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Hey guys.

This thread has never been created, and I never really came to this forum to be emo and whine about my shitty situation. Never EVER comment this one.

I guess it's better to not be taken serious on this one. But I am really interested in what advice internet forums give me.

Imagine the following..
See, there's this girl. Not some girl you'd accidently meet, I mean the most beautiful girl you could imagine. You get to know her when she is still suffering from her ex boyfriend, and you talk to her a lot and help her and stuff. You fall in love with her, but because you're not stupid, you don't say a word, times are bad. This all evolves.. She makes you happy for months, although you know you can't reach her the way you want to. You grow really close and everything, she regularly sleeps at yours ... Then finally, after like half a year, she has finally overcome the sucker that treated her bad, but you have a problem: She calls you her best friend, the most important person in the world, but she wouldn't even think about.. you know, a relationship or anything.
Sometimes, even sexual things 'happen', but you just can't tell her anything, afraid of destroying the trust and the closeness and all the things you share. She talks about the freedom she just gained again. Of course you wouldn't want to take it from her. She says that she is happy to be able and go out again and having fun with guys. This hurts you a little, because you actually wouldn't want to share. You've been a little bit obvious, she might have thought about you being in love with her, but because you say nothing at all, she doesn't really care a lot about that.

Youre possibilities are:
-Hoping that this ends in a happy relationship or at least in her noticing your loving, and not being deterred at all. (lol?)
-Telling her - and hoping that this doesn't mean that everything you do together become sort of distanced, artificial, because she doesn't want to hurt you... Maybe even hoping that she might after all be interested in you.. But actually knowing that you can forget it and you're living a ****ing dream.

What would you do?

Of course, I'm asking for a friend, bitches.

I bet 90% of you grow tired of the amout of text

tell her.

problem is that the current situation works like a ****ing drug - it's not complicated to be close to her.. you are the one she trusts the most.. telling her is like a damn withdrawal..


edit.. ah man, i think i actually know that you're right.. it's just not that comfortable at all to tell her.

well wouldn't you rather chance your luck and find out ? rather than being in a false friendship, cause you are either in love with her or see her as a friend, which one is more important to you?


the question is, can you stay in a friendship with someone you are madly in love with forever ?



let her know how you feel, makes life a whole lot easier.

i know how you feel sort of, i say tell her, im planning to as well

As what Speed said.

take a risk, man, life is a gamble.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
take a risk, man, life is a gamble.

Indeed it's all choices and risks, you never know, question is can you live with the answer she gives you more than you can live with never knowing?

Originally posted by Neo Darkhalen
Indeed it's all choices and risks, you never know, question is can you live with the answer she gives you more than you can live with never knowing? at least he'd know. One way or the other, he can be content, no wondering "what if".

Originally posted by eezy45
Hey guys.

This thread has never been created, and I never really came to this forum to be emo and whine about my shitty situation. Never EVER comment this one.

I guess it's better to not be taken serious on this one. But I am really interested in what advice internet forums give me.

Imagine the following..
See, there's this girl. Not some girl you'd accidently meet, I mean the most beautiful girl you could imagine. You get to know her when she is still suffering from her ex boyfriend, and you talk to her a lot and help her and stuff. You fall in love with her, but because you're not stupid, you don't say a word, times are bad. This all evolves.. She makes you happy for months, although you know you can't reach her the way you want to. You grow really close and everything, she regularly sleeps at yours ... Then finally, after like half a year, she has finally overcome the sucker that treated her bad, but you have a problem: She calls you her best friend, the most important person in the world, but she wouldn't even think about.. you know, a relationship or anything.
Sometimes, even sexual things 'happen', but you just can't tell her anything, afraid of destroying the trust and the closeness and all the things you share. She talks about the freedom she just gained again. Of course you wouldn't want to take it from her. She says that she is happy to be able and go out again and having fun with guys. This hurts you a little, because you actually wouldn't want to share. You've been a little bit obvious, she might have thought about you being in love with her, but because you say nothing at all, she doesn't really care a lot about that.

