10 Reasons Beer Is Better Than Religion

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Corran
1. If you have a beer, you don't go around door to door trying to give it to someone else.

2. You can prove that you have a beer.

3. It is against the law to offer beer to little children who are not old enough to think for themselves.

4. Nobody has ever been hanged, tortured, or burned at the stake over his particular brand of beer.

5. If you have a beer, you don't have to wait over 2000 years for another one.

6. There are many laws that make them print the truth on beer labels.

7. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.

8. Beer does not tell you when or how to have sex.

9. There have been virtually no major wars fought over beer.

10. If you have devoted your entire life to beer, there are groups you can join to help you stop!

mah
I like neither of them

mechmoggy
Well who'd want to stop drinking?

Crazy fools.

finti
big grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grin

Billy The Kid
I`d like all of them

finti
not if you have a Budweiser in your hand

Dexx
pwah...crap

queeq
THat is indeed what Budweiser is. Watered down of course.

Tex
What Mah said

Julie
roll eyes (sarcastic) I don't see the correlation b/t the subjects....

jayride
If you have a beer, you don't go around door to door trying to give it to someone else.
1. *smirk* That's depends on whether you can profit from it. Beer solicitation is very common for businesses to practice, whether it is business-to-business or directly to the consumer. Another point to this is you don't have to go door-to-door when you can be invited or "crash" the sanctuary/beer party.

You can prove that you have a beer.
2. By what, sight? Taste? Touch? What about air? You can't see it or touch it, yet you "know" it's there. Taste, feeling, and smell are all results of particle matter from other sources such as sand, dust, man made materials, and water

It is against the law to offer beer to little children who are not old enough to think for themselves.
3. Alcohol consumption age is relative according to law. Many religions are taught the same way. Depending on where you live it can be from non-existent law (zero) to 25 years old. Most American children start drinking at age 11. Beer is the easiest to come by.

Nobody has ever been hanged, tortured, or burned at the stake over his particular brand of beer.
4. If you're looking for a martyr, pay attention. From creation, to prohibition in the early 1900's, to today, people have given their lives for beer. Humanity has stolen, murdered, committed adultery and gluttony, lied, lusted, coveted, you name it, done pretty much everything as a result of it. People have been burned at the stake, tortured, and hanged over what type of beer they've stolen/preferred or sold. Do you think the shopkeeper would have shot that guy if he had stolen a 6-pack of Coors instead of the German import? It's about greed.

If you have a beer, you don't have to wait over 2000 years for another one.
5. Depends on whether that beer killed you from alcohol poisoning or an auto accident. Who said all religions were based on 2000 years?

There are many laws that make them print the truth on beer labels.
6. Does the beer necessarily have a label? Is it homemade? Is it tap? Even if it is printed there, it's only a half-truth. The Surgeon General or Government doesn't make you print the same thing on every can or bottle. A half-truth is the same as a lie in most religions.

No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
7. According to many religions' laws, killing in any form, whether in anger or to benefit the practice is prohibited. How can those who kill in the name of a religion which holds this belief be trusted as a true model of that practice? Do I need to mention drunk driving? How many people have died that weren't drinking? Millions.

Beer does not tell you when or how to have sex.
8. Some religions are all about sex. Some are free-love, some are restrictive. If the focus is Christianity, Catholicism is just a part of a massive religion which has many other denominations that believe in unrestricted (with the exception of marriage) sex.

There have been virtually no major wars fought over beer.
9. Beer has been to "virtually" every war that has existed. And it has been the cause of the loss of many battles. How many "minor" wars has beer started? Once again...millions.

If you have devoted your entire life to beer, there are groups you can join to help you stop!
10. In almost every mid to major city exists what is called a Deprogramming Center. These places specialize in removing religious or cultic teachings from individuals. Many of these centers hold regular group meetings. Why would you want to stop drinking beer? Is it wrong? I taste a contradiction.

Why can't we just have religion and beer? All most religions are asking is moderation. Even the Bible never says it's wrong to drink, just to get drunk. Better stay away from Islam...

BackFire349
what tex said.

Fire
lol I agree with finti and queeq about bud

mechmoggy
Watch yourself Jayride, I don't like anyone knocking the mighty beer.

Ushgarak
Whar sort of freak can't touch air? You can touch it all the time! As much as you can touch the materials you list you can touch air.

But in any case, Jayride wins today's 'No humour' award... always a depressing thing to see people who can be bothered to pick apart humourous lists like that as if they were actually serious studies!

