Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.

**************************************************
**********




This Thread is dedicated to anyone, Gay, Bisexual, or Straight, of any Faith or Religion who has felt the need to keep a secret from their loved ones, for whatever reason...





Beleive it or not, I have not told my parents that I am bisexual...even though I pretty much remind you guys all the time with my other threads....


Now you guys may wondor.....as obnoxious or straight forward as I can be on KMC, and as straight forward and honest that I am with my freinds...why would I not have told my parents long ago, of all people ?




Well, my parents aren't exactly yay-gay Homo-Freindly people...they are entirely Heterosexist, almost on the verge of being pure Homophobic.....


My mom isn't a hateful person over all, but she can be quite judgemental. I always hear here saying things like "Why is he so gay" or "What a fkn homo" when she talks about guys she doesn't like or guys who seem to feminine to her.


I live with my mom and step father, who thnks the same way.


My biological father, however is a whole other story....he is ENTIRELY Homophobic....he works for the Delta Force, he used to be in the Marines as a Drill Sargent.... he can be quite male chovenist, and he's definately not a Gay-Freindly person, in fact, he can't STAND Gay people.....



I am very close with my family, do not get me wrong, but I never felt a ready oppurtunity to be open with them about this....



I don't want them to treat me differently. Even though I don't truly care what they think of me, I do not want thier perceptions of me to change...I don't want them to think they have a "new son" or "new brother"


It's still me.....



But since I am the Oldest Sibling, I have always been held as the "role model" for my younger brothers and sister. Anything I have ever done that my parents did not consider right, I have been penalized for.


JUST IMAGINE if they knew that I like men more than women, just imagine if they knew how promiscious I had been for the past 4 years.....I can't even think how thier perceptions of me would change, and how they may affect my family life...



My ex boyfreind actually DUMPED ME, because of the lack of freedom he had in my house...how he couldn't kiss me in front of my brothers or mom, how he couldn't say "I love you", etc.



It was heartbreaking, and totally...i dont know....just unfair.




I always told myself before, that it wouldn't matter if I told my parents or not. I always told myself that what I did was NONE of thier business, and I didn't have to say anything to them...

But when you have a relationship.....you have to tell them.....you can't keep in a secret like that. Everything will go wrong....




I think deep down inside, they somehow know....I've had "sleepovers" with other guy freinds, always making an excuse of how my car was outta gas, or how it was too late to come back home....

But the fact that I appear straight, the fact that I act pretty masculine, and the fact that they know I have dated girls, and have a huge crush on celebs like Beyonce, Carmen Electra, etc. still convince them that I'm probably straight.....




I'm not sure how to come out, but I KNOW I have too

Your father is Chuck Norris? Sweet...
http://img70.imageshack.us/img70/9610/thedeltaforce2dvdcoverahb6.jpg

Edit: I just realized I derailed your thread in the 2nd post of it's life... sorry. To remain on topic, go up to your parents and step-parent and just say "Mom, dads... I like both oysters and snails." © Spartacus

Ha! I love The Delta Force. (the first one)

nothing beats 'missing in action'

:edit: this thread would be better if it was
"Coming on Your Family or Loved Ones"

hehehe

The worst part is probably the time before telling it.

And if they don't want to know you anymore after you tell them you are gay then really you aren't losing much

Originally posted by Lord Urizen
**************************************************
**********




This Thread is dedicated to anyone, Gay, Bisexual, or Straight, of any Faith or Religion who has felt the need to keep a secret from their loved ones, for whatever reason...





Beleive it or not, I have not told my parents that I am bisexual...even though I pretty much remind you guys all the time with my other threads....


Now you guys may wondor.....as obnoxious or straight forward as I can be on KMC, and as straight forward and honest that I am with my freinds...why would I not have told my parents long ago, of all people ?




Well, my parents aren't exactly yay-gay Homo-Freindly people...they are entirely Heterosexist, almost on the verge of being pure Homophobic.....


My mom isn't a hateful person over all, but she can be quite judgemental. I always hear here saying things like "Why is he so gay" or "What a fkn homo" when she talks about guys she doesn't like or guys who seem to feminine to her.


