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Do you have any funny stories involving you and your parents? Do your parents have a catchphrase, or something to that extent? Or do you share an funny inside joke with them?


Today I ate dinner with my mother, and for some reason I was really squirrely and hyper. I grabbed a knife, and bit the blade side towards my lips like a pirate, and asked my mom, "What would happen if I cut myself here?" (pertaining to the corners of my lips). And my mom simply replies while grabbing the knife away from me, "You won't be very happy."

I just thought that was ridiculously hilarious. Anyone wanna share some fun moments?

My dad calls my mom "Horny". He thinks it's a cute way to say "Honey". One time, when I was young at a babysitters. We were all going around saying what our parents called eachother. And what popped out of my mouth? "My dad calls my mom Horny". My mom was right behind me when I said that.

Good times.

My parents both call each other Bruce. It's weird. It's from this old Monty Python sketch that they both really liked.

So my mom and I were at a mexican restaurant the other day, and we were just sitting down waiting to order, when she starts to speak to the waiter in spanish (I'm not completely fluent). She's asking him questions about what she should get, and then she looks at me, and says in english, "I like crunchy things".

Yeah....... that's my mom.........

My grandma is probably the biggest nut ever. In fact, sometimes she can be down right mean and nasty. Mostly to my cousin. I find it to be HILARIOUS.

We thought she got worse over the years, but I think she's been mean to everyone our whole lives, we just never noticed.

Originally posted by Ax3l
My grandma is probably the biggest nut ever. In fact, sometimes she can be down right mean and nasty. Mostly to my cousin. I find it to be HILARIOUS.

We thought she got worse over the years, but I think she's been mean to everyone our whole lives, we just never noticed.

Exaaaaaample?

My mom once asked for me to make her a MySpace profile. >.>

I just looked at her with a look of disgust. <.<

My mom once asked me if I could "score her a marijuana cigarette".

I lol'd.

Originally posted by Impediment
My mom once asked me if I could "score her a marijuana cigarette".

I lol'd.

Yeah, I lol'd too.

Well, the cousin is kinda...Hold on a second, phone is ringing.


Well, I just had the most pointless convo with that same grandma. She was all "I think Julie and Eric (aunt and cousin) are going to go to breakfast tomorrow. I'm trying to get a hold of your mother, but I can't"

All the while, me going "Uh huh....Oh...Okay..."

Pointless beyond belief.

Anywho, back to my story. Yeah, the cousin was fat, lost a bunch of weight. She was doing some laundry and had to leave, so she asked my grandma to do the folding. She comes back and is like "Grandma, where are my clothes?"

My grandma was all "I didn't think those were you clothes. They were waaaayyy too small to fit you. They looked like dolls clothes"

You kinda have to be a part of the family to understand, but it was pwning nonetheless.

Not my mom, but my brother's friend Sam's mom...

Mom: Sam! Are you going to smoke the weeds?
Sam: No Mom, I'm gonna go smoke weed!
Mom: Okay, don't drive.

He actually didn't end up smoking weed, though.

My grandma (we call her Nana) is from Kentucky and she's 83, so she's like a little racist in a cute way.

A couple days ago when she picked me up from work, we were listening to "Old Man River" form Showboat and she turns to my grandpa and asks: "Who was the Negro that sang this?"

I couldn't help but smile.

I probably have lots of stories about my mom, but I can't think of any at the moment.

The first time I had ever heard the term "emo", was when I was probably 13 or 14. And how did I first hear of that term? My Dad called me it.

My mom and I were looking at pictures of an actor's thighs. Then she suddenly yelled, "I can't do this any more!" And walked out of the room all flustered.

Originally posted by AbnormalButSane
My mom and I were looking at pictures of an actor's thighs. Then she suddenly yelled, "I can't do this any more!" And walked out of the room all flustered.

Pfffffffhahahahahahhaha

This thread is great!

I have so many stories on my dad..

