Goddess Kali
My freind dragged me there last night, because I was too bummed to do anything. He told me to forget everything that was bugging me, and just join him.
I am glad I did.
I went to the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender Center of New York City, located in lower Manhattan.
I met other guys, Gay guys, who come for different reasons. We had a discussion with each other about Gay issues, such as Gay Media, healthy body image, connections and social life, etc. Then we all went for dinner.
I thought it was so nice....I realized how not alone I am. Most of the guys there were out to thier parents, unlike myself, but find it very hard being Gay in New York. They all thought I was straight, because I am one of the few guys there that does not act feminine. I kinda stood out....I act more like a young Jock than anything...
Ne ways...they all said how difficult it was not only being themselves in school, work, home, etc. but also meeting other guys was such a hardship. Like myself, none of them like Gay Clubs or Bars, because those scenes are like going back to High School. Gay Clubs and Bars are some of the most superficial environments out there.
I had a lot of great conversations with these guys. One major secret I told them was this:
Although I am not out to my immediate family, I am out to my cousins and all of my freinds and co-workers. I feel more discriminated against, not by Straight people, or even religious people, but by other Gay guys...
I feel that other Gay guys have been more judgemental, abusive, and unfair towards me, than any straight people I know.
None of my straight peers give shit that I am Gay. It's okay...they don't even judge me on other bases....they just like me the way I am.
I ahve a few gay freinds who are really cool, just like my straight freinds, but in general, I do not get along with other Gay guys...the ones I met...the guys at the Center were normal
They weren't trying to get attention, they weren't trying to show off, or put each other down, no one was challenging or bitching at the other, it wasn't territorial superficial bullshit, we were all just trying to hang out and speak....nothing more, nothing less.
It was refreshing.
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***
It also made me feel better about myself....some of the Gay guys here were in such bad shape...for example, this one guy was 26, he kept complaining about how he hated his job, how he never had a boyfreind, how no one likes him, how his parents ***** at him, etc.
I was like..."wow"......I was nicely paying attention, just smiling, but in my mind I was rolling my fkn eyes like "stop bitching...life aint that bad".
Some guys there truly felt like they had no one...I have tons of people in my life who are supportive of me...of my sexuality and more..of my goals, my appearance, my opinions, etc.
I also looked better than a lot of the guys there * lol
I guess I had it a bit easier, because I don't appear Gay...in person, I appear straight, and no one really puts two and two together...everyone in life I have met automatically thinks im straight, and that is why I have never been Gay bashed (only harassed that one time in senior year because I admitted that I liked another guy, but that's a long story)
Also, im not saying im this studly stud, but I'm pretty good looking, and I don't go through some of the major self image problems that some of the guys there go through.
Sure, I judge myself, but im pretty damn happy with the way I look so far, and I only aim to enhance..not drastically change....I can't say the same for some of the guys there...
It was an eye-opener. We were all Gay, but we were all soo damn different....
**************************************************
*********
This nice Asian guy walked me home, because he lived at the same borough I was sleeping...NO..i didn't have sex with him....but we did chat. He is really nice, and I took his number..he took mine. He's 24, and he is a columnist for some online Gay site....he thought I was really hott....out of pure ego, I showed him the self nude pics I took on my phone
HE fkn loved it, and asked me to come over, but I sed "umm...thats really nice of you, thanks, but im not in the mood...."
Then I went to sleep over my Grandmother's, and lie about where I was and slept.
I will come out this summer....soon....when I feel the moment is right for me. I feel less worried about it....and I have been going out a whole lot more....this year I have been too isolated because of the combination of work and school..
This summer is my Spartan Training and self discovery season....I am not looking for a boyfreind. That will happen on its own...but I am going to expose myself (not in that sense)....I am going to meet more people, make more connections, and open my mind...expand my horizons..no longer be closed to my own biases and comfort zones.
I am scheduled to return to the GLBT Center in two weeks for a company meeting, me and my female freind are going to represent the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender employees of our company, and see what this is all about, and how we can contribute to our individual locations....
This is a great step for me, I have never felt so productive on this issue.....it's a hell of a lot better than wallowing in self pity, wondoring why certain people have been using/abusing/ignoring/bashing me, etc.
