The ''not politically correct'' joke thread

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Mandos
What is posted in this thread is humoristic, and should be taken as such. All jokes about jews, caucasian, black, politics, everything we're not supposed to say, well you can post them here.

I'll be the icebreaker.


Why are black people fast runners?

Answer: Because if they get caught, they go to prison.

The Grey Fox
I saw some footage of all the Olympic athletes training before the games.

The Chinese really stood out for me though, using the same athlete for all of the events.

The Grey Fox
Have you heard? There is a party at Virginia Tech tonight.
Free shots for all students.

Ax3l
Why do women have boobs?

So you got something to look at while you're talkin' to 'em

Mandos
How many Jews can a New Beattle hold?

Answer: The driver, one on the passenger's seat, 2 on the back bench and 15000 in the ashtray

The Grey Fox
I see a lot of women are browsing this site...

The dinner won't cook itself you know.

Ax3l
White people drive like this. "do do do dodo. Hey pal! Get out of my way you turd!"


Black people are all "Yo, move *****"

The Grey Fox
What's white on top and black on bottom?

Society.

Mandos
God damned politicians. It's not enough they have to lie to their wives, they have to lie to us to.

The Grey Fox
Why are aspirins white?

Because they work.

Toku King
How do you get AIDS from a toilet seat?
By sitting down before the last guy gets up.

The Grey Fox
A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.

Guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?"

Customer says, "Female"

Counter guy asks, "Black or white?"

Customer says, "white"

Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"

Customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"

Counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up!"

Mandos
Originally posted by Toku King
How do you get AIDS from a toilet seat?
By sitting down before the last guy gets up.

laughing


What's easier, to cook a jew or a turkey?

Answer: The turkey, at least it doesn't yell in the oven.

The Grey Fox
What's the difference between a black and a white fairytale?

White begins, "once upon a time," black begins, "y'all mother****ers ain't gonna believe dis shit!"

The Grey Fox
I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.

So I pushed the old **** over

The Grey Fox
Originally posted by The Grey Fox
I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.

So I pushed the old **** over That's actually a Walshy one I remembered.

Toku King
Things you don't want to do in the nude.

10. Fry bacon
9. Arc weld
8. Bathe a cat
7. Operate a snow blower
6. Clear a patch of poison ivy
5. Insulate the attic with fiberglass
4. Operate a lathe
3. Present a children's television show
2. Take Mass with the Pope

And the Number 1 thing not to do in the nude:
1. Pick up a dime from a San Francisco sidewalk

The Grey Fox
Why do Jews watch porn films backwards?

They love the bit where the prostitute gives the money back.

Mandos
What's worst than a dead baby inside a container.

Answer: A pile of dead babies inside a container.

What's worst?

Answer: The baby at the bottom is still alive.

What's even worst?


Answer: It's eating its way up to top.


What's the worst?

He goes back in because he wants more.

~Wålshy~
Originally posted by The Grey Fox
That's actually a Walshy one I remembered. this thread was made for sickipedia haermm

The Grey Fox
Where do you send Jewish kids with A.D.D.?

To Concentration camps

The Grey Fox
What's a Jew's ultimate dilemma?

Free pork.

The Grey Fox

Mandos
A lady approaches her rabbi and tells him, "Rabbi, I have
a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only
know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the rabbi inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want
to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the rabbi exclaimed, "but I have a
solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots
over to my house and I will put them with my two male
talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read Hebrew.
My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that
terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise
and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the rabbi's house.
His two male parrots are wearing tiny yamulkes and praying in
their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots
and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and
exclaims, "Put away the siddurs! Our prayers have been answered!"

The Grey Fox
Paedophiles are ****ing immature arseholes

The Grey Fox
I'm not one of those guys who disappears right after sex. I like to spend some time with them afterwards, have a bit of a cuddle, stroke their hair and make it absolutely clear what I'll do to them if they tell their parents.

Ax3l
Awful lot of honkeys in here

Mandos
The Rabbi and his wife were cleaning up the house. The Rabbi came across a
box he didn't recognize. His wife told him to leave it alone, it was
personal.