Like tonight he was eating his dinner, some fish or something on toast.. and the toast kept falling apart.. and he ended up spilling a load down his shirt and he was wiping it down with a cloth when I looked up at him and he clutched his hand to his chest, screwing the tissue up inside and said "god bless america" trying to disguise what he was doing

Just typing this out and remembering it has me in tears laughcry

It's not so much of what she said as what she did. My mom used to take a Xanax before she and my dad would come to pick me up at school. (She can't be in a car with my father for three hours. srug)
And since I never smile or talk, my friend thought it was funny how happy and smiley my mother was. haermm

My dad told me about the time when he was in the Merchant Marines and he banged a Brazilian whore with no teeth.

crylaugh

My parents aren't funny.

Originally posted by Phucked Up
My parents aren't funny.

I think I laughed the hardest at this

Originally posted by Selphie
I think I laughed the hardest at this

Thanks...I guess?

Originally posted by Piggle Humsy
This thread is great!

I have so many stories on my dad..

Like tonight he was eating his dinner, some fish or something on toast.. and the toast kept falling apart.. and he ended up spilling a load down his shirt and he was wiping it down with a cloth when I looked up at him and he clutched his hand to his chest, screwing the tissue up inside and said "god bless america" trying to disguise what he was doing

Just typing this out and remembering it has me in tears laughcry why America? Wouldn't he say God Save the Queen?

Originally posted by Strangelove
why America? Wouldn't he say God Save the Queen?

That was what made it funnier

screw the queen.

I remember when I was going from kindergarten into 1st grade, and I couldn't fit into my pants just right, they were getting too small for me, so I told my mother that I needed a new pair. So we go downstairs, and into the kitchen, and we tell my father that I need a new pair of pants. He says, "Are you sure you're just not getting fat?"

-Tn3q_0CiYo

Originally posted by Defeatedz
-Tn3q_0CiYo


weird

Better porn plz

Originally posted by Scythe
Better porn plz


wise words.

well ill look.

Not impressed.

how bout some ebony ivory shit

No, not really. Boobs get bigger than that. Way bigger.

these boobs are big enough?

Course not, you should know me by now.

When i was young, maybe around 5 or 6. I said to my father matter of factly - Whales eat orgasms! He thought it was so hilarious, that he kept it locked away in his memories, and told me when i hit 21.... He never fails to bring it up, when we are in the company of family members we haven't seen forever :P

My grandmother also happened to be a tad racicist, in that... weird i'm not a hater it was just a generation thing - she'd always ask "who's the nig?" when she'd see Sam Jackson... Each and every time, without fail @___@;;

It was super shameful when she'd ask this in front of friends and the like.

Originally posted by Piggle Humsy
and he ended up spilling a load down his shirt and he was wiping it down with a cloth when I looked up at him and he clutched his hand to his chest, screwing the tissue up inside


Holy shit!

I thought this was the funniest.

When I was a wee-Selphie, my dad and I were in the living room, and the song "Like A Virgin" was playing on the radio. I forgot how it came up, but my dad says, "You are a virgin." and I said, "NO I'M NOT!"

Yeah, I had no idea what one was.

I have a lot of funny conversations with my parents, but can never remember them to quote. I've told Selphie about a fair few though, so she knows.

There's tons upon tons of hilarious stuff...for now, I'm going to settle for a funny situation.



One time, we were at the dinner table, eating...get this....dinner.

My dad, being the uncouth Italian that he is, lifted up a leg and let one rip. About a second or two later, two flies stared buzzing around him.

For some reason, I started to LMAO. At that moment, it was just hilarious to think about my dad farting and the flies starting to buzz around him(which we all know was just coincidental.)

He started to get angry when I couldn't gain my composure and he kept asking me what was so funny while swatting the flies out of his face and off his food. That was making me laugh harder. He started to yell at me for being disrespectful and disrupting dinner. I was finally able to stop laughing. While stifling hysterical laughter, I told him that as soon as he farted, flies started buzzing around him. He couldn't help but laugh as the rest of the family started laughing just as hard as I was previously.


As a child, you find that kind of stuff funny...

Originally posted by dadudemon
There's tons upon tons of hilarious stuff...for now, I'm going to settle for a funny situation.