Youre possibilities are:
-Hoping that this ends in a happy relationship or at least in her noticing your loving, and not being deterred at all. (lol?)
-Telling her - and hoping that this doesn't mean that everything you do together become sort of distanced, artificial, because she doesn't want to hurt you... Maybe even hoping that she might after all be interested in you.. But actually knowing that you can forget it and you're living a ****ing dream.

What would you do?

Of course, I'm asking for a friend, bitches.

I bet 90% of you grow tired of the amout of text


Once youve reached the "best friend" position, theres no way youll be her love. Trust me, thats how it is. You dont wanna break the friendly trust, i think even if you tell her about your feelings she will only feel distracted and weird, and so will you, if she doesnt feel the same way about you. Im telling you this because it has happened to me with 3 guys now, we were great close friends and all and i very much appreciated the friendship, then one day BAM I love you Mywi and then its all just spoiled, I couldnt even look them in the eye the way I did before and I wished they had never said it. Its really not cool.

My advice, dont tell her, but good luck with whatever you decide to do. srug

Originally posted by Mywi
Once youve reached the "best friend" position, theres no way youll be her love. Trust me, thats how it is. You dont wanna break the friendly trust, i think even if you tell her about your feelings she will only feel distracted and weird, and so will you, if she doesnt feel the same way about you. Im telling you this because it has happened to me with 3 guys now, we were great close friends and all and i very much appreciated the friendship, then one day BAM I love you Mywi and then its all just spoiled, I couldnt even look them in the eye the way I did before and I wished they had never said it. Its really not cool.

My advice, dont tell her, but good luck with whatever you decide to do. srug I love you haermm

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
I love you haermm

You are not my close friend, so that doesnt count, not even as joke.

Originally posted by Mywi
You are not my close friend, so that doesnt count, not even as joke.
Haha, diss.

hmm

Being in love is a pain, especially when it's with a friend that you're too scared to tell. 99% of the time the other person doesn't feel the same. Ive been there, it didn't end well, I hope it goes better for you. The best I can do is tell you to follow Mywi's advice. Sometimes it's more important to preserve a friendship like the one you describe rather than risk losing it. It's up to you though...

Originally posted by Mywi
You are not my close friend, so that doesnt count, not even as joke.


love you

Originally posted by ScarletSpeed
love you i know, i know.

Originally posted by Mywi
i know, i know.


I was lying, so you don't know awecreep


I really hate you awecreep

Originally posted by ScarletSpeed
I was lying, so you don't know awecreep


I really hate you awecreep
I know you love me awehuhs

Originally posted by Mywi
Once youve reached the "best friend" position, theres no way youll be her love. Trust me, thats how it is. You dont wanna break the friendly trust, i think even if you tell her about your feelings she will only feel distracted and weird, and so will you, if she doesnt feel the same way about you. Im telling you this because it has happened to me with 3 guys now, we were great close friends and all and i very much appreciated the friendship, then one day BAM I love you Mywi and then its all just spoiled, I couldnt even look them in the eye the way I did before and I wished they had never said it. Its really not cool.

My advice, dont tell her, but good luck with whatever you decide to do. srug

I know this. I've thought about this a lot. But I don't really believe it's easier to stay in the way it is and get eaten up by the envy everytime she tells you about guys.. than to just tell her and you know.. accept that the friendship will be somewhat impaired for a while..

mmh

but thanks, people..

Originally posted by Slay
Haha, diss. She shot me down bang bang haermm

Originally posted by Mywi
I know you love me awehuhs


I know

I should probably stop telling you about my situation using "you". O.o

Originally posted by eezy45
I should probably stop telling you about my situation using "you". O.o

I really think that you need to pull her aside and talk to her. Maybe she likes you to, but wont say anything about it because she thinks that you see her as nothing more than a friend.

