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Do you plan to have lots of children? If so, why?

Today, I was out and about, and decided to people watch while waiting on something. I observed 3 children, one toddler, one oldest child, and the middle one. The older kid was about 5 years old and seemed to push the middle one around. Well, the middle kid wanted attention from the older child, and the older one would shrugge her off, then the older one did something that really caught my attention even more, she stated (to her middle sister) in front of both parents "mommy is MY FRIEND and the baby is my friend, they are not your friends, and we don't belong to you". I was outraged, and looked for the parents response, they did nothing, the mother gave an embarrassing glance, the father just kept feeding the middle one sugar-drinks every time the older one pushed her away, and when the younger one would touch the baby, the older one would shun her away. I was like WOW, they are really setting up a strong middle child syndrome in this toddler.

Then, I wondered why people have kids knowing they will emotionally abuse at least one of them.

Will you all have kids, and if so, will it be 3 or more? 3 kids are tough, as one will always feel left out, usually the middle one. But sometimes, the middle one will learn the game and then align with another sibling and out caste the other, either way, one person is usually in the outs.

No plan for future children, I don't intend to burden my future wife with the agonizing pain of having to push a stork out of her you know what.

I fully intend to. I'm aiming for at least three. I get the easiest part, all I have to do is hold her hand...

Originally posted by Oncewhite
Do you plan to have lots of children? If so, why?

Today, I was out and about, and decided to people watch while waiting on something. I observed 3 children, one toddler, one oldest child, and the middle one. The older kid was about 5 years old and seemed to push the middle one around. Well, the middle kid wanted attention from the older child, and the older one would shrugge her off, then the older one did something that really caught my attention even more, she stated (to her middle sister) in front of both parents "mommy is MY FRIEND and the baby is my friend, they are not your friends, and we don't belong to you". I was outraged, and looked for the parents response, they did nothing, the mother gave an embarrassing glance, the father just kept feeding the middle one sugar-drinks every time the older one pushed her away, and when the younger one would touch the baby, the older one would shun her away. I was like WOW, they are really setting up a strong middle child syndrome in this toddler.

Then, I wondered why people have kids knowing they will emotionally abuse at least one of them.

Will you all have kids, and if so, will it be 3 or more? 3 kids are tough, as one will always feel left out, usually the middle one. But sometimes, the middle one will learn the game and then align with another sibling and out caste the other, either way, one person is usually in the outs.

Wow...is that actually proven, or do you just think that one is always left out?

Originally posted by Oncewhite
Then, I wondered why people have kids knowing they will emotionally abuse at least one of them.

And people call me a pessimist.

I guess the world would be a better place if people thought "Hmmm, we are going to emotionally abuse one of our children, so we best not take the risk and have none."

Granted, humanity would have died out long ago, but eh.



Kids are bastards, usually at some point, and by rights should grow out of it once their mental faculties start developing.. But they rarely seem to take such things to heart. I mean five years old? The malicious little tyke is like a mini-Hitler - middle age kid who must be, what, 2-4 will remember those words for the rest of its life and never be happy again.



I was one of five kids (2 boys, 3 girls), and I was the eldest (by a couple of years.) A lot of expectations seem to be placed on the eldest child. Anyway I can't actually say any of what you are describing really happened to any great extent.

Still having children isn't a great drive in my life, but I expect it will happen at some point, and to be honest I don't really want more then one, two at most (but then it isn't just my decision.)

we want 2 of them.

I want 3-4

Originally posted by Imperial_Samura
And people call me a pessimist.

Anyway I can't actually say any of what you are describing really happened to any great extent.




Yeah, the ones that don't recall what happend are the ones who usually cause(d) a lot of problems.

I don't want children ermm 1 max.

Originally posted by Blaxican
I fully intend to. I'm aiming for at least three. I get the easiest part, all I have to do is hold her hand...

yeah, but wouldn't your wife (or girlfriend) have to approve of this? What if she has a hard time in labor, remember from the last post, babies that come from hard labor (if male) end up being gay....(don't get upset at me, please, it was based on some info I found online)..