One time, we were at the dinner table, eating...get this....dinner.

My dad, being the uncouth Italian that he is, lifted up a leg and let one rip. About a second or two later, two flies stared buzzing around him.

For some reason, I started to LMAO. At that moment, it was just hilarious to think about my dad farting and the flies starting to buzz around him(which we all know was just coincidental.)

He started to get angry when I couldn't gain my composure and he kept asking me what was so funny while swatting the flies out of his face and off his food. That was making me laugh harder. He started to yell at me for being disrespectful and disrupting dinner. I was finally able to stop laughing. While stifling hysterical laughter, I told him that as soon as he farted, flies started buzzing around him. He couldn't help but laugh as the rest of the family started laughing just as hard as I was previously.


As a child, you find that kind of stuff funny...

Oh my God...

Originally posted by Bardock42
Oh my God...

ZOMG!

farts and flies?

I've had funny experiences with other people's parents mostly than my own. My friend's dad is military man, and he made a friend of mine and I eat a whole pizza because we were complaining about it.

Ha....ha...heh...

"The whole thing" punishment, like when one is caught smoking as a kid and they are locked in a closet with a pack of cigs and a book of matches, and cant come out again until the cigs are finshed. haermm

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
"The whole thing" punishment, like when one is caught smoking as a kid and they are locked in a closet with a pack of cigs and a book of matches, and cant come out again until the cigs are finshed. haermm

Is not that particular example illegal, though? haermm

My grandma once said "I'm not racist but I think all those chinks should go back to where they came from"
My mum is always saying retarded stuff, examples will come back to me.

About 7 years ago or so, my dad would constantly taunt me with saying, "Ooooh Liz, do the snake dance!" and I'd get all pissed off and say, "No!!!". When I was a little kid, whenever Guns N' Roses would be playing, I'd do the little Axel Rose snake dance, and my dad never lets me live it down. So nowadays, he always does the snake dance while telling me to do it. It's kinda creepy.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
screw the queen.



(I'm not patriotic, I just don't like seeing someone even less affiliated with this country being rude about its monarchy).

Originally posted by Bardock42
Oh my God...

I know, I lol'd. Not because it was funny, though...

My parents and I were sitting around a few months back, and they hand me a beer, right? Well, I'm not even really legal to drink, so it threw me off that they would do this, considering their conservative views on some things. So naturally, I take it and down the damned thing in about three minutes, and as I'm not exactly a huge person, the alcohol went through my system rather quickly, spawning what I am told was a very entertaining rendition of Captain Jack Sparrow imitations. So now, whenever we're sitting around watching any of the "Pirates" movies, they get this weird look in their eye, look over at me, and burst out laughing uncontrollably.

Okay, so it's not that funny, really, but still. Noteworthy.

It's nice to know I'm not the only one alcohol turns into a f*cktard. haermm Seriously, though, I have got to lay off. I started drinking again last evening for the first time in six months, (for reasons you and I are well aware of, Selph) and managed to apparently call my two best friends and keep them up all night with what they describe as hilarious antics. All I got from it was a hangover, and worst of all, I don't even remember calling them.

I get pretty wild when I'm drunk

Apparently I turn into a total dunce who thinks there's a crocodile on my floor, and that the room is upside down. (To quote what they told me I said: "There's a crocodile on the floor of my room, which is currently on the ceiling, and I swear it's trying to figure out how to kill me."

Do you black out every time? I've never blacked out...yet, anyway.

Only those two times. Usually, I catch myself before I go that far, but last night... Let's just say the circumstances were excruciatingly brutal, and I wanted to forget everything.

That's what I'm like when I get high - I'm an incredible hyper, social, friendly drunk

I sense a thread starting, maybe...

Man, I need to get drunk and come on KMC again

Originally posted by Strangelove
That's what I'm like when I get high - I'm an incredible hyper, social, friendly drunk

I'm the complete opposite!