I live with my mom and step father, who thnks the same way.


My biological father, however is a whole other story....he is ENTIRELY Homophobic....he works for the Delta Force, he used to be in the Marines as a Drill Sargent.... he can be quite male chovenist, and he's definately not a Gay-Freindly person, in fact, he can't STAND Gay people.....



I am very close with my family, do not get me wrong, but I never felt a ready oppurtunity to be open with them about this....



I don't want them to treat me differently. Even though I don't truly care what they think of me, I do not want thier perceptions of me to change...I don't want them to think they have a "new son" or "new brother"


It's still me.....



But since I am the Oldest Sibling, I have always been held as the "role model" for my younger brothers and sister. Anything I have ever done that my parents did not consider right, I have been penalized for.


JUST IMAGINE if they knew that I like men more than women, just imagine if they knew how promiscious I had been for the past 4 years.....I can't even think how thier perceptions of me would change, and how they may affect my family life...



My ex boyfreind actually DUMPED ME, because of the lack of freedom he had in my house...how he couldn't kiss me in front of my brothers or mom, how he couldn't say "I love you", etc.



It was heartbreaking, and totally...i dont know....just unfair.




I always told myself before, that it wouldn't matter if I told my parents or not. I always told myself that what I did was NONE of thier business, and I didn't have to say anything to them...

But when you have a relationship.....you have to tell them.....you can't keep in a secret like that. Everything will go wrong....




I think deep down inside, they somehow know....I've had "sleepovers" with other guy freinds, always making an excuse of how my car was outta gas, or how it was too late to come back home....

But the fact that I appear straight, the fact that I act pretty masculine, and the fact that they know I have dated girls, and have a huge crush on celebs like Beyonce, Carmen Electra, etc. still convince them that I'm probably straight.....




I'm not sure how to come out, but I KNOW I have too
I haven't told my parents that I am either. My Dad and I were sitting in the living room and I was discussing my gay friends--one in particular, Jamie, who's one of my best friends. Dad told me that he was brought up to go against gays because of what the Bible says. He is against gay marriage as well. He just kept on ranting about how it was wrong to be gay and I kept ranting back that people can't help it if they're gay or whatever orientation they are. That's where I decided to keep my to myself, because my dad would disown me if he found out, and if he found out after I was 18 (I turn 18 in May) he'd probably kick me out of the house or not speak to me, either one--I don't know which is worse, truthfully because I love my dad. My girl cousin has a girlfriend right now, and I haven' told him, and I won't.

Originally posted by Yuna_And_Tidus
I haven't told my parents that I am either. My Dad and I were sitting in the living room and I was discussing my gay friends--one in particular, Jamie, who's one of my best friends. Dad told me that he was brought up to go against gays because of what the Bible says. He is against gay marriage as well. He just kept on ranting about how it was wrong to be gay and I kept ranting back that people can't help it if they're gay or whatever orientation they are. That's where I decided to keep my to myself, because my dad would disown me if he found out, and if he found out after I was 18 (I turn 18 in May) he'd probably kick me out of the house or not speak to me, either one--I don't know which is worse, truthfully because I love my dad. My girl cousin has a girlfriend right now, and I haven' told him, and I won't.

Yeah your dad sounds like a real nice guy... If you are so scared to lose your fathers love then he doesn't really love you anyway... My god it's not like you just became a Muslim, now that's bad... Muslims suck just ask Ashley Blue

http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/8778/bb1c7eb7/index.html

Anyways seriously, if your father won't accept that you are gay or whatever then perhaps you should ask yourself if his opinion should even matter. Besides people might radically change their opinion once they all of a sudden know gay people and realize that it has nothing to do with choice, or how they were raised and it doesn't automatically means they are the very definition of evil.

a parent who does not love their child unconditionally is not a fit and functional parent imho.
all too common among parents, and quite shameful.

Ask "What IF" questions to your parents. "What if you found out your child was gay..etc, would you still love them?" Or if you brought up something you've heard someone say, then say.."I wonder how their parents took it,..how would you take it, if you thought I was Bi/gay..etc." In other words ask probing questions to know which avenue to take that would best most beneficial and productive...