Originally posted by Oncewhite
yeah, but wouldn't your wife (or girlfriend) have to approve of this? What if she has a hard time in labor, remember from the last post, babies that come from hard labor (if male) end up being gay....(don't get upset at me, please, it was based on some info I found online)..

Though not accurate information.

I'm an ******* who would rather spend my money on sports cars and vacations then kids.

If people are not worrying about some ridiculous 'precept' like 'the middle child syndrome', then they're worrying about something else.

Obviously, it is a parent's responsibility to protect their children from bullying and accusations of favoritism, but the best way of doing this is by instilling in them preventative behavioral beliefs. However, people should just get on with it; life is life, and putting stupid labels on everything is not going to change it.

I want the regular 2.4 children. The .4 kid will probably be called something weird like 'Puddlefloor'. No why.

Originally posted by Oncewhite
yeah, but wouldn't your wife (or girlfriend) have to approve of this? What if she has a hard time in labor, remember from the last post, babies that come from hard labor (if male) end up being gay....(don't get upset at me, please, it was based on some info I found online)..

A) Your info is false. I would just to like to point that out right now.

B) she would. She would have to approve of it before Marriage actually.

I was the oldest of 4 and only girl. The pecking order can be kinda cruel. The oldest is the "experimental" child. If they screw up with them then the parents have many more times to get it right. By the time the baby, last child, comes along. They've learned quite well. I say that some middle children kinda get pushed aside, not all though. It's just that parents are dealing with the older and much time is spent with the baby leaving the middle one to entertain themselves a bit more. Of course this isn't true in all families especially very large ones..........

Wish I was the youngest child, I would of gotten my college and car paid for...

Here, I'll play me a song. nopity

Originally posted by Oncewhite
Do you plan to have lots of children? If so, why?

Today, I was out and about, and decided to people watch while waiting on something. I observed 3 children, one toddler, one oldest child, and the middle one. The older kid was about 5 years old and seemed to push the middle one around. Well, the middle kid wanted attention from the older child, and the older one would shrugge her off, then the older one did something that really caught my attention even more, she stated (to her middle sister) in front of both parents "mommy is MY FRIEND and the baby is my friend, they are not your friends, and we don't belong to you". I was outraged, and looked for the parents response, they did nothing, the mother gave an embarrassing glance, the father just kept feeding the middle one sugar-drinks every time the older one pushed her away, and when the younger one would touch the baby, the older one would shun her away. I was like WOW, they are really setting up a strong middle child syndrome in this toddler.

Then, I wondered why people have kids knowing they will emotionally abuse at least one of them.

Will you all have kids, and if so, will it be 3 or more? 3 kids are tough, as one will always feel left out, usually the middle one. But sometimes, the middle one will learn the game and then align with another sibling and out caste the other, either way, one person is usually in the outs.

I have 3 sons, which is enough for me.

And to be honest, I think my middle has 'Middle Child Syndrome'. Even though my youngest is the 'outcast'.

I'd want 2 or 3

Originally posted by Blaxican
I fully intend to. I'm aiming for at least three. I get the easiest part, all I have to do is hold her hand...

Originally posted by Oncewhite
Yeah, the ones that don't recall what happend are the ones who usually cause(d) a lot of problems.

Well, nice way to misunderstand - I didn't say "I can't recall/remember", I said what you are describing didn't happen to any great extent.

Kids fight - are there any that don't? However ones that maintain a consistent and sustained relationship of emotional abuse are far rarer then you make out. Ergo I used my own life experiences as an example of "3+ kids" who show no signs of having undergone "middle child syndrome."

Likewise it is sometimes assumed that some parents will have favorites - but once again this does not equate into anything that would constitutes actual emotional abuse.

I think you are overstating the theory and its supporting evidence. While it can exist it doesnt warrent:

"Then, I wondered why people have kids knowing they will emotionally abuse at least one of them."



Kind of true. I was lucky - I can't say my parents messed up. However being the eldest, as well as being "far to serious" (something one of my teachers actually said once "While it's not a bad thing he can be far to serious" meant I got given a lot of responsibility. Which wasn't so bad, since I am a responsible type.



