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Now this is what ya do!

1.Type a joke.
2. Rate the joke of persons above.
3.Try to make as many people lol as pos, the person with the most lol responses wins!
4. If the joke from the person above your post makes you laugh your head off type lol.
5. If a joke is of poor performance type either ok or nf !

Let the game begin, I will count the lols on the 1st January then the next game begins.

I'll start: Whats the difference between a moody muel and a maget?
Answer:Magnets have a positive side!

3.

This joke:

Originally posted by Kongu Dude
3.

This joke:

Now it's your turn give us a joke Kongo!

*puts a gun at your head*
ARE YOU *CKEN LAUGHING NOW YOU IL BLAST YOU HEAD OF *ITCH

Okay, here's my joke:


Originally posted by Darth Zedster
Now this is what ya do!

1.Type a joke.
2. Rate the joke of persons above.
3.Try to make as many people lol as pos, the person with the most lol responses wins!
4. If the joke from the person above your post makes you laugh your head off type lol.
5. If a joke is of poor performance type either ok or nf !

Let the game begin, I will count the lols on the 1st January then the next game begins.

I'll start: Whats the difference between a moody muel and a maget?
Answer:Magnets have a positive side!

Heres the Best Joke Ever
http://www.tliquest.net/ryan/misc-pictures/misc_funny/you_suck.jpeg

For a heavy metal rockers, I've seen you abbreviate interweb slang...

Originally posted by Red Two
Heres the Best Joke Ever
http://www.tliquest.net/ryan/misc-pictures/misc_funny/you_suck.jpeg

Thats very funny but I'm for actual jokes eg Whats the difference smart cat and a UFO?

ANS: There have been sightings of UFOS!

LOL.......................LOL.......................LOL...............

I Thorght this was realy funny......................LOL......................LOL

...............LOL.........................LOL.....................OK I'LL STOP NOW!.............

You can't lol yourself but i'll give u a lol.

lol!

In the lead is cgbw2407 with a ace score of 1 lol!

OK we need more people to take part!

Originally posted by Darth Zedster
You can't lol yourself but i'll give u a lol.

lol!

In the lead is cgbw2407 with a ace score of 1 lol!

OK we need more people to take part!


Woohoo... im in the lead. thanx mate, and you can call me 'Chris'

2 men walk into a bar....

dumbasses

Originally posted by Red Two
Heres the Best Joke Ever
http://www.tliquest.net/ryan/misc-pictures/misc_funny/you_suck.jpeg

Lord banana!


Okay, that one sucked

A man and a little boy are walking through the forest at dark to an old cabin. The little boy says "Boy, it's scary out here!" and the man says "You think THAT'S scary? I have to go back alone!"

That was retarded

Anyway, here's my joke.
Dorothy Anne had always been a favorite amongst the residents of the nursing home, even though she was a bit senile, she was really nice. She would come zooming down the hallways of the 3rd floor at over 20mph and the others loved to mess with her when she was doing it. One day as she was rolling along. A man came out of his room and said "Stop!" "license and registration please ma'am" She grumbled and took out a Snickers bar and gave it to him "Move along" he said and so she did then a second man came out of his room "proof of insurance please ma'am." So she grumbled and took out a Kit-kat bar and gave it to him. "move along" he said and so she did then a third man came out butt-naked and penis erect and didn't said "have you been drinking ma'am. This time Dorothy blatantly sighed and yelled "Not the breathalizer test again!"

That joke just had bad taste

both very hilarious

edit: damn the top of a page

Originally posted by Great the Vraya
That was retarded

You are a total moron. You don't even understand the joke? Pathetic. It's saying he KILLS the kid!

P.S. Vraya, your joke sucked.

Three men are in an orgy. During it, the doorbell rings. One guy puts on a rope and goes to the door. "Don't continue without me." he says. So, when he comes back, he sees white all over the wall. "I said don't continue without me!" he says. One of the guys that was still in the room said "We didn't! I farted!"

When my friend told me that, I flipped out. That is the nastiest and most vile joke ever.

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
You are a total moron. You don't even understand the joke? Pathetic. It's saying he KILLS the kid!

P.S. Vraya, your joke sucked.
dude he cant think strate.he hit his head over the top of the page

Originally posted by cgbw2407


LOL! GO CHRIS!

Chris... IS IN THE LEAD WITH 2 LOLS!