ToMacco
What the hell?

Fire
I agree with ush, it's over analyzing it can be funny, when done at the right time, but it can't always be like that

jayride
Pssh! It doesn't bother me if you drink beer. All my friends and family do. I personally don't enjoy alcohol of any type. Oh well. I was just looking for a reason to vent on something and use my mind in other ways than dreaming of running over my brother in law with a dump truck. He's such a bastard! Anyway the thread just annoyed me a little, which in turn set me off again and brought on a whole can of typed whoop-ass.

Have a nice day.

finti
what you meaning to say beer aint religion???????? confused

mah
people picking apart the humor lists are the only reason those threads aren't dull!

finti
is that your radical view?

mah
no, it's my answer to ush's replysmile

finti
smile

Ushgarak
Does picking apart the people that pick them apart make it even less dull?

mah
well then suddenly you could get the no-humour award, for not taking the picking apart of the humour-list humourously...em..

Ushgarak
This could go on for a while!

mah
big grin

Ushgarak
I mean, technically, weren't you picking at me?

mah
no..I was picking at your picking at the picking apart of the list..no personal pickings involved^^

Ushgarak
I still think that qualifies for a new holder of the 'no humour' award!

mah
well you're my nominee!

Ushgarak
I am afraid as the most recent 'picker', you get the prize!

mah
I'd classify that as picking on me, and announce you as the winner!

Ushgarak
I am afraid the judges panel has rejected that as a pick, it was merely a factual statement.

(Hands big prize to Mah)

mah
am I supposed to thank mom, dad and god for the prize now?

Ushgarak
Feel free.

Fire
hehe, nha don't do it mah, just let them rot smile

mechmoggy
Thank the wonderful people who brew beer, if it wasn't for them your chance of glory wouldn't be possible.

*Wipes away tear as he hugs a can of Carling*

finti
hmm I prefer Heineken

glorfindel
aint that an old tpye of german plane?

finti
Heinkel wasa german plane, Heineken is dutch beer laughing out loud

Ushgarak
Western Eueope would have been much happier if the Germans had sent Heinekens up to bomb things.

finti
you try and get a bottle from 100 feet up in the head

Ushgarak
Better than a bomb, one would suspect.

mechmoggy
Beer bombing eh, I like the cut of your jib! big grin

Orpheus
Interesting........,

Sir Sir I know how to make sure those English don't stop us!

Yes Private

Lets bomb them with German beer Sir, thay'll get so drunk they will be in no state to stop us.

Ushgarak
Of course, the logic of all this assumes the Germans actually dropped Heinkels on Europe, which makes you wonder what they dropped them from.

Orpheus
Maybe they dropped them from Junkers.

Ushgarak
I wasn't actually talking to you directly...

Orpheus
post editied

Fire
yea whatever???

Corran
I like beer.

Orpheus
So do I, in sensible quantities though.

Corran
Yeah, no more than 10 pints a day.

mechmoggy
laughing out loud

As long as I'm allowed wine too I suppose. roll eyes (sarcastic)

Thomas H
is amstel beer any good?

mechmoggy
Drank it on holiday a few times, can't say I was a big fan of it myself.

Any port in a storm though.

Thomas H
how about Heineken?? the best beer in the world after mine opinion!

finti
Heineken is good

Thomas H
its the best!

Something called Kronborgh is also very good! But for me Carlsberg is the second best and then Hansa Premium!

Mujaffa
Carlsberg!!

finti
hmm good

Corran
not good.

finti
better than carling

Corran
Anything is better than Carling, it's not difficult.

mechmoggy
WHAT!!!!

Carling may not be the best but its not crap lager. I've found that in most pubs the Carling is usually the best draught pint and Fosters is usually the worst. Draught beer has different rules to cans or bottles though, if your stopping in you can't go wrong with Red Stripe or Breaker.

Fire
well I agree with finti carlsberg ain't bad

Corran
Hmmm. OK Mech I may have to concede on this - I won't even try the Draft Aussie shit like Fosters and XXXX so it could be worse than Carling. I do drink the Aussie stuff in bottles and it's not too bad.

mechmoggy
Becks is always okay in bottles too, I like Holsten Pils also but I have to drink it all night if I'm gonna decide to drink it. It tastes so damn strong if you drink something else then go on to it, but if you drink it 1st then its sound.

finti
Here is the main thing:
Beer makes me feel good, religion pisses me off.

Corran
Beer makes you feel good until the day after, and then you start say 'Oh my God, why did I have to go and drink so much.'

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