Where on earth did you get that claim? Babies from difficult births end up gay? What absurdness is this?

I can assure you that info is false. False... and stupid.

already had my surgery so no kids

Originally posted by Quiero Mota
I have 3 sons, which is enough for me.

And to be honest, I think my middle has 'Middle Child Syndrome'. Even though my youngest is the 'outcast'.

I don't want to put you on the spot, but did you favor the oldest? I have a theory (here we go AGAIN), that some parents treat their kids well depending on how the relationship/finances is going during the time of the child's birth, and I even had a boss from China who told me his family was this way, now I can't state that all Chinese families are this way, of course not, but he did state that depending on the luck during the child's birth, depends on if they see that child as a good luck or bad luck, if one of his siblings was born during a time of low cash or trouble wiyhin the relationship, that child may be dismissed as a bad luck child.

Maybe you favored the oldest because it marked a great time in your relationship. That's my theory, that some parents will project their happiness with their relationship with their spouse upon the child, so if the child is a "make up" baby, and things still aren't resolved (as the olden days was if the relationship is bad, have a baby, a baby will bring the relationship together), then that baby may be tossed aside by both.

Bottom line: do Not have children unless you are emotionally AND financially able to support them. Life is already uphill work; why steepen the incline for both you and them.

I'd like about 18 kids. That way I can get a reality show to come in my house and get tons of money and fame. With that Nanny 911 witch babysitting, I'll be out spending the dough and signing autographs.

Originally posted by Naz
I don't want children ermm 1 max.
none or one?

Another thing is the way the child looks...let's say that a relationship (love) is never always 50-50, someone loves the other a bit more then the other. When this happens that person who loves more has less power, but usually doesn't care. Now, when they have children, if the dominate parent is mean and just takes love as a power game, that parent may dismiss the kid that looks like the parent that is loving, and give favor to the one who looks like them, and since the parent that is so loving gives into the dominate partner, he/she may also neglect the one that looks like him/her just to please the dominate one.

Doesn't happen all the time, but could be ONE reason why parents have favorites and sometimes, set up some siblings to have emotional problems, the other reason would be associating a child with good or bad luck (such as during times of financial or otherwise prosperity).

never heard of associating a child with luck.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
never heard of associating a child with luck.


usually, the spouse or parent that is doing it is clever enough never to articulate it that way (at least not in front of the unlucky children), just like the ones who play favorites aren't always the type to say it "jan or jack is my favorite", but it's observed by either the other spouse or several other siblings who call it on the parent or both parents.

if a parent sees a child as a good luck child, they tends to reminisce about either a good time during that child's birth, the good time could be financial or the time they were most in love with their spouse, and again, this child ends up feeling special above the other children who may not have born during such times (as the parents may be losing their relationship and may think that the child was what brought them happiness, or that's when they were most happy, so they try again during make up sex, hoping to make the relationship better, but it doesn't work, so they keep trying for more babies) and a spouse or the other siblings may observe favoritism toward that child (assuming it's the dominate parent that is pulling this card). sometimes, the other siblings will notice that nothing positive is said during the time of their birth, but mostly during the other sibling, it's a strong indication (esp if playing favorites) that the reason for favorite playing is that the child was born during a really good time. the opposite would be true too, esp if a spouse is cheating and looks like the cheating spouse, the child maybe abused emotionally or told they are crap or no good just like their father/mother, etc. meaning, they were born into a bad time, but usually the parent is going to be so egocentric, they won't be able to articulate and reflect if this is true, they just want to lash out at the bi-product of the hurt.

the worst is having a child to save a marriage, and if that marriage doesn't survive, that child is as good as nothing to both of them, unless one of the parents has a really really good natured heart.

Originally posted by Oncewhite
Do you plan to have lots of children?




Nope

nope, set my mind on having two.

