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Guys I seriously only want honest opinions and only serious answers please. So please keep thread on topic for however long it is open.

There is a bit of a story, so bear with me.


I need help in deciding what I should do about my best friend. Before summer came, he and I used to hang out everyday, took the same courses at college, we both have the same major and he has been a best friend my whole life.

But right after school ends, around the beginning of May, he totally disappears from my life and barely speaks to me that whole month. When I would be able to get a hold of him he sounded worn out and if I asked him if he wanted to come over and play 360 or something he'd always say he had to work. My other friends who came home from college for the summer would always call me about Poker like 3 or 4 times a week and say "Hey, why don't you invite Tom?" (I don't want to use his real name) I'd try and he'd always turn the invite down but he is about obsessed with Poker as I am so it was weird for him to do that.

Halfway into June I ask my sister, who baby-sits his older brother's kids during the week since his wife works as a Nurse during the midnight shift, "What's up with Tom? Is he depressed or something?" She tells me he is on coke, I wasn't exactly shocked because I knew he smoked weed from time to time and at parties liked to crack open Ecstasy pills and pour them into his beer. But I was like "What the hell?" Ya know? I heard the same thing from 4 other people who always were around him including his brother. Then I found out he had been fired from his job. His girlfriend, who has been dating since Sophomore year of high school, left him and moved to Pittsburgh.

I'm not like depressed about the situation but I just wondered if anyone had any advice on how to help him out? I have tried a couple times but to no avail. He is one of those people who thinks the world is out to get them, so that hasn't helped matters any either. I really don't know if he is even a friend anymore but I don't want to see the guy die.

You can't really help the guy. You can try to help them, but they will just till you mind your own damn business. If he's ever going to get better. He has to hit rock bottom. He has to be the one that ask for help.

Originally posted by Leo.M
You can't really help the guy. You can try to help them, but they will just till you mind your own damn business. If he's ever going to get better. He has to hit rock bottom. He has to be the one that ask for help.

Bullshit.


Intervention, show him what he's done to himself and to his loved ones.

Originally posted by Leo.M
You can't really help the guy. You can try to help them, but they will just till you mind your own damn business. If he's ever going to get better. He has to hit rock bottom. He has to be the one that ask for help.

I don't want to wait to see the guy hit rock bottom though, I was able to see him a week or so ago when I stopped at his house to pick up some money my sister owed me, he looks horrible. I don't want to wake up one day and hear he's dead or something because I'd always wonder if I could have done anything to help him.

Originally posted by Tattoo
Intervention, show him what he's done to himself and to his loved ones.

I'd try that but he doesn't even sleep at his house anymore, I guess he only shows up once or twice a week to get clothes, then he is gone until the next week rolls around. I've tried calling him and lately he won't even pick up.

Originally posted by Tattoo
Bullshit.


Intervention, show him what he's done to himself and to his loved ones.

Leo M has a point, some people have to hit rock bottom before they realise how bad things are. I mean if they guy thought things were so terrible right now (like Roland does) he'd probably be seeking help.

It's hard work, I was a coke addict for a while and it's not pleasant having people telling you to stop. But you have to respect that everyone does things differently, so he may kick off when you try and help, or, he may approach it with open arms.

Whatever you do, don't completely abandon the friendship, there's nothing worse than being alienated after being through that.

Originally posted by dadudemon
Depends on the person, really. You know him waaay better than I do.

What's ironic is, since the semester ended, I feel like I don't know him anymore.

Originally posted by chillmeistergen
Whatever you do, don't completely abandon the friendship, there's nothing worse than being alienated after being through that.

I have never thrown someone completely out of my life and I would never do that to my best friend. But he has pretty much alienated himself from the people who care about him. So it's a difficult situation when you want to help him but he acts like you're nothing.

Originally posted by chillmeistergen
It's hard work, I was a coke addict for a while and it's not pleasant having people telling you to stop. But you have to respect that everyone does things differently, so he may kick off when you try and help, or, he may approach it with open arms.

Whatever you do, don't completely abandon the friendship, there's nothing worse than being alienated after being through that.

Seriously? Props to you, dude, for kicking a nasty habit.

There's always a way to help someone. It's a matter of whether they'll accept that help or not.

I'd say you should try going to someone that you trust - his parents, or someone like that. First step to helping someone is getting help doing it. You can't do something like this yourself, you'll just burn yourself out trying.

Also keep in mind the fact that he might not even realize exactly what he's doing - people that messed up tend to have a warped view of reality and think that what they're doing is fine.

People generally tend to be afraid to confront someone over something like this, fearing it'll ruin their friendship...and yes, it's true, if you do do something like go to someone else, he might hate you for it at first. But it will be worth it in the long run.

Originally posted by dadudemon
Seriously? Props to you, dude, for kicking a nasty habit.

Yeah. Cheers mate, usually I keep it to myself, all the time. But I couldn't have kicked it without my friends.

Originally posted by Tattoo
Bullshit.