I agree with badwolf. My girlfriend of over a year now was my best friend for like five years before I ever came out and told her how I felt. And like I said, ove a year, now, and the two of us have only ever had one fight. The friendship acts like a foundation. Think of it that way: The relationship itself, should it become manifest, is like a house, the friendship of all this time being the foundation. If the foundation is strong enough, the house can weather anything, hypothetically speaking. Build it slowly, and tell her that you have something you want to tell her. Get her to the side, and tell her you've been thinking about it for a little while now and would really like to give a relationship a chance, but that if she doesn't want to, simply to say so and all will be well. Explain that you don't want to make things awkward, but that you had to put it out in the open, anyway, so you wouldn't have to spend the rest of your life wondering. If you do this in the correct manner, no matter what happens, if she's truly a friend, nothing bad can come of it either way. In my personal opinion, anyway... I could be wrong, my situation could just be a fluke. Dunno...

Originally posted by Ripper Jacc
I agree with badwolf. My girlfriend of over a year now was my best friend for like five years before I ever came out and told her how I felt. And like I said, ove a year, now, and the two of us have only ever had one fight. The friendship acts like a foundation. Think of it that way: The relationship itself, should it become manifest, is like a house, the friendship of all this time being the foundation. If the foundation is strong enough, the house can weather anything, hypothetically speaking. Build it slowly, and tell her that you have something you want to tell her. Get her to the side, and tell her you've been thinking about it for a little while now and would really like to give a relationship a chance, but that if she doesn't want to, simply to say so and all will be well. Explain that you don't want to make things awkward, but that you had to put it out in the open, anyway, so you wouldn't have to spend the rest of your life wondering. If you do this in the correct manner, no matter what happens, if she's truly a friend, nothing bad can come of it either way. In my personal opinion, anyway... I could be wrong, my situation could just be a fluke. Dunno...

Wow, i have nearly already given up on thinking positive. That's the way I actually wanted to go, the way I had in mind when I found that I had fallen in love. But It's hard to find the right time - and it's also at the moment really difficult to carry it with me any longer and not just go ahead shouting it all out.
And then there's still the fear to deter her from being close..
And the knowledge that she's just happy to be free and not bound to anyone again..

If I told her, and she'd not be ready or interested, I was thinking if time would maybe be able to change her mind.. That this can have a belated 'happy end'...
Ok, I'm becoming conspirative. I just kind of lost my serious hope in the past weeks..

And I know I'm just trying to evade telling her.

I made the mistake of telling the girl when this happened to me, and it obviously didn't turn out well. We were friends for a while, then someone told her that I liked her. I said that it was the truth, but we never really said anything about it afterward. Later, when I did ask her, (out) it turned into this really awkward situation that killed the friendship.

My advice: balance it out. Does your friendship matter more or less than having this girl for a while. If you think that she's the one, take the risk.

p.s. You don't know me, so i've got no right to tell you anything, but you can't stop me from rambling on message boards. Remember that no matter what anyone here says, its your decision.

Originally posted by Jbill311
I made the mistake of telling the girl when this happened to me, and it obviously didn't turn out well. We were friends for a while, then someone told her that I liked her. I said that it was the truth, but we never really said anything about it afterward. Later, when I did ask her, (out) it turned into this really awkward situation that killed the friendship.

My advice: balance it out. Does your friendship matter more or less than having this girl for a while. If you think that she's the one, take the risk.

p.s. You don't know me, so i've got no right to tell you anything, but you can't stop me from rambling on message boards. Remember that no matter what anyone here says, its your decision.

I agree with this, also. I don't think I'd have taken the risk if I didn't think Kit was the one.

The dreaded friend zone.

Everyone's pretty much already said this. But I would tell her if I were you because, IMO, you should take the chance. But just be aware that if you tell her you could potentially erase any relationship you may have with her.

Accomplished... If you want to call it that.

how so?

It had to be said. It was about time. And I came to realise that. Even if I did not exactly 'win'. So I thank you for reminding me of what's just been right.
I don't know, but I wrote this tonight and have a feeling that it belongs in this thread more than anywhere else where it could be seen.