Originally posted by Oncewhite
usually, the spouse or parent that is doing it is clever enough never to articulate it that way, just like the ones who play favorites aren't always the type to say it "jan or jack is my favorite", but it's observed by either the other spouse or several other siblings who call it on the parent or both parents.

if a parent sees a child as a good luck child, they tends to reminisce about either a good time during that child's birth, the good time could be financial or the time they were most in love with their spouse, and again, this child ends up feeling special above the other children who may not have born during such times (as the parents may be losing their relationship and may think that the child was what brought them happiness, or that's when they were most happy, so they try again during make up sex, hoping to make the relationship better, but it doesn't work, so they keep trying for more babies) and a spouse or the other siblings may observe favoritism toward that child (assuming it's the dominate parent that is pulling this card). sometimes, the other siblings will notice that nothing positive is said during the time of their birth, but mostly during the other sibling, it's a strong indication (esp if playing favorites) that the reason for favorite playing is that the child was born during a really good time. the opposite would be true too, esp if a spouse is cheating and looks like the cheating spouse, the child maybe abused emotionally or told they are crap or no good just like their father/mother, etc. meaning, they were born into a bad time, but usually the parent is going to be so egocentric, they won't be able to articulate and reflect if this is true, they just want to lash out at the bi-product of the hurt.

the worse is having a child to save a marriage, and if that marriage didn't survive, that child is as good as nothing to both of them, unless one of the parent has a really really good natured heart.
a woman having a child to save a marriage, that i have heard of.

I hope to have a lil Bobby running around the house someday.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
a woman having a child to save a marriage, that i have heard of.

sorry to say it, not only a woman, i've heard RUMORS of men who have dropped their seed in a female to tie her down (other men won't want her anymore and she's tied to him for at least 20 years)...it's not only females who play this control game, and they don't have to be married to accomplish this! i know of one guy who got his wife pregno when she wanted a divorce, they eventually divorced, but he has access to her for 20 years, and other guys are going to be sluggish to come around a woman with a child or children. it's a control tool used by both sexes who are into control games, were children are taught in the cross fire.

At this point in my life....I doubt I'll have kids. I'm in my early 30's and usually big families begin in the mid 20's. I'm a fifth member of three brothers and one sister. My parents were in the early 20's when my first brother was born. I once thought of having my own big family...but time just washes that away.

Originally posted by WrathfulDwarf
At this point in my life....I doubt I'll have kids. I'm in my early 30's and usually big families begin in the mid 20's. I'm a fifth member of three brothers and one sister. My parents were in the early 20's when my first brother was born. I once thought of having my own big family...but time just washes that away. adopt

1 Child= Possiblities of being a Spoiled brat.

More than one= They will learn to share

I'll have two: a boy and a girl.

My dad had me and my sister, my grandpa had my dad and my aunt.

Kinda runs in our family.

Originally posted by sithsaber408
I'll have two: a boy and a girl.

My dad had me and my sister, my grandpa had my dad and my aunt.

Kinda runs in our family.

What? Having kids?

I look after someones children quite often, there is three of them. Gosh it can be hard work.
I would probably only have two! two gives each other the company, also just a nice number to have as kids start to can jelous when more arrive in the family. Also freedom is a great thign to have and two isnt too bad

I don't even know if I want kids, period. Let alone several.

Period?

I would really love a child but i also realize what has to be given up when having them. I am so against giving birth because i don't want the hastle and pain for 9 months haha. I prefer adopting a child period.
It wouldnt be like me then

Originally posted by Oncewhite
I don't want to put you on the spot, but did you favor the oldest? I have a theory (here we go AGAIN), that some parents treat their kids well depending on how the relationship/finances is going during the time of the child's birth, and I even had a boss from China who told me his family was this way, now I can't state that all Chinese families are this way, of course not, but he did state that depending on the luck during the child's birth, depends on if they see that child as a good luck or bad luck, if one of his siblings was born during a time of low cash or trouble wiyhin the relationship, that child may be dismissed as a bad luck child.

Maybe you favored the oldest because it marked a great time in your relationship. That's my theory, that some parents will project their happiness with their relationship with their spouse upon the child, so if the child is a "make up" baby, and things still aren't resolved (as the olden days was if the relationship is bad, have a baby, a baby will bring the relationship together), then that baby may be tossed aside by both.