One day, she was out and his curiousity got the better of him. He opened
the box and inside he found 3 eggs and $2000. When his wife came home, he
admitted that he had opened the box and asked her to explain the contents
to him.

She told him, every time he had a bad sermon, she would put an egg in the
box. He thought to himself, "In twenty years, only three bad sermons,
that's not bad." His wife continued, "And every time I got a dozen eggs,
I would sell them for $1."

The Grey Fox
Women are like squaring numbers.

If they are under 16, just do them in your head.

Mandos
Originally posted by The Grey Fox
I'm not one of those guys who disappears right after sex. I like to spend some time with them afterwards, have a bit of a cuddle, stroke their hair and make it absolutely clear what I'll do to them if they tell their parents.

That was putrid stick out tongue

The Grey Fox
I had my dreams crushed yesterday.
It turns out the newspaper headline "Village still looking for paedophile" wasn't a vacancy.

The Grey Fox
Originally posted by Mandos
That was putrid stick out tongue biscuits Good though.

The Grey Fox
I know a Jewish bloke who cries every time he thinks about his ancestors being detained in the concentration camps.

He just can't get over all that unpaid work they did.

The Grey Fox
My parents went to New York on the 11th of September and all I got back was this bloody T-shirt.

The Grey Fox
Who are the fastest readers in the world?

New Yorkers. 110 stories in 10 seconds.

The Grey Fox
A priest, a paedophile and a homosexual walk into a bar...

He orders a drink.

The Grey Fox
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne doesn't come on an 8 year old boy's face.

The Grey Fox
I've just been to a Muslim birthday party.

The musical chairs was a bit slow but, **** me, the pass the parcel was quick!

Toku King
Originally posted by Mandos
A lady approaches her rabbi and tells him, "Rabbi, I have
a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only
know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the rabbi inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want
to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the rabbi exclaimed, "but I have a
solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots
over to my house and I will put them with my two male
talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read Hebrew.
My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that
terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise
and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the rabbi's house.
His two male parrots are wearing tiny yamulkes and praying in
their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots
and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and
exclaims, "Put away the siddurs! Our prayers have been answered!"

My grandpa told that joke when I was a kid.

The Grey Fox
I see that the Catholic Church has now revised the "Seven Deadly Sins" to include "Hoarding Great Wealth".

Lucky for them they haven't included Hypocrisy.

The Grey Fox
Why don't Muslims drink alcohol?

It might give the ****ers a sense of humour.

The Grey Fox
Why are there no Muslims in Star Trek?

It's set in the future.

The Grey Fox
Arab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the middle ages.

They're calling it 'Islam'.

The Grey Fox
A teacher, a lawyer and a priest were playing cards on the ships's deck when it hit a rock and started sinking. They all instantly started discussing what to do for the best.

Teacher: We are sinking! save the children!
Lawyer: Ah, **** the children!
Priest: Do we have time?

Mandos
God Grey Fox. You're on fire! eek!

The Grey Fox
Originally posted by Mandos
God Grey Fox. You're on fire! eek! 131 You gotta be ready when these situations arise.

dadudemon
umm...yeah, I've got a ton at home.

I've even got anti-white jokes.

I'll post them in 3.5 hours.

The Grey Fox
Originally posted by dadudemon
umm...yeah, I've got a ton at home.

I've even got anti-white jokes.

I'll post them in 3.5 hours. Could do with some anti-White jokes, there are never enough of them. Can't wait to see them.

dadudemon
Originally posted by The Grey Fox
Could do with some anti-White jokes, there are never enough of them. Can't wait to see them.

They're lame compared to the other types of racist jokes. There was one about incest and the KKK.

Mandos
lol. That's sure to be great.

Hey, I've found out the Phelps family's existence in the United states.
Are they retarded or what? I don't see the difference between their fascist' way of thinking than Hitler'S.

