed to play eight hours a day. Of course, they wouldn't play 20 hours a day, but they most often gather at Janick's house since it is there whose curfews are the latest.

Janick: Time to start!

The screen displays the progress of the players. In the first two days, they are already at something around lv.18-19.

FE Expert
Chapter 6:

VCCA1047 was also near where the Blizzard Entertainment headquarters are. She received an offer from their executives to pilot the corporate jet, a CRJ-701ER.

Executive 3: We have an emergency. We need a pilot to man the corporate jet so that we can carry out an emergency assignment. We didn't find any that had a clue as to where St. Hubert, Quebec is.

VCCA1047: Do you mean that the best you could find was a pilot that would fly to Montreal-Trudeau or Montreal-Mirabel?

Executive 1: Yes, I am afraid that is so. But if you could actually fly to St. Hubert, would you accept to pilot our corporate jet?

VCCA1047: Certainly. Though I only flew with flight simulators before.

Executive 2: We can pay you $US2,000 to make it fly with us onboard.

VCCA1047: I am more used to Airbus cockpits, but looks that I have no choice. Besides, I flew a CRJ-701ER with United Airlines Virtual before I found Crazy Clown Airlines Virtual, once.

Executive 6: Is that a yes?

Executive 5: Get in the cockpit!

Executives 1 through 6 get on the plane, which takes off for St. Hubert. As for the Fellowship's quest...

Janick: We gain experience twice as fast as we should have at times. All of which may cut a couple of days off our schedule.

Mike: How many?

Janick: Let's say that if we play 8 hours a day, we will get two "rest bubbles" a day. If we use them both every day, then we can expect to fight the Black Knight at least a week earlier than we expected to.

Chapter 7:

The Blizzard corporate jet approaches St. Hubert Airport (ICAO code: CYHU) without anyone noticing but the most desperate World of Warcraft players.

VCCA1047: We refueled in St. Louis. Be glad that I didn't crash the CRJ701ER!

Desperate World of Warcraft player: What do you promise to do?

Executive 4: At least, if we can entrust that weapon to your care, please transmi it to any of these four players on that sheet of paper.

Jean-Philippe's father: Please, give me the sword.

Executive 3: We can't entrust the Sacred Sword to a noob!

Back to Janick's house, where the players entrench every day after the fateful day where they undertook this extraordinary assignment.

Janick's mother: I'm happy you could stay as attractive as the day you began that quest for the Ultimate Answer.

We can see Janick herself wake up painfully (a result of several weeks of playing WoW eight hours a day).

Janick: Ouch! What happened?

Janick's mother: Don't worry about it. The final exams are approaching. I have trust in you and your telepathic powers.

Janick: No need to repeat this whenever I am in trouble about time management! I am a S-ranked telepathic broadcaster, which is the highest rank attainable for one who mass-communicate in order to cheat mind-to-mind.

Janick passes in private channel mode and communicates with Yvan, using her psychic power.

Yvan: I know, S-ranked broadcasters are the ultimate cheaters on Earth. I, too, am of that rank. There are 15 of them in the world: three in Canada, two in the U.S., one in Japan, one in China, one in India, one in Thailand and the other six are scattered among the European Union.

Janick: I know that such broadcasters are very smart people with tremendous (but imperfect) memories. This way, they can slip themselves into their respective schools undetected.

Back to the airport, wherer another overweight, acne-ridden, crazed WoW player joins the fray.

Crazed WoW player: I took a two-hour flight from Chicago in order to meet the ones with the solutions, and all of what you're telling me is that you hope that they don't start the battle before you can reach them?

VCCA1047: I understand what you feel, as I, too, flew a long-distance flight in order to reach my destination.

Back to Janick's house, where both parents are gone to work.

Jean-Philippe: All right, the moment of fate is here. It is time to start our final battle.

FE Expert

I confess: I don't get it.

Ditto, it doesnt make sense to me. Where is South Park?

FE Expert
Originally posted by DraconianDevil
Ditto, it doesnt make sense to me. Where is South Park?

It's more a remake than a parody. I changed everything except for parts of the plotline (based on the episode Make Love, not Warcraft).

Anyway, Chapter 10 will begin in earnest.

Executive 1: We're looking for a great knight, Valter314159.

Janick's brother: That's Yvan's name in World of Warcraft.

Executive 2: Where is he?

Janick's brother: Why?

Executive 1: Sir, we don't have time!

Janick tries to cast an Arcane Missile, but her ordnance is cut short by the pain she feels in her hand.

Mike: We got to use some Bengay!

He pulls out the Bengay from the drawer. Yvan carries on the fight alone for a time.

Jean-Philippe: It takes forever to get a good toilet because I have diarrhea!

Janick: If you didn't eat so much, you wouldn't have diarrhea all the time.

Jean-Philippe: Please bring me a potty because I have diarrhea!

Janick's brother: Finally some action here!

Janick's brother gets splashed by Jean-Philippe's diarrhea and goes immediately to wash his hands as well as his face. Meanwhile, outside of the house...

Crazed WoW player 2: Do you have accounts?

Executive 1: No. Still, it's an emergency!

Executive 2 pulls the driver out of the car and heads for the nearest Future Shop, in St. Bruno.

Executive 3: Where is the World of Warcraft computer?

Future Shop worker: Please don't touch anything else! We're doing the stocks!

Executive 3: I swear that on my oath as a Blizzard executive.

The crazed WoW player 2 gets in the shop, as well as Jean-Philippe's father.

Originally posted by FE Expert
It's more a remake than a parody. I changed everything except for parts of the plotline (based on the episode Make Love, not Warcraft).

That was an awesome episode yes

FE Expert

You changed everything? So it isn't so much a remake as an entirely new thing?

'Cos if that's true, it'd make more sense. I mean, I get the plotline, but I just don't see any relation to South Park at all.

FE Expert
Originally posted by Trickster
You changed everything? So it isn't so much a remake as an entirely new thing?

'Cos if that's true, it'd make more sense. I mean, I get the plotline, but I just don't see any relation to South Park at all.

Right. It is an entirely new thing.

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