When I'm high, I'm hyper as hell, it's nuts. This one time, my dad was off in Iraq, so I had the whole house to myself, and I invited some friends over, and we obviously all got high, and we started listening to old school punk, and I started to dance around like mad. Stupidly, I was wearing my chuck taylors with one of those long hippie skirts, and I stepped onto my skirt, ripped it, and fell over, toppling over my friends, which led to a domino effect, till we were all on the floor, laughing. That was one of the best days ever.

But I'm not a big fan of weed still ermm

Originally posted by Strangelove
Man, I need to get drunk and come on KMC again I remember that haermm

Originally posted by Syren
I know, I lol'd. Not because it was funny, though...

So...then...why?

My mom calls me a son of a b*tch


i laugh

she prolly doesnt get it haermm

My mom calls me Mairuzu.

Originally posted by =Tired Hiker=
My mom calls me Mairuzu. Your mom calls me mairuzu too

a lot


loud

Okay, that was good. I deserved that.

It was funny, this morning I was listening to some music during breakfast, and my mom asks while I have The Strokes playing, "These are those Black Parade guys(She means MCR), right?" And I say, "No, these guys are The Strokes."

And later I put on Bright Eyes, and she asks, "Okay, these are the Black Parade guys, right?"

You look like a fa*got with that long hair. fa*got.

My parents have this nasty habit lately of telling me about their sex life... like I care... I think I'll go shoot my brains out, now...

Originally posted by Selphie
Hahahaha! That's hilarious, sadly.



D:

My mom basically just tells me she hasn't had sex in like, 4 years. She's still in love with my father, ughhh. And then she always has to add, "I had some pretty good sex with your father back then". Yeah, okay, I'm a child for god's sake.

No, no... I mean, they go into like explicit detail... I mean, yes, I'm 19, but christf*ck, I don't wanna hear this shit about my parents at ANY age...

Selph, I can't, as a friend, expose you to that kind of horror...

Originally posted by Selphie
Spill it, I wanna hear the juicy stuff.


Didja HAVE to use the word "juicy"?

Originally posted by Selphie
Hahahaha! That's hilarious, sadly.You can imagine his reaction to the blond dye job.



D:

Could be worse, you could have walked in on her riding him like a drunken cowgirl.....not saying I walked in on mine, mind you.

Yesterday my sister was reading celeb news and she said some celebrity couple had broken up and my dad was just leaving the room the he turns around and goes..

"Oh no, I was just gonna go have a bath but after that news I'm just too upset"

haermm

haermm

Originally posted by Piggle Humsy
Yesterday my sister was reading celeb news and she said some celebrity couple had broken up and my dad was just leaving the room the he turns around and goes..

"Oh no, I was just gonna go have a bath but after that news I'm just too upset"

haermm

hmm


Your dad sounds like cool people.

My dad licked my mother's face just now (trying to give her his cold).
So my mother wipes off her face and wipes her hands on his shirt saying, "Gross!" To which my dad replied, "Oh, you know you liked it."

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
Could be worse, you could have walked in on her riding him like a drunken cowgirl.....not saying I walked in on mine, mind you.

I've heard enough, literally. I thought Daddy was hurting Mommy D:

Originally posted by dadudemon
hmm


Your dad sounds like cool people.

Yeah he's made of awesome, it's where I get it from awesome

Man, this one time, I said, "Hey, I'm a character!" to my father, and he replied, "Just because you are a character, doesn't mean you have character."

Always brings me down.

I'm East European. Parents aren't allowed to be funny here

That's too bad.

I've always wanted a girl, can you cross dress and go gay?

When I was a little kid, before my family and I had gone out to go get ice cream (Dinosaur crunch for the win), I had gotten in trouble with my mother, so she was quite upset with me through out the trip. We all ate ice cream, etc, had a decent time, and on the ride back, my mom was sitting in the backseat with me. I started to put my seat belt on, but then my mom stopped me, and told me, "If we die, we'll die together."

ermm

Today, I gave my mom a glass of water to take her meds with while she was getting ready for work, and she gave me a kiss and told me that she loved me. I told her that I loved her back, and she looked all suprised, and said, "REALLY???"

Dammit mom...

"You have to get a part time job or a course in college" - dad

crylaugh