LISA
To read that name still evokes feelings of happiness. It's such a dominant feeling that everything seems forgotten - the hopelessness, the fear that's connected to it...
Lisa
I enjoy hearing this name. When I hear it, my heart seems to jump, and it takes a moment until I realise that she's not the only girl carrying this name. I heard this name many times in school, or somewhere around the town. Every time I had to remember anew that there are at least 5 Lisas I knew before.
lisa
If spelled in capitals or small, this name just seems to fit. It's so obvious this is the most beautiful name in the world, and wondrous that I did not know this a long time before Lisa F. came into my life.
Lisa!
Probably I'm repeating. I can't stop thinking of that Lisa. My love.
_

I LOVE YOU. ♥ and it feels good - yet hurts so bad.

(She will not be on here.)

Yep, now me being emo is official.

I am in your corner, dude.

Feeling a little less shitty now, thanks.

Why? Because you were honest?

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
I am in your corner, dude.

i rather meant this one.

and you aren't Emo for being a romantic.

I guess.. But the whiny tone isn't exactly my way.. Well, at least not usually.

I dont see it as whining, dude.

Ah, will you stop keeping me from complaining about myself?

I should try to get some sleep. 8am over here.

later dude.

You should tell her. It's usually better to have the person know, at least that way you don't just torture yourself with your fantasies. Maybe you are lucky and she also loves you, but even if not you can still have a friendship based on honesty rather than on emotional complications.

Pretty tough one. I've been in the same situation before and it didn't turn out particularly well for me, but then again, I don't think I could have gone without telling her. I advise telling her, unless you can live with not knowing.

Originally posted by Mywi
You are not my close friend, so that doesnt count, not even as joke. PWNED! haermm

Well you have three options.

Tell her.

Stay in the friend zone forever, dooming you to misery.

Rape her and kill her, keep the body with you at all times and have cold, necro sex daily.

Originally posted by Dark-Jaxx


Rape her and kill her, keep the body with you at all times and have cold, necro sex daily. my preference

Wow. I never updated this thread.

It took a whole 23 days until she told me that she'd been in love with me for a while, just really afraid because of the "bad relationship" she had before. I would never have thought of that. But we're together 8 months and 2 days now.

I returned in a rather insecure moment, because we (the same 'we' that i used to dream of) are in a bit of trouble this time.

We've been in a trusting, loyal and intense relationship in the past months, however we're coming to trouble just like every other relationship I had up to this point, caused by my own weird feelings...
I must confess that I've always had this kink that I needed to be close to my partner, had to know about what she was doing and so on. I've been a sort of a control freak in relationships.
But my girlfriend, the same wonderful girl I talked about a few months ago, cannot live with this. Because of the failed relationship of her parents, she's afraid of any kind of 'control' or anything that comes close to it.

So, at the moment, we're having problems because she feels she can't measure up to a serious relationship. I need help: I want to change my own despicable behaviour, and I want to give her the freedom she needs in a serious relationship.

Once again, KMC, I ask a public forum what to do. Last time, the discussed decision lead to something I would call 'success', and I am really keen on ideas about how to make this be a happy relationship, with my girlfriend being comfortable with it for.. like.. always, if possible.
I could never say how much I actually love her. And I've never been so sure about someone 'fitting' to me. (Let alone her astonishing beauty.)

Originally posted by eezy45
Wow. I never updated this thread.

It took a whole 23 days until she told me that she'd been in love with me for a while, just really afraid because of the "bad relationship" she had before. I would never have thought of that. But we're together 8 months and 2 days now.

I returned in a rather insecure moment, because we (the same 'we' that i used to dream of) are in a bit of trouble this time.

We've been in a trusting, loyal and intense relationship in the past months, however we're coming to trouble just like every other relationship I had up to this point, caused by my own weird feelings...
I must confess that I've always had this kink that I needed to be close to my partner, had to know about what she was doing and so on. I've been a sort of a control freak in relationships.
But my girlfriend, the same wonderful girl I talked about a few months ago, cannot live with this. Because of the failed relationship of her parents, she's afraid of any kind of 'control' or anything that comes close to it.