I am glad I did.
I went to the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender Center of New York City, located in lower Manhattan.
I met other guys, Gay guys, who come for different reasons. We had a discussion with each other about Gay issues, such as Gay Media, healthy body image, connections and social life, etc. Then we all went for dinner.
I thought it was so nice....I realized how not alone I am. Most of the guys there were out to thier parents, unlike myself, but find it very hard being Gay in New York. They all thought I was straight, because I am one of the few guys there that does not act feminine. I kinda stood out....I act more like a young Jock than anything...
Ne ways...they all said how difficult it was not only being themselves in school, work, home, etc. but also meeting other guys was such a hardship. Like myself, none of them like Gay Clubs or Bars, because those scenes are like going back to High School. Gay Clubs and Bars are some of the most superficial environments out there.
I had a lot of great conversations with these guys. One major secret I told them was this:
Although I am not out to my immediate family, I am out to my cousins and all of my freinds and co-workers. I feel more discriminated against, not by Straight people, or even religious people, but by other Gay guys...
I feel that other Gay guys have been more judgemental, abusive, and unfair towards me, than any straight people I know.
None of my straight peers give shit that I am Gay. It's okay...they don't even judge me on other bases....they just like me the way I am.
I ahve a few gay freinds who are really cool, just like my straight freinds, but in general, I do not get along with other Gay guys...the ones I met...the guys at the Center were normal
They weren't trying to get attention, they weren't trying to show off, or put each other down, no one was challenging or bitching at the other, it wasn't territorial superficial bullshit, we were all just trying to hang out and speak....nothing more, nothing less.
It was refreshing.
**************************************************
***
It also made me feel better about myself....some of the Gay guys here were in such bad shape...for example, this one guy was 26, he kept complaining about how he hated his job, how he never had a boyfreind, how no one likes him, how his parents ***** at him, etc.
I was like..."wow"......I was nicely paying attention, just smiling, but in my mind I was rolling my fkn eyes like "stop bitching...life aint that bad".
Some guys there truly felt like they had no one...I have tons of people in my life who are supportive of me...of my sexuality and more..of my goals, my appearance, my opinions, etc.
I also looked better than a lot of the guys there * lol
I guess I had it a bit easier, because I don't appear Gay...in person, I appear straight, and no one really puts two and two together...everyone in life I have met automatically thinks im straight, and that is why I have never been Gay bashed (only harassed that one time in senior year because I admitted that I liked another guy, but that's a long story)
Also, im not saying im this studly stud, but I'm pretty good looking, and I don't go through some of the major self image problems that some of the guys there go through.
Sure, I judge myself, but im pretty damn happy with the way I look so far, and I only aim to enhance..not drastically change....I can't say the same for some of the guys there...
It was an eye-opener. We were all Gay, but we were all soo damn different....
**************************************************
*********
This nice Asian guy walked me home, because he lived at the same borough I was sleeping...NO..i didn't have sex with him....but we did chat. He is really nice, and I took his number..he took mine. He's 24, and he is a columnist for some online Gay site....he thought I was really hott....out of pure ego, I showed him the self nude pics I took on my phone
HE fkn loved it, and asked me to come over, but I sed "umm...thats really nice of you, thanks, but im not in the mood...."
Then I went to sleep over my Grandmother's, and lie about where I was and slept.
I will come out this summer....soon....when I feel the moment is right for me. I feel less worried about it....and I have been going out a whole lot more....this year I have been too isolated because of the combination of work and school..
This summer is my Spartan Training and self discovery season....I am not looking for a boyfreind. That will happen on its own...but I am going to expose myself (not in that sense)....I am going to meet more people, make more connections, and open my mind...expand my horizons..no longer be closed to my own biases and comfort zones.
I am scheduled to return to the GLBT Center in two weeks for a company meeting, me and my female freind are going to represent the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender employees of our company, and see what this is all about, and how we can contribute to our individual locations....
This is a great step for me, I have never felt so productive on this issue.....it's a hell of a lot better than wallowing in self pity, wondoring why certain people have been using/abusing/ignoring/bashing me, etc.
