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ok tell me if thats better so i know how to rewrite the 2nd chapter pls

well its better, but still we need to know whos talking and grammar is much better, but some mistakes

yeh if you wrote like
"wow" gasped Harry.

we no but it s great

ok how was that i want to write good so please i dont mind rewriting and once this ones good the others will be up quicker

ok no one has replied so this is how it will work i will post leave 1-2 days post the next part and i may combine sections

i need i review for chapter 2

good...love the spacing...much easier to read

ok chap 2 will be up the safternoon

awww....so adorable....last part was best lol....keep up the good work

good post...but try really hard NOT to put it all in CAPS lock at the end...

yeh but it was typed in caps lock last time an cause it was christmas eve i didnt have time to change it and todays christmas so no post

EDIT

EDIT

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ummm yeh but is was christmas eve so i was trying to put it up before i got kikked off to celbrate

EDIT

mate learn to stop swearing coz we dont know what u are asying and i dont see you writing anything

thank you simon im trying my hardest if u dont like it dont read it

EDIT

just stop reading if u hate it so much and u where asked to stop swearing please follow those instructions

EDIT

nope oviously u dont like it aint meen other people qhate it as well

gosh everybody just shut the heck up...
this story can be great to some ppl,
but to others its not...
if you dont like it, just say so then leave thats all that goes down...
so everyone calm down and be nice...

The offender has been banned and will no longer be a problem.

For future reference, it is best to ignore people like him and just go get someone to deal with it, like myself.

Carry on.

and when they got to there rooms they all went nuts the end
LOL

nar great work

that would be funny

great post...gah...simon is that all you think about...

LOL only when it involves u and me

hysterical

hey guys i need more rviews please

yeah...its good, great job on spacing.....

OK SO WHAT DO YOU THINK

i need a review i have the next chapter waiting to come on here

ehh....its not as good as the others

nar 2 long 2 complecated

I LOVE IT KEEP GOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im waittig for the next chappter to be sent back by a beta and thanks for the comments

your welcome and your doin a really awesome job on the story

So what do use all think

Okay, first of all...I didn't get that one bit, and I read through it twice (2). Your writing has gotten better with the beta..kinda. I still saw MANY grammatical errors and some punctuational errors.

You have an excellent plot, but I think you just rambled on and on. I couldn't see why most of the things that happened had happened.

I'm hoping this doesn't sound like a flame, but sometimes not everything you post up is good. Basically, I like to call this Constructive Critism. It makes you a better writer because you focus on doing a better job.

Really, this is a great story...you just need SOME adjustments. Sometimes you need more than one beta as well. I never had a beta for the stories I posted on here, but recently, I found another fansite that has excellent writers and beta-ers. I have stories on that site as well and an excellent beta. I'm also up for beta-ing

Back to the stories on here that I wrote, yes well as you could see and tell I had terrible spelling, grammar, and punctuation problems. Today I logged on here and read them, and I was like, "Are you freaking serious? I wrote that bad!!"

I'm sorry if this is insulting to you, your beta, and/or your writing, but I'm only trying to make you into a better writer by giving you..."CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISM!!!!"

No I don't take that as a flame it fact i appreciate the fact that you took the tie to tell me what was wrong. thanks

no problem...i live to help people...just don't take advantage of that