So, at the moment, we're having problems because she feels she can't measure up to a serious relationship. I need help: I want to change my own despicable behaviour, and I want to give her the freedom she needs in a serious relationship.

Once again, KMC, I ask a public forum what to do. Last time, the discussed decision lead to something I would call 'success', and I am really keen on ideas about how to make this be a happy relationship, with my girlfriend being comfortable with it for.. like.. always, if possible.
I could never say how much I actually love her. And I've never been so sure about someone 'fitting' to me. (Let alone her astonishing beauty.)


It's rather simple. Don't be controlling.


What you could do is sit down with her, talk to her about your controlling habits, and come up with something like a code word.

If she feels that you are being controlling and unreasonable, she could have a code word that she could use that should immediately disarm you. For instance, she is going on vacation with her female friend to Europe for 2 weeks, but you don't trust her to go, fearing she will be negatively influenced by her sometimes naughty friend. She assures you that she will not, under any circumstance, betray you. You keep telling her no and she really wants to go. Safe word time. You have to let her go.


Now, you should establish the 'safe word' for only very special circumstances or even have her keep a journal of the times you are too controlling and then talk about those moments with her once a week until you start to lighten up. What she writes down is law and cannot be argued with at all. You have to shut the hell up and NOT argue with what she writes down as that is her feelings.

Of course, don't allow her to go into dangerous situations, naively, if you know better. That will have to be a judgment call at the time.


If you didn't notice, there is an underlying "idea" in what I'm telling you. Communication. She needs to tell you when she feels controlled and you need to STFU and listen.

Originally posted by eezy45
Hey guys.

This thread has never been created, and I never really came to this forum to be emo and whine about my shitty situation. Never EVER comment this one.

I guess it's better to not be taken serious on this one. But I am really interested in what advice internet forums give me.

Imagine the following..
See, there's this girl. Not some girl you'd accidently meet, I mean the most beautiful girl you could imagine. You get to know her when she is still suffering from her ex boyfriend, and you talk to her a lot and help her and stuff. You fall in love with her, but because you're not stupid, you don't say a word, times are bad. This all evolves.. She makes you happy for months, although you know you can't reach her the way you want to. You grow really close and everything, she regularly sleeps at yours ... Then finally, after like half a year, she has finally overcome the sucker that treated her bad, but you have a problem: She calls you her best friend, the most important person in the world, but she wouldn't even think about.. you know, a relationship or anything.
Sometimes, even sexual things 'happen', but you just can't tell her anything, afraid of destroying the trust and the closeness and all the things you share. She talks about the freedom she just gained again. Of course you wouldn't want to take it from her. She says that she is happy to be able and go out again and having fun with guys. This hurts you a little, because you actually wouldn't want to share. You've been a little bit obvious, she might have thought about you being in love with her, but because you say nothing at all, she doesn't really care a lot about that.

Youre possibilities are:
-Hoping that this ends in a happy relationship or at least in her noticing your loving, and not being deterred at all. (lol?)
-Telling her - and hoping that this doesn't mean that everything you do together become sort of distanced, artificial, because she doesn't want to hurt you... Maybe even hoping that she might after all be interested in you.. But actually knowing that you can forget it and you're living a ****ing dream.

What would you do?

Of course, I'm asking for a friend, bitches.

I bet 90% of you grow tired of the amout of text his penis is bigger then yours, obviously

haermm

realistically. you have no choice but to tell her. living in a lie is not healthy. maybe it will work better in the future, maybe, not at all. you cant know. if things arent unstable with her. let her know. but also be VERY ready to have you heart broken. when people say "life's a gamble" they usually forget to add that most gamblers LOSE. but yea, nuthing u can do other than let it out and hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Originally posted by dadudemon
It's rather simple. Don't be controlling.


What you could do is sit down with her, talk to her about your controlling habits, and come up with something like a code word.