MORE PEOPLE NEED TO JOIN IN!

Now it's my go Why are cooks cruel?
ans: Cos they beat the eggs and whip the cream!

1% rated. jo jo jo Merry Christmas

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
You are a total moron. You don't even understand the joke? Pathetic. It's saying he KILLS the kid!

P.S. Vraya, your joke sucked. p.s. yes, I noticed and it was still retarded.
p.s. it was funnier than yours

Originally posted by Red Two
dude he cant think strate.he hit his head over the top of the page

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
dude he cant think strate.he hit his head over the top of the page god, you're a ***...

I hope Yo Momma jokes count.

Yo momma's such a **** that her farts are white.
Yo momma's so hairy that she has afros on her nipples.
Yo momma's like Mcdonalds: Cheap, fast, and greasy.
Yo momma's like a liquid: Slippery and has many forms.
Yo momma's so ugly that she got arrested for a face crime.
Yo momma's so cold in bed that Bill Clinton had to wear an Eskimo suit.

We have a bunch of Rate Me threads already, We need no more.

"Go burn yourself and Stop posting on KMC "

Originally posted by Great the Vraya
god, you're a ***...

Naughty language and member bashing there, sport. Reported. Besides, that wasn't even me who said it.

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
Naughty language there, sport. Reported. Besides, that wasn't even me who said it.
You're a Tool, Shut up and go away.

In order to score you to get people to lol at your joke ,lol= score.

P.S I've took the role of been a ref. Don't insult people, come here to join in and laugh, if you wanna insult someone insult the ref , if your lucky you'll make my lol.

Originally posted by Vinny Valentine
You're a Tool, Shut up and go away.

Was I talking to you?

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
Naughty language and member bashing there, sport. Reported. Besides, that wasn't even me who said it. whatever, snitchy little ***...

(thought I would get another one in... )

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
Was I talking to you?

There is such chemistry between you I tell your gonna be best of enemys.

Im in the lead woo hoo...................YES

Originally posted by Great the Vraya
whatever, snitchy little ***...

(thought I would get another one in... )

Ok there Carol Brunette, calm down. Zedster asked us not to pollute his thread any more, so cool it.

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
Ok there Carol Brunette, calm down. Zedster asked us not to pollute his thread any more, so cool it.

I don't mind a little bit of silliness but I thought that went a bit to far. Thanks for taking my opinion into account.

Originally posted by Darth Zedster
I don't mind a little bit of silliness but I thought that went a bit to far. Thanks for taking my opinion into account. My pleasure

Joke away!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

Whats the difference between my cat and a bucket of Pooh?
The bucket!

It's such an annoying moggie!

Originally posted by Darth Zedster
I don't mind a little bit of silliness but I thought that went a bit to far. Thanks for taking my opinion into account.

You are welcome.

Originally posted by Great the Vraya
My pleasure

He wasn't talking to you, you primative groin spawn.

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
He wasn't talking to you, you primative groin spawn.

lol!

your in second place!

Originally posted by Darth Zedster
lol!

your in second place!

HOORAY!

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
HOORAY!

Bewarned try not to use to many insults or to offensive, the 101 perfect insults aimed at Darth Zedster was closed today. Don't close this thread by been offensive.

Joke instead!

Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner?

Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet.

What is black, white, and red all over?
A panda in a blender.

Why did Michael Jackson go to the Gap?
He heard little boy's pants were half off.

4/10



Good & bad news
An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"

Patient: "Well, give me the bad news first."

Doctor: "You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left."

Patient: "OH NO! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???"

Doctor: "You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you."

Boy, I have more jokes than Michael Jackson does skin colors!

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
Boy, I have more jokes than Michael Jackson does skin colors! 7/10

Problems driving
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"

N00b: You big babies! Tissues anyone?

UB: I'll take four. Three to shove down your throat and one to mop up the evidence.

9/10

aren't you supposed to rate my jokes?

What is the simalarity between Jim Carry and John Kerry?
They both look like they're wearing rubber masks.

Does John Kerry have a heart?
No, but he tries to support that with three purple ones.

Originally posted by johnnyforever
Problems driving
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"

6/10.

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
What is the simalarity between Jim Carry and John Kerry?
They both look like they're wearing rubber masks. 7/10

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
Does John Kerry have a heart?
No, but he tries to support that with three purple ones. 5/10

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
6/10. w00t

Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to see Niagara Falls!