Intervention, show him what he's done to himself and to his loved ones. sometimes intervention makes things worse.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
sometimes intervention makes things worse.

Stuff like that always gets worse before it gets better. There's no such thing as an easy way out.

Honestly, if my best friend ended up in this situation, I would beat the utter shit out of him just enough so that he would end up in the hospital for a couple of weeks. This would give him time to kick the physical addiction enough for me to talk some sense into him. But that is how I would handle MY best friend and that's how we would handle eachother. (I am dead serious.)

bottom line: if the person doesnt realize there is a problem, and doesnt want to fix it, it is a losing battle.

Originally posted by chillmeistergen
Yeah mate, I completely understand, I was alienated from my own family at one point, comletely from my own doing. Just if you can, try to reach out to him without seeming at all preachy, it will be very hard to do, because he's addicted to an extremely addictive thing. The other thing is, don't try going on about how it could mess up his future, at least not at first. That used to infuriate me, and it annoys every addict I've met.

How should I go about doing that though without sounding like I'm a high authority figure? I have tried to talk to him about it only a few times but it's always the same denial and very defensive replies. I really didn't get preachy or try to tell him how he is f*cking his life up even when he clearly is.

Originally posted by Lana
There's always a way to help someone. It's a matter of whether they'll accept that help or not.

I'd say you should try going to someone that you trust - his parents, or someone like that. First step to helping someone is getting help doing it. You can't do something like this yourself, you'll just burn yourself out trying.

Also keep in mind the fact that he might not even realize exactly what he's doing - people that messed up tend to have a warped view of reality and think that what they're doing is fine.

People generally tend to be afraid to confront someone over something like this, fearing it'll ruin their friendship...and yes, it's true, if you do do something like go to someone else, he might hate you for it at first. But it will be worth it in the long run.

I would go to his parents but his mom died a few years ago and his dad wants nothing to do with any of his family. I have tried to go to his brothers and my sister, since she is over at their house a lot, but they always tell me to just leave him alone and he'll fix it on his own. But he clearly isn't going to.

Hopefully since classes resume tomorrow I'll be able to start getting him to hang out with me more instead of the crowd he is with now.

just dont get sucked in.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
bottom line: if the person doesnt realize there is a problem, and doesnt want to fix it, it is a losing battle.

So just because he doesn't realize what he is doing is causing a problem I should just stand back and wait for him to OD one of these nights?

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
bottom line: if the person doesnt realize there is a problem, and doesnt want to fix it, it is a losing battle.

Problem with that, though, is almost no one who's in that sort of situation thinks there's a problem. They think they're just fine, that it's not an issue - either because "everyone does it", or "I'm not like the kind of people who are like that", or "I can stop whenever I want", or so on. It takes effort to make them realize that what they're doing is not good and is going to only end up killing them.

Originally posted by dadudemon
Honestly, if my best friend ended up in this situation, I would beat the utter shit out of him just enough so that he would end up in the hospital for a couple of weeks. This would give him time to kick the physical addiction enough for me to talk some sense into him. But that is how I would handle MY best friend and that's how we would handle eachother. (I am dead serious.)

They'd find a way round it. When you're really addicted, you'll beg, steal, borrow, break out/discharge yourself from hospital, get a a dealer to deliver to the hospital, literally anything you can. That's the worst thing about addiction, because people are never going to refuse to sell it to you.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
just dont get sucked in.

Never done drugs in my life, never will.

Originally posted by dadudemon
Sheesh...no wonder he is on drugs. (Though no one should ever "drink their problems away".) I might have problems too if I was in your friends situation.

See, I find that whole "I'm on drugs/alcohol because my life is so messed up" excuse really pathetic. I love the guy to death as a friend but he has always had the mentality that people are out to get him. Our English professor gave him an F on this one small writing assignment. She had told us she was from western P.A., well he tells me that she probably got mad at some family members of his who live in western P.A., so that's why she gave him the F.

It's always some excuse or someone else's fault with him.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
just saying, man. it's easy to let happen.

I understand but I've never been one to conform to peer pressure.

Please, unless he knows the teacher really, really well, do not go to them. The rationale of someone completely addicted, gets to a point where they think that authority is the enemy, even friends become an authority. This is mainly because when you're doing something all the time, the effect becomes minimal, so you begin to think there's nothing wrong with it, I just need it, kind of thing.

Originally posted by Lana
Yeah, that doesn't help any mutual friends you are both close to and trust, or a teacher or someone like that?

Because really, I can understand your concern, but you really do not want to try and deal with it by yourself.

And also, do not feel guilty if things don't work out.

I could go to his cousin, she would help, but the problem is that I have no idea where he goes. I can never reach him on his cell phone. He never stays at his house for more than an hour or so. He has become a "ghost" around here.

I won't feel guilty if he stays on the stuff and then a few years down the road he figures out he is in a heap of shit and decides to rehab. I'll feel guilty if he dies because I'll feel like I let him down.