If she feels that you are being controlling and unreasonable, she could have a code word that she could use that should immediately disarm you. For instance, she is going on vacation with her female friend to Europe for 2 weeks, but you don't trust her to go, fearing she will be negatively influenced by her sometimes naughty friend. She assures you that she will not, under any circumstance, betray you. You keep telling her no and she really wants to go. Safe word time. You have to let her go.


Now, you should establish the 'safe word' for only very special circumstances or even have her keep a journal of the times you are too controlling and then talk about those moments with her once a week until you start to lighten up. What she writes down is law and cannot be argued with at all. You have to shut the hell up and NOT argue with what she writes down as that is her feelings.

Of course, don't allow her to go into dangerous situations, naively, if you know better. That will have to be a judgment call at the time.


If you didn't notice, there is an underlying "idea" in what I'm telling you. Communication. She needs to tell you when she feels controlled and you need to STFU and listen.

you are such a ****ing DORK! the above post makes me question if you have EVER had sex before................. of course..........ur right too

but u still sound like the type whod start a psychology session with telling the client : lets swim in lake "you"

well yeah. not to be controlling *is* the solution for the day, of course, but it's not easy to just go and be like that. but I have to, I know. thanks. Advice from other people makes my thoughts less.. disoriented.

What Would Bug's Bunny Do?

Originally posted by eezy45
Wow. I never updated this thread.

It took a whole 23 days until she told me that she'd been in love with me for a while, just really afraid because of the "bad relationship" she had before. I would never have thought of that. But we're together 8 months and 2 days now.

I returned in a rather insecure moment, because we (the same 'we' that i used to dream of) are in a bit of trouble this time.

We've been in a trusting, loyal and intense relationship in the past months, however we're coming to trouble just like every other relationship I had up to this point, caused by my own weird feelings...
I must confess that I've always had this kink that I needed to be close to my partner, had to know about what she was doing and so on. I've been a sort of a control freak in relationships.
But my girlfriend, the same wonderful girl I talked about a few months ago, cannot live with this. Because of the failed relationship of her parents, she's afraid of any kind of 'control' or anything that comes close to it.

So, at the moment, we're having problems because she feels she can't measure up to a serious relationship. I need help: I want to change my own despicable behaviour, and I want to give her the freedom she needs in a serious relationship.

Once again, KMC, I ask a public forum what to do. Last time, the discussed decision lead to something I would call 'success', and I am really keen on ideas about how to make this be a happy relationship, with my girlfriend being comfortable with it for.. like.. always, if possible.
I could never say how much I actually love her. And I've never been so sure about someone 'fitting' to me. (Let alone her astonishing beauty.)


Dude....your an idiot.

Originally posted by leonheartmm
you are such a ****ing DORK! the above post makes me question if you have EVER had sex before................. of course..........ur right too

but u still sound like the type whod start a psychology session with telling the client : lets swim in lake "you"




I sure hope you're joking.

What dadu suggested was a healthy and sensible way to deal with that part of eezy's relationship.




Originally posted by leonheartmm
you are such a ****ing DORK! the above post makes me question if you have EVER had sex before................. of course..........ur right too

but u still sound like the type whod start a psychology session with telling the client : lets swim in lake "you" you make no sense.

Originally posted by dadudemon



I sure hope you're joking.

wow, were growing OLD if we cant understand teenage sarcasm anymore. breaking it down, your solution was TOO organised, sensible and clean, sumthing that a jerk in highschool these days wud look at and exclaim "***!" . {just in case u didnt get it, IM the jerk in this situation yelling *** in a slightly more sophisticated way }. its sarcasm and bigoted humour with undertones of ignored self deprecation.

hey wait, im almost 21, so im old too....................hmmmmmm.

I know it's actually weird that I seek to ask KMC for advice, but it helped for me last time. I don't usually make such drama of my situation. it's been a bad day yesterday.

Originally posted by Kinkin
Dude....your an idiot. buh bye.