Shut up and get back in the barrel!

Mickey Mouse wakes up one winter morning to see something written in the snow with pee that says "Mickey sucks." He quickly calls the police, and they investigate. Two hours later they come back.
The policeman says "We have good news and bad news. The good news is that we found out that Goofy was the one who peed 'Micky sucks' into the snow. The bad news is that it was in Minnie's handwriting."

Originally posted by johnnyforever
I don't want to see Niagra Falls!
Shut up and get back in the barrel!

3/10.

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
3/10.

How old are you?

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'

"Twenty-six," he said.

Originally posted by johnnyforever
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'

"Twenty-six," he said.

8/10.

A man walked into a bar and said "Ow!"

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
8/10.

A man walked into a bar and said "Ow!" w00t

4/10

What was its name?

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques-visulization, association-it made a huge difference for me."

"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"

Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember.

Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

4/10.

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
Mickey Mouse wakes up one winter morning to see something written in the snow with pee that says "Mickey sucks." He quickly calls the police, and they investigate. Two hours later they come back.
The policeman says "We have good news and bad news. The good news is that we found out that Goofy was the one who peed 'Micky sucks' into the snow. The bad news is that it was in Minnie's handwriting."

8/10

Hard of hearing
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.

One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."

5/10.

What is the differenence between Brittany Speares and a bucket of manure?
The bucket.

My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
5/10.

What is the differenence between Brittany Speares and a bucket of manure?
The bucket. 7/10

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. 10! w00t

How you earned it

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."

"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

Bathroom troubles

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps."

The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps."

Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up."

Eating some peanuts

There was an old man whose family could no longer afford to take care of him. So the family decided that a nusring for the aged would be appropriate.

Of course the old man rejected the idea, but no sooner he was convinced that it was the right thing to do. On his first day at the home, he spent most of his time laying in bed reflecting on life, feeling lonely. A while later, an orderly stopped by to seee how the old man's first day was going.

"How you doing today?", she said to the old man, "First day I see". The Old man replied with a nod.

In no time the two began talking up a storm. As the conversation began to drag on, the orderly was eyeing the room filled with fresh flowers, cards and balloons from friends and relatives. She noticed a bowl full of peanuts sitting on top of the table next to the bed, and help herself to a handful.

As the two continued to converse with each other, the orderly kept eating more helpings of the peanuts. She look at her watch and noticed that nearly 2 hours had passed and said, "My goodness, the time has gone by quickly. I have to tend to other people here too." "That's okay.", said the old man, "I feel so much better being able to talk to someone." Looking into the bowl the orderly said, "I feel awful! I ate almost all of your peanuts!" The old man responded, "That's okay. Ever since I got these false teeth, all I could do was suck the chocolate off of them anyhow."

6/10.

Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!"

10!

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
6/10.

Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!" Originally posted by johnnyforever
10! for that i meant.

This guy is really horny, but all he has is two dollars. He goes to the nearest whore house and says to the man working there,

"Look, I'm really horny, but all I have is two dollars. What can I get?"

"Well, the cheapest we have is one hundred dollars. But I'll cut you a deal on two conditions. For two dollars, I'll let you go down two doors on the right, but you have to wear a black condom, and leave the lights out!"

The horny man agrees and goes two doors down on the right with the black condom on and the lights out. A while later he comes back out and says to the man working there, "Man, that was the best sex I've ever had, but why did I have to wear the black condom?"

"Well, you gotta show some respect for the dead!"

Originally posted by johnnyforever
5/10

That was actually listed as the funniest joke of all time. Just lke you, I do not agree.

Football FINALLY makes sense.......

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had
great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he
asked her how she liked her first football game experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and
all those big muscles! Wow! But... I just can't understand why they
were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, and scratching his head. her date asked,

"What do you mean, 'over 25 cents'?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of
the game, all they kept screaming was:

'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!"

Two blondes were reading their daily newspapers and one of them sees a headline that says:" TWO BRAZILIAN SOLDIERS KILLED" She thinks for a minute, and then whispers to her friend, "Psssst.....how many is a Brazilian?"

Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
That was actually listed as the funniest joke of all time. Just lke you, I do not agree. srug

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that if flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage. Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest and bent over to pick it up.

Then all the other bells started to ring....

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart
.... nice children you've got there - are they twins?"
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins?........ Do you really think they look alike?"

"No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"

Bump.