I favor them each uniquely for different things. And I have different expectations for each of them.

No I don't have a favorite, if that's what you want to know.

Originally posted by Shakyamunison
What? Having kids?

No, having 1 boy and 1 girl.

Originally posted by sithsaber408
No, having 1 boy and 1 girl.

I know, I just had to joke with you.

Oh yea, i would want one boy or two girls

Originally posted by sithsaber408
I'll have two: a boy and a girl.

My dad had me and my sister, my grandpa had my dad and my aunt.

Kinda runs in our family.

One of them will be gay.

As for me, I'd like to have one son.

Originally posted by Capt_Fantastic
One of them will be gay.

As for me, I'd like to have one son.

WRONG! They'll both be raised in a gay-proof Christian enviroment.

Originally posted by Quiero Mota
I favor them each uniquely for different things. And I have different expectations for each of them.

No I don't have a favorite, if that's what you want to know.

YOUR PLAYING FAAAAVORITESSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! imo, lol.


I know of a family who's dad did that, and it's funny....he had one of them in civil engineering when she should have been a private investigator or IA (internal affairs)....and had the other one in some other school program and she ended up as a computer programmer, so yeah...he thought he knew, kids put on a face even for their parents.

in which countries is there a limit of how many kids you can have ?

Originally posted by spidey-dude
in which countries is there a limit of how many kids you can have ?

China- one child policy (up until 2010)
India - ?? I read somewhere that they were adopting a policy, but I think it was also in favor of boys, and riding of girls...

I'd love to have dozens of children - but seeing as that would eventually result in the death of my significant other, I'd be content with one bundle of joy.

Originally posted by Oncewhite
China- one child policy (up until 2010)
India - ?? I read somewhere that they were adopting a policy, but I think it was also in favor of boys, and riding of girls...
riding girls?

Originally posted by Oncewhite
China- one child policy (up until 2010)
India - ?? I read somewhere that they were adopting a policy, but I think it was also in favor of boys, and riding of girls...



The Indian government wouldn't adopt a policy condemning the birth of females. We studied this in one of my classes this year: What you refer to is called "female infanticide," where, when a female child is born, she is killed or left in the wilderness to die. It turns out that this stems from a complicated caste-system which requires hefty doweries to be paid at a daughter's betrothal.

So, it ultimately comes down to the fact that people in India are so poor they'd rather kill or abandon their daughters while they're infants in order to spare the family the shame of having wedless daughters.

It's important to note that this is not practiced by all Indian people, but is definitely a growing concern in the more rural northern areas of India, such as by the Ganges.

girls.....riding.....hehehehe

sorry, i couldnt help it.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
riding girls?

OMG , it's a wonder what an extra "d" can do for a sentence. I meant RIDDING, ridding of girls...not riding girls, you perv!!!!!!!!!!

hey, you typed it, little lady.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
hey, you typed it, little lady.


That's Ms. Little Lady to you!! (Ms. Lady plans to double check her spelling to prevent any more "ridings".

I know, it's absolutely horrific.
The video we watched was graphic, and, although it didn't show any actual infanticide, it spoke to people who had committed said acts. It really opened my eyes to the differences in the many cultures of the world, and the horrors therein.

No, I'm Canadian, eh. canadian

Practically all my close relatives (on my ma's side) are first-generation immigrants, though, so I have a much more defined connection with my British heritage.

And yes, compared with other societies, I'd say our governments are obviously the most liberal - and so we should probably learn to not complain about the problems that afflict us: We could be much worse off.

Originally posted by Oncewhite
That's Ms. Little Lady to you!! (Ms. Lady plans to double check her spelling to prevent any more "ridings".
any "more" ridings? who have you been "riding?"




you just keep digging yourself deeper!!!

That doesn't mean I will stop complaining, though....

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
any "more" ridings? who have you been "riding?"




you just keep digging yourself deeper!!!


Aren't you the curious one! I've been abstaining from sex for more then 12 years, so, if I am riding anything, it's probably a car, on my way to work or the grocery store.