Yeah, yeah, we get it--you're bisekshul.

forget something?

droolio

Indeed.

droolio

Well what if everyone was gay and you had to tell your parents you were straight? Similar to a twilight zone I saw once.....well sorta but not...well ...oh never mind.

I honestly don't know what I am at this point. I'm not afraid of what my mom will do, she'll love me all the same, it's just the fact that I don't have clue that keeps me from saying anything

Originally posted by Strangelove
I honestly don't know what I am at this point. I'm not afraid of what my mom will do, she'll love me all the same, it's just the fact that I don't have clue that keeps me from saying anything
Son, the term is "zoophiliac."

Originally posted by Fishy
Yeah your dad sounds like a real nice guy... If you are so scared to lose your fathers love then he doesn't really love you anyway... My god it's not like you just became a Muslim, now that's bad... Muslims suck just ask Ashley Blue

http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/8778/bb1c7eb7/index.html

Anyways seriously, if your father won't accept that you are gay or whatever then perhaps you should ask yourself if his opinion should even matter. Besides people might radically change their opinion once they all of a sudden know gay people and realize that it has nothing to do with choice, or how they were raised and it doesn't automatically means they are the very definition of evil.
Nuh-uh! My Dad loves me more than life, but he was just brought up on the Bible WAY too strictly!

Originally posted by Strangelove
I honestly don't know what I am at this point. I'm not afraid of what my mom will do, she'll love me all the same, it's just the fact that I don't have clue that keeps me from saying anything First give her some articles to read or something, then start a conversation.......I'm such a diplomat psychologist..

Originally posted by Yuna_And_Tidus
Nuh-uh! My Dad loves me more than life, but he was just brought up on the Bible WAY too strictly!

If he loves you more then life he will love you more then the interpretation of a 2000 year old book by some stupid priests.

Put out some real history about the Sodom and Gomorrah story and they will see what the real story is.

Originally posted by Strangelove
I honestly don't know what I am at this point. I'm not afraid of what my mom will do, she'll love me all the same, it's just the fact that I don't have clue that keeps me from saying anything

Here's a song that might help you figure things out.

K0VLqeXPeMg

I love helping people.

You know, if Urizen's boyfriend broke up with him because he couldn't say "I love you" around Urizen's family, it's likely that he didn't mean it anyway.

Originally posted by FeceMan
You know, if Urizen's boyfriend broke up with him because he couldn't say "I love you" around Urizen's family, it's likely that he didn't mean it anyway.

Really? If an excommando was going to come after me for loving his son I would avoid mentioning that I loved him.

Originally posted by Symmetric Chaos
Really? If an excommando was going to come after me for loving his son I would avoid mentioning that I loved him.
Way to miss the point.

Originally posted by FeceMan
Son, the term is "zoophiliac." we prefer 'interspecies erotica'Originally posted by debbiejo
First give her some articles to read or something, then start a conversation.......I'm such a diplomat psychologist.. No...you're a moronOriginally posted by debbiejo
Put out some real history about the Sodom and Gomorrah story and they will see what the real story is. No

Originally posted by Adam_PoE
Here's a song that might help you figure things out.

K0VLqeXPeMg

I love helping people. Carlos Mencia is a comedy lowlife. How dare you.

Originally posted by Strangelove
Carlos Mencia is a comedy lowlife. How dare you.

Perhaps, but it is clearly appropriate.

Originally posted by FeceMan
Way to miss the point.

I'll admit to having a limited concept of love (for me selfpreservation overrides telling people I love them)

Urizen said that his father was an exmilitary homophobe thats not the type of person I want thinking I'm gay (and in love with his son). Not saying "I love you" to Urizen around a guy like that isn't lack of love its common sense.

Originally posted by Adam_PoE
Perhaps, but it is clearly appropriate. I didn't watch, I hate him so much

Originally posted by Symmetric Chaos
Not saying "I love you" to Urizen around a guy like that isn't lack of love its common sense.

