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We can fear many things like rejection, loneliness, humiliaton, pain or losing our lives, but what exactly we fear ?

Is fear about losing something ? I mean, in a situation like rejection or loneliness. What we could possibly lose from these situations ? There is no life risk, no real danger. So why do we fear it ?

By an evolutionary perspective, we could say that these fears are related to survival. So we could say that we fear loneliness, for example because it is more probable for us to survive if we live in group. But I believe this provides more an answer to what is the function of these fears in nature, then to what those fears are about.

So what I am really asking is, for example, when we are in a situation where we could be rejected, or when we become aware of the possibility of being rejected or being alone, why we feel fear if there is no real danger ? Why do we fear it ?

People have the need to feel desirable. Rejection lowers our self-esteem, which could lead to experiencing feelings of worthlessness and not belonging.

Most people don't have much of a good self image, otherwise it wouldn't be much to get over.

Originally posted by Storm
People have the need to feel desirable. Rejection lowers our self-esteem, which could lead to experiencing feelings of worthlessness and not belonging.

But why people need to feel desirable ? Is there a way to answer that without making reference to our instincts or its biological significance ?

People with a good self image don't have a need to feel desirable, imo.

Originally posted by Deja~vu
People with a good self image don't have a need to feel desirable, imo.

Many psychologists would argue that, that is because they already feel that they are desirable.

In my opinion, humans fear loneliness because they feel they have no purpose when there isn't anyone else to notice it. Most can only justify their existence through the acknowledgement of others. Humans naturally don't want such feelings.

Many people make the mistake of justifying their worth on others opinions of them.

Most people are born into a family (whether that be a mom+dad or mom+her friends or anti+uncle ...etc.)as we grow we go to school and we become part of a larger family(community)
so being alone is very hard.Why would you want to be if you have been apart of something for so long
as well as that there is also the fact that when most people are born they have people who stand around saying aww isn't she/he cute and as the child grows they get the isn't he/she beautifully or you are wonderful just the way you are! and that gives most people the impression that they have to live up to the standard's of others

Originally posted by Atlantis001
We can fear many things like rejection, loneliness, humiliaton, pain or losing our lives, but what exactly we fear ?

Is fear about losing something ? I mean, in a situation like rejection or loneliness. What we could possibly lose from these situations ? There is no life risk, no real danger. So why do we fear it ?

By an evolutionary perspective, we could say that these fears are related to survival. So we could say that we fear loneliness, for example because it is more probable for us to survive if we live in group. But I believe this provides more an answer to what is the function of these fears in nature, then to what those fears are about.

So what I am really asking is, for example, when we are in a situation where we could be rejected, or when we become aware of the possibility of being rejected or being alone, why we feel fear if there is no real danger ? Why do we fear it ? It all boils down to Death Terror.

Originally posted by Storm
People have the need to feel desirable. Rejection lowers our self-esteem, which could lead to experiencing feelings of worthlessness and not belonging.

Not just desirable, but we are social creatures, so anything that would inhibit our social nature (deny us of our own being) will of course be something we fear. It's like asking why are we afraid of death? Simple. Because we are creatures, like all other kinds, that tend to lean towards life. Why we lean towards life, however, is subjective to our own personal philosophy.

Originally posted by Atlantis001
But why people need to feel desirable ? Is there a way to answer that without making reference to our instincts or its biological significance ?

To deny our psychology is to deny the essence of the answer. Philosophy can not deny what makes it. Psychology impacts our personal philosophy to the extent that without it, what do we have?

People are as stupid as apes. I know it now.

Originally posted by Deja~vu
People are as stupid as apes. I know it now.

Mob-mentality? Maybe. But a sole individual? You'd be stupid to say otherwise.

Originally posted by Mindship
It all boils down to Death Terror.

Everything does. >>

Originally posted by Mindship
It all boils down to Death Terror.

What a wonderful phrase.

Originally posted by King of Blades
Mob-mentality? Maybe. But a sole individual? You'd be stupid to say otherwise. Easily influenced by others gossip, Ape, dumb...stupid. At least as we know it, apes don't gossip or do they.

Originally posted by Deja~vu
Easily influenced by others gossip, Ape, dumb...stupid. At least as we know it, apes don't gossip or do they.

The weaknesses of some are not the weaknesses of all. Apes still form prejudices, and their little cliques. Though humans aren't the same as apes. We may share similar similar anatomies, and basic social structure, but to compare man to an ape would be comparing a pebble to a mountain. Similar but not the same.

Again sole individuals brought freedom to a nation, united a people against racial prejudice, cured diseases, enhanced medical practices, etc. Sole individuals did these, not monkeys. Find me a monkey that finds a cure to cancer or builds great towers and vehicles that stand as monuments to the advance of man.

Originally posted by Symmetric Chaos
What a wonderful phrase. I thought that was Hakuna Matata.

Originally posted by Storm
People have the need to feel desirable. Rejection lowers our self-esteem, which could lead to experiencing feelings of worthlessness and not belonging.

Cosigned.

Also look up Maslows Hierarchy.

i hate everyone and everything and i still fear rejection

Early evolution: Selection for pre-human ancestors to belong to groups.

Human evolution: Selection for both in-grouping and out-grouping, survival and sexual benefit from increasing human culture.

Essentially: Evolution has motivated humans to not only desire, but require human interaction to develop properly. The benefits of groups, going back much further than humans, has selected out many of the genetics that would make an organism "desire" to be rejected by groups.

Originally posted by ragesRemorse
i hate everyone and everything and i still fear rejection

Then start doing the opposite. Like and maybe even love most things and your fear of rejection will mostly disappear.

