-X-Dr.Gonzo-X-
February 1st, 2007
I'm at that point in my life where I have to decided where to take it, sooner or later I'm going to have to make a choice, but I'd rather it be sooner than later. I feel I've just been playing it safe, still living at home, working for my dad, but what I would really like is to be on my own. Maybe I'm afraid and I'm just using money as an excuse. There are so many things I want to do, but I can't do them all, I feel that there is just so little time to achieve them. For example, cross-country road trip, need a car for that, need money for a car. Also I would very much like to go study in England for 6 months, no reason why I choose England really, I'd go anywhere as long as it's not here. I'm thinking the farther the better. I'm just so confused, I try looking at myself in the future, where I'd end up, what kind of person I'd be, will I be happy, that's all I want, I want to be happy. I want a job that I love, a woman I love, I don't know maybe that's too much to ask for. Sometimes I look at other people, strangers on the street and wonder if they're happy, if they love their life, if they got everything they ever wanted... and i honestly think that not a lot of people get what they want and what would make me different from anyone of them... nothing. Which scares me the most, and if I take that one step forward I might fail. I'm waiting for answers that'll never come and by the time I get them it could be too late, which is why I gotta get out there, take risks, do whatever it takes to get what I want. Which is another unanswered question for me, what do I want, what do I really want?
I'm at that point in my life where I have to decided where to take it, sooner or later I'm going to have to make a choice, but I'd rather it be sooner than later. I feel I've just been playing it safe, still living at home, working for my dad, but what I would really like is to be on my own. Maybe I'm afraid and I'm just using money as an excuse. There are so many things I want to do, but I can't do them all, I feel that there is just so little time to achieve them. For example, cross-country road trip, need a car for that, need money for a car. Also I would very much like to go study in England for 6 months, no reason why I choose England really, I'd go anywhere as long as it's not here. I'm thinking the farther the better. I'm just so confused, I try looking at myself in the future, where I'd end up, what kind of person I'd be, will I be happy, that's all I want, I want to be happy. I want a job that I love, a woman I love, I don't know maybe that's too much to ask for. Sometimes I look at other people, strangers on the street and wonder if they're happy, if they love their life, if they got everything they ever wanted... and i honestly think that not a lot of people get what they want and what would make me different from anyone of them... nothing. Which scares me the most, and if I take that one step forward I might fail. I'm waiting for answers that'll never come and by the time I get them it could be too late, which is why I gotta get out there, take risks, do whatever it takes to get what I want. Which is another unanswered question for me, what do I want, what do I really want?