=Tired Hiker=
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Well, Neil Armstrong "walked" on the "moon", and Michael Jackson . . . f**ks little kids. no expression

Mandos
''Shut up Jews, we don't need your focking bagels no more""

Mandos
Originally posted by =Tired Hiker=
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Well, Neil Armstrong "walked" on the "moon", and Michael Jackson . . . f**ks little kids. no expression

... that was lame... and somehow funny still big grin

=Tired Hiker=
Originally posted by Mandos
... that was lame... and somehow funny still big grin It's actually the best joke in this thread. no expression

dadudemon
Originally posted by =Tired Hiker=
It's actually the best joke in this thread. no expression


That jokes works A LOT better when spoken...especially when you rudely interrupt them when they think they've "realized" what the "answer" is.

Toku King
Why did the Olympic fencer die?

There was a chink in his armour.

Toku King
Is the new Batman movie cursed? Consider the evidence:

1. Heath Ledger died from an overdose earlier this year.

2. Christian Bale was arrested a few weeks ago.

3. Morgan Freeman was in a serious car crash on Sunday.

4. A stunt man died during filming.

5. I'm planning to kidnap Maggie Gyllenhaal next weekend and keep her in my cellar as a sex slave for the rest of her natural life.

Spooky, eh?

Mandos
Originally posted by dadudemon
That jokes works A LOT better when spoken...especially when you rudely interrupt them when they think they've "realized" what the "answer" is.

That would have been funny, yeah.

dadudemon

Bardock42
Thank you for lowering the bar, dadudemon.

DanZeke25
What is the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?

There is no Ferrari in my garage.

Dark-Jaxx
What game do policemen's children play?

Pin the rape on the darkie

Dark-Jaxx
Originally posted by DanZeke25
What is the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?

There is no Ferrari in my garage. I got a better one.

What's the difference between a sandwich and a baby?

I don't fvck the sandwich before I eat it.

DanZeke25
What would you call the Flinstones if they were black?

N*ggers.

Dark-Jaxx
This political correctness has gone mad. I can't even refer to my child as "My disabled son". Apparently the correct term these days is "Daughter."

The Grey Fox
Originally posted by Dark-Jaxx
This political correctness has gone mad. I can't even refer to my child as "My disabled son". Apparently the correct term these days is "Daughter." I used that same one earlier in the thread.

The Grey Fox
Originally posted by The Grey Fox
I used that same one earlier in the thread. Or may have been the Millionth post game, actually

Dark-Jaxx
Originally posted by The Grey Fox
I used that same one earlier in the thread. No you didn't.

Remember when?

There was no gun or knife crime.

You could let your kids play outside with no fear.

There were no hoodies or street scum who terrorised the neighbourhood.

Old folk could collect their penisions without being mugged.

And little girls would get into your car for a bag of sweets or the promise of seeing some puppies.

The Grey Fox
Originally posted by Dark-Jaxx
No you didn't. Yeah, I used it in the Millionth Post Game, my bad.

Dark-Jaxx
It sure as hell is your bad little man. estahuh

I actually used to believe my Grandad when he would tell me that the" palms of black mens hands are white because the colour rubs off when they climb trees and they're so good at it, they've come here to work on building sites"

Goes to show how gullible children are! I mean,when was the last time you saw a black man working?

dadudemon
Originally posted by Bardock42
Thank you for lowering the bar, dadudemon.

Why are Germans fat?

Because they eat a lot of sh**.

Dark-Jaxx
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle, he said."

You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.

He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carol's."

The Grey Fox
Originally posted by dadudemon
Why are Germans fat?

Because they eat a lot of sh**. 'Shit' isn't censored

Dark-Jaxx
I'm not a racist - racism is a crime, and crime is for Black people.

Dark-Jaxx
A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says, "Show me it's true what they say about black men."

So he stabbed her and nicked her purse.

Dark-Jaxx
The new barman in the pub is black, so I said to him, "beer please, n!gger."
He hit the roof and said, "why don't we swap places, let's see how you like it."
So I went round the bar, he walked out then came back in and said, "beer please, honkey."

I said, "sorry mate, we don't serve n!ggers in here."