For it would be hard to hate something that isn't happening to you or if there's no one there to reject you because you like and love things and people. Being that way will have people gravitating towards you. No one wants to be around a frustrated bore or a grouchy ogre. But everyone loves being around a cool person.

My take/opinion.

Originally posted by King of Blades
Mob-mentality? Maybe. But a sole individual? You'd be stupid to say otherwise. IMO, people only need to believe and act as such, what I mean to say is that they need to throw out the weeds. There is NO ONE to impress. It all comes down TO YOU. To baSe your self worth on others WILL ALWAYS ...let you down. ALWAYS. To cling to emotions, which are controllable,
Will do you in.


* Goes back to reading.*

I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, yet places more value on the opinions of others than on his own opinion of himself.

- Marcus Aurelius -

Because it sucks, and guys have egos.

Originally posted by Atlantis001
But why people need to feel desirable ? Is there a way to answer that without making reference to our instincts or its biological significance ?

Probably. I think the fact that we're social beings has a lot to do with it.

I believe we fear rejection more, because if people reject us, we feel that they do not like us or love us, but if we feel loved and lonely at the same time, we know we are not alone, because we have people we can go to that did not reject us.

We have an ache to things we are attached too when we lose them. We fear that ache. To see people and things in a why that doesn't attach yourself to them, would dissolve that fear.

Because it reveals the status of my Social skills and the fact that I fear for my confidence and Self Esteem being lowered by others.

I suspect rejection and loneliness both play key roles in development. It's tough on some, but others use it as a learning tool. Rejection molds people's social skills. Loneliness develops the brain's ability to think (or it sometimes does).

I personally think the social development that results from rejection is more painful than the metal development that results from loneliness.

we fear rejection because it SUCKS.

Originally posted by Quark_666
I suspect rejection and loneliness both play key roles in development. It's tough on some, but others use it as a learning tool. Rejection molds people's social skills. Loneliness develops the brain's ability to think (or it sometimes does).

I personally think the social development that results from rejection is more painful than the metal development that results from loneliness.

loneliness and social ostracism, rather than molding people, is one of, if not the, most common cause of suicide. At the very least, not socially interacting with people causes poor and protected/defensive social skills and non-grounded, delusional-esque cognitive processes.

Originally posted by inimalist
loneliness and social ostracism, rather than molding people, is one of, if not the, most common cause of suicide. At the very least, not socially interacting with people causes poor and protected/defensive social skills and non-grounded, delusional-esque cognitive processes.

In that case I'm really screwed.

Originally posted by Quark_666
In that case I'm really screwed.

lol, the internet saves!

actually, I have a cool article about loner kids and MMOs, and how they fulfill various social needs. Even a msg board could have some social benefits. I wouldn't worry too much though, the adversity does build character

Just pretend you're not really from here, but just stopping through. Works for me.

In otherwords just see things as temporary. Things are in constant flux and motion, all is tempory, real and imagined. It's all perception.

Originally posted by Quark_666
I suspect rejection and loneliness both play key roles in development. It's tough on some, but others use it as a learning tool. Rejection molds people's social skills. Loneliness develops the brain's ability to think (or it sometimes does).

I personally think the social development that results from rejection is more painful than the metal development that results from loneliness.

I think viewing rejection as a learning tool is a good way to deal with it.

Some people engage in social situations expecting to have sucess, so you will fear the possibility of that expectative not being reached. To develop our social skills we need to deal with failure. We should engage in social situations just to see the results(be them bad or good) and learn from them.

The bad results are only scary when we have expectatives. We shouldn't have expectatives or objectives, just act like if we're doing a experience and studying the results.

Just talk to yourself, then you won't feel so lonely anymore. I've had many a good conversation like this.

Originally posted by Atlantis001
We can fear many things like rejection, loneliness, humiliaton, pain or losing our lives, but what exactly we fear ?

Is fear about losing something ? I mean, in a situation like rejection or loneliness. What we could possibly lose from these situations ? There is no life risk, no real danger. So why do we fear it ?

By an evolutionary perspective, we could say that these fears are related to survival. So we could say that we fear loneliness, for example because it is more probable for us to survive if we live in group. But I believe this provides more an answer to what is the function of these fears in nature, then to what those fears are about.

So what I am really asking is, for example, when we are in a situation where we could be rejected, or when we become aware of the possibility of being rejected or being alone, why we feel fear if there is no real danger ? Why do we fear it ?

Because for some people, living with the fantasy is better than knowing that fantasy will never come true.

Fantasising about asking a girl out, and you can imagine what it would be like if it went right. Ask her out and fail, and you've been robbed of even that. I wouldn't do that, but I think that's why.

-AC

Originally posted by Atlantis001
We can fear many things like rejection, loneliness, humiliaton, pain or losing our lives, but what exactly we fear ?

Is fear about losing something ? I mean, in a situation like rejection or loneliness. What we could possibly lose from these situations ? There is no life risk, no real danger. So why do we fear it ?

By an evolutionary perspective, we could say that these fears are related to survival. So we could say that we fear loneliness, for example because it is more probable for us to survive if we live in group. But I believe this provides more an answer to what is the function of these fears in nature, then to what those fears are about.

So what I am really asking is, for example, when we are in a situation where we could be rejected, or when we become aware of the possibility of being rejected or being alone, why we feel fear if there is no real danger ? Why do we fear it ? I'm gonna be honest, I love rejection. It's FUN! Loneliness, not so much. Mainly because it's boring as hell.

Originally posted by ~KoK!~
I'm gonna be honest, I love rejection. It's FUN!

I know how to be your friend now.