No, it is cowardly.

Originally posted by Adam_PoE
Here's a song that might help you figure things out.

K0VLqeXPeMg

I love helping people.

No for god's sake don't listen to anything that wannabe mexican hack of a comedian has to say. He pretends to be mexican so he can say beaner all the time. He's terrible.

Originally posted by Adam_PoE
No, it is cowardly.

thats another interperetation (I like mine better)

Originally posted by BackFire
No for god's sake don't listen to anything that wannabe mexican hack of a comedian has to say. He pretends to be mexican so he can say beaner all the time. He's terrible.

I think he has a point, "If you think you might be gay, then you're gay."

He's still the shittiest comedian that has miraculously become popular. Besides, that's barely a point. A 5 year old could tell you that, a shitty comedian should make a punchline following that, and "der dddeerr derrrrrrr" doesn't count. That's worse then "Git 'er done'.

Originally posted by Strangelove
No...you're a moron No Why?

Originally posted by BackFire
He's still the shittiest comedian that has miraculously become popular. Besides, that's barely a point. A 5 year old could tell you that, a shitty comedian should make a punchline following that, and "der dddeerr derrrrrrr" doesn't count. That's worse then "Git 'er done'. Speaking of which, it's Carlos Mencia and the BCC Tour that are ruining stand-up for the rest of us. Assholes disgust

Everyone is giving their opinion and you shit on them............keep it to your self then....don't ask here.

Originally posted by debbiejo
Why? Giving your parents articles to read? telling them about Sodom and Gomorrah? Are you serious?

Originally posted by Strangelove
Giving your parents articles to read? telling them about Sodom and Gomorrah? Are you serious? Educate them and do away with their prejudice........simple.......

It opens conversation and that's what you want right???? Or do you...??

Originally posted by debbiejo
Educate them and do away with their prejudice........simple.......

It opens conversation and that's what you want right???? Or do you...?? the smart thing to do is to just sit your parents down, and come out and say it! (no pun intended). It's a waste of time and just plain stupid to try and open a conversation. You know what's a great conversation opener? "Hey, Mom and Dad, I'm gay!" Simple as that.

Originally posted by Strangelove
the smart thing to do is to just sit your parents down, and come out and say it! (no pun intended). It's a waste of time and just plain stupid to try and open a conversation. You know what's a great conversation opener? "Hey, Mom and Dad, I'm gay!" Simple as that. If you say so.

Originally posted by debbiejo
If you say so. I do

Originally posted by Lord Urizen
I'm not sure how to come out, but I KNOW I have too

A Resource Guide to Coming Out.PDF

imho you should only tell your parents if you've come to the realisation that you actually want to get into a committed relationship with someone of the same sex.

How would you tell your 50's or 60's parents this........Ok 60's might not be so bad......but what would be your Ice Breaker?......"Hey, got cookies...can you guess what's different about them??" lol

well i just think it would be better to come out in a committed relationship. so at least your telling them you're in love with someone as opposed to simply "i like to **** the same sex".

Well imho that would be more harsh.........better to let them know ahead of time your thinking and the what's and why's...why wait to stun them in this way?

Example:: Hey mom/dad this is Mark, we are lovers and we're gonna get hitched now.

Mom: What!!?

Bob: Well yeah, any problem with that?

Mom: Well damn......I'm gonna die now.

Bob: You don't love me anymore?

Mom: Why didn't I know? Why didn't you say something?

Bob: Mom, you always talk about people like you know them..negative.

Mom: I'm gonna die, wait until your father finds out.!!!..And your cousins and my neighbors for gods sake.....look at what you're doing to this family! Don't you care about us??

Bob:..But Mom....


The different scenarios would be to a new level and not to surprise is all I am saying.

If this is a stereotypical thing... then I am sorry.......I am not meaning too....

BTW, it did sound better in my head.............

Originally posted by debbiejo
Well imho that would be more harsh.........better to let them know ahead of time your thinking and the what's and why's...why wait to stun them in this way?

then they may still harbor dillusions that its just a phase and that they can possibly talk you out of it.

