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To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.


If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.


I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.


If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

Originally posted by Reverend Axel
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.


If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.


I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.


If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."



The last one made me just start laughing..

Originally posted by Reverend Axel
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.


If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.


I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.


If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

crylaugh

Do they still have these things on SNL or were they on MAD TV?

Originally posted by Reverend Axel
SNL. And No.


Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.


I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.


I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

Something tells me that the first mousetrap wasn't designed to catch mice at all, but to protect little cheese "gems" from burglars.

I think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver, and since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up real quick and hand it to him.


As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable, until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but a human head.

Originally posted by Reverend Axel
As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable, until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but a human head.

crylaugh

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, "What if I was an ant, and she fell on me?" Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.


I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived in a cave, and because sometimes he'd eat one of us. Later on, we found out he was a bear.


Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion, or the tiger, or even the elephant. It's a shark, riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.



If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope he likes enchiladas, because that's what he's getting.

Originally posted by Reverend Axel
I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived in a cave, and because sometimes he'd eat one of us. Later on, we found out he was a bear.

Originally posted by Reverend Axel
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.


If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.


I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.


If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
I never really found those SNL segments to be anything funny.

Originally posted by Kelly_Bean
I never really found those SNL segments to be anything funny. Yeah, well. I don't care.

Originally posted by Reverend Axel
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a177/Vathu/Funny%20shit/Avatar1.gif

Originally posted by Reverend Axel
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

crylaugh

Originally posted by Reverend Axel
Yeah, well. I don't care.
I don't believe I asked if you cared, now did I?

Originally posted by Vathu
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a177/Vathu/Funny%20shit/Avatar1.gif

crylaugh

Originally posted by Vathu
thumbsupdur

Srsly, that's f*ckin hilarious. crylaugh

Originally posted by Vathu
I knoe.

I was dying when I first saw it.

131

MSN? jockey

Originally posted by Vathu
MSN? jockey

kk jockey

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.

Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.

When this girl at the art museum asked me whom I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

Originally posted by Vathu
I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.

Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.

When this girl at the art museum asked me whom I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants. I believe that first one is Emo Phillips

Originally posted by Reverend Axel
I believe that first one is Emo Phillips

Said it was under Jack.