Originally posted by Oncewhite
Aren't you the curious one! I've been abstaining from sex for more then 12 years, so, if I am riding anything, it's probably a car, on my way to work or the grocery store.

fear

....That just seems a long time (at least to me) to remain entirely abstinent.

I'm about the same. I've never been able to believe in Scripture from a literal perspective.

Wow....
Um, I don't think I have an adequate response to that.

it would be great if they lord created women with only 5 eggs in there body.

Originally posted by spidey-dude
it would be great if they lord created women with only 5 eggs in there body.



then women would be A-sexual, there would be no need for men in order to have children...was this a joke??

I should add that the ones who did bad things to me, without sounding like I am gloating over it, not too many good things happened to the ones who CONTINUED along the same MENTALTIY, it's not about race but the MENTALITY, HOWEVER, if a lot of people share that same mentaltiy, then it becomes a pattern. I can confidently say a lot of good things about whites b/c of the established patterns, however, there are those that are the same mentality of blacks, and you'll know it just by talking to them, they are usually very negative and very jealous hearted, but I have found this moreso in blacks, even though, I haven't been around many of them.

Originally posted by Oncewhite
Do you plan to have lots of children? If so, why?

Today, I was out and about, and decided to people watch while waiting on something. I observed 3 children, one toddler, one oldest child, and the middle one. The older kid was about 5 years old and seemed to push the middle one around. Well, the middle kid wanted attention from the older child, and the older one would shrugge her off, then the older one did something that really caught my attention even more, she stated (to her middle sister) in front of both parents "mommy is MY FRIEND and the baby is my friend, they are not your friends, and we don't belong to you". I was outraged, and looked for the parents response, they did nothing, the mother gave an embarrassing glance, the father just kept feeding the middle one sugar-drinks every time the older one pushed her away, and when the younger one would touch the baby, the older one would shun her away. I was like WOW, they are really setting up a strong middle child syndrome in this toddler.

Then, I wondered why people have kids knowing they will emotionally abuse at least one of them.

Will you all have kids, and if so, will it be 3 or more? 3 kids are tough, as one will always feel left out, usually the middle one. But sometimes, the middle one will learn the game and then align with another sibling and out caste the other, either way, one person is usually in the outs.
Nope, I don't want kids. 'nuff said.

I want to have 3 kids and adopt one.... not sure if I want to adopt 1st or last. I'm worried that my kids by blood would shun the adopted one if I do it last. If I adopt 1st they won't know... for awhile at least and even then I don't know if I would ever tell the kid they were adopted. srug

Originally posted by Leo.M
I want to have 3 kids and adopt one.... not sure if I want to adopt 1st or last. I'm worried that my kids by blood would shun the adopted one if I do it last. If I adopt 1st they won't know... for awhile at least and even then I don't know if I would ever tell the kid they were adopted. srug


if you adopt, are you sure you won't play favorites? it's going to be pretty hard, as the adopted child may either be like the pet dog or treated the other way too...nothing wrong with treating a child like a pet if you want, but it would be a dead give away if everyone in the family is treating the kid that way...plus, children are possessive of their parents, who's to say your own natural kids will resent the fact that you have adopted, that's one less toy they will get, less love they will rec'v...

and as far as telling the child, it depends on the child, some people are very concerned about their hereitage, not sure if this is based on a zodiac sign characteristic or what, but some people would grow up resenting "not knowing", and others, it would be a big "don't care". if you adopt an infant, you want to know the exact time of birth as well as the location of birth, just to get more info if you don't mind reading astrological charts and seeing what a different perspective, a general one, about who this "being" is and what's it about in this world...it's not fool proof, but it's a start to knowing something b/4 you develop a relationship with a child..

i already have a 3 year old daughter.

If you are gonna raise a child from birth to age 25 it will cost you 2 million dollars or more in the future since prices go up. 1 is enough. so no.

One is enough for me. If I ever decide to have a second child, it will be when I am more financially stable and when my daughter is in school, most likely. Money is never a factor, at least for me it isn't.

No children for me. I couldn't look after them properly.