BackFire349
this is funny, stuff said by the great george carlin. enjoy this treat.
George Carlin Strikes Again
>> Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those
>> little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
>>>
>>>Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
>>>section in a swimming pool?
>>>
>>>OK ... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
>>>Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the
>>>Tennessee Titans?
>>>
>>>If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one
>>>enjoys it?
>>>
>>>There are three religious truths:
>>>Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
>>>Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
faith.
>>>Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at
>>>Hooters.
>>>
>>>
>>>Quick Shots
>>>If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,
>>>does he become disoriented?
>>
>>If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland
>>>called Holes?
>>
>> Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
>>>
>>>Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
>>
>> If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
>> If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
>>>
>>>When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your
>>>two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?
>>
>> Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
>>>
>>>Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
>>>bread to begin with?
>>
>> When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
>>>
>>>Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
>>>drives a racecar not called a racist?
>>
>> Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?
>>>
>>>Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
>>
>>Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
>>>
>>>"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
>>>Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
>>
>>If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
>>that
>>>electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
>>>models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
>>
>> If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
>> Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
>> What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
>>>
>>>I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
>>>more as they get older; then it dawned on me. They're cramming for
>>>their final exam.
>>
>>I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
>>and
>>>forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
>>
>>Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are
>>we
>>>supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures
>>>on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they
>>>deliver the mail?
>>
>>If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
>>the others
>>>here for?
>>
>> You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
>>>
>>>No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
>>
>> Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
>> zigzag?
>>>
>>>Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door
>>>went nuts.
>>
>> If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
>>>
>>>Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
George Carlin Strikes Again
>> Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those
>> little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
>>>
>>>Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
>>>section in a swimming pool?
>>>
>>>OK ... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
>>>Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the
>>>Tennessee Titans?
>>>
>>>If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one
>>>enjoys it?
>>>
>>>There are three religious truths:
>>>Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
>>>Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
faith.
>>>Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at
>>>Hooters.
>>>
>>>
>>>Quick Shots
>>>If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,
>>>does he become disoriented?
>>
>>If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland
>>>called Holes?
>>
>> Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
>>>
>>>Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
>>
>> If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
>> If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
>>>
>>>When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your
>>>two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?
>>
>> Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
>>>
>>>Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
>>>bread to begin with?
>>
>> When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
>>>
>>>Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
>>>drives a racecar not called a racist?
>>
>> Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?
>>>
>>>Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
>>
>>Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
>>>
>>>"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
>>>Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
>>
>>If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
>>that
>>>electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
>>>models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
>>
>> If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
>> Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
>> What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
>>>
>>>I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
>>>more as they get older; then it dawned on me. They're cramming for
>>>their final exam.
>>
>>I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
>>and
>>>forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
>>
>>Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are
>>we
>>>supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures
>>>on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they
>>>deliver the mail?
>>
>>If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
>>the others
>>>here for?
>>
>> You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
>>>
>>>No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
>>
>> Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
>> zigzag?
>>>
>>>Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door
>>>went nuts.
>>
>> If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
>>>
>>>Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?