I don't see it that way.........The truth would come out either way, but it is the way that one might want it to come out............This is not a cookie cutter situation.........Words and communication can be like cream on a pie in some instances..........The sense in a scense even to talk what one what may considering the "lay down" first.............


Communication is what this spieces are..............Is a lack of this a good thing.........

BTW, I don''t know about being in these shoes, only that there are similare shoes...............

I'm sorry, some of this sounds like drama, it's funny that the exact thing your parents hate, you are "secretly" desiring behind their back, good thing they don't use the "n" word, or else I would hear u stating, "I just love black hoes, but my mum says..., will kick me out if...yet, I every other thread is about them, and I don't know if I should ever tell them that..." and the drama goes ON.


I know there are parents who are hard azzes, I had one too, and would DREAM about doing the exact opposite just to say "hey, i am in control here", I just wonder how much of this is attention seeking or just sweet revenge on the "taboo" issues your parents hate. Better a parent never shows any difference toward gay or race, and then, may find out if their children do go "that" way, which is probably going to be rare, it'll be b/c of their own desire and not a sweet rebellion.

Originally posted by Oncewhite
I'm sorry, some of this sounds like drama, it's funny that the exact thing your parents hate, you are "secretly" desiring behind their back, good thing they don't use the "n" word, or else I would hear u stating, "I just love black hoes, but my mum says..., will kick me out if...yet, I every other thread is about them, and I don't know if I should ever tell them that..." and the drama goes ON.


I know there are parents who are hard azzes, I had one too, and would DREAM about doing the exact opposite just to say "hey, i am in control here", I just wonder how much of this is attention seeking or just sweet revenge on the "taboo" issues your parents hate. Better a parent never shows any difference toward gay or race, and then, may find out if their children do go "that" way, which is probably going to be rare, it'll be b/c of their own desire and not a sweet rebellion. There's a huge difference between a girl dating a boy she knows her father wouldn't approve of and a homosexual/bisexual individual who has anti-gay parents.

Originally posted by FeceMan
You know, if Urizen's boyfriend broke up with him because he couldn't say "I love you" around Urizen's family, it's likely that he didn't mean it anyway.


Sometimes that's what I think....why couldn't he just wait til I was ready to come out with it ?


WE had fun anyways, and I was at least free in his house to act the way I felt...sometimes I wondor if that was just an excuse to break up with me.....wouldn't be surprised....

Originally posted by Oncewhite
I'm sorry, some of this sounds like drama, it's funny that the exact thing your parents hate, you are "secretly" desiring behind their back, good thing they don't use the "n" word, or else I would hear u stating, "I just love black hoes, but my mum says..., will kick me out if...yet, I every other thread is about them, and I don't know if I should ever tell them that..." and the drama goes ON.


I know there are parents who are hard azzes, I had one too, and would DREAM about doing the exact opposite just to say "hey, i am in control here", I just wonder how much of this is attention seeking or just sweet revenge on the "taboo" issues your parents hate. Better a parent never shows any difference toward gay or race, and then, may find out if their children do go "that" way, which is probably going to be rare, it'll be b/c of their own desire and not a sweet rebellion.




Do you know wtf you're even talking about ?







Originally posted by PVS
imho you should only tell your parents if you've come to the realisation that you actually want to get into a committed relationship with someone of the same sex.



Yeah, that was what was keeping me from telling them in the first place...I used to only date girls, and just f*ck around with guys for fun.


However, I have had strong feelings for other guys, and even though my every attempt at maintaining a same-sex relationship has failed (but then again so have my opposite-sex relationships), I still know that I would love to have a relationship with another guy.


Trust me, if it was just a desire to f*ck around, I wouldn't say shit to them, there'd be no need 2.

But this isn't just about wanting "sexual freedom" as Oncewhite and other Conservatives here may imagine.....Sooner or later, I am going to fall in Love with another guy, and I can't he hiding that shit from the people who are supposed to love me the most.




Originally posted by Adam Poe
A Resource Guide to Coming Out.PDF



Thanks, I'll be sure to check it out

edited