Dark-Jaxx
A young black boy is helping his grandmother to bake bread in the kitchen when he gets flour all over his face. He spreads the flour around a bit and turns to his grandmother and says, "Look granny, I'm a white boy!"
His grandmother slaps him hard accross the face and says, "Go and tell your dad what you just did!"

The boy goes through to the lounge and says, "Look dad I'm a white boy!"
The father grabs the boy throws him over his knee and slaps his arse really hard and says, "Go tell your mother what you said!"

The boy trots off and finds his mother and rather sheepishly says, "Look mum I'm a white boy!" The mother grabs the boy, drags him to the bathroom, puts a block of soap in his mouth and begins to scrub his tongue with it before sending him to his room with no dinner.

Later that evening his mother calls him down to the lounge where his family are all seated and says, "Well have you learned anything?"
To which the boy replies, "Yeah I was only white for 5 minutes and I already hate n!ggers."

Bardock42
Originally posted by dadudemon
Why are Germans fat?

Because they eat a lot of sh**.

Isn't it sad that that was funnier than anything else you ever posted?

Toku King
Two French people go out for ten minutes, and a drunk baby shows up in their place.

dadudemon
Originally posted by Bardock42
Isn't it sad that that was funnier than anything else you ever posted?

What the f**k?

That joke was intended to be a very lame and stupid joke.


I was expecting a smart ass remark like "OMG! a german shit joke. I've NEVER heard those before!" If you found that more humorous than anything I've posted before, you have a very very poor sense of humor.

Dude, as a racist, you should have been laughing your ass off to some of the jokes I copied and pasted earlier. Did you even read all of it or did you stop half way into the anti-racist jokes? (yeah, those were lame..but the only ones I've ever run across on the net...it's the best minorities could do.)


If you're just baiting for shits and giggles, well played. (not) You could have at least attacked me on something original I've posted instead of my copy and paste fest. Trust me, there's PLENTY of shitty humor posts I have posted in the OTF. Why not give those a go?

BackFire
Hey guys, watch the racist jokes.

dadudemon
Originally posted by BackFire
Hey guys, watch the racist jokes.

For reals? That eliminates most of the thread. sad

AbnormalButSane
Originally posted by The Grey Fox
A teacher, a lawyer and a priest were playing cards on the ships's deck when it hit a rock and started sinking. They all instantly started discussing what to do for the best.

Teacher: We are sinking! save the children!
Lawyer: Ah, **** the children!
Priest: Do we have time?

crylaugh

BackFire
Originally posted by dadudemon
For reals? That eliminates most of the thread. sad

Do the dead baby jokes. Those are awesome.

The Grey Fox
Originally posted by BackFire
Do the dead baby jokes. Those are awesome. Betcha liked the child abuse ones

BackFire
I did.

dadudemon
Originally posted by BackFire
Do the dead baby jokes. Those are awesome.

Cool. I apologize if I broke the rules. I wasn't trying to offend anyone. I tried to cover all races. laughing

Mandos
How do you stop a baby from turning on himself?

Answer; With a shovel.

sithsaber408
Breaking NEWS:

Barrack Obama says that he can't fix the failing economy, but he thinks he can n!gger-rig it.

Mandos
lol.

FoxMeister
Q: Whats the difference between a french woman and a basketball team?
A: The basketball team showers after 4 periods.

Mandos
ew, which means niiiice in this thread lol

FoxMeister
Q: Why did Hitler kill himself?
A: He got the gas bill.

Because I can
why are E.T' eyes so big?
he saw his phone bill





How do you make a baby float?
take your foot off its head






Whats more fun that tying a baby to the washing line and spinnin it?
stopping it with a cricket bat



what does an orgy and the paralympics have in common?
theres lots of drooling and everyones a winner


(no offence, anyone!)

FoxMeister
What's black white and red all over


An interacial mormon family with a drunk father

Rogue Jedi
Originally posted by FoxMeister
Q: Why did Hitler kill himself?
A: He got the gas bill. laughing



Why did the Black man wear a Tuxedo to his Vasectomy?

Cuz if was gonna be impotent, he was gonna look impotent

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