Originally posted by chillmeistergen
Please, unless he knows the teacher really, really well, do not go to them. The rationale of someone completely addicted, gets to a point where they think that authority is the enemy, even friends become an authority. This is mainly because when you're doing something all the time, the effect becomes minimal, so you begin to think there's nothing wrong with it, I just need it, kind of thing.

I wouldn't go to a teacher anyway. I've found that if you go to a teacher with a serious problem they take the "Disciplinary Role" instead of the "Helping Role."

Have you tried getting him help? Like gonna to place that helps with this kind of thing?

If you can find out who his dealer is, get them busted, anonymously. No matter what anyone says, finding a new dealer's a right piss take.

Originally posted by Leo.M
Have you tried getting him help? Like gonna to place that helps with this kind of thing?

I don't think anyone can be forced into Rehab or into counseling unless they are arrested for drug charges. I think I'm wrong but I thought there was some law that even if you report that someone is addicted to drugs they have to willingly check into Rehab themselves.

Originally posted by chillmeistergen
If you can find out who his dealer is, get them busted, anonymously. No matter what anyone says, finding a new dealer's a right piss take.

I know for a fact he doesn't have a dealer, he has been hanging out with this new group of people and he gets it from them.

Originally posted by Lana
I'm sure someone will be able to figure out where he goes - another friend who goes with him, or knows who he's hanging around with, or whatever.

And you're not letting him down if you can't manage to help him out. This sort of thing, you can only try your best and hope that it sinks in. The only way you could let someone down is if you didn't care and didn't try to help at all.

I know the one guy who he first started hanging out with, my sister knows him as well, but we just don't know where he lives.

I know. It just sucks watching someone spiral down like he is.

Originally posted by Lana
People can usually be checked in without consent if they're a harm to themselves (if they've attempted suicide, ODed, that sort of thing).

That's the sort of thing that might vary by state, though.

I'm pretty sure he hasn't attempted suicide and I'm almost positive he has never OD'd because I would be the first person who got called if he was taken to a hospital for OD'ing.

What happen with this gf? Do you think she would care enough to try to talk to him again. To make him get help. If he even still loves her somewhat. It could hit something in his head and maybe even try to get help for himself. Maybe.

Originally posted by Lana
It's a really hard thing to deal with, unfortunately I know primary reason I plan on going into the field I want to.

I need to go to bed, but good luck hug

I'm not much of a religious person so I can just hope he sees what he is doing to himself and hopefully he lets me help him out.

Thanks Lana, I really appreciate your concern and advice. hug

Originally posted by chillmeistergen
He doesn't have a dealer, are you sure that's true? Most addicts will always have a dealer, you can never rely on other addicts to sort you out with coke, and you'll end up getting under cut. If he doesn't have a dealer yet, he may not yet be in the full sway of addiction, which would ideal for you. But, to be honest, the fact that he's never home etc. is not a consoling thought.

I'm pretty sure, but then again I am not positive. If he isn't living at his house and is only picking up clothes then disappearing then he is living somewhere at least. But this all started when he started hanging out with this new group so I am pretty sure he has just been getting it from them.

Originally posted by Leo.M
What happen with this gf? Do you think she would care enough to try to talk to him again. To make him get help. If he even still loves her somewhat. It could hit something in his head and maybe even try to get help for himself. Maybe.

I could try, but honestly I don't think she would care enough to help. He hurt her a lot of times. She told me, before she left, that she had been trying to help him break the habit but he would always just treat her like shit and that's why she left.

Ok guys, thanks for all your advice and concern, I will probably see him tomorrow if he has returned for 2nd semester. So I'll see if I'm able to even talk him.

I'm heading to bed, so if you want to, leave some posts and I'll check back in the morning.

I wonder if you'll even see the guy. druggies normally drop out of school and keep going down until they hit the last straw. Hope you see the guy and get some sense into him.

Originally posted by Leo.M
I wonder if you'll even see the guy. druggies normally drop out of school and keep going down until they hit the last straw. Hope you see the guy and get some sense into him.

A lot of druggies I know were, and still are top grade students.

Originally posted by chillmeistergen
A lot of druggies I know were, and still are top grade students. good point, same here.

Originally posted by chillmeistergen
A lot of druggies I know were, and still are top grade students.

I have few druggie friends. Smart, but just left school.

Originally posted by Leo.M
You can't really help the guy. You can try to help them, but they will just till you mind your own damn business. If he's ever going to get better. He has to hit rock bottom. He has to be the one that ask for help. I know it's hard but what Leo said is true. He needs to ask for help you can't help him unless he wants it. If he thinks the whole world is out to get him then he won't apriciate your efforts. Wait until he has a moment of weakness.

Originally posted by Bardock42
Try to involve him with you more again. Maybe try to talk to him about it. In the end it's of course his decision.

That's my plan, hopefully it works. If it doesn't, maybe he